AN: Thank you for the reviews and all of the alerts and faves! I really appreciate the warm welcome.

While I know last chapter was just a retelling of the pilot episode - this chapter is the start of my own original plot lines, starting with how dinner went that night. The story from here on out will be very much my own with references to future episodes and using some events in S1 to pull the story forward. But no more direct- word for word of the episodes. :P I must tell you, the dialogue is entirely my own this time.

Disclaimer/Warnings: I do not own the characters or situation that resemble the show. Note the rating.


Chapter 2

Penny Marshall was stuck between a rock and a hard place: a silent Raj who was too afraid to talk to her and finding her strength not to push Howard out of the moving vehicle. Penny first found Howard's charms to be innocent and maybe just a tad obnoxious. But after attempting to serenade her, asking her how she kept her "voluptuous" figure, and then explicitly stating that sushi wasn't the only fish he liked to eat (accompanied with a wink), Penny had dropped the smiling, polite act and resorted to glaring at the NASA engineer, a fact he was insistent on reminding her.

Fortunately Leonard picked up on how much Howard was making her uncomfortable.

"Howard, that's inappropriate. I'm sure Penny doesn't want to hear your poorly veiled innuendos," he gave her a sympathetic look in the rear view mirror.

"What innuendo?" Sheldon asked, generally perplexed at what else Howard could mean other than his enjoyment of seafood.

Penny smiled at Sheldon's innocence. So far, she definitely had to say out of the four she liked Leonard and Sheldon the most. Nothing against Raj. She imagined he was probably a sweetheart when he talked. Penny leaned forward and put her hand on Leonard's shoulder.

"Thank you, Leonard," she really wanted him to know that she appreciated him asserting, at least in some capacity, that she deserved respect.

Sheldon eyed Penny's hand on Leonard's shoulder and watched as his roommate blushed under her touch. He wondered if Penny had any idea of her power over his friend. He understood some women to be physical types, always invading people's spaces and having no concern of spreading their germs. But he also knew that some kind of line between friendly affection and flirtation existed, which he has never been able to gauge. He himself had experienced women invading his personal territory, and sometimes his friends would laugh and make fun of his obtuseness to their true intentions.

"I still don't understand why we can't go to Big Boy. It's Tuesday. We always go to Big Boy on Tuesday."

"Sheldon," Leonard's voice held a subtle warning. "Penny is taking us out, and it's her decision where we go. I'm sure she doesn't care for your schedule."

"Oh, it's really fine," Penny said. "I don't mind where we go."

"Do you really want to go to a greasy burger joint?" Leonard inquired.

"Well… I'm not really eating red-meat anymore, but I'm sure I can just find a salad or something."

"No, you shouldn't have to hold back just because Sheldon is in a mood. We'll get sushi."

Sheldon narrowed his eyes at his friend. So this was how he was going to be. "I am not in 'a mood'. We always eat at Big Boy on Tuesdays. I have a strict schedule due to the sensitive nature of my gastric tract. You know this. I would react the same way if we were deviating from the schedule any other day of the week."

"Sheldon," Leonard asserted more sternly, alerting Sheldon that this was neither the time nor the place. "We're getting sushi."

Sheldon held his tongue and turned his gaze straight ahead at the bright city lights. Leonard did lose his patience with Sheldon on occasion, but he rarely ever took charge this way. He usually just knuckled under and gave into Sheldon's demands to put a quick end to Sheldon's whining. But Leonard didn't want Penny to see him pushed around, and Sheldon knew that was exactly what Leonard was up to. Penny, Penny, Penny, Sheldon thought to himself. This just will not do. You're disrupting the natural order of things.

When they arrived at the sushi/karaoke bar, fortunately for everyone but Howard, the karaoke machine was out of order and apparently had been for some time.

"Oh no," Sheldon looked in terror at their table. "I just realized, we have five people. We can't eat with an odd number of people. Oh, this just won't do."

