Sugar Rush- Chapter Two

"What do you want?" Sugar asks moodily as I sit down opposite her. Honestly, I don't know why I bother sometimes. I shift uncomfortably as I look at her - I'm no longer particularly attracted to Sugar (am I?) but the sight of her breasts in that little black tank top give me a little shiver - one that I used to feel every time she looked at me. "Just thought I would come and see you - how you are, and that."

Sugar lights up a cigarette, lets it hang from her mouth for a couple of seconds as she scratches her armpit - typical Sugar style. "I haven't seen Mark in two weeks."

"Mark hasn't been in touch?" Mark is her boyfriend of nine months, (not including the patch they had broken up and got back together). He's Saint's ex - long story) and he's absolutely nuts on Sugar. She's nuts on him too - as far as I'm aware she hasn't even cheated yet.

"No. He hasn't." She rolls her eyes, takes another puff on her cigarette. "They're all the same, men. Bastards." She shoots me a sly glance. "Not that that means I'm turning gay. Which is a fucking miracle in here."

I can't help laughing - she's so dry sometimes, our Sugar. This is - as you know - the second time she's been in prison - the first time for attacking someone with a glass bottle - (this to me seemed perfectly acceptable as it was in self defence in the first place) and this time for extortion, drug offences and burglary - a triple whammy.

Today she looks ill - like she hasn't slept in days. I reach across and take her hand, but she drags it away. I look at her, hurt. "What?" she whispers. "I don't need another sodding girl touching me up, thanks!"

I roll my eyes, look out of the window. It's thunder and lightning out there. It's horrible. I'm not particularly relishing the thought of going back out once the hour is up. Sugar's voice breaks my thought. "Earth to Kim? How's Saint?"

"Oh, she's good." I sound too convincing -far too bright, and she narrows her eyes at me. "Hows your nuts family? It's insane, I haven't even met your baby brother yet." She looks glumly at the table. At that moment, I don't know whether to slap her for being so stupid as to end up back in here, or to wrap her in the cuddle that I know deep down she desperately needs. I tilt my head to the side, watch her. "They're not bad." I pick a piece of fluff off my jumper. "Matt came out yesterday - as transgendered."

"Shit, you're joking." she chokes on her cigarette smoke. "Poor fucking kid!"

"I know." I swallow the lump in my throat. "It's been really tough on him -"

"Her," she corrects me, graciously.

"Her."

"Bless her." It's not a comment usually made by Sugar in the most civilised conversations I have with her. She looks at me. "What? One of Mark's friends went through the same thing." She points below. "She's been seen to, and that." She makes a strange gesture with her free hand - the one that isn't holding the cigarette. "You know. She's had her dick turned inside out and she's got tits bigger than mine - it's offensive!"

I smile.

"She's happy with her boyfriend. And she's really pretty. You would never know. It was a bit weird for Mark - you know, it was one of his best mates at school. Known each other since they were this big." She holds her hand out next to the table. "Bizarre for him at first - but - you know. They still love each other." She looks back at the table. "I'm sure Matt will be fine. I mean - he's - she's - very young."

This is one of the first time Sugar has ever tried to make me feel better and succeeded. "There's loads of stuff they can do now. How'd your parents take it?"

"Stella was fine. Nathan hasn't mentioned it, but he did say he would take Matt - Martine- to the doctors. This morning Stella was calling Matt by his new name and even took him upstairs to give him some of her old clothes. She's being really weird at the moment. Nice. She gave him a proper make over, and he's going out shopping with her and me tomorrow for the first time since he's come out."

"As much as you bitch about your mum, Kim, she can be pretty good at times."

"Yeah, when her and my dad aren't swinging from the lamp shades in the houses on our street and riding their next door neighbours, they can be pretty laid back. Since Stella had Dylan she's definitely changed. She still drinks and smokes way too much, but she's making an effort with me and -" I take a deep breath - "my sister, too."

Sugar takes my hand. Her skin's cool, despite the boiling hot coming from the heating. "It'll be okay, you know."

I remember all of the times Sugar has held me in her arms and told me everything would be okay. The time when her bloody muff nits nearly split my parents up, the time she found out Stella was screwing Dale, the time my brother took an overdose. The time that her and I - that she and me - you know. Slept together.

My face is growing hot.

"You're thinking about shagging me again, aren't you?" Sugar grins.

We both crack up.

That night, I dress up and go to spend a couple of intimate hours - ha ha - with my girlfriend at the CC club where she DJ's by night. (Sex shop owner by day - how amazing is that? I mean, really?) She is, as usual, surrounded by women, one in particular I don't like the look of at all- an extremely attractive blond lesbian who looks older than me - and absolutely gorgeous. I sit at the bar and hide behind Anna- (slag of the CC, works her way preying on innocent young girls - bit of a sicko really - although she is charming and beautiful, and had her wicked way with me before disposing me for another young girl, who she then disposed of for a girl named Melissa at my old college). I watch this blond talking to Saint - hand on her arm, gazing into her eyes, and I feel my jealousy spiralling out of control. Saint embraces the girl, takes her cheek in her hand, whispers something into the girl's ear. I feel sick.

What on earth is going on?