Chapter 2

Lots of Questions and Insults

When we fear things I think that we wish for them...every fear hides a wish.

-David Mamet, Edmond

It's easy to throw questions around, as easy as breathing honestly. The hard part is coming up with answers. So while you may think whatever you want to, it doesn't really matter. We'll get to the bottom of this. Before the fear sinks its venom in or the crazy takes control, we'll find out the truth. While we're still up and kicking, before we get dragged down to hell, that's our wish. Our only wish.

When you think about all the bad things that you have done, maybe stealing something small or telling a little white lie, you know that it was a bad thing to do but, you also know that it's not enough to condemn you. Yet, you still fear when someone will catch you stealing or know that you have lied. There is also the little thrill to get caught. We both want to be cleared, we want people to know that we don't even know what happened. Though in the smallest most secret recesses of our minds that we even hardly know is there. We want people to think we did it, cause then they would know. They can't do anything to us...


"Come on, wake up. Up. Wake up!" I heard an annoyed voice say. I was almost to the light of consciousness , as the voice was harsh and mean forcing me up faster to the surface. "Open your eyes, dammit!" My eyes snapped open and I almost let out a scream when I saw the angry, ugly, and too close face of a female nurse. At least I thought it was female.

My lips opened and I was about to let it out when her large masculine hand clamped over my mouth, stifling my almost scream into an annoyed "Mmmph!"

She curled her hairy upper lip at me and moved away. "Hurry up and follow me. Arkham for some reason wanted you to get some outside time with the other psychos. And I was stuck with the job of waking you up to get you out there."

"Geez, is everyone who works here so God awful rude?" I said quietly.

"What did you say, girl?" She spat.

"Nothing." I replied, gritting my teeth and rubbing my neck where the needle pierced the skin.

"I don't see why he wants you out there so bad. After the commotion you caused in the Rec. room earlier I think he should have just tossed you back into your cell."

"Commotion?" I asked as I unsteadily stood on my feet and with an annoyed huff she grabbed my arm fingers, digging her fingers painfully into my skin.

"Yes," she said, her lip still curled and showing her red gums and slightly yellow teeth. "When Michel thundered in there with your sorry self. It caused your little friend to panic and start asking a million questions. It riled everyone up, took an hour to calm the crazies."

I gave her a wary look and she yanked my arm, almost succeeding in pulling it out of my socket. Rushing ahead, I stumbled after her and tried to keep myself from face planting on the ground. The two guards flanking us looked straight ahead, ignoring her abuse. But, I found myself thankful for them not putting cuffs on me. They probably think I was still too whacked out from the drug I was injected with to think I would do anything. They were right.

We finally got to what could be called a courtyard. There were stone tables dotting the area and a few trees. I spotted Megan with the big time criminals under the largest tree in the courtyard, looking slightly uncomfortable and worried. I saw the green eyes of the Riddlers glance up and look at me with an arrogant smirk filling his admittedly well structured face. He was leaning casually against the tree they were congregated under. His lips moved to say something and Megan whipped her head towards me, even from this distance I could see the worry on her face. She stood up and rushed towards me as fast as she dared.

The troll woman holding my arm released me and shoved me forward, making me stumble once again and barely catch myself before I fell. When I righted myself I noticed that Megan was only a few steps away a frown marring her face. Looking past her I saw Crane's blue eyes scanning up and down my body, obviously looking for something. My eyes quickly flickered away from him and landed once again on the Riddler with what I believed to be a disapproving stare. It was like he was looking past my shoulder to where I knew that awful nurse was standing behind me. That's when I noticed the other dangerous murders were looking at her with similar expressions. I guess no one liked her, glad to know I'm not the only one.

"Bridge! Are you ok!? What happened!?" Megan asked me, surprisingly not giggling out of nervousness. "You missed lunch and dinner! Why did you get knocked out? I was so worried!"

"Ok, Megan. Calm down." I glanced behind me and saw the man/woman staring at us with an expression like she ate something sour. "Let's go over there," I suggested, leading her over to a deserted area in the courtyard where no one could hear us.

"What happened?" She asked in a slightly calmer voice.

I let out a long breath, "I got a little out of hand when the Doctor asked a question I didn't want to answer."

"And what was that?" She asked but looked like she kinda already knew.

I bit my lip, knowing that when I told her the whole story she would get even more high strung. I closed my eyes and told her what happened, and what I said her face turning a little green when I told her what I shouted to .

"That's all you said, right!? You didn't say anything else about her, did you? We can't tell people about that, Bridge!" She was breathing like she had just run a marathon. And I was feeling even more dizzy than before. It didn't help that I could still feel the slight effect of the sedative running through my system. Just thinking Her name by itself was disheartening.