Penny narrowed her eyes at him, "What do you mean? The table is big enough for all of us."

Sheldon gave her an exasperated look and folded his hands behind his back in lecture mode, "I know that this may be difficult for you to understand, but the physical world runs on numbers. And an odd number of people eating at a rectangular table is an uneven balance for several reasons."

Penny could feel her ears blaze with embarrassment. Was he saying she was stupid?

Before Penny could say the biting comment she had for him, Leonard stepped in. "Sheldon, we've had to eat with odd numbers before. You can deal."

Sheldon's left eye twitched as he sat in his chair. "Very well. No Big Boy and I have to suffer through awkward seating arrangements and uneven displacement of food," and unnecessary socialization with a woman who could wear a little more clothing. "Looks like this day has just gone to phooey."

Penny raised her eyebrow at his choice of words. Earlier, he enamored her with his alien-like intelligence, and she initially found his particularities amusing. Now he was toeing the line on rudeness. She decided to push this away in hopes he would feel thoroughly bitched out soon.

As they scanned through their menus, Penny's stomach dropped. How was she going to pay for her meal along with Leonard and Sheldon's? Especially with these prices? Maybe she really should have insisted they go to Big Boy.

When their waitress came to take their drink orders, she could tell that Sheldon pissing her off wouldn't end. At least not tonight. She was familiar with his type, working as a waitress for two years. He was demanding, condescending, and almost maliciously picky. She gave a sympathetic look to the waitress as she walked away, knowing very well what she was going through.

"Sheldon," Penny leaned forward. He was seated across from her. "Don't you think you could be a little nicer to the waitress?"

Sheldon gave Penny a perplexed look, "Nicer? How was I being rude?"

"Oh, here we go," Leonard mumbled next to her.

Penny strained a gentle smile at Sheldon, "Considering this woman is going to be handling your food, I just think it would be better if you spoke to her with a little more respect."

The boys at the table simultaneously exchanged worried glances.

Sheldon's face didn't alter, "I still don't understand what you mean. I'm only explaining to her the proper way to handle my drink order so that she doesn't contaminate it with whatever pathogens might be lingering in this establishment."

Penny bit her lip, seeing the faces of many patrons in her past who were exactly like Sheldon. Well, maybe not exactly, but close. "Well, I'm a waitress. So, you could say that this is sort of my 'expertise'," she used air-quotes. "And we often have to deal with people telling us how to do our jobs when we know what to do."

"But Penny," Sheldon continued to argue. "The whole reason I have a strict restaurant schedule is because of the incompetency I've had to deal with from people in the food service industry."

Leonard buried his face in his hands at that moment. This cannot be happening.

Penny gritted her teeth but was interrupted by the waitress returning with their drinks. As she asked for their food orders, it was the Sheldon shit-show all over again. He even had the audacity to request that the chefs wear gloves with his order. Penny hid her face in embarrassment and looked at the other guys. Their expressions showed discomfort but none of them seemed like they were going to speak up. Penny concluded that they were very used to this behavior from Sheldon. Well, she wasn't going to put up with it.

She comfortingly touched the waitress' arm, "Just bring him the Philadelphia roll the way you normally do things around here." Sheldon was stunned into silence at Penny's interruption and overriding his requests. The waitress nodded her head and left with a terrified expression.

Sheldon stared at Penny in horror, but quickly sat back in his chair, a sly, knowing grin forming on his face as he folded his arms. Penny held the eye contact, holding her chin up in defiance. The guys watched intently but tilted their bodies away as if an explosion could go off at any minute.

"Penny, Penny, Penny," Sheldon shook his head.

"What, what, what?" Penny mocked back.

Sheldon's mouth puckered. "I know you're new, and I can't really fault you for being unfamiliar with how things operate in this group, but you will soon learn. Though, judging by your education status it might take a while."

