I have two things to say. First off...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Secondly; Kishimoto owns Naruto... that bastard! Ack! ...But Zin and Sen own Kankurella's dresses. Teeheehee.
Chapter 2: Kankur-ella
"Are you guys familiar with the story of Cinderella?" Kakashi asked with a sigh.
"Who?" Naruto said, squinting at Kakashi and pouting.
"She's a princess, dobe." Sasuke scowled.
Ino smacked the blonde kid on the head. "The PRETTIEST one, too."
"I'm not familiar with that story." Shino said flatly.
"Really? Weren't you there when Kurenai-sensei told us that story?" Kiba asked.
"He was away that day, which was why she told us stories instead of training," Hinata said.
"Oh. Well, it's a good story, you'll like it." Responded Kiba.
"Good story? Are you kidding me? That story sucks!" Kankurou scoffed.
"Ah, shaddap, Kankurou. You're just a grump." Temari scowled.
"Don't be so troublesome, everyone, it's just a story." Shikamaru said, lying back on the floor.
"Wow, the other teams sure argue a lot…" Tenten pointed out.
Neji nodded. "Apparently so."
"YOUTH!" Lee cried.
"Don't be so loud," Chouji complained to the green-clad boy.
"I agree." Gaara nodded. "Lee, please, quiet down."
"Yeah, fatso, don't be so YOUR MOM!" Sai cried in amusement.
"Do we all have to make interjections before the story?" Sakura interjected before the story.
"Yes, you do, because you're all noisy, annoying teenagers, and the authoresses want to remind the audience who's all here without making a list." Kakashi sighed. "Can we start the story yet?"
"I still want to know who Cinderella is!" Naruto flailed.
"…To make this easier…" Kakashi began, "…to our not-so-mentally-endowed friends…" He pondered his words carefully, said not-so-mentally-endowed children/child (teenagers/teenager) not realizing they/he had been insulted. "…I will pick some of you to be in the story, as the characters."
"That's stupid," Kankurou scoffed.
"In that case," Kakashi grinned, "You're up first."
"WHAT?!"
"Alright, so I'm going to tell you all the story of Princess Kankurella."
"I'm not going to be a girl for your own sick amusement!"
"You mean he doesn't get a-"
"SHUT UP SAI!"
Kakashi sighed, rubbing his head. "You can stay male." He grumbled something under his breath, which many could have sworn was something along the lines of "we'll need a female prince, then."
"Once upon a time there was a Princes- er, Prince, named Kankurou. But since his parents really always wanted a girl, they called him Kankurella."
"Haha! You weren't wanted!" laughed Naruto.
"Neither were you stupid!" countered Kankurou.
"Anyways!" yelled Kakashi, "One day Kankurella's mother died, so his father married and evil woman with two daughters named Gaara and Temari. The stepmother hated Kankurella, but his father loved him. Everything would have been fine if he had stayed alive, but he was stupid and died on the toilet. Now Kankurella was all alone, but she, uh, he was not emo because he had some mice to amuse him."
Within-the-story no Jutsu!
"Oh mice, what shall I do? Every one is so mean to me and I think I might go emo!" cried Kankurella in dismay.
"Ah, shut the hell up, you shit-headed whiner." Tayuya-mouse said, and had she not been the size of his toe, she would have kicked him in the shin. "Cutting yourself would just be a waste of a razor, stupid. You pathetic waste of flesh!"
Chouji-mouse munched hungrily on a little pouch of chip crumbs he had collected. "Yeah, don't sweat it."
Ino-mouse cuffed Chouji-mouse for being rude and talking with food in his mouse. Shika-mouse sighed. "Go to the ball instead of going emo. What a drag..."
"Ball? But I have nothing to wear!"
"What ball?" Tayuya-mouse scoffed. "The shit-head narrator didn't tell anyone about that yet." Suddenly, Tayuya got caught in a mouse trap that appeared out of nowhere, and almost died. Chouji-mouse, with his super-mouse strength, pried her out. "Okay, okay!" She grumbled, "I'll explain it then. Sheesh... Er... well... Your sisters got that invitation, right? Well you were invited too. Yeah. To. Er. That lame-assed royal ball thing 'cause the prince is a lonely bastard that needs to set up a big frickin' event just so his picky ass can find a woman without going anywhere."