"Megan, it's okay! All I said was her name!" I frowned. "And I don't even know how I even let that slip...it was like...like...I wasn't even in control of my own voice." I shook my head, trying to get rid of the creepy feeling.

"Bridge, it's bad enough that you said her name! They could figure it out, just with that!" But when I said that it felt like I wasn't in control, she shifted on her feet uncomfortably. She was about to say something else.

I started to feel like she was accusing me, I cut her off and ignored her uncomfortable shift, "I didn't mean to, Megan! It literally just slipped out! I don't even know why I shouted at her!"

She calmed down a little bit, but was still pretty edgy "Okay," She took in a deep breath "I'm sorry I acted like that. It's just... you know."

My shoulders slumped and I nodded my head. "Yeah, I know." I looked into my best friends eyes and saw my emotions mirrored in them. Anger, guilt, and overpowering sadness. "Look, w..."

I was interrupted by by a greasy sounding voice, "And what are two lovely little birds like you doing over here looking suspicious?" I turned sharply around, which was not helping my dizzyness at all and I almost fell. The man that just interrupted us shot his arm out and wrapped his...flipper around my arm. My eyes widened at the sight of it and I tried to swallow down my disgust. I looked up and saw a short, fat man with a beak like nose. And a leer on his face taking in both of us greedily. "My, my and what lovely little birds you are."

"Megan," I said my voice wavering for once trying to get reassurance from her and not the other way around, like what usually happened. I'm blaming the slight drug induced haze that I was still under.

My heart froze in my chest from... Fear? Shock? Disgust? "Who are-" I started to ask when he reached out another fin and pulled me into him.

A gasp ricocheted out of my mouth.

"Why hello there, chickadee," the stranger leered down at me with a revolting sneer.

Bile started to inch up my throat and I was fixing to protest when there was a shrill whistle over by the building.

"HEY!" the nurse who brought Bridgette over earlier was waddling our way, her face purple from rage. "STOP MESSING WITH THE PRISONERS, PENGUIN!"

Penguin? Did she just call him Penguin? That infamous villain whose name I'd sometimes hear whispered on the street? Squirming around, I got a better look at him and it made sense. I could see it. With his squat hunched stature, his long beaky nose, and his thick arms that narrowed to an awkward point at the end; he really did look like a penguin. I bet if you took off his shoes, his feet would also be awkward triangle shape, similar to flippers.

"I see the penguin has found some, uh, chicks to nest with!" the Joker bellowed with joy.

Over from underneath the tree, laughter rose like a swelling tide. A sickness rooted itself in my stomach. I felt like we were on display in the zoo, with snotty children laughing and pointing sticks at us. A sweltering heat blanketed me then. This was humiliating.

"Get away from my Alice!" Mad Hatter wailed and rose to his feet, clambering over to us.

The nurse was a few feet away when that strange coolness from earlier settled in again. My insides felt icy cool and once again I seemed to drift away. Something made me turn my head to look over at Bridgette and our eyes latched. She didn't seem to be there, it was as if my best friend had left. But then again, I didn't really feel there also. A grim determination seemed to pass between us like a crackling electricity.

"On three," Bridgette said with a zombie voice.

I nodded in agreement. "One...two..."

"Three," we said together and used our free arms to elbow this creep in the gut.

Penguin yelled in pain and jerked away from us. As soon as his skin left mine, the coolness melted away and I snapped back into place. Shaking my head, everything drizzled back to where it belonged and my surroundings cleared back into focus. The Penguin was gasping pale-faced at us, the Nurse was screaming something about improper conduct, across the yard some guards were making their ways to us, and the Mad Hatter was closer. Knees shaking, I looked over to Bridgette and she seemed just as dazed as I was.

Again I felt terrible. It was the Crane incident all over again, once more I had allowed some unknown force to take control. It was pathetic. It's like I had this disgustingly sadistic subconscious. Open mouthed, I looked back to the Penguin with an apologetic expression. "I'm so sorry, sir! I...I don't know what got into me. I would never want to hurt anyone, I swear-"

"ALICE!" Mad Hatter shouted and pulled me into his arms.

Before I could help it, my face was smashed up against his broad chest and I couldn't breathe. He...he reeked. He was smothering me! My nose felt as though it was just drenched in sweat, thrown to live in a boys locker room for a few months, and then flushed down a toilet for good measure. Pounding, my heart started to panic. I put my hands on his chest and tried to wiggle away before the smell could corrode my skin.

"Get off of her!" Bridgette shouted and there was a smacking sound next to my ear. Mad Hatter yelled and his arms were gone from around me.

Gratefully, I gulped in fresh air, stumbling backwards with my hand at my throat. Now practically everyone was around here: the guards, Ivy, Joker, and Harley. Crane and Riddler stood by the tree and leaned against the trunk, watching in devoid amusement.

"Megan!" Bridgette gasped, and she grabbed my arm. "Are you okay?"