Penny held back her tongue on the last comment but charged forward. "And how do things go, Sheldon?" She gestured around the table. "Everyone else lets you tell them what to do or you throw a tantrum?"

She could practically see the steam coming out of Sheldon's ears, "I don't throw tantrums. I'm not a child. People just eventually see that the way I do things is simply logical."

"No, I think that people just eventually realize that you're a pain in the ass."

"Ooohhhh," Howard leaned in towards Sheldon. "You might want to ask for more ice because you just got BURNED!"

Sheldon and Penny held their glares. Sheldon was trying to think of some kind of comeback. When it came to arguments of the mind, he pummeled his opponents. But this kind of standoff he just wasn't used to. The waitress set down their orders in front of them quietly, sensing the tension at the table.

Leonard tried his best to mediate the situation, "Look guys, let's just try to have a nice meal."

"I was going to have a nice meal. But now, I'm not eating." Sheldon pushed his plate away.

Penny couldn't believe this guy. Who the hell does he think he is? "Well, if you're not eating. I'm not buying."

Sheldon scoffed, "That was hardly my motivation for coming."

"Then what was your motivation?"

"Well, it seemed that after asking us to essentially handle your own battles after only knowing us for a single day, and thus taking advantage of my friend Leonard's pining affection that we both know you're never going to reciprocate, no offense Leonard," Leonard hid his face at Sheldon's words, wanting to just fall through the floor right there. "I thought that your invitation to take us to dinner was your way of extending the olive branch and apologizing."

"It is my way of apologizing! I already said that I didn't know Kurt was going to be that way!" Penny exclaimed.

Sheldon rolled his eyes and shook his head, "I find it very hard to believe that you had no idea that your giant ex-boyfriend, who more than likely spent his whole life picking on guys like Leonard and me, would deny us access to your TV and humiliate us in the process."

Penny eyes pricked with tears. A huge part of her knew that what she had asked them was wrong, though she honestly didn't anticipate Kurt to do that at all. She still felt immense guilt over it, and Sheldon was just hammering in the nail. She was determined though not to let Sheldon see her weakness. "Well, you're wrong. I didn't know. But all of this is totally irrelevant anyways because the problem right now is you treating that waitress like crap over your stupid dinner!"

Sheldon's voice rose in pitch, "I still don't see how I was, as you say, "treating her like crap". I was just giving her specific instructions…"

"That's exactly it!" Penny was almost screaming now. "You can't just order everyone around like that!"

Sheldon went cold. He turned his head, lifting his nose in the air. "I can see this discussion is going nowhere since now you're resorting to emotional responses."

Penny clenched her hands into fist. If they were back in Nebraska in a shadier restaurant, she would have knocked his ass on the ground right there. But instead, she stood up from her chair, taking the lady's way out.

"You're an asshole."

And with that, Penny turned in her flip flops and walked out.

"Great Sheldon," Leonard spoke up. "Just great."

Sheldon darted his eyes to his friend. "I don't know why you're so upset with me. She is the one calling me vulgar names."

Leonard took off after Penny who was now standing outside the restaurant on her cell phone.

"Could you just please come and get me? I need a ride home," she sighed. "Okay, thank you sooo much!" She hung up the phone.

"Penny," Leonard spoke, and she turned to meet his eyes. "You really don't have to go. I'm sorry, Sheldon can be a little much."

Penny scoffed, "A little much? He's a jerk and thinks he's better than everyone else!"

Leonard nervously wrung his hands, "I know he seems like a lot to deal with right now, but there are a lot of good qualities about Sheldon."

"Well I'm not seeing them, and I don't intend to stick around and try and find something redeeming," Penny folded her arms and turned back to the street.

Leonard was at a loss. He had a lot of high hopes for this outing, and they were all falling apart. He really wanted Penny to like them. To like him.

"Again, I'm really sorry," he said quietly, almost in a whisper.