"Wait, isn't the prince a princess in this story?" Kankurella asked.
"Oh, right, you're not gay. Well, then, the princess is a douche-bag that's too damned lazy to get off her ass and find herself a man, so she's bringing men to herself by means of this shitty ball idea."
"OOOOOH, that makes sense." He nodded.
"Troublesome," Shika-mouse grumbled.
Ino-mouse cuffed him. "Shut up, you. And as for you, Kankurella, I'll help you make a dress! I am, after all, the most BEAUTIFUL mouse in this house!" She was promptly cuffed by Tayuya-mouse. "Er, I mean, I have good fashion sense?" Tayuya-mouse nodded. Ino-mouse sighed in relief.
"But, I'm a boy, I don't WANT to wear a dress...!"
"Too damn bad, asshole. This is all you get. C'mon, stupid punks, let's go."
She dragged Shika-mouse and Chouji-mouse off, and Ino-mouse followed. "We'll make you a dress!" The blonde mouse called, "And it'll be pretty, you'll see!"
"…" Kankurou sweat-dropped. "I hate my life."
Tayuya-mouse and the others proceeded to rob the evil stepsisters blind, because she was weird like that. The other mice just took what they needed to make a dress while Tayuya-mouse sold the expensive stuff on eBay. When the mice had all the material they needed for the dress, Tayuya-mouse played a mind controlling tune on her flute and the others began to cut and sew with zombie-esque obedience.
"Mwahahaha! Obey me my mind slaves!" cried Tayuya-mouse. Upon seeing Kankurella's disturbed face she quickly added, "I mean uh, sew, yeah, sew…"
How she was talking with a flute in her mouth, the world will never know. But in record time the mind controlled mice finished a pretty pink and white dress with lots of frills and ribbons and lace.
Kankurella was about to begrudgingly try the dress on when his sisters burst into the attic/Kankurella's room.
"Why is my jar of dirt on eBay?!" demanded Gaara.
"Bwah?" asked Kankurella who was holding the pretty dress up to himself.
"It had to have been you Canker-Wench!" yelled Temari in a very Elizabethan way.
"It was the mice I swear!" yelled Kankurella.
"You're a looney! Mice can't steal, talk or sew!" yelled Gaara, who tore up the pretty, frilly, lacy, pink dress.
"But we can swear, shit-head," Tayuya-mouse said with a wicked grin. Gaara didn't hear her, though, for the sake of staying with the plot.
The two evil stepsisters left to go to the ball leaving Kankurella alone to weep bitterly and curse her miserable, pointless existence.
"I curse my miserable, pointless existence!" Kankurella wept bitterly.
I just said that!
"Sorry," said Kankurella.
Kankurella continued to cry until a disgustingly sweet voice called down to her/him, "Sweet youthful child, why are you crying?"
"My parents are dead, my step family hates me for being pretty, and I'm stuck living in an attic!" cried Kankurella.
"Uh, what about the ball?" asked Ino-mouse.
"Screw the ball!" yelled Kankurella, "The ball is nothing compared to the rest of my crappy life!"
"Well my dear youth, you will go to the ball, for I am your Fairy-God-Lee!" cheered the Fairy-God-Lee, striking the nice guy pose.
"Ah! Eyebrows!" yelled Kankurella.
"My eyebrows give me magical youthful powers, as does my bowl cut of youth!" said the Fairy-God-Lee. As it to prove his point the Fairy-God-Lee smacked Kankurella with his wand. Kankurella was now dressed in a youthful dress, thanks to the magic of youth.
"Ah!" Fairy-God-Lee cried, tears of joy streaming down his face, a sun setting over a beach as his back drop, "You look so beautiful, so… YOUTHFUL!"
"Thanks and all," said Kankurella, admiring his purple dress, "But how am I supposed to get to the ball? I can't walk there in these glass Nikes."
"WAIT A MINUTE!" The real Kankurou cried. "There's no way I want my fairy-tale-self wearing a purple dress!
