*Twilight not ours... a cat named Angel is though.
*chapter title: Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin
It felt oddly early that morning. Of course, I always woke up early, even with the lack of sleep I suffered with almost every night. Maybe I should ask Carlisle about insomnia, I thought dryly to myself. It was possible that it was harder to get up that morning because of the nightmare of that night. I usually never even remembered my dreams, but that night I did.
I had been running through the familiar, white corridors. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I had to run. Even though I knew I had to leave, I stopped and walked into a room, room 218. Emmett and Rosalie were huddled in a corner, their faces contorted with fear. "Bella!" Emmett had yelled at me. "Bella, run!" I was scared. Edward walked through the door with a smile. I smiled back, and he stalked closer to me. Why were Emmett and Rosalie so scared? Edward was very near to me now, I could feel his breath on my face. Then his eyes grew wide, his expression wild. Those emeralds were the last things I saw before I jolted awake.
Had that truly, been a nightmare? I couldn't stop asking myself that morning as I showered then changed into the uniform white scrubs. It really couldn't be considered a nightmare. Nothing had looked scary, but everything felt wrong, and that was what made me call it a nightmare when I had first woken up. Why had my brother and his angel been so afraid? Were they afraid of Edward? It couldn't be fear of Edward, because it felt almost like he was afraid too. His smile was one of reassurance, not of malice. The whole thing was confusing and the fact that I couldn't shake it made it frustrating as well. But even more frustrating, or should I say disconcerting, was why did the dream feel so real? Why does my heart pick up in pace whenever I think about it?
I couldn't stop asking myself questions I didn't have answers too. It seemed that that had always been one of my many flaws, asking questions that I would never have answers for. That was just one of the many flaws that I forced myself to live with, along with the papery white skin, the splashes of freckles on random parts of my face, the boring brown hair that frizzed up in humidity and rain, and the too common chocolate brown eyes. I probably found that to be my biggest imperfection: my eyes. Rosalie was so captivating with her violet-blue eyes. I had never seen those eyes on someone else and I never would. That was how special they were, they were never made twice. Emmett had always-bright hazel eyes that, with different days, would vary in greenish tints, to golds. My dad had told me that on the day that he had found Emmett in an abandoned house, all alone, they had been more of a dark gold. Apparently, they had been greener on the day I was born, and they were the first things I saw. Though they would never be as green as Edward's were. Even in the dream, when they were glistening with an unknown aprehension, they were captivating. I shook my head, ridding Edward from my thoughts. I decided to wait until I had to confront him again to think more about his green eyes, and his bronze hair, and his chiseled jaw, and…
"Just think about something else," I whispered. I hated talking to myself, but nevertheless I did it very frequently. Sifting through my thoughts, I desperately tried to cling onto something that wasn't Edward. What was something completely not Edward? Up until Edward somehow entered my every thought, my mind would always be consumed by my brother. More often than not it was the last few yeaers of his life that I thought about, his dilusions, his admittance to VMI. However sometimes I mulled over the happy times, the memories of my brother that made me remember why he means so much to me, why I felt obligated to help him.
Emmett had been in my family since before I was born. My dad, the chief of police, had gotten a call one night from a concerned neighbor who lived near the outskirts of town. He had heard shouting and crying from the house next door; my father went to investigate. Though, when he reached the small rundown house, there was no crying or shouting, only a scared three-year-old boy. It took my dad hours to get the boy to talk, he only stared hopelessly at nothing, but when the boy whispered almost silently, "I'm Emmett McCarty," my father took home my brother. When Emmett asked who Charlie was, he merely replied, "I'm Charlie. I'm taking you home now, son."
Renée didn't seem to mind Emmett at all, she treated him like he was her son. In truth, he really was their son, because they loved him. Shortly after adding Emmett into the Swan family, Renée told my dad that a fourth member was coming. September thirteenth. I was born, and Renée loved Emmett, my dad, and me. I had a real family, a simple family with loving parents and a very protective big brother. Through the years, Renée forgot that she loved us. She couldn't take the pressures a family put on her shoulders, even if she was just a housewife whose only job was to take care of us. I turned eleven, Emmett was fourteen, and Renée broke our real, simple family. I remember her with bags in her hands rushing towards the door, my dad pleading with her grabbing her arms. Emmett told me to stay in my room as he ran into the kitchen where my dad was still trying to convince Renée not to go. I didn't listen to him. I slipped into the hall watching the scene from a distance, and I always regret that.