Penny felt a sinking in her chest. She was still really pissed off, but she knew Leonard was just trying to be a nice guy.

"It's not your fault, Leonard. I know you can't control what Sheldon does."

Leonard nodded his head. He bit his lip and decided to take a risk. "I would like to be your friend, Penny."

Penny felt a pang in her heart at the hopeful look in Leonard's eyes. She remembered Sheldon's words about pining affections. She had a feeling Leonard was already forming a little crush on her. It made her feel good, especially so soon after her terrible break up with Kurt, but she just couldn't see herself dating someone like him, or really anyone right now.

"I'd like to be your friend too, Leonard." And she meant that.

Leonard smiled up at her, turning his eyes up at the sky shyly.

After a long silence, Leonard softly asked, "So, I guess you found a ride with someone else?"

"Yeah," Penny nodded, avoiding his eyes. "A friend of mine."

Leonard nodded his head as well, "I would have taken you home, if you wanted."

"I know, sweetie," Penny patted his arm. "But you should go back and eat with your friends. I'll be fine out here. My friend doesn't live far away and will be here any minute."

Leonard returned his gaze down at the sidewalk. "Okay. Well… I guess I'll see ya."

"Yeah, see ya."

As she waited, Penny reflected back on the fight she had with Sheldon and how quickly it escalated. Penny wasn't a very confrontational person. She rarely ever fought with anyone, especially people she had just met. But something about him set her on edge, and she couldn't pin point it. She thought back to all the times Kurt was rude to waitresses (in an entirely different way), and she just sat back and let it happen. Why did she feel compelled to go toe to toe with probably one of the smartest people she was ever going to meet? As if he didn't intimidate her at all? As if she was some self-assured, intelligent woman? She rarely ever felt that way. But in that moment, Penny was on fire, and it had been a long time since she felt that sure of herself.


Sheldon settled into his nightly routine, putting on his Tuesday pajamas and brushing his teeth in clock-wise, circular motions. As he counted his rotations, he revisited his skirmish with Penny in the restaurant. He still couldn't believe the audacity of this woman who they barely even knew. First, asking them to get in the middle of an issue that clearly should have been settled between her and her Neanderthal ex-boyfriend. Second, criticizing how he ordered his food which was foolproof (when he was dealing with competent individuals) and had served him well all his life. Who was she to correct him? She didn't have a degree as far as he was aware. She claimed to be an "expert" on food service, but where were her credentials? For all he knew, she could have been a terrible waitress. Sheldon stewed, pressing harder on his brush rotations. When he finished, he noticed a little bit of blood from his gums.

"Oh great," he groaned. "Now I probably have gingivitis."

Sheldon entered his bedroom and removed his robe, hanging it on the back of the door. He carefully pulled back his bed sheets, folding them half way down the bed. He sat down on the bed, slipping off his slippers and meticulously arranging them so when he got up in the morning, he could slip his feet back into them again. For a brief moment, lost in his thoughts, he almost forgot that tonight was his weekly scheduled release night (which he had anticipated being utilized with his earlier goal at the sperm bank). He unbuttoned his pajamas and removed both his pants and shirt, folding them neatly and placing them at the corner of his bed. Last, his briefs came off, and he folded and placed them on his stack of clothes.

He laid his body above his sheets, wanting to avoid making a mess on any part of his bed or clothes. Sheldon always interpreted this activity in two ways, based on the point of view in the event. At first, he felt exasperation. He hated that he had to have this whole ordeal involved in his routine. It was messy and made him deviate from his usual nightly slumber. But, once he was finished, the rush of endorphins and chills he received from his orgasm made him reconsider. It wasn't so bad, he guessed. There were other aspects of being human – regardless of how advanced of one he was – that definitely were more cumbersome. He would still prefer to be able to eliminate this side of himself, but Sheldon long ago accepted that he came from a stock of people with high fertility and virility. And thus far, this process had served him well.