"Need...a shower," I choked out.

"The Red Queen!" Mad Hatter shrieked, tearing towards Bridgette with his arms stretched out. "How dare you take her away!? I'll-"

SMACK!

Mad Hatter crumpled to the ground with a moan, an annoyed Ivy standing above him. Victorious, she blew on her knuckles and rubbed them on her shirt. "Take that, you creep," she stated simply, looking down at him in revolted distaste. My hands flew to my mouth when Harley marched angrily towards him.

"That's what ya get, you nasty pervert!" Harley shouted and kicked him in the side. A crack sounded and I winced. That sounded like it hurt. Did she break his ribs!?

"Guys, you don't have to-"

"Aw, poor sweetie! She's traumatized!" Harley gushed and rushed forward to pull my into her arms eagerly. Her arms roved over me and her hands cupped my face. "Aw, Mistah J, can we keep her? I'll walk her, and I'll feed her, and I'll-"

"Now, now Harley, don't get too overeager there. I'm sure she has a family who will miss her very much," Joker tisked and wiggled a finger.

"Well, poo!" Harley pouted and looked at me sadly in the eyes. "Maybe next time, doll?" She winked and pulled away, skipping over to Joker's side.

My mind was wheeling from all the physical contact. I didn't know what to do. Dryness itched my mouth and this time there was no coolness to bring my sweltering heat down.

"THAT'S ENOUGH HERE, BREAK IT UP!" the nurse screamed, finally making it over to us. Sweat covered every visible inch of her skin. Trembles shook through her body and she panted in anger. The guards were here now also and commotion broke out.

Noise fractured out around me and my mind buzzed in protest. Shaking my head, I stepped away, feeling as though I was suddenly going to puke...

"Megan Lane!" a voice called. Suddenly everyone hushed, and hurrying out from the building was a secretary, clutching a clipboard to her chest. Confusion wrinkled my eyebrows and I exchanged a look with Bridgette. "Is there a Megan Lane here?"

"Um, I'm Megan," I stepped forward, raising my hand.

"You have a visitor named..." her eyes scanned the clipboard. "...Cam to see you."

A bright starburst of pure and absolute elation exploded inside my chest. A wide grin spread my lips happily apart. Cam? Did she say Cam?

As in my big brother Cam!?

Joyously I beamed and looked over to Bridgette. She was smiling also, her white teeth sparkling in the sunshine.

"At least this day isn't so bad, huh?" she said with a wink. "Tell your brother hi for me, okay?" She gave me a push and I stumbled forward.

But my happiness straightened me up instantly. Sharing one last ecstatic look with Bridgette, I broke out of the crowd of prisoners and rushed forward. Delightful melodies coursed through my overwhelmed head. After what had just occurred, I could use something to plaster a genuine smile on my face.

Normalcy here I come!

'Thank God!' I thought something happy to keep this day from going into complete disaster. At least Megan got to see Cam! I gave a small sigh of relief, the happiness taking away the edge. Not even the Hatter glaring murderously at me took me down too much.

"Alright, show's over. Prisoners back to your cells!" The nurse yelled and I felt cold silver cuffs clamp on my wrists. I sighed, looking down at them morosely. Why couldn't they think that I was still under a drug haze? Oh, right, elbowing Penguin and hitting Hatter probably blew that out of the water. Two of the guards moved to flank me and lead me towards the doors back into the asylum.

"You won't get away with this, Red Queen," The Hatter's voice rang off the walls as we were lead to the 'C wing'. "Alice is mine, and I'll kill you before I let you have her."

I huffed with annoyance, "Oh, shut it!" I said, "She's not Alice, I'm not the Red Queen, and for future reference: she doesn't even have blonde hair!"

I heard his over exaggerated dramatic gasp as the steel doors slid open to the 'C wing'. "Take that back. You don't know anything about my Alice!"

"You almost suffocated her, you bastard!" I yelled, stopping and turning around to glare at him. He was standing behind me with clenched fists. "I promise, she wants nothing to do with you! You're just a delusional freak that can't grasp simple reality! The 'Wonderland' you live in is not real!"

His eyes flashed with madness and he was fixing to charge. "You're not going to take her away from me. SHE'S MINE!" He bellowed.

"Where did you even get the idea that she's yours!?" I shrieked stalking closer to him, the guards had yet to get involved. And the rest of the Rogues were watching in rapt attention. What I really noticed was the slightly impressed expression on Ivy's face. "Your little 'world' you live in. With the nonsense around every freaking corner! Is. Not. Real." I said the last three words to him in a low dangerous voice. I then delivered a second blow to him for the day, slapping him soundly on the cheek and leaving a red handprint on his face. And before he could strike back, I turned sharply on my heel and walked into my cell. Calling out, "If you lay one finger on her again. I swear, you won't have ANY fingers left to lay on anything!"

