Alright, you know the drill. This is fanfiction, I do not own anything, blah and bluh and so. The Discworld series and MGLN belong to their respective owners. If Terry Pratchett reads me from above, I still am sorry.

I noticed having followers. This is new. To those concerned, thank you! I hope I don't prove myself unworthy of your attention...

Er-HEM!

(*absurdly grave stereotypical narrator voice*)

In the previous episode...

Following an accident during mission, Nanoha Takamachi, future Ace of the Aces of the TSAB, ended up magically stranded on the Discworld. Disorientation, attempted mugging and extreme (yet non-lethal) magical violence occured, followed by an encounter with one who could probably be called the sanest dictator of the multiverse. Then occured a clash of culture with a type of mages the newcomer never saw before, which ensured job security for the mason's guild, most likely for the next few months. Then, a stroll in the night was interrupted by a scream.

Now then.

The second chapter of the silliest Nanoha/discworld crossover on this side of the internet (what do you mean this category is too specific? NONSENSE! Nonsense I say!) shall begin.

Chapter 2-Polis, poleis : of the city

Nanoha Takamachi wasn't already considered 'married to the job'(1) for no reason. As the scream echoed in the night, her answer was immediate.

"Raising heart : SET UP!"

As soon as her barrier jacket was formed, the teen took flight, easily reaching the point of the disaster. A woman in old, slightly ragged clothes was attempting to flee an ominous silhouette clad in black with a long cape.(2) The night was dark, with no light in the alley and nobody in sight. Which meant no-one would interfere. No one except...

"Halt. Halt or I will open fire!"

Vladimov(3) was a happy vampire. Not a very smart one, but a happy one. He wore some nice black clothes, like it should be. He stalked the night, like it should be. And he was about to get his nightly dose of hemoglobine, as it should be. He just ignored the strange girl in strange clothes,who he thought would just start freaking out sooner or later and who definitively shouldn't be. He knew that. Little girls don't just go and try to intimidate vampires, right? So he just added the event to his mental file labeled 'wierd shit', and moved on.

Too bad for him that a TSAB officer's 'wierd shit' file tended to be so chock full that a vampire or two wouldn't quite faze them. Instead, he received the traditional Takamachi response. Read : a divine shooter straight to the face. And then, he had the rather...Unrecommanded idea to try and stand up. Which lead to three additional shots, just to be sure. After which he was left counting the circling little bats for a while.(6)

The situation being solved, Nanoha relaxed...And realized someone was observing her.

Carrot Ironfoundersson was many things. Tall, strong, impressive (some would even say regal), extremely prosaic, deeply in love with one of his colleagues, a dwarf (7)...But above all, Carrot Ironfoundersson was a cop (not unlike a certain other person there and conscious). So where some might have acted differently, perhaps panicking, failing to compute a situation where a child versus a vampire led to a victory by KO in the first round of the former on the latter, he acted like a cop.

"Ahoy, loyal citizen! What is going on here!"

His armor was Polished. As in, of the 'you can see yourself in it' kind. It wasn't because of a will to impress superiors. It wasn't a love for shining things either. It was simply that Carrot Ironfoundersson knew it to be one of his Duties to maintain his equipment in perfect state. And if there was one person to take Duty seriously, it was Carrot. For the same reason, his personal sword as well as the standard one, and the truncheon in his hand, were in equally impeccable state. Overall, he irradiated Authority, to the point he could easily pass for an avatar of some kind, representing it in its just,reasonable and protective aspects. In other words, he was Carrot. And he was it so much that the one in front of him forgot he wasn't actually her superior and stood to attention, in a rather rigid posture.

"Sergeant Nanoha Takamachi reporting for duty, sir! I spotted a blatant case of assault attempt, so I interfered. The perpetrator is currently still down right here. I apologize for the lack of physical restrains but I have none on me at the moment, sir!

-Sergeant, hm? I don't believe I ever saw you in the Watch..."

All of a sudden, she realized the situation and went all shy. Meanwhile, Carrot awaited for an answer, honestly puzzled towards his interlocutor's reaction and by a fact that had not happened for ages : meeting a new face. Usually, everyone knew Carrot Irounfoundersson, and reversely.

"Um...Well, that is...I'm not? I'm pretty far from home...

-At ease, sergeant. Well then, what brings you to our good city?

-I guess you could say I was dragged here against my will, in a way.

-And what pushed you in action here?

-Someone was in need, so I acted."

To her, it was pretty simple. Her interlocutor smiled widely, having found some kind of a kinsmen. While Carrot was simple, people tended to mistake 'simple' and 'stupid'. While he saw people acting good and well in front of him, while he just kept hoping that the world COULD be bright and nice, he knew that when he wasn't there things simply weren't that simple. Finding someone who truly thought like him, without needing him to be anywhere near, felt unique. Incredible.

"You know, I think we should discuss and take care of those jurisdiction issues."

What followed was the Watch's captain catching the arm of the only current dimensional stranger(8) by the arm and dragging her through the city in an almost cartoonesque fashion(9) and getting her to the Watch's headquarters in Pseudopolis yard. As he opened the main door, he was barely out of breath. Which wasn't quite the state of his charge.

"Carrot? I just sent you in patrol, so what's the matter? Also, why did you bring a kid in the headquarters?

-I believe I found us a potential recruit, sir!"

There were a few greasy laughs at the possibility of the shrimp behind the captain becoming a watchman. Since Carrot were present, they still were fairly polite. Angua von Überwald, one of the main aces in the sleeve of the Watch, gifted with long ash blond hair, an elegance that would turn over heads and a set of skills that made it so she quickly became irreplacable (including the capacity to disarm someone in a few seconds without the use of her hands, literally if the need arose), and secondarily his girlfriend, gave him a Glare. Meanwhile, Samuel Vimes, commandant of the watch and hardened cop used to his second's antics, sighed.

