My wrist aches, the bone-deep gnaw of infection, too warm and under-the-skin-itchy. I feel every heartbeat in the bite, my pulse reminding me I don't have much time left.
I had been dumfounded. Then I had been angry. Then I had been desperate.
Now I'm curled into Riley's side with my head on her shoulder, and she's resting her cheek on my head, and I'm pretending I can't feel her tears in my hair.
"Riley?" I ask, and I can feel my voice break, and I hate it.
"Yeah?"
I almost tell her how lost I'm feeling, but I catch the confession in my throat. No need to be a downer.
"I'm bored."
I can feel her smile against me, and then she's standing, pulling me with her. "Come on. There's a great view of the sunset from the roof"
I don't mention that it's barely past noon. I just follow her. Somehow in the course of a morning the mall has lost all of its magic, all of its wonder. The lights are flickery and dim now, and the stores all look broken down. Even the posters boasting of far-off places seem faded and false.
When we pass through a clothing store I lash out at a manikin, shoving it as hard as I can, feeling nothing as it topples to the ground, tears pricking at my eyes. I aim a kick at the plastic torso for good measure.
Why us?
I can feel Riley's eyes on my back, feel the pity there, and when she puts a hand on my shoulder the tenderness grates. I shrug her off.
How are you handling this so well?
"What are we doing, Riley?" I can hear the angry slant to my words.
She looks at me, and it's not pity in her eyes, it's an affection that's so raw it makes my breath catch in my throat. My anger dies, and I feel childish again, the dented manikin on the floor a monument to my immaturity.
"We're going to the roof. Come on."
I turn to follow her again, grabbing hold of her hand (I'm careful not to choose the bitten one. It's easier to pretend if I can't see her bite).
Riley falters for a second, then squeezes my fingers and keeps walking, hand locked with mine. I think one or both of us is holding on too tight, but it helps make the mall seem a little brighter, a little less empty.
We wander for most of the day, walking slowly through places long since explored. We finally make it to the roof sometime in the early evening. The air's soft and cool, the breeze gentle, the fading sun warm.
Riley was right about one thing. The view from up here is nice.
I take a seat on the edge of the roof and she slides down next to me, wrapping am arm around my shoulder.
"Is it weird that I'm still nervous sitting this close to the edge of the roof?" Riley kicks her feet against the wall.
I laugh.
"Nah. You always were afraid of everything."
She shoots me a look, and I turn to meet her eyes, and suddenly we're almost touching, so I lean forwards and close the distance.
Despite it all, kissing her sends a happy thrill through me, and I smile against Riley's lips.
When we come up for air, Riley sighs and looks out over the city, the moment breaking like surface tension.
The silence that follows lends itself to thought, and if there's one thing I'm scared of, it's thinking too hard about what's coming.
"Well, Firefly girl,"
Riley turns away from the skyline, looking me in the eyes, and it's a little too close and a little too intense. I look away, heat rising in my cheeks.
"How's it been? Holding up to your expectations?"
She smiles, looking back out at the skyline as dusk falls. I feel her shrug against me.
"It's had its low points. You can't deny that view, though."
I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, and a bizarre contentment settles over me. The wind is a little cool, but Riley's warm beside me, and the view of the sunset from here is, as promised, spectacular, sun catching in the buildings around us and lighting the glass like oil slicks.
When the sun slips past the horizon, Riley lies back against the tarry roof, and I follow her lead, resting my head on her stomach. The stars are just starting to appear, and (Expect for one, tiny detail that I'm trying very hard not to think about) I'm content. The roof is still warm from the day's sun. I finally get to kiss my best friend. The view really is pretty nice.
I feel her stomach rise and fall in a sigh.
"What are we gonna do now?"
I smile, lean up on one elbow to look her in the eye.
"We'll figure it out."