"You won't get away with this, Red Queen!" He said, getting dragged into his cell by three guards, while he was trying to lunge out of their arms to probably try and murder me in a bloody fashion. When he was shut back up in his cell, a guard shut my cell door after taking my cuffs off.

"Watch me!" I spat. This guy was such a creep! He was not gonna have anything to do with Megan if I have anything to do about it! I figure if I'm actually gonna become a murder and criminal I should start with protecting Megan as well as I could, even though I'm not exactly adept in that kind of thing.

"I like your spirit, doll! No wonder Johnny-boy and Eddie are uh, interested. Can't wait to see how this turns out!" He lets out a deranged chuckle.

I heard a scoff to my right. "I stand by my earlier statement, and revise it as well: you do have a death wish." I could practically taste the condensation that Riddler used.

"No, actually I have a wish to keep my friend alive and not chopped up into little bits by a deranged psycho." I replied. I could see the look he was giving me in my mind; arrogance laced with doubt.

"Very spirited little bird," came Penguin's oily voice.

"Oh, don't let me get started on you." I said with a slightly less venomous voice.

"I'm finding myself liking you, even though you were one of the reasons I didn't get much sleep last night," Ivy's confident voice said smoothly.

"Ooooh! Can we keep HER Mistah J? She'll be fun to be around!" Harley's bubbly voice said happily.

"I don't think so Harley. I like my women more obedient, she doesn't seem like the uh, ha ha ha, the taking orders kinda gal!" He punctuated his sentence with high pitched giggles.

I could practically hear Harley pouting a few cells over, but couldn't help the smile of amusement come on my face. I was actually starting to kind of like her. I sat down on my thin mattress, hoping Megan's talk with Cam was going a lot better than what I was going through right now. I felt the uneasy feeling of someone watching me and found once again Crane staring at me, analyzing my every move. But something about the smirk on his face screamed 'Scarecrow'. I've watched the news, I knew about his little MPD disorder. I clenched my jaw trying to keep from trembling under his gaze.

"I just can't keep your little comment from this morning out of my head." Said Scarecrow and he slowly walked forward toward the glass of his cell door, never taking his eyes off of me. "And, I just wanted to let you know, Jonny and I take it to heart. Even if he wants to keep denying it. You see even though we want to hear your screams of terror oh so bad. We just can't keep your swaying backside walking away from us, thinking you had the upper hand out of our head."

My eyes widened and I felt blood rush to my cheeks. 'Oh God,' I thought 'What have I done!?'

His smirk widened when he noted my red cheeks. "And, from your body's response, you want us to take up your offer."

I sucked in a deep breath and my whole body flooded with embarrassed heat and fear. "I want nothing of the sort," I failed to keep my voice from trembling and I mentally cursed myself harshly. I was probably making the situation worse for me because of my unsteadiness. Then, something else came to mind 'Megan was alone with these people for practically the whole day! I don't want to even imagine what she had to go through based on what I was experiencing now!'

"Scarecrow," I heard Riddler's voice say. "It's going to do you no good to get her flustered. Just let Jonathan back out, it'll be in your benefit to just keep her scared."

"Maybe," Scarecrow said never taking his eyes off of me. "I'll think about it." Then the smirk slid off of his face and his whole demeanor changed. His stance and expression turned from animal and predatory, from to calculating and observing. Crane pulled his glasses out of nowhere and put them back on, and I just now noticed that he didn't even have them on under my distress of his words. His face didn't show any emotion as he turned around and sat on his bed and pulled a book out from under his bed to start to read.

"Riddle me this: When one does not know what it is, it is something; but when one knows what it is, it is nothing." The Riddler said in a smug tone I knew that he was asking me. The riddle completely perplexed me my brain could hardly process the sentence. "Any guesses?" He said with a slight mocking tone, like he KNEW that I had no answer.

"No, no I don't," I said after a few slow minutes of me thinking and coming up with nothing I actually felt a little...mad that I didn't have the answer. I didn't want to seem stupid.

"A riddle," He said and the smug condensation couldn't even have been described. "Once again I've outsmarted someone less intelligent than me," I actually had to force myself to repress a snort. I have a few things in mind that I'm more intelligent than him in, things that i'm sure would stump him and leave him in a confusion that he never would have thought he would experience. But, I refrained from saying that. I was already targeted by the Scarecrow, I don't want the Riddler to want to put me in one of his death mazes. I would definitely die, I'm smart (As all my friends have told me) but I don't really think that I can outsmart the Riddler. And from what I heard he's deadly wicked with his cane.

"Hey, girl," My head snapped up and a guard was outside of my cell. "As soon as your friend gets back, you're to go see the visitor." And with that he turned and walked out of my sight. I felt a lightness in me. I get to see Cam!