Suddenly, Kankurella was wearing a pink, frilly, ass-tight, skimpy dress, with excessive makeup that was very, very neon turquoise, and it clashed terribly.
Kankurou gulped. "Ah, er, yeah… purple is nice, yeah… purple is nice." He nodded.
Kankurella was back to wearing the pretty purple dress with non-spooky makeup, and said Kankurella sighed in relief. "Well, back to the walking issue. How the hell am I going to walk there?"
"Well, that's all prearranged!" Lee's bowl cut of youth bounced and sparkled as he held up a fist in determination. "You will have a ninja escort, and they will find a carriage for you! Yosh!"
"Ninja escort…? What the hell? Aren't I supposed to get a really nice coach out of a pumpkin or something?!"
"Well, for one thing, pumpkins are out of season. Also, my beautiful youthful friend, it is very likely that your step-sisters – er – step-sister and step-brother, Temari and Gaara, have set up traps or hired other ninja to take you out, should you decide to go. So you shall have a youthful ninja escort, to get you safely to the YOUTHFUL BALL! YOSH!"
Kankurou smacked his forehead. "Where are these ninja, then?"
"Ohoho!" Lee laughed triumphantly. "They are already here!"
"…I don't see any ninjas, Lee."
"Fairy-God-Lee!"
"Er, I don't see any ninjas, Fairy-God-Lee."
"They aren't ninjas yet! Team-ten-mice, Tayuya-mouse!"
"Aw, you're shittin' me, eyebrows. No way in hell I'm gonna…!"
"Stop complaining, Tayuya-mouse, you're so troublesome." Shika-mouse scoffed.
And with thus Fairy-God-Lee waggled his eyebrows of youth and waved his sparkly, pretty youth wand. He then smacked all the mice really hard with his wand, and they turned into ninjas.
"Are you sure he hit them with the wand, not his-" Sai began.
"SHUT UP!" And with thus the story continued.
"Now, you may be all pretty and stuff, but my bedtime is midnight! Even youth must sleep! So, at midnight, you will turn back to normal Kankurella, and you four will be team-ten-mice and Tayuya-mouse once again! Yosh!"
So Kankurou and his ninja escort left, and it didn't take very long for them to find a carriage. "Man," Tayuya-ninja said in glee, "This is damned sweet. I have FINGERS now, dammit! Shit, I can't wait until we get to take a carriage."
"There's one now!" Ino-ninja pointed out.
"I'll get it!" Chouji-ninja declared. He used the expansion jutsu, and became quite large. "Human boulder!" He cried, "Rollrollrollrollrollrollrollrollroll…"
And he crushed the carriage, and all within.
"Way to go, fata-" Before Tayuya-ninja could finish, Shika-ninja and Ino-ninja had slapped hands over her mouth. Luckily, Chouji-ninja never caught on. He was sensitive about his size.
So they waited for the next carriage, to which Tayuya-ninja managed to nab without having to swear TOO badly. She was happy, though, because she did get to kill the footman.
"Alright, let's go." And so they went.
They got to the ball in good time. Kankurella received many gasps, though most might have been from the fact he was a boy wearing a dress, not that he was pretty. (Which, it might be added, he was.) "Hey," he said to the ninjas, "Will you guys still be here, say, around, 11:45?"
"What? Hell no! Fuck this shit! I'm human! I'm going to a damned bar!" And with that, Tayuya-ninja jerked the reigns and the commandeered horses took off.
"Is there gonna be food there?" He heard Chouji-ninja inquire.
"What about cute human boys?" Ino-ninja asked.
"How troublesome…" Oh, who could that be?
The carriage faded off into the sunset.
"Aw, snap," Kankurella cursed.
When he got inside, he even got more weird looks, though many girls blushed and giggled. Stupid fangirls…and Sai…and Jiraiya.
And, oh look, there was the prince. "Bah, this one's too stupid. NEXT!" The female prince called, shoving a down-trodden Naruto aside.
"Hey!"
"Shut up, Naruto."
"This one's too emo. NEXT!" There went Sasuke.
And then… "What? Hey, you're a girl! What the hell Temari! Go away!" And so a rejected Temari slumped and pouted and stalked off. Kankurella giggled. Yes, giggled. He blamed the dress.
