I think I've settled on a Wednesday/Saturday update schedule for this story.
EPOV
Fuck my life. That seems to be the theme of this week.
If someone had told me on Monday that I would be spending my Friday night helping my mother pry my father off of one of his golf buddies following a fist fight in the middle of one of Seattle's most upscale restaurants, I probably would have laughed at them. But here I am. Nothing has gone right this week.
It all began on Monday. I was energized when I woke up, hopeful for the week ahead. Two weeks ago, my parents had announced they were separating. It was hard on me and my sister Alice since our parents had always seemed so happy together. However, Alice was more willing to go along with their plans of separating and seeing if things worked out. I was the only one who thought the entire idea was idiotic. Since Alice was completely unhelpful, I alone was the one begging my parents every day to listen to reason and get back together. They both kept giving me the same moronic answer their therapist had obviously cooked up: It was okay that I was upset because my status quo had been shattered, but the needed this times for themselves and their marriage.
Shoving thoughts of my splintered family out of my mind, I sat down at the kitchen counter for my morning ritual: a cup of coffee, some cereal and flipping through the Seattle Times. Normally, I don't look at the wedding vows section of the newspaper, but it just so happened to be the place where they had stuck that morning's Sudoku. Imagine my surprise when I see a familiar face staring up at me from the "Just Married" section.
I met Tanya in college. I sometimes wonder if she latched on to me freshmen year because my major was pre-med. I wanted to be a surgeon like my father. However, one class in and I found out I couldn't handle dissecting a dead cat on my own, let alone cutting into a human. After I regained consciousness, my professor kindly suggested I find another major. Tanya was the only person disappointed when I announced I was changing to web design. It was something I had fooled around with in high school and, since the dreams of being a doctor I had since I was small weren't panning out, I just latched onto the next thing I though could work out.
We dated for seven years. During that time, I must have asked her to marry me a dozen times. Her answer was always some variation on the same theme: she wanted to get more situated in her career, she wanted to see more of the world before settling down, she was too busy with other things to even think about planning a wedding. Finally, I had enough and gave her an ultimatum. Rather than being upset, she just confessed that she wasn't the marrying kind. I was more angry than heartbroken, angry that she had strung me along for six whole years when I could have been searching for someone who did share my life goals.
Now, here she was smiling up at me from a picture in the weddings section, announcing her wedding last week to some frat-looking douche, complete with sweet story about how they had met and their honeymoon plans. According to the story, she had met this guy a couple of weeks before breaking things off with me. Needless to say, the rest of my day was completely ruined.
Tuesday wasn't much better. I was invited out for a lunch with my sister. I thought Alice had come to her senses and was finally ready to brainstorm with me about getting our parents back together. Instead, she showed up with her boyfriend and announced the two of them were getting married. Then she asked me to help her break the news to our parents. I was absolutely livid.
Sure, Jasper Whitlock seemed like an okay guy, but I honestly thought he was just some sort of phase Alice was going through, one of the frogs she had to kiss to find her prince. He wasn't exactly the last person I wanted her to end up, but he didn't make my top ten list of suitable candidates either. He is an adjunct history professor at U Dub, originally from Texas, and a little bit more passionate about the Civil War than most people in the Pacific Northwest. At first, I just thought it was a fascination with the subject he taught. He re-enacted back home in Texas and had gotten together with a group of Confederate re-enactors living in the greater Seattle area. I had a hard time believing there were Civil War re-enactors in Washington state before Jasper showed up. I don't profess to be a history buff, but I'm pretty sure there weren't any Civil War battles fought in Seattle.
If that wasn't enough, Alice invited me over to supper at Jasper's one night where I found out he painted miniature metal figurines and staged mock battles with them and his friends. They set up the figurines on tables set up like the actual battlefields and engage in a sort of Civil War version of Dungeons and Dragons crossed with Risk. I think the final straw was when Jasper found out about our family's interest in medicine and pulled out the chest of old teeth, bones, surgical instruments and medicine jars he had as part of his memorabilia collection. Dad was interested, though I was a little nervous that Jasper might be a serial killer or something.