Here's a basic overview of my family: it's your classic picture perfect, average joe family. My dad is the head of the house, successful in his family owned business (which is accounting), it is the net that will catch us if we fall. Mom is the heart of the house, and for the most part she's a housewife,while other times though she's able to get a job watching tiny little babies for the rich people. I think it's absolutely perfect for her, because she always wanted to have more babies after me. I can even remember her singing as she got a new baby room available, talking enthusiastically to me about how I was going to make a wonderful big sister. I was excited too, drawing countless pictures of my future baby brother or sister. Everything was splendid and Cam was instructing me on the ways of being an older sibling, a balance between being a friend and a mentor. But the the miscarriage happened.

And mom couldn't have babies anymore.

She bawled for months, rocking me back and forth in her arms, crying about how I was her last baby and how she loved me. Afterwards something along the lines of favoritism developed. I didn't like it, but I didn't know what to do. Mom became possessive over me, fretting over how I was her last chance at motherhood, making up these beautiful songs of love for me that both made me smile and for some reason...want to cry. This didn't seem to bother Cam too much though, he's too wonderful for that.

And so there's Cam: my amazing older brother. Words fail to describe how much I love him, how much I look up to him. From every single moment of my life he's been there, with that trademark all-American boy smile of his, laughing as he said, "Good job Meggars. You're doing great." Meggars, that's his nickname for me. I'm not sure how it developed, but sometime over the years we've shared together, the name stuck. He refuses to call me anything else. Perhaps to some people this would come off as annoying, but for me I bask in every glorious second of it. Any time he says it, it reminds me that I'm safe, and loved. His quiet support means so much more than mom's obsessive guidance. Cam is super talented also, it's as though he has music coursing through his veins- instrument he picks up automatically makes the most beautiful sounds you've ever heard. There's this one breathtaking song that he composed once, and I think it's the most gorgeous piece out there. It's sad, but so bizarrely beautiful. It takes your breath away. Sometimes I find myself singing the notes; the magnificent melody not even needing words to carry it along. And not only is Cam some musical prodigy, but he's an absolute undeniable genius. He was valedictorian of his graduating class, and now he's on the road to becoming a highly esteemed doctor. Word on the street is that he may be the best student Gotham's highly prestigious medical school has ever encountered. He may be able to have his own office up and running in just a few years. I couldn't be any prouder.

My brother: perfection on earth. For a moment my mind went blank just from the amazing thought of seeing him again.

We rounded around a grey corner, and before I knew it, I was stopped in front of a door. There was a small square window in the door, but the glass was so filthy that I couldn't make anything from it. For a split second though I imagined that I could see Cam, hunched over a desk, his autumn-color hair shaggy on his handsome head. Without even thinking, I gasped excitedly and surged forward to yank the door when an electric shock coursed through me.

Pain blotted out every thought for a horrifying millisecond, I couldn't even scream before I jerked my hands away, heavily gasping.

The guard who escorted me here sighed in annoyance. "We like to make sure our visitors here at Arkham are safe, the only way you can enter through that door is by putting in the passcode." Panting, I looked over to the guard, unable to identify whether they were male and female. "And standard procedure here is that you have to keep your handcuffs on for the entirety of visiting hour, so don't expect to be relieved of them anytime soon."

That's when it dawned on me again, just what I was doing here. I'm now a criminal suspect in the most elite prison in all of Gotham. I'm downgraded to the class of being with all the other criminals, people who actually brutally murdered others, weren't just suspected of doing so. It sounds foolish, but...when I heard of seeing Cam again I completely forgot of where I was. This place wasn't me and Bridgette's apartment, where we could invite him up for some iced tea and play a board game together or even his dorm room, where he would toss us some warm soda cans, and we'd pop them open, instantly diving into the topic of the day. This was...I didn't even know what this was!

All I knew was that I couldn't face him! How could I walk into that room, look into his perfect eyes, and not collapse? He was always there for me, providing me with all the encouragement that I ever needed, loving me in a way that only older brothers could, and now... God, what did he even THINK of me now!? He must be so disappointed in me.

"I can't," I choked out, voice thick with emotion.

The guard was in the middle of typing in the code when he/she looked over to me in frustration. "Can't what?" they growled.

"I can't go in there," I shook my head frantically. "I can't face him."

The guard threw back their head and groaned in annoyance. "Why? Why can't you face him?"

"Because...because look at me!" I spluttered, throwing my chained hands forward. "He expected so much more of me..."

"What, having a homicidal little sister wasn't his big plans for you?" they drawled and I recoiled at the words.

"I didn't do that!" I snapped back, refusing to hear anyone say that of me.

"Okay, okay, you didn't do that," the guard rolled their eyes in disbelief. "Why are you see worried with seeing him then?"

"Well, because- b-because..." I stuttered.