"…You don't have eyebrows, punk. Go away." Oho, and there went Gaara!
The prince pouted and flipped his – er – her long, beautiful, black hair. "Dammit, are there any not-gross boys here? …Hey! You! Kid in the dress! Come here!" She demanded.
Kankurella slid forwards. Man, this chick was angry. But oddly pretty (she is, after all, a prince). "I'm Prince Kin. Who the hell are you?"
"Uuuuh… a dude in a dress?"
"…"
"A PRETTY dude in a dress?"
"GOOD ENOUGH! Hey," She called over her shoulder, "Zaku! Dosu! I found one I like!"
"FINALLY!" The two cried in unison, collapsing in a heap of joyous tears.
"Let's dance or something, okay punk?"
Kankurella nodded. "Er… alright."
So Prince Kin and Kankurella danced the night away. They both kinda sucked at dancing, but that didn't matter. All the fangirls looked on in growing jealousy, especially the 'Sues. The fanboys that had tried for Kin's attention and failed terribly were either busy getting drunk, or trying to find other girls. Temari, who wasn't in either category, was simply getting drunk. Gaara, who also wasn't in either category, was helping Temari get drunk. Also, there was another part to this crowd – the crackpairing fangirls. They were busy plotting how to get Prince Kin away from Kankurella, and replacing her with Tenten, Anko, or Hinata. A fight soon broke out, and Royal Esteemed Guards Shino and Kiba had to bust a few lips before things calmed down.
"I like your dress," Kin said, "I'm going to borrow it some time."
Kankurella nodded while he did the shoppingcart. "Yeah, it would look nice on you."
Kin began doing the lawnsprinkler. "Damn well better."
Kankurella grinned. Kin grinned back. The fangirls of this pairing, all three of them in existence, swooned and fainted. This included Tsunade, who was a closet-fangirl.
Kankurella soon found it difficult to be dancing in glass footwear (they had no grip and he was slipping everywhere). He took off one shoe and handed it to Prince Kin and was about to remove the other when he caught a glimpse of the clock.
"Crap, almost midnight, I gotta go!" yelled Kankurella. He took off and ran all the way back home, leaving a bewildered Kin alone with a transparent Nike.
"Aw, damn," Kin cursed, "And the Macarena was just starting."
"I'm back!" called Kankurella, when he arrived at his house.
"Heh heh, your ass-ugly twin is too…" giggled a drunk Tayuya-mouse.
Then Temari came in and killed Tayuya-mouse, because it's canon, and nobody messes with the canon!
"What about the-"
"SHUT UP SAI!"
"You missed a fun night out Kankurella," said Gaara, "Except for that guy in the dress, he was pretty, in a weird creepy way. You wouldn't have liked him much."
"Oh you'd be surprised," mused Kankurella aloud.
Temari and Gaara went to their rooms and muttered something to themselves about Kankurella's taste in friends. Kankurella himself buried Tayuya-mouse and then went to bed in his attic where he dreamed of Prince Kin doing the Macarena.
When morning came there was a knock at the door. It was the Esteemed Royal guards Kiba and Shino with a glass Nike.
"Waddaya want?" growled Temari.
"By royal decree whoever fits this Nike will marry Prince Kin," said Shino.
"Temari was about to slam the door when Kiba added, "And get a lifetime supply of beer."
"…Canadian beer, or American beer?"
"Canadian. Oh, and a few two-fours of Dutch..."
There was a moment of silence, and then, "Now we're talkin'!" And the two were roughly dragged inside. Once in said side, Shino's eyebrow twitched, because Shino's awesome and he can do that for no reason and get away with it. Yep.
"The lady first," Shino insisted. Really, though, he just wanted to get this over with and go home so he can stand still and be stoic. Temari giggled, anxious about wanting free beer. She settled into a big, over-stuffed, fancy chair. She held out her bare foot.
"Gimmie the shoe," she said. The two, not wanting to put it on for her, gladly gave her the glass Nike. …It didn't fit. Her feet were much too big. "Uuuuuh," she mumbled, "Just a moment. I'll be back in a minute." Temari scuttled off.