"Mom!" Emmett had said reaching out to hold her hand, to stop her, but she took a step away from him.
"You are not my son! I can't live here telling you that you are because you aren't!" she was shouting now. "I won't live here being someone I'm not!"
Both Dad and Emmett stared at her as she ran out of the house. But I wasn't watching Renée destroy our family; I watched how Renée's words had stabbed Emmett like knives of fire and hatred. I watched Emmett's hope and happiness slip away. I watched my big brother be tortured by our mother's lies.
I was on the road in my old red truck. Tears were trailing down my face as I remembered that night. I always wished that I could go back to that night and listen to what Emmett had told me. I wish that I could go back and hide in my room, burying myself under blankets and pillows. I always wished that I had never witnessed the only time the ever-present smile on Emmett's face left along with Renée.
Renee destroyed our family in more ways than one. her leaving tore Charlie apart. He became quiet and rarely spoke to either me or Emmett. We knew it wasn't us who our dad was ignoring, it was just that he had become numb. Emmett then took up the job of raising me. Though I had very few friends, okay maybe no friends except for the librarian, I never felt lonely because my best friend, the only person I felt I needed in life was my big brother and I knew he would always be there for me. When Charlie passed away a few years ago, the pain wasn't so great since I felt like I had lost dad a long time ago. The doctor's said it was a heart attack, I knew it was heart ache. It just took a couple of years to consume Charlie completely to the point that it eventually killed him. Emmett was there for me our entire lives when no one else was.
I wiped at my face erasing the fallen tears I had shed from my little trip down memory lane on the drive here. I locked the truck door and trudged into VMI. "Hi Bella!" Mike Newton was waving at me with an enthusiasm that I had absolutely no desire of returning.
"Hey Mike." I responded. Mike was constantly asking me to go on dates with him. Why couldn't he grasp that I wasn't interested? Mike wasn't ugly by any means. He had a bulky physique with straw yellow hair that he styled in short spikes. His blue eyes weren't tinged with another color like Rosalie's; his were pure. Mostly because they seemed to be filled with such innocence. Mike's blue eyes never had to see his loved ones deteriorate one by one as I had. Furthermore, I truly wasn't interested in dating anyone. Why would I complicate my life further with the inevitable drama that is a relationship? Seeing Emmett in his current state and my working at VMI, my heart just couldn't take anymore ache and if I got attached to someone and got my heart broken I don't think I could've handled it. What was the point in waiting for pain? There I was asking questions again that I knew no one would answer for me. Mike's voice broke me out of my reverie.
"So Bella you look good today, well you look good every day," he chuckled nervously. I knew most women would find his stammering endearing, adorable even, but all I could think about was trying to come up for an excuse to put us both out of our misery with his pointless infatuation. "Anyways, I was thinking that tonight after work we could go to the sports bar across the street. There's – "
"Oh I'm sorry Mike, but I'm busy tonight. Rosalie and I are having a girl's night." I tried to wrack my brain and see if I had already used that excuse. It seemed like I had given every possible excuse as it is. Soon I would have to resort to the ever convincing "I have to get rid of the ghost in my attic."
"Oh okay then. Maybe next time Bella. See you later. Maybe even for lunch?" he smiled his warm smile and his eyes twinkled with that innocence that I found so refreshing.
"Yeah, maybe." And with that I walked past him and to my station at the end of the hall. I checked to see if I had any immediate messages from any of the doctors and found that I did not. That meant just the usual rounds for me today. Over the course of the morning I administered pills and spoke briefly to most of the patients. One of the patients however had a sort of breakdown while I was giving her her pills. Stephenie claimed she saw the sparkly vampire looking in her window again last night. Stephenie's hallucinations were nothing new to me for she always spoke of her sparkly vampires, but she hadn't had an episode this dramatic in a while. I had had hope that she was recovering but of course I was proved wrong. It only reminded me further that having hope here was useless.
I finally arrived at Emmett's room. A little anxious to see him because I was about ten minutes late when it came to my daily schedule. Stephenie took longer to calm down than I intended. I opened the door expecting to see my big brother sitting on his bed with his big goofy smile, the one he wore whenever someone would come visit him. He hated being alone. Instead I was met with ruffled covers and no Emmett in sight.
AN:
schmerin: we so nice sister for posting a bunch of chapters.
MMJ: hahaha yea we be some awesome beezies.
schmerin: no doubt. we deserve love...and REVIEWS!