"Ugh. Look, cut me some slack kid. You were skipping and singing here the whole way about how happy you were to see your older brother again."

"I was?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Yeah. The whole way," they responded dryly.

"Oh..." I said quietly in realization. So I was chronically singing again. Great. This happens a lot, me just singing under my breath without even realizing it, but I didn't think the trait followed me to Arkham. Fantastic. Just when I was trying to not look insane.

"Whatever. Your brother came all the way here to this lovely facility in order to see you. Wouldn't want to disappoint him, now would you?"

That was thing, I think I already have! "But-" I stammered when the guard punched in the rest of the code. Before I could protest any further, the door swung open and a big meaty hand was placed on my back, shoving me inside.

I stumbled into the room with a loud gasp, staring at the dirty white floor for a horrified second. "Wait!" I yelled, spinning around to try and escape back to the sanctity of the hallway, when the door was slammed in my face. Stunned, I blinked at the grey doorway for a little. Now, I was cut off from my escape. I was alone...with my brother.

"Meggars," Cam breathed and I heard him rise to a stand.

Shoulders tensed, I slowly turned around to look at him. There he was, standing in his strong figure. He wore a plaid tie and a pressed blue shirt, tucked into the waist of buckled ironed pants. Peeking out from hems, were two neatly polished dress shoes. Cam was impeccably dressed, as always. As soon as his head pops off of his pillow in the morning, he seems as if he belongs in a Ralph Lauren magazine. His hazel eyes widened as he took me in.

Furiously I blushed and ducked my head down, refusing to meet my big brother in the eyes. Before I could help it, a nervous laugh shot out from my tight lips and I could feel myself coming down with yet another case of the giggles.

"Oh Meggars," he exhaled and suddenly there was the sound of hurried footsteps when I was pulled into his arms.

Gratifying warmth swarmed me and a sense of security somehow found its way inside. The giggles were pushed down to the pit of my stomach and I relaxed. For the first time since I've been here, I felt...like I could breathe. Suddenly there was a knot inside my chest that began to unravel, a weight that was starting to lift off my shoulders. This was my big brother, the one who would pick me up when I fell down and dust me off. My eye in the hurricane. My lips violently trembled and I buried my face into his chest. "Cam," I weakly said, my voice but a whisper.

"I'm here," he soothed me, running a comforting hand through my hair when suddenly he tensed up. Backing away, he forced me to look at him with a wrinkled nose. "No offense sis, but you stink."

At that, I couldn't help but laugh. My mind travelled back to my previous hug from earlier. Something as creepy and scary as a hug from Mad Hatter, suddenly seemed so ridiculously silly now. Now it was just a joke, not a fiasco. It seemed like one of those stories you'd laughingly tell your friends later on, about one of the many adventures you'd have across town. Part of me felt as though I was letting it go too easily, but I couldn't take it seriously right now.

"Don't worry, one of the prisoners hugged me just before I came in," I explained to me.

"One of the prisoners hugged you?" he ridiculed with this careful expression.

"Yeah," I giggled, not from nerves but from the thought of it. "Have you ever heard of the Mad Hatter? He's some lunatic who thinks that he lives in Wonderland and he's decided that I'm Alice. It's funny," I shook my head, "I'm not even blonde."

"Wait, you're saying that the Mad Hatter did this to you?" he backed away with this suddenly serious look on his face. Automatically, I shrunk back, knowing that it was no good when he got in this sudden severe mode. "Meggars, haven't you heard of what he's done to all his other 'Alices'?" Cam asked, a fire burning in his eyes.

"Um," I gulped. "Yeah. I have. But I'm not scared, I don't think that he'll be able to do anything serious to me in here-"

"Meggars, he was able to TOUCH you. Have you told any guards about this?"

"Well I don't have to, a whole lot of them saw it happen-"

"So they saw this happen and they did nothing about it?"

"They kinda did. They yelled and broke it up..."

"But nothing happened to him," Cam finished for me, his lips pressed in a tight line.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "They called me inside to see you before anything really happened."

"Before anything really..." he trailed off and shook his head. "Meggars," he fixed me with a deep stare and grabbed my shoulders, "tell me if they're treating you well."

"Tell you if they're..." Instantly my mind thought back to how many times I've been called crazy in here, shoved around by guards, harassed by prisoners, and forced to eat the revolting prison food that takes four times to really swallow. All in one day. "They're treating me fine," I shook my head, not seeing how this was relevant to him.

A sadness broke out on my brother's face. "You're lying," he said as he stepped away.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I cast my gaze to the side. "...I am," I admitted. "But I don't see how it matters Cam, this is a prison after all. It's not supposed to be a world class resort."

"I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying...they could treat you like you're human."