Before I could tell Alice that she and Johnny Reb should maybe take a step back and really think before rushing into marriage, Alice was telling me all about the Civil War-themed wedding she had begun planning and that, as one of the groomsmen, I would be dressing up in full Confederate regalia. Even better, Jasper wanted to have us all spend the night camping Civil War-style in lieu of a bachelor party. Somewhere in between disbelief that my sister was actually serious about marrying this guy and realizing I was going to be bunking with Jasper in a tent, wearing period clothing, Alice managed to coerce me into attending the dinner party she was planning to spring all of this on our parents. I just nodded dumbly and found myself offering my support to my sister and a guy I was pretty sure had a Confederate flag hanging in his apartment somewhere.
Wednesday seemed like it would be much better, but from ten in the morning until eleven at night, I was fielding calls from the client from hell. He was some uptown lawyer who had hired me to design his firm's online presence, only to find fault with everything he did. He told me he wanted a sleek design and then told me what I had presented was "too technical." When I retooled it, he told me it was now "too fuzzy" and that clients would hire a lawyer with a "cuddly-looking web site." Then he told me the fonts I was using here "too harsh" while the second set of fonts were "too lazy." Then he bitched me out for thirty minutes about why his site wasn't the top search on Google and wouldn't listen to my explanations that I have no control over such things. Then he got angry because he couldn't view one of the graphics with the version Internet Explorer he had downloaded in 2003. I bit my tongue and resisted the urge to inform him only people from the Dark Ages still use Internet Explorer, instead explaining to him about updating web browsers.
Thursday morning, client from hell woke me up at six in the morning to ask if I could so a free redesign of his daughter's sorority's website as well. I wanted to slam down the phone, but the hefty sum he was paying me made me think twice. After politely explaining my fees and getting hung up on, I decided to pitter around since I wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon. Though I mainly do my work from my home office, Thursday was full of meetings. At ten that morning, it was with the marketing department of the Seattle Symphony Orchestra for some freelance work I was doing with them. Then It was across town to a real estate office I work for to have a lunch meeting about a new concept for their web page design. At two in the afternoon, I was again jetting across town for a meeting with the marketing department of a Seattle-based microbrewery whose page I design. At least they gave me a sampling of their newest product during the meeting.
After two more pointless and contradictory calls from client from hell, I headed back home to do some web surfing on my own time. It was then I found out that Alice had changed her Facebook relationship status to "engaged to Jasper Whitlock." Her new profile picture was one of her and Jasper. He was wearing a Dale Earnhardt NASCAR shirt with his messy hair tied up in a red bandana. I got chills, imagining him quitting his job, moving Alice into a singlewide and drinking beer and yelling at sports on TV while she was barefoot and pregnant, making another chicken fried steak for dinner. Alice was lucky Mom and Dad hadn't figured out Facebook yet.
Friday morning I didn't want to leave my bed. I puttered around and did a little work before getting a series of phone calls from my father. First, he wanted to know if I knew any good places to get flowers in the city. I told him to ask Alice, but he said he had already badgered her enough about what suit and tie combination to wear that night. I was filled with hope that Dad was taking Mom out and the two of them would be getting back together. I asked him where he was headed and was surprised when he mentioned a rather expensive Italian restaurant, usually reserved for first dates and engagements or anniversaries.
"I think that it's good that you and Mom are going somewhere nice," I said
"I'm… Edward, I'm not going there with your mother…" he said quietly.
"What?" I said angrily, only causing him to sigh on the other end.
"I know you aren't adjusting well to the idea of your mother and I being separated…" Dad began.
"You're damn right," I hissed.
"But our marriage counselor said this would be a good idea… for us to see other people during this period," Dad said.
"How can seeing anyone but Mom be good for you?" I replied.
"I know this is confusing, but it is what's best for us," Dad said. "The spice has gone out of our marriage and, if we are going to make things work, he need to find that missing piece. Our therapist thinks that seeing other people might help us realize what that missing component is."
"I call bullshit," I replied.