"Carrot...

-Sir, she defended old lady Gammage. By attacking a vampire. Vampire that she knocked out by hitting in the face four times. I felt convinced."

At that, the whole room made a pause. Vampires weren't usually a scourge in Ankh-Morpork. Usually preferred the Ribbon, the chocolate and keeping on unliving, after all. Those who were foolish or arrogant enough to try could easily become a major nuisance however.

-I...see.(*For a second, doubt was in the commandant's eyes. It couldn't be said he couldn't appreciate one capable of giving the bloodsuckers a pounding.*) Still, isn't she a little young to be a cop?

-Actually...(*Nanoha walked out of Captain Ironfoundersson's shade*)I have the job at home. I'm just...Far of my domain, I guess. Space Administration Bureau Sergent Nanoha Takamachi, Disaster Response Department, under your command. That is, if you wish it so,sir.

-What."

There was a beat as the information wormed itself into the mind of the watchmen.

"And I thought our city was messed up. But anyways. So, why did a little girl like you get into a fight with a vampire?

-Someone was in need, sir.

-You do realize old ladies wandering alone at night tend to be pretty poor, right?

-Why should this change anything?"

The question had been asked out of sheer sarcasm. The answer had not been expected, especially not accompanied by blue eyes looking at her with an air of absolute innocence. Filled with idealism, with a will to do The Right Thing. She remembered him of himself while younger (he should know since he was one the rare few able to literally have a second look to their past). He didn't know if that should push him to enroll her, or avoid that at any cost. Then, he felt the Gaze. Carrot ocularly pleading was already one thing. Adding the girl with troubling purple eyes doing a more than decent imitation of puppy dog eyes just put it to a new level. Samuel Vimes sighed again, pesting against his own weakness.

"Just one thing before I take my own decision. Can you not just get back home?

-Well, there was a dimensional fracture...(*seeing how it seemed not a single person was able to follow her, she cut it simple,and slumped slightly*) No. It's just too far. Help may come to bring me back. Or it may not. Until then, I'm just...There.

'Sigh...On one hand, she's some kind of wizard. On the other, she's a cop. Too damn upright to lie. And she seems to have a certain amount of damage control, considering she didn't vaporize anything yet. Plus, she's a young girl. Alone. In Ankh-Morpork. Best not to imagine the alternatives.'

"Well then, can't exactly let a young lady out in the city with no job, huh. Welcome to the watch, lance-constable Takamachi. Rule's the same for everybody : terrible pay, terrible hours, terrible coffee. You start all the way down. You get standard gear, your pay's docked for fixing if you break it. Take care of your comrades and they'll take care of you. If you get overwhelmed, run. If someone asks you if you are a god, run. If a man offers you to buy 'sausages inna-bun' and declares he's cutting his own throat, don't question it and run. Any question?

-When can I start my first patrol, sir?"

Vimes, and along him about everyone present, almost facefaulted. He hadn't seen anyone this enthusiastic since, well, Carrot.

"There is one thing to take care of first. Colon you get to equip her. Carrot, you got her in so you're responsible for her first watch. And we'll need a third person. Anyone?"

There was a pregnant silence, which did not hesitate to give birth to a whole litter of little ones. The Watch's werewolf grumbled and raised her hand in the air.

"Good. Okay, the break's over, go back to work everyone! Carrot, as soon as Takamachi's geared you make her take the oath. Nobby, get your hand out of that drawer. Cheery, we still need your anaylsis on the Elm Street murder scene. Agent Visit, you're on Gargoyle duty tonight so get moving. Igor, there'll be festivities soon. I want as much of your things ready as possible. Detritus, how's the slab traffic doing?

-Is calm. Last to try got ears pinned to a girder by mysterious troll. I think they scared for now.

-Good job."

Equipping the new Lance-constable ended up being trickier than expected. The standardized equipment, obviously, wasn't an issue : she received her insign, fresh from the blacksmith (due to their recruitment rate, Vimes had bought them in bulk), her truncheon, and her crossbow. Finding a blade the strange teenager could use even remotely efficently was more of an issue. However, the Watch had piles and piles of discarded equipment of various state and origin, and the search ended by the excavation of an unusual weapon from the mess. Nobby Nobbs, definitively human despite what some may say (10) watchman, kleptomaniac and underrated weaponry expert, snuck into the discussion without anyone noticing how nor when, as he often did in life.

"Oh this! Interesting thing, actually. From the agatean empire, 'think. 's been laying around for a time, but no one's been able to use it decently. Too bad, that's good stuff.

-Ano...I think I might be able to. This looks a lot like Kyouya-niisan and I use for practice. Well, wooden versions, but still.

-Then look at this baddie."

He took the weapon out of its sheath. And indeed, while in its looks it could be deceptively simple, with an ungraved,slightly incurved blade and unornemented hilt, it had indeed quite some potential,which was quickly pointed out.

"Look at this. Good steel, right Captain? Remember this lil' missy, if you wanna know something about metal or rock, ask a dwarf. And there's prolly no one more ready to answer your question than the captain."

Carrot took a closer look at the weapon, then slightly tapped the edge and listened to the resonance.

"Oh, that IS pretty impressive! I cannot get the exact number of time they folded the metal but it must have taken some time. And it is so pure,too!

-Plus, the balance's good, and the weight should be right to have a good impact while being used well by a shrimp like