luke and becky discuss what might have been.
{ I own nothing }
Sometimes she wonders how they got here. Not here, lying side by side in the bed of his truck looking at the stars, but here, together. They've gone through things that no high school couple should ever have to go through (no couple anywhere, really), things that might have driven other couples apart, but here they are.
Things have been really good for the past couple of months. The Lions won State, and she spent Christmas with his family while her mom worked, and she thinks his mom might finally be coming around. They're enjoying what's left of senior year, and they talk about everything, college and the future and where life might lead them.
They're in love. He loves her, and she loves him, and they love each other, and it's the best feeling in the world. She thought she was in love with Tim, once upon a time, but she knows now her little crush paled in comparison to what she has with Luke.
She feels his thumb stroke hers where their hands are joined between them, and she smiles, looks over at him. His eyes are trained on the sky and he looks like he's a thousand miles away. "What are you thinking about?" she asks quietly.
He doesn't look over at her, just swallows thickly, and even from this angle she can see the emotion clouding his eyes. "My mom…" his voice shakes and he clears his throat, starts over. "My mom always says the people we've lost are up there among the stars."
She knows what he's saying, feels her heart grow heavy at the thought. She's quiet for a minute before she says what they're both thinking. "Do you think our baby is up there?"
He doesn't answer right away, thinks about it for a long moment. "I think so," he whispers. He lets a beat go by, then continues. "I think he – or she – is watching over us."
She feels a tear roll down the side of her face. She can't look at him, feels the shame of what she did to them pressing down on her chest, and she inhales a shaky breath. He lifts his arm and she moves into his embrace, pressing her cheek to his chest so she can hear his heartbeat.
"I'm sorry," she whispers after a quiet moment. "I'm so sorry."
He shakes his head, tilts her chin up to meet his eyes. "I don't know why you think I blame you, because I don't." He carefully brushes away the moisture from under her eye with his thumb.
She searches his face for signs he's not telling her the truth. She doesn't find any.
"You don't think I was selfish? That I should have given it a chance?"
He doesn't hesitate. "No." He looks back to the sky. "You made the choice you had to make." He runs his hand over the goosebumps on her arm, warming her skin. "You gave us both a future to look forward to, and I can't be mad at you for that."
She looks down, fiddles with the buttons on his plaid shirt, lets that sink in for a moment. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we'd had the baby?"
He's quiet for a beat, and she looks up at him. "Sometimes," he admits. "Do you?"
She nods against his chest. "I wonder sometimes if we'd be together now, if everything had happened differently. I wonder if maybe we'd resent each other a little bit."
He rests his chin on top of her head and she feels him nod. "That's probably fair." He pauses, thinks for a moment, chuckles. "I'd probably still be in love with you, and you would hate my guts."
"I would not," she giggles. "I just might want to whack you over the head with a crowbar occasionally."
"Because that's so much better."
She looks up at him, smiles because he's smiling at her, and she loves his smile.
"Everything happens for a reason, Bex," he says, running his hand through the curls at the back of her neck. "It sucks, but we've gotta learn from it, be better for it." He turns his attention back to the sky. "I want to make our baby proud."
She leans up, kisses that spot right underneath his jaw, buries her face in his neck. "You always know just the right thing to say."
She doesn't know if she'll ever get over what happened to them, but as long as she has him by her side, she thinks she can live with it and learn from it, and isn't that what life is all about anyway?