"I know your upset Edward. I didn't meant to make things worse," he replied. I sent a quick text to Alice who informed me she thought it was "cute" that Dad was nervous about going on a first date with another woman. Finally, I broke down and called Mom, the only other person I figured would have as much righteous indignation over this situation as I did.
"Oh, Edward, it's not a big deal," she informed me. "In fact, I went out on a date with a fellow from my water aerobics class two nights ago."
"You did what?" I gasped. "How did you not tell me this? He could be after your money or your kidneys or worse!"
"Edward, I'm a fifty-two year old woman. I'm not required to inform my son of my every move," Mom huffed. "Besides, our therapist said…"
With no help, I took it upon myself to stop this nonsense by heading my father off at the restaurant where he was set to meet whatever homewrecker he had asked out. I was shocked beyond belief when a beautiful brunette who couldn't have been much older than Alice nervously walked into the room. She looked just as panicked to see Dad as I was that he was on a date. For a moment, I wondered if my father was one of the Internet predators you see on "Dateline." I was somewhat mollified when I found out my father had signed up for a Senior Adult dating website, though a little baffled about how a seemingly sweet and gorgeous young girl could wind up on the same site unnoticed. I seriously doubted she was a golddigger who had signed up with ulterior motives. I didn't have much time to think about her, however, before I found myself wrestling my father off of his golfing buddy amid the maître d' threatening to call the cops and permanently ban all of his from the restaurant. Eleazar paid for the damage and his and my mother's dinner and then saw himself out of the restaurant while Mom followed Dad back to his car, cooing over him and holding a bag of ice to his black eye.
"Edward, you need to take Isabella home," Dad instructed me as Mom forced him into the passenger seat.
"Why do I have to?" I grimaced.
"She had a panic attack and I think it's my duty to see to it that someone sees her home safely," Dad replied.
"Oh, Carlisle, you're so caring," Mom cooed.
I wondered when she had turned into a fourteen-year-old girl. I grumbled under my breath, but if this was going to give Mom and Dad the time they needed, I figured it was the last I could do. I trudged back into the restaurant to find my father's chocolate-haired date practically sobbing into my mother's half-eaten Linguini di Mare. It was a beautifully heartbreaking sight and I didn't know what to do.
"So, uh, my dad wanted me to make sure you got home okay…" I began. She looked up at me, her eyes tearstained, absolutely mortified.
"I'm so sorry… I had no idea… I didn't know he was married or your dad or…" she began. "I'm going to kill Rose. I knew I shouldn't trust her judgment. She's never set me up on a blind date that ever went remotely well and now…"
"It's okay… so uh… my car is outside…" I began.
"No… no… you don't have to take me home," she blushed. "I feel bad enough as it is. I don't need to waste your gas money too after…" she was interrupted by a loud grumbling of her stomach. I glanced at my watch, realizing it was nearing seven-thirty at night.
"When was the last time you ate?" I asked.
"Um… I had a fruit parfait around noonish?" she shrugged. I sighed.
"Well, that's not good," I replied. "Look, I'll get you something to eat and then I'll take you home."
"I don't even know you," she replied.
"That didn't stop you from going on a date with my dad," I snorted.
"Look, we chatted online for a couple of weeks before I even agreed to this and I just…" she sighed in defeat. "Fine. My name is Bella. Bella Swan."
"Edward Cullen," I replied Okay, so… um… where do you live?"
"Lower Queen Anne," she conceded.
"There's a Dick's there…" I said.
"Excuse me?" she replied.
"You live in Seattle and you've never been to a Dick's Drive-in?" I shook my head in disbelief.
A few minutes later, we were in my car, munching on burgers and fries. The fact that the place ended up within walking distance of where she lived just irked me more. She said a quiet goodbye and then trudged up the steps toward her apartment. She looked pretty defeated and a little devastated. I felt sorry for her momentarily before I realized the role she had in the near dissolution of my parents' marriage. Just in case, I decided I was going to find out a little bit more about Bella Swan.
A/N: The Civil War Dungeons and Dragons hobby thing? Yeah, it's real. My uncle used to do it. I have a link to an article about if for anyone that wants more info.