"Alright, uuuh, we'll take that kid now." Kiba said, pointing to Gaara. Gaara grumbled about how it wasn't his stupid, inconvenient, pointless, worthless, and utterly useless shoe, but they made him try it anyways.
So he sat in the big, over-stuffed, fancy chair. Kiba grimaced as he tried to put the shoe on Gaara's foot. Gaara's foot was too small… Kiba blinked. Or was it? Suddenly, the shoe seemed to actually be snug…!
"Sand." Shino muttered.
"Eh? Oh." It was true; the shoe was stuffed with sand, making it appear as though it had actually fit the boy. "Hey, that's cheating!"
The sand retreated. "Damn. How did you know?"
"…The shoe is clear…? We could see it…?"
"…"
"I'm back!" Temari cried running back in. Her bare feet slapped across the marble floor, and she heaved Gaara out of the chair, taking his place. "Shoe." She demanded, holding out her hand. In her other hand, she held a blood covered kunai. Gaara handed the shoe over to Kiba, while Shino regarded Temari with a raised eyebrow.
He leaned over, as if to put it on, but the blonde girl stopped him. "Oh no, I can do it!" She snatched it from him, and turned to the side, doing her best to keep her feet from view. The bloody kunai clattered to the floor, forgotten. She grunted and winced, and finally, "Ah! It fits!"
She held up her leg proudly, pulling back the hem of her dress. And sure enough, her once-too-big foot now fit!
…
"Temari-san, did you mutilate your own foot to fit the shoe?" Shino said apathetically.
"Er, no?"
"You did too! There's blood all in the shoe!" Kiba cried accusingly.
"Is not!"
"The shoe is glass, dammit, we all can see it!" He added.
"Oh, come on! I'm just sticking to the actual story here! It's canon!"
"Really?"
"Yeah, one of the step sisters seriously cuts off her own toe to fit the shoe!"
"Wow, that's… morbid."
Temari sighed wistfully. "I know, isn't it wonderful?"
The two exchanged glances. Suddenly, Kiba noticed something. "Hey, wait, aren't you a girl?"
"Yeah, and?"
"We're only supposed to be trying this on men."
"Oh, poo." She got up, slipped the bloody shoe off with a gross sucking noise, and stomped/slid off to the door. "I guess I better get some bandages, eh?"
"Is that all that's here then, just you?" Shino asked.
Gaara nodded, wanting the two out of his house after they revealed to the audience that the red-haired teen had small feet.
"Okie dokie, let's get out of here Shino, I gotta go home and feed Akamaru."
"Wait, wait!" Someone wailed, rushing down the stairs.
"Kankurella." Gaara muttered.
"Eh? Oh, there is another then?" The two said.
Kankurella plunked himself in the big, over-stuffed, fancy chair. He lifted a foot. "Me! Me! Oooh! My turn! Meeee!"
Shino looked at the blood-slicked shoe, and tossed it casually to Kankurella. Eagerly, the boy slipped the glass Nike on. It fit perfectly! Or so it seemed…
"It's so covered in blood we can't see if it really fits his foot." Shino said.
"We could always wipe it off…" Kiba said, readying his sleeve.
"That's gross." Gaara scoffed.
"Good point." Kiba said.
"SOLUTION!" Kankurella shouted. Out of a pocket that we didn't even know existed, he pulled the other glass Nike. "Aha!" He cried, and placed it firmly on his other foot. He pointed to it triumphantly. "See? It fits!"
Gaara stared at him blankly. Temari, with a freshly bandaged foot, came trampling/limping back in. "Eh? What? Kankurella?! What the hell?!"
"Apparently, he's that really awkwardly pretty boy that danced with Prince Kin." Gaara pointed out.
Temari pouted. "That's not fair."
The esteemed royal guards, Shino and Kiba, hefted Kankurella up. "Alright, then, off to the palace. You get to marry Prince Kin. Hopefully that will stop her whining, and hopefully that means Dosu and Zaku will stop whining." Kiba explained as they escorted a grinning Kankurella to the door.
"Hey, um, wait!" Temari called.
"What?" Kiba said, looking over his shoulder.