"But Cam," I closed my eyes. "Once you're thrown into this place, you're no longer human. As soon as you're locked away in the C Wing, you become a monster in everyone's eyes. It doesn't matter what you deserve, it doesn't matter who you are, once you're here, you're one of the condemned."

As the words came out of my mouth, I could feel his eyes on me, burning and intense. "What are you saying?" he asked slowly.

I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the wall. This wave of desperation suddenly rose up inside me, washing over everything I was. Everything seemed so confusing, I lacked the common sense to try and force the jagged pieces together. "I don't know," I whispered. "I really don't know anymore." We were both silent. The situation was so tedious and nerve grating that I was tripping over my myself to correct it. This was my big brother I was talking to. I should be overwhelmingly happy in his presence, not...this. I don't what I'm feeling. And that's when it happened for real this time. Now it didn't come out in little slips or chortles. It was no longer a little leak, springing up here and there. It was as bad as it was yesterday, a major flood, suddenly bursting through. Throwing back my head, I started laughing hysterically, my sides hurting instantly.

Cam was shell-shocked. I could feel him staring at me with a wide open mouth, trying to process what I was doing but none of it made sense to him. I've had this issue back at home, but usually it wasn't as big or out of nowhere as this. "What are you laughing about?" he asked, trying to wedge a word in between my laughs.

The joy was so instant, so gratifying. It was as abundant as a good harvest, I could just roll around in it! My laughing brought tears to my eyes and they streamed down my face which was suddenly so hot. "I'm in with the big dogs now, brother!" I sang at the top of my lungs. "You can't help but wonder, who let them out!"

"Meggars..." Cam started brokenly.

"Wait, wait!" I held up a finger, which looked not near as dramatic when you're handcuffed. Especially when you can't put the other hand on your hip without looking like a fool. My brother raised an eyebrow and I spun around in a circle, scanning up and down the room. Curious, I walked around and inspected each and every single corner. Hm, not there... Tilting my head to the side, I wandered over to the metal table, and tried to lift up a metal chair so that I could look under it, only to find that it was bolted the floor. Hm. Can't help but wonder what story led to that action! As I straightened up, I once again analyzed the room only to find it still lacking. Finally I sighed and plopped down in the chair that instantly sent shivers down my spine. With a sad shake of my head I looked over to my brother. If I thought that he looked confused before, his face seemed as blank as a freshly cleaned whiteboard.

"What was that about?" he asked as he made his way over to sit by me. Not once did his eyes leave mine, not once. Usually eye contact this intense was enough to have me squirming in my seat, but now I just started placidly unblinking back at him.

As he sat down, a wide smile overcame my face while I asked him, "Where's mom?"

His eyes widened. "At home, of course. She's...not doing well," he said mildly.

"Not doing well meaning that she's an absolute mess?" the right side of my mouth quirked up in a sympathetic smile.

Cam tightly swallowed. Those hazel eyes of his seemed pained as he answered, "Yes. She refuses to eat, sleep, or acknowledge any of us. She's going desperate trying to find you a lawyer and she can't stop saying your name under her breath. She's catatonic practically."

A pang of guilt went through me. I'm unsure about where I stand on the innocent meter, but I do know one thing... I'm her only daughter and her last baby. Whether I did it or not, my being in here was causing her a great deal of pain.

My smile dampened at the edges as the glow inside of me dimmed down. Slowly I nodded in understanding of his words. "I see. And where's our father?"

"At work," Cam answered and he seemed especially sad when confessing this.

The miscarriage had affected dad a different way than mom, rather than being exuberant with his love, he had instead withdrawn into himself. I know that he loves all of us. He's just not one to show it. I don't think that he knows how anymore.

Depression rocked through me like an uneasy earthquake before a wave of giggles smoothed it over like an iron. "And how about my friends?"

"None of them will answer my calls."

And who exactly can blame them? When your buddy is arrested and left inside a place as dark as Arkham, you don't try to go probing in there with a flashlight. You go into your room where everything is bright and safe, you huddle up and feel protected in the light. Never once do you think of your friend that's gone dark. I know this for a fact.

I did it once.

Knowing this fact and fully accepting it, my delusional smile spread wide on my face until it actually hurt. "Oh well," I sighed, as if this were as little a deal as a person not being able to make it to your first grade recital. I stretched my hands to him. "At least I have you, right?"

Cam grabbed my hands, squeezing them with his long fingers. The gesture was calm and reassuring, but his face was not. It seemed terse, as though he was containing a million shouts inside, as though he was swallowing down a scream that he needed to shout at the top of his lungs. "You're taking this awfully well," he noted.

"Hm," I shrugged nonchalantly. "What can a girl do?"

"For starters, a girl can plead her innocence. She can be crying and screaming about how unfair this all is, bawling about the nightmare she's thrown into. A girl could actually show her pain for once in her life instead of plastering this twisted smile on her face and laughing." His grip became tight and hot needles of pain shot up my arms.

