Chapter 1
Every time I glanced into the rear-view mirror to see if we were being followed, Daichi, the trailer truck driver who had agreed to give me a ride, glanced questioningly before he had revert his gaze to the road, his long fingers moving nervously on the steering wheel as if he were playing a piano.
I knew he was having this reaction to how I was behaving, but I couldn't help not look back and see if I were being pursued and wonder if he were able to find me anywhere, no matter how far I was traveling away from him.
Maybe running away was just plain stupid and futile after all?
But no, I had no choice.
He wanted me.
I had learnt this when he declared his love for me that night he came into my bedroom and tried to… oh kami, I still can't even bring myself to say those words.
I knew I should have paid more attention to the advances he made on me, instead of allowing myself to believe it was an act of love performed by a loving step-father, but I hadn't. I was too dense and naïve to have noticed the real meaning behind his love for me, and had now found myself the target of his twisted desire.
Even Yukito, my deceased older brother Touya's best friend, had been suspicious of him, even when I was much younger. Early on, when he had been introduced by onii-chan to our step-father, he had sensed something about him that Touya hadn't or maybe didn't want to admit, especially to him.
I wondered if he had said anything to Touya before his passing. He always did felt that otou-san had watched me more closely, scrutinizing everything I did and said, and observed me more than he did anyone including my mother, Nadeshiko, before her passing. Whatever it was about me that triggered this obsession, Yukito was sure to become more worried as I grew older.
To otou-san, I am his precious cherry blossom, who blooms radiant, and more beautiful, each time I grow with age. He would always compliment me on my looks, and how I have blossomed into a stunning young lady, but of course my mind back then thought this nothing to be but a father's way of admitting sadly that I was growing up, again not reading the true meaning of his words.
He had pursued me on many occasions, before I was to enter into middle and high school, to attend Catholic girls' schools, which, from the brochures I had read, had a high rank of a prestigious education level, to an excellent amount of curricular activities and scholarship programmes, but I still refused stating that I would much rather attend a public school, to which he had hoped it would be a public girls' school.
"Why do you insist I attend an all girls' school, otou-san? I had finally asked. I could have sworn his eyes shadowed and grew deep and dark for a moment, before retaining its natural colour, and said
"No reason except my worry for your safety around… boys, my darling. Young men have the tendency to lie and commit promises they do not intend to keep, and I want to shield you from that sort of treachery."
His comforting words, to me at that time, brought a chuckle to my lips; his overprotective demeanour somewhat reminding me of how Touya would react, whenever there had been a boy, I had hung out with.
My laughter, to him, had always sounded like the tinkling of bells, and his face had gradually begun to relax more, with his lips curving upwards into a smile.
"Mou, otou-san," I had said "you sound just like onii-chan. You don't have to worry about that, but I would much rather like to attend a public school with both boys and girls, so I may have a better social skill with the unisex, don't you think, otou-san?"
I had thought for a moment, that the smile to his lips, had worn itself as tight, having no longer that trace of warmth or love, but decided that I must have imagined it.
"Anything for you, my precious" he said, and turned to return to his study, while I had gotten up to prepare dinner.
Surely, if I had taken a closer look at his reaction to my deciding not to attend a Catholic girls' school sooner, I may have had also begun to realise, that I was not permitted to fall in love, and that otou-san would have done whatever it took to make sure that I would remain his, and that no other man would have me.
Refusal to be his, he thought, was not an option I could consider, for I could never have a greater love than the love I had for him, so ultimately, I would belong to him alone, one way or the other.
Looking back on this entire ordeal that had presented itself to me, there must've had been a heavy, thick cloud of envy that had hovered above my father during my senior year of high school, for the boy with whom I had fallen in love with, Iwakura Akatsuki, which I had not, at the time, begun to realize, even when Akatsuki-kun had tried to make me understand, that my father was very adamant, about my not seeing him anymore.
I was so under the misapprehension that otou-san's 'protectiveness' was strictly out of concern a father has for his only daughter, that I dismissed whatever signs had obviously pointed to his love turning into something…more, for me; signs such as my missing underwear, or when his gaze, hungry and full of lust I hadn't noticed, lingered on me for too long while I wore my cheerleading outfit, or when he would 'accidently' walk in on my taking a shower.
