Did I just leave a voicemail?

I look at my call list; the name at the top of my list simply says "Paul" I slowly dropped my phone next to me in the bed and sat up on the side. I felt my eyes start to water, as I opened the drawer next to my bed, pulling out a picture afterwards. The picture always made me laugh, this old one of Paul, myself and Michael, better known to the wrestling fans as Shawn Michaels. It was the night of the December 23rd 1997 episode of Raw, I can never forget it. The boys were trying to figure out how to get their g-strings to fit correctly, so I decided to help him. I am still wondering why Vince was walking around with a camera that night, but he popped into our locker room and snapped a picture. Honestly I never can tell whose face was funnier, Paul's or Michael's, they were shocked and horrified at the same time. Me on the other hand, that was my Christmas present, because it had me laughing for months.

What did I do wrong?

I placed the picture back in the drawer and slowly closing it. Looking around my room, I felt the single tear roll down my cheek. This isn't the Joanie Laurer that Paul met; I always tried to hide my emotions from the world. But with him, I felt safe, like I was never going to be hurt again. "How could I be so stupid?" I heard myself shout, throwing a glass across the room, as I quickly felt Jacqueline kick rapidly. "Calm down babygirl, Mommy's sorry" I whispered to my growing daughter, slowly rubbing my stomach until she stopped kicking.

Then the phone rang

"Now tell that bitch that Nicki said this. We got Tom Tom's over here bigger than a monster!" My heart dropped as I kept hearing the beat of "Massive Attack" by Nicki Minaj play over my phone. It felt like slow motion moving to grab my phone, not even looking to see who was going to be on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Hey sis" I heard a familiar voice say, as my heart dropped. It was my sister, Kathy. She is one of the very few people who know about my pregnancy. As much as I love her, she sometimes had such bad timing on coming to visit and phone calls. "Uhm Joanie, are you alive?" I groaned into the phone, letting her know I was on the other line. I don't want to talk to her right now, not til I talk to Paul at least. "Did you tell him?"

"I called, left him a voicemail and I'm waiting for him to call me back" I said in a monotone voice. "Can I call you back later? You know the call waiting on my blackberry is all types of messed up"

"Joanie.."

"I SAID I'll call you back!" I shouted into the phone, hanging up afterwards

I give up

I wanted to punch something, someone, and anything. I'm so furious, yet upset at the same time, I hate these hormones with a passion. I feel so stupid because I felt for his bullshit for so long, yet so hurt because he cheated on me in the first place, and then left me for her! My mind is so fucked up right now that I don't even know where to start thinking straight. I never thought that I would end up being a unmarried single Mom, but life had a different thing set up for me

And then

"Now tell that bitch that Nicki said this. We got Tom Tom's over here bigger than a monster!" I groaned, figuring it was Kathy again. Grabbing the phone, I sucked my teeth as I answered

"Kathy, I said I'd call you back once I talk to Paul, didn't I?"

"Joanie?" My heart started racing, I felt my mind jumping everywhere. The first time in six months I hear his voice, and it's like the very first time I saw him in the bar after a wrestling event. I have to get my thoughts together, and quick. "Hello? Joanie are you there?" Taking a deep breath, I decided that I had to say something, before he hung up and it would be too late.

"Hello Paul" I finally managed to whisper into the speaker. I felt so dumb that just hearing his voice made me melt and fall apart, but I love him, I have since I first saw him, and I probably always will.

"Uhm, I got your voicemail, sounded urgent on the phone. What's going on?" I couldn't tell him over the phone, this is something he needs to here face to face, and I think it'd be easier for him to see my growing stomach then for me to mumble the words "I'm pregnant" out to him.

"Are you busy? I'm home all day, can you swing by? Trust me Paul, it's not something I want to discuss. Don't worry, nobody is dead…honestly it's good news. But do you think you could swing by?" I replied to his question, waiting for him to come up with some bullshit excuse about why he can't come over, saying he is busy or has to leave to go to an wrestling event. I've kept up with the company since I left, I know he's currently out on "injury"

"I just got home from the gym, can you give me like 45 minutes to grab a quick bite to eat and take a shower?" Did he just agree to meet me? I wasn't expecting this; I don't even know what to say. I had this argument ready for when he said no, and he actually said okay.

"Uh..sure" I mumbled, still in shock that he was coming over to discuss what is going on. "I'll see you when you get here. Text me when you are outside and I'll come unlock the door, okay?"

"Alright Joanie, see you in a bit" Everytime he says my name it just melts me. This man cheated on me and walked out of my life, yet he has this control over me that words can never describe.

"Okay. Goodbye"