"Er… … …Since I'm not allowed to date and/or marry Prince Kin because she's a girl, not a boy (like her title suggests), what about her guard?" She winked.
Shino glared very deeply, in a look that said "shut up and leave him alone so we can get the hell out of here and go home faster so I can be stoic and not move" and Temari peeped in fear and dove behind an unfazed Gaara. Kiba laughed. "Er, no, that's okay."
"Hey, that's not fair!" Real Temari shouted. "I wouldn't hit on Kiba!"
"Shut up and let me finish the story," Kakashi sighed.
"I'd hit on Shino," she added with an indignant pout. Across the room, Kiba burst out laughing and Shino's eyebrow twitched.
Anyways, Temari and Gaara grew up and died alone, and Kankurella married Prince Kin and had lots of babies, much to all the KankuTen and ZakuKin fangirls' dismay. However, Tsunade came out of the closet about her KankuKin fangirl tendencies, and even though she was a creepy stalker of theirs, they awarded her (for overcoming her pride and admitting it) by letting her become one of their children's godparents. Mistaking a godparent with a Fairy-God-person, Fairy-God-Lee tried to teach Tsunade everything he knew. This eventually lead to a very accidental death on Tsunade's part, but nobody really cared because this is just a lame story that the narrator is making up so that his gennin students will piss off and leave him alone. Oh, and Tayuya-mouse is still dead, team-ten-mice died from mousetraps, cats, and rat poison, and Zaku and Dosu eventually assassinated Kin because she was annoying. The end.
"That wasn't a very good ending, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura whined.
Kakashi sighed.
Temari and Gaara grew up, lead lives with happy endings even though they're the evil stepsister/stepbrother and one of them has a horribly disfigured foot. Kankurella and Prince Kin had babies and that made Tsunade happy. Tayuya-mouse is still dead and team-ten-mice lived long, happy lives. Zaku and Dosu eventually found people to marry but only 'cause story-teller-sensei won't get his book back if they didn't, and they had lots of babies and a happy life, too. Fairy-God-Lee was forever youthful. Everyone lived happily ever after. The end.
"Now are you happy?" Kakashi asked tiredly.
Everyone that had been involved in the story shook their heads, except for a few (Shino, Kiba, and team ten). Everyone else cheered uproariously.
"That was awesome!" Kin cried.
"Kin, what the hell?!" Kankurou cried. "When the hell did you get here?! Wait… aren't you DEAD?"
"Pfft, no, else I wouldn't be here." She crossed her arms and grinned. "Kankurella," she teased.
Zaku grinned.
"What, he's here too?!" Ino shouted, practically ploughing Kankurou over. "And Dosu-kun?!"
Dosu nodded, as did Zaku. "We don't want to be here, though, she dragged us."
As if on cue, Kin grabbed Kankurou by the collar and heaved him out from under Ino. "Awww, as if I could leave my Kankurella-chan alone in a room full of Konoha gennin!" She stuck out her tongue, and gave the puppet-master a mock hug of glee. The whole room guffawed, except for Shino, who doesn't guffaw, Gaara, who simply grinned, Sasuke, who rolled his eyes, and Kakashi, who just wanted to get this the hell over with.
Just then, Sai, who had been relatively quiet for the last few minutes, decided to pipe up. "Hey, if those two did have babies, wouldn't he get pregnant? I mean, if that story was any indication, she's more of a man than he is 'cause he must not have a-"
"SHUT UP!" Everyone cried at once.
OMG however did you stick with such a long chapter? D
Well, anyways, you did. So, GOOD FOR YOU! Your brain hasn't bled yet - you're braincell count is low enough to read our material! GWAHAHA! Reading this stuff is SO much cooler than being smart. I mean, srzly, go tell your friends, "I read through Zin and Sen's Kankurella and DIDN'T DIE!" And they'll be AMAZED at your supreme skills of awesome. Seriously, TRY IT!
Up next... erm... I'm not sure. Hey, Sen, what IS up next...? ...Bah, thought so. Alright! WAIT AND SEE.
Zin and Sen
P.S. All these author's notes are mine, Zin's, as I'm the one posting these, not Sen. Howeverz, we both wrote these.