Sheldon reached over to his night stand and pulled out a clean wash cloth from a drawer. Gripping the soft fabric in his left hand, he prepared himself for arousal. Usually he would spend a few moments thinking of women that society deemed physically attractive that he had seen in scifi shows, comics, and video games. Sometimes, if that just wouldn't do it, he would think back to fantasies of his youth, where he would dream of being a knight or captain of the Enterprise (he would have preferred science officer, but then he would, of course, want to be Spock and that didn't really fit in with this mission). In these fantasies, he didn't yearn to live a chaste life for the purity of science and obtain his ultimate goal, the Nobel Prize. He was a different Sheldon. A Sheldon that fought with honor and yearned to spill the blood of lesser men. Or lead a mission of people to boldly go where no man has gone before. This Sheldon wasn't awkward or misunderstood or ostracized for his brilliance. This Sheldon was loved and feared. And with this power, came a seduction that Sheldon didn't fully understand, but had seen and read enough scifi/fantasy to know that women loved these qualities in a man. In his fantasies, he always had one woman in particular who would come to him and fall at her feet, begging for just one night. And he would give that to her. This is usually where the fantasy stopped because Sheldon wasn't really sure about how to imagine this part, having no experience himself. But by the end, he usually could finish without all the details.

Tonight was different. Sheldon was experiencing what he had frequently heard Howard refer to as "blue balls". As soon as he assumed the position, his member was throbbing against his pelvis, reaching to just below his belly button. He grasped his shaft tightly with his right hand, stroking from the tip to the base slowly. He decided on a medieval fantasy – Sheldor the Conqueror – his Conan the Barbarian alter ego. He was a rogue knight, leading an army across the lands, and taking city by city as he made his way to the kingdom to claim his throne. A woman warrior joined his ranks and insisted on defying his authority, trying to make him look weak and stupid in front of his men. He approached her, in her tent, demanding she treat him as the king he would become. She only gave him a sly smile, her blonde hair resting just above her shoulders and her green eyes twinkling in the candlelight.

She fought back, telling him he was a pompous ass who needed to know he wasn't always right. And in that moment, Sheldon wasn't Sheldor anymore but just himself, standing in a sushi restaurant alone with Penny. They were standing toe to toe, their previous words echoing in his mind. Penny's chest was heaving with anger, her cleavage spilling out of her blouse as it had earlier. Sheldon quickened his pace, squeezing himself every time his palm ran over his head. He backed her into the table then, holding her electric stare. He could smell her strawberry flavored lip gloss that his eidetic memory retrieved from her hug earlier. Fantasy Penny ran her hands across his abdomen as Real Penny had done earlier. Her light touch created a fire in his belly, and Real Sheldon pumped his shaft faster. Fantasy Penny dared him, her lips grazing across his jaw. She dared him to do what he had never done with a woman before because she knew he wanted her that way. All men did. Fantasy Sheldon pulled Penny's hips against his own, grinding his hardness into her, and Real Sheldon felt his testicles tighten as his fist pounded away at his swollen flesh.

He just barely covered himself with the wash cloth as his whole body began shivering, the strongest spasms in his groin. He could feel the warm liquid cascade down his fingers, and he groaned loudly through his orgasm. As he came down, the pulsing in his erection slowing, his toes uncurling, and his uneven pants finding a steady rhythm, he relaxed his head against the pillow, drowning in the euphoria. It had never felt that intense before. He never had to cry out, but it was physically impossible not to. His bones felt like a semi-solid liquid, melted by his elevated body heat.

He wiped himself clean, noticing that he had produced a lot more semen than usual. He threw the wash cloth into his laundry basket, forgoing the carefulness he usually had in these moments. His torso just didn't want to leave this spot.

He laid there, in the darkness, listening only to his calming breaths. He replayed that moment in his mind. Just before he finished…

Fascinating.


AN2: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review and let me know what you think. I'll be posting Chapter 3 very soon.