Shoving down a cringe, I slowly shook my head at him. "You know that I'm one to do that."

"For crying out loud, show some real emotion!" he yelled at me. "You think life is one big joke, one magnificent thing after the other! You don't see reality when it rains, all you see is sunshine. You're the kind of girl who flunks a class and just laughs it off as if it's no big deal. Everyone's trying to help you sis, but they can't reach out to a girl who's refusing to hold on. You can't throw a life preserver to a person who thinks that they're enjoying the swim. The only time you ever dared to really expose yourself was when you three ran over Ms. Jenkin's cat!"

Now I couldn't help it. Darkness creeps in on me, making it hard to let out a reel of delighted laughter without feeling as though I was choking. "U-us three?"

"Yes," he snapped with a tight voice, the angriest he's ever been with me. "She was once my girlfriend and your best friend. Refusing to speak about her won't erase the past."

And all happiness fell off me in the raspy exhale of a breath. Bile threatened my tight throat, but it wasn't undigested food that I was scared to let out. It was pent up emotions that I've been holding down for all these years, all the secrets and tears that I covered over with a flawless smile. All the pain, that I knew once I let out it would hurt a hundred times more than it did going in. Because it's not in my nature to hold on.

My automatic reaction is to let go.

Shooting my stare down to the table, I could see a warped reflection of myself in the shiny surface. I looked terrifying in there. A thought flashed in my mind before I really thought about what it would do to me, what if this wasn't like a funhouse mirror effect? What if I really looked as twisted as this? Letting out an annoyed huff of air, I yanked my hands away from my brother's and rose up. The back of my thighs bumped into the steel chair painfully as I expected for it to be pushed back. But it stayed bolted where it was and bit into my skin. I could almost kick myself from my stupidity, but instead I looked up into a security camera that I had spotted in the corner of the room earlier.

"We're done here," I announced loudly to it and then looked in the direction of my brother. "I'm filthy right now. I have to take a shower," I explained to him simply, as if that were the real reason that I was ending our meeting abruptly.

As if I wasn't screaming in the inside.

From my peripheral vision I could see Cam's shoulders slump forward in disappointment. He had only wanted to slap some sense into me, but it was useless. I was living a senseless life, in a senseless place, in a senseless world. This whole existence of...of everything didn't really make sense once you thought about it! This beautiful, cruel world was impossible to dive into and come out with the knowledge why it does what it does. Science explained the steps. Religion explained the meanings. But I was desensitized girl who couldn't make sense of the twisted wonder of it all.

Just as my brother was rising to a stand, the door loudly beeped and swung open. A guard stood there, impatiently tapping their feet. This time, it was a different unidentified gender person. I dug my nails into my palms and stared emptily down at the dirty tiles below.

"Thank you for coming Cam. It's nice to know someone from the outside can look in and remember me," I said quietly with a scratchy voice.

"Meggars," Cam whispered. "I'm so sorry. But...it will end up well in the end. Trust me."

My lips started quivering and I stretched them out into a shaky smile. "I hope so." Numbly, I turned on my heels and made my way to the door when he called out to me.

"And sis?"

My spine straightened and I slowly turned to look him unsurely in the eyes. "Yes?"

"I love you," he beamed reassuringly at me.

A ray of small, but amazingly bright light pierced through my heart. I gave a small smile at him. Okay, so our first conversation as me being a convict didn't go smoothly. I was ridiculous for believing otherwise. But, I guess that was explained in the pamphlet on "How to Be A Delinquent" that I read when I blacked out. "I love you too," I tilted my head at him and lightly smiled, before I turned on my heels and left. The guard closed the door behind me and I looked at them quizzically.

"He's got another person he requested to see," the guard explained in a monotone voice and reached over to test the chain between my handcuffs. "Procedure," they explained as they did it, "never know when a visitor could loosen some bolts in that room."

I thought back to how we had held hands, how that would've been the perfect opportunity- But no. I shoved the forbidden thought out of my head and nodded in understanding. "Makes sense."

When we finally made it back to the cells, I felt as though I could sleep for days. I just wanted to sleep, lumpy cot or not. I just wanted to be like a bear and hibernate for months. Just as I was trudging there, a guard unlocked Bridgette from her cell. Her eyes latched on mine automatically and a smile that started to creep on her face disappeared as soon as she caught my expression.

Crap. Forgot to look happy.

I painted a convincing smile on my face and glided over to her. "Bridgette, you're my best friend you know?" I smiled at her flamboyantly.

"Yeah?" she laughed confusedly.

I just rolled to the balls of my feet and hummed quietly to myself my brother's song. "Just remember that I love you, kay?" She blinked and I gave her a daring wink. "Have fun!"

I turned to my right and waltzed into my cell, where the glass door screeched a beeping sound and swung shut behind me.