Even when Akatsuki-kun had claimed to me he had hired someone to kill him, did I have trouble believing otou-san was capable of such sinister ways, until that one night, before my eighteenth birthday, when he came into my room to 'talk' about something important with me, and I felt afterwards, his wet, moist lips on mine, did I knew now he had love me not as a step-daughter or a real daughter, but as a woman he would soon make his.
I had sat there stunned before I felt him straddle me on the bed, and had begun trailing hungry, wet kisses to my neck; my body numbed as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown on me, afterward my mind snapping back to reality when I felt his hand slip under my nightgown, and I cried a loud no, pushing him off.
He had growled, angry, and had slap me hard across the face, before I felt his weight on top of me once more, and my hands being restraint, while I screamed and struggled beneath him.
"Shh…." He whispered as I whimpered "It will be alright now, my precious, you will only be given a taste of what I have in stored for us when we consummate our marriage."
I felt tears leaked out of my eyes as I couldn't believe what I was hearing, let alone believed what was about to take place. Surely he wouldn't dare to…to… his own step-daughter, would he?
"Please, no" I whimpered "don't do this, let me go" I begged.
I felt him squeezed my breast and that's when I began to thrash more, beneath him, tears streaming down my cheeks and I cried "Stop! Let me go otou-san! Let me go!"
"Shh…" he said again, trying to sooth me. I felt my panties being removed and I squeezed my eyes shut feeling the tears spill endlessly down my face, before I felt his heavy weight leave me, and heard a voice yell "Get the hell off of her!"
At that night, I had never been so glad and relieved to have Akatsuki-kun bust through that door, and told myself how fortuitous it was that he had stopped by to return my wallet I had left in his car, and that he had heard my screams.
"We have to get you out of here, Sakura" he said to me the evening otou-san had found me staying at a motel across town, and had tried to 'persuade' me to come back to him.
"Please…, can't you come with me?" I asked "if you stay here and I'm gone, and if what you had told me those months ago are true…, he might come after you or…"
"I have no doubt he will try," I looked at him with wide, panic-filled eyes, "but it's better that you are safe and away from him as soon as possible, and if I have to risk my life to do so-"
"You can't!" I shouted "I won't let you, we'll find another way; we'll go to the police-"
"Weren't you the one who told me that your step-father has connections even you don't know about?" he bit out sharply. "If we go to the police, for all we know he could have already talked to them and are out looking for you at this moment, given the false assumption that you've been kidnapped by me or some fabricated story, to make either of us look like the bad guy!"
I knew he was right, though. Otou-san did have connections everywhere, and could easily locate me with the assistance given, if I remained here and not leave to some place much safer than Tomoeda, where he will be unable to find me.
I sighed, biting back the tears that had threated to spill themselves from my lids and said
"I don't want to leave without you…," I felt a teardrop escape and ran down my cheek "but you're right."
Rather than stay and put up with the sexual pursuit made toward me by my step-father, I fled and left Akatsuki-kun; his last words "Be safe Sakura blossom, and be happy wherever you end up" before he hugged me then pulled back, and pressed his lips to the top of my head.
I relived most of this while I sat silently in the passenger's side of the trailer truck that carried me farther and farther into what I hoped would be my road to freedom. I had hitched a ride with a truck driver at the diner I had taken myself to and had gotten something to eat.
"Are you alright?" Daichi asked me "You keep looking at the rear-view mirror as if you expect us to be followed or something, and I have to wonder what it is that you're really running away from."
Daichi was a Japanese man who looked to be about thirty or so, with jet black hair, though a tinge of grey had begun to streak his hair. His ebony eyes caught the glow of oncoming automobile headlights. They seemed to feed on them and grow brighter.
He turned to me. "Who's chasin' you?"
"My past," I told him. "I'm looking to get away from it, shed it like a snake sheds its old skin, and just start somewhere new."
He laughed. "My, my, at your age? That sounds to me like somethin' someone my age might say. What are you, about fifteen?"
"Eighteen." I said, I was used to being mistaken as someone a lot younger in age.
"Hmm." He hummed sceptically, which, didn't at all, bother me. He focused his eyes on me like tiny searchlights and then softened his lips into a smile.
"A pretty girl such as yourself could get anyone to believe what she wants him to believe, ne? But you still better be careful out there. There are people who will say or do anythin' to win your trust, and they'll do it cunningly without taking your welfare into mind."
"I know."
He nodded. "Maybe you do, or perhaps you're just saying that to ignore my advice," he chuckled "but I dunno what sort of street smarts you have for a young girl. You look too sweet and innocent to be strollin' through any gutter, and believe me; I've seen plenty whose lives have been lived on the streets of Tokyo."
"I can handle myself better than you think. Looks can be deceiving," I said.
He laughed.
Of course, if I had handled myself in the situation I am in a lot better than I had previously, I wouldn't be off to kami-sama knows where to get away from otou-san, and leave poor Akatsuki-kun alone.
"That's for sure about looks," he said. "Whenever I had defended a girl in my youth, my mother would always tell me 'Never trust a pretty face.'"
"Your mother had been very wise to tell you that then."
"Yep, though I did allow you to hitch a ride on my truck; hope you're not gonna try to kill me," he joked, and I gave a short chuckle, shaking my head.
A car with bright headlights came up behind us quickly. Daichi had to turn his rear-view mirror a little.
"Damn baka," he mumbled. "What the hell does he think he's gonna do, drive right through us? "
I held my breath when the car pulled out to pass us. I anticipated seeing someone otou-san had hired to find me in the driver's side, signalling for Daichi to pull over, but the vehicle didn't hesitate, and there was no such person on the driver's side, but someone smoking a cigarette, who didn't even turn our way. He went speeding on ahead indifferently. I relaxed, blowing air through my lips.
Daichi heard it and turned to me. "Sometimes you can't just run away from stuff you know, no matter how bad it may seem to be,"
He could see how nervous I was. 'I've got to get better at hiding my emotions,' I thought. "Yes, I know."
"Sometimes it's better to stay and fight."
I didn't respond. Right now, I had no longer wished to stay and face my step-father, who has begun to love me as someone who is not his child. No, I much rather run away like some cowardly being, than stay and face what he had planned for 'us'
"Exactly what are your plans?" Daichi asked. "I'm goin' only so far here…"
"I thought I'd make my way to the airport," I told him. It really was an idea I had been contemplating. I thought I could get a flight and go to Hong Kong. It wasn't really a specific destination that had come to mind, just the only place I could think of that I could relatively get away to, and be as far away as possible from otou-san.
I glanced at the rear-view mirror when another vehicle drew closer.
Daichi looked too, and then he turned to me, looking a bit suspicious. "You're not a fugitive running from the law, now are you?"
"No."
He looked sceptical. "Whoever you're leavin' behind wouldn't want help to get you back?"
'Yes' "No, they would never go to the police," I lied.
He shook his head. "That doesn't sound good. If you're a minor, I think I could be in some trouble if we get pulled over, you know."
"I understand. I'm eighteen, but is there a bus station coming up soon, at which you could drop me off?"
"Yeah, there's one just short of the restaurant I occasionally stop at for some dinner."
I nodded. "I'll get off there and catch a bus to the airport. You've been very much kind to me, and I do not wish to cause you any trouble."
"I hope you at least ain't makin' any for yourself," he replied.
I shook my head and gave a small, reassuring smile. "I'm okay."
"Are you goin' to family at least?"
"Yes, I have a cousin living in Hong Kong," I told him, spinning lies that came to me as easily as spinning webs came to spiders; like it was part of my DNA. "She's been dying for me to come visit her, and well, now I can."
"Hmm, well, Hong Kong is a great place. What kind of work do you hope to do?"
"I'd like to be a grade-school teacher, eventually," I said honestly. "I'll probably go to college in Hong Kong."
"That sounds pretty good." He looked at me and nodded. "At least you don't look like some of the girls I see, hitchin' rides on the highway. Most of them look like they're into something bad already, like drugs or prostitution."
"I've heard, but that won't be me, ever," I ended firmly.
He smiled. "You sound so sure of yourself."
"I am," I told him, and then thought about something my brother had once told me.
And then I began to wonder, was I an absolute fool to think I could run from him? Perhaps my only hope was that he would relinquish this twisted desire he had developed for me, and I could return in his arms happy and safe from the reality of the world.
But despite all I had learned and all that had nearly happened, it wasn't easy to develop hate for otou-san. For most of my life, after my father had passed away due to lung cancer, he had been the wonderful, loving parent who wanted me to benefit from his years of wisdom and knowledge, just as my mother had wanted. And despite what he has become and what he could do, he rarely appeared to be anything but gentle and kind to me.
I couldn't just forget all those wonderful private moments we'd had together, our walks and our conversations, and the way he would often comfort me at night when I was small.
Of course, I understood that if I succeeded in escaping, I'd have no one but myself probably for the rest of my life, however long that would be.
"It's good that you're going to be with family," Daichi said, as if he had somehow heard my thoughts. "Family's important. When you're without family, you just drift from one empty home to another. Whatever your parents did to you, you can't forget they're your parents," he warned.
"That's like a cherry blossom petal forgettin' the cherry blossom from which it came."
'A philosophical truck driver,' I thought to myself, and held the laugh threating to escape my lips. Someone who spent so much time on the road by himself surely had to be comfortable with his own thoughts and comforted by them.
How many times had he reminisced his own youth and agonized over his own mistakes? With the darkness around him and the glare of passing motorists carrying people to places he could only imagine were warm and friendly; he must surely have felt the pain and weight of loneliness most of the time.
Was that what awaited me, too? Would I be forever like someone traveling through a continuous journey of fear and regret?
Daichi nodded at some lights ahead of us. "That's the restaurant and bus station."
"Okay."
He pulled into the parking lot. "I hope you get to your destination safe and sound." He said
"Thank you so much," I said. "For everything, Daichi, I was lucky to have met you."
"Perhaps luck had nothing to do with it;" he winked "maybe we were meant to have met at that diner."
I laughed and nodded. "Perhaps."
"Promise me one thing, though," he said before I left.
"Okay. What's that?"
"Don't run from fear," he said, his tone grown serious. "Sometimes it takes a great absence of courage, to overcome the things, or the people, that haunt us."
I sat there stunned for a moment, thinking he had figured out what had really gone on with my life, before dismissing that impossible thought mentally, and smiled.
Did he come along just at the right time by coincidence, or was there some kami above looking over me, protecting me as I journeyed to my escape.
"You don't need me to promise," I said. "But I will. Thanks again for everything Daichi."
"You're welcome. And good luck," he said as I climbed out the passenger's side and hopped to the ground. "And watch yourself. The road ain't no place for a grown man, much less a young girl!" he called over me and I smiled, thanking him one last time and strode off.
I arrived inside the restaurant, which, to my opinion, looked to be one of those very homey kinds you just knew were frequented by the same people, a family outside of their family. It was fairly crowded, but a couple had just gotten up from a booth, to which, I sat myself on as soon as they were out the door, and the hostess came up to me.
"こんにちは、私は前にここであなたの周りを見ていない、私はメニューから何かを得ることができますか?"(Hi there, I haven't seen you around here before, can I get you something from the menu?)
"お持ちの場合イチゴのスポンジケーキのスライスをお願いし"(A slice of strawberry sponge cake please, if you have.)
"You're in luck," she said. "Karou there just finished one, and was about to put the slices out on display for the customers."
I smiled, telling her that I'll take it and some iced tea, before she jotted it down on her note pad and left. I looked out the window when my dessert and drink arrived, and turned to her to ask
"Could you get me a bus schedule, please?"
"Sure thing," she said with a smile.
'Might as well check to see how long I would have to wait until the next bus arrives,' I told myself.
When the waitress brought it, I saw there was close to fifteen minutes before the bus that would take me to the airport arrived.
I quickly chucked the last piece of cake into my mouth, and drank the remainder of my tea, before I got up to pay the bill, and then headed out the door.
I sat quietly on a bench and thought about my next move when I got off the plane to Hong Kong, before the bus pulled up and I got in. It had been about an hour and half before the bus finally dropped me off at Yoshida International Airport. When I got there, I went in to buy a ticket on the next flight out. I still had no idea where in Hong Kong I would go.
Less than a half hour later, I boarded the plane and took my seat beside the window. I was feeling very tired and hoped that I could get some sleep.
The last thing I heard, had been the airhostess announcing we are about to take off, before sleep consumed me.
