As soon as I walk into Kelly's house a wave of love and comfort wash over me. I've only been here five minutes and I feel safe and protected, it's as if this house has an enchantment over it.

Kelly cuts off my thoughts by saying "Your room is up the hall and it's the second on the right. Do you want me to show you?" she added when I didn't move.

"No, it's alright, I was just thinking." I answered immediately.

"Okay, I'll just be in the kitchen. Do you want any tea or coffee?" she asked.

"I would like a coffee, if that's alright with you?" I replied

"Of course it's alright, sweetie, remember this is your house now too." She said. I just nodded my response.

When I walked into my new room I saw that Kelly had taken all of my furniture and moved it into my new room. Thank god, I didn't want Kelly to have to spend any more money on me than she has already. A photo beside my bed catches my eye- it's a picture of Kelly, Sammy and I when we went to Disneyland a couple of years ago. I look so happy then, I really wasn't I was just putting on a facade for everyone else. Just like I have been for years, and just like I will have to again. Pretend like I'm fine, that everything's okay, that it was all just a mistake. It wasn't but no-one else is going to know that. I put all of my clothes in the closet and set up my things before I head down to the kitchen to see Kelly.

"Your coffee is on the table. It's white with two, I hope that's okay?" she asked a bit nervously.

"It's perfect, thank you."

"It's no problem, I just made you one like mine" she told me.

"Oh, okay then" it was quiet for a few minutes before I asked "Kelly?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"When do I have to go back to school?"

"Not for a few weeks, honey. Why?" she asked.

"Okay, that's good then." I paused "I was just wondering how long I have to try and change my reputation, because I've just stopped being 'the crazy girl who made a porno' and now I'll be 'the crazy girl who tried to kill her-self'. Can I be homeschooled?" I asked.

Kelly looked concerned and then she giggled "No you may not be homeschooled, Silver. You won't have any trouble at school either because if I even hear about someone being nasty to you or spreading rumours about you, they will have detention for two weeks. Is that good?" she explained to me.

"You don't have to do that Kel. I'll be fine, trust me." I reassured her.

"Okay, if you're sure." She still looked unconvinced.

"I'm absolutely positive, Kel. I'll be fine"

"I trust you, Silver." Kelly caved.

"Good."

"What time is it?" I asked, I haven't looked at a clock since I left the hospital and it feels like it's getting late.

"It's 7pm. Are you hungry? I hadn't realised it had gotten so late"

"Yeah, actually, I am" I replied.

"Okay, what do you think about Chinese for dinner?"

"Sounds good"

Kelly went to go get a menu off the fridge and when she returned she had the house phone in one hand and the menu in the other. She handed me the menu and I scan over it, I put a star next to the dishes that I want because she is already on the phone to the restaurant ordering what she wants, as soon as I put the menu beside her she picks it up and starts ordering.

That night I lay in bed thinking about the way I felt as I lost consciousness, it felt right. I could finish everything now, but then I would know how much I'm hurting Kelly, and I just can't do that to her. I might make some new friends and then maybe everyone's stares won't seem as bad. After a while of lying there thinking, sleep overcomes me.

Kelly got a substitute to take over for her while I'm at home, she doesn't want me by myself. I have psychiatrist appointments everyday all week. It sucks. I'd rather be at school enduring all of the weird looks people will give me. It will be worse than when I made that video, I don't know what came over me, I would normally never make something like that. But I did, and then I tried to commit suicide. What's wrong with me? Am I some kind of freak? Probably.

At my third psychiatrist appointment the doctor told me that she thinks I have Bi Polar disorder. I have to go get tests to confirm though. I probably do have it, because I'm a freak. She told me that heaps of people have this disorder and that I'll just have to take tablets every day, she said that some people that have Bi Polar don't take their tablets because they are so used to the huge mood swings that they think they feel numb when they take the tablets. It should be okay for me because I haven't had the symptoms for as long as a lot of other people.

Straight after that appointment we made another appointment for me to get a blood test to see if I do have the disorder. It'll only be a couple of hours until we find out the results. Kelly and I decide to go for lunch while we are waiting for the test results we go to a small cafe that's down the road from the pathology lab. After an hour we have finished our lunch and we still haven't heard from the lab so we go to the mall. We were only there for about 45 minutes before we got the call that the results were back and we have to pick them up and take them back to my doctor. We make another appointment for the psychiatrist for this afternoon.

We're in the Psychiatrist's office, waiting for her to finish reading the results. Kelly is holding my hand, keeping it steady but my other hand is shaking wildly. The doctor looks up from the notes. She's read them; she's got my results. Her face shows no emotion, doesn't give anything away. I shut my eyes tightly and take a deep breath before she tells me my fate. I see a glimpse of pity and sadness in her eyes as she takes a breath to talk. It's positive. I know it is.

"The test results reveal that you do, indeed, have Bi Polar disorder. I'm sorry." The woman did look truly sorry for the news she just revealed to me. She turned away to fill out a prescription for me, for the tablets I'm going to have to take every day for the rest of my life.

"Fuck!" I whisper, closing my eyes and standing up, getting angry. "Fuck this Kelly! Why me? Why does everything bad happen to me?" I ask angrily.

"I know, baby. But at least this explains the incident with the video, and you will feel better now we know what's wrong and we can fix it!" Kelly tried to reassure me.

"What happened with the video?" The psychiatrist asked me.

"I made a stupid porno about me and my, now, ex boyfriend and then had a psycho freak out attack at my teacher. And no Kelly you can't 'fix it'! You can't fix me, Kelly! No matter how hard you try! I'm a freak and no-one will ever care about me, just like Mum said! You can't change that!" I exploded at her, tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

"Nothing that Mum ever said to you was right! Don't you ever believe anything that she has ever said to you! And yes we can fix this you just have to take your tablets every day. I love you, everything is going to be okay" Kelly comforted me "Remember what I said to you when you woke up at the hospital that first night? Never forget it, it's true and I want to make sure you know that."

"Yeah I remember, I went off at you and I saw your heart break. There's a reason why no-one likes me and that's one of them. I can never accept people telling me things they don't mean, I point out the faults. Except with Mum, with her you just endure the pain" I explained to them. Kelly hugged me and tears streamed down my face as I breathed in the comforting smell of her perfume.

"When do I go back to school, Kel?" I asked whilst we were eating breakfast.

"You go back on Monday. That is if you're ready to go back?" She informed me.

"I'll be fine, Kel. There is no need for you to worry about me."

"Okay, but remember if you need anything or if anything happens at school, I'm there, just tell me what happened and I'll sort it out" I nodded

I think that I'll be spending a lot of my lunch times in Kelly's office. Not getting other kids in trouble, just eating in there with her so I don't have to see people staring at me like I'm a freak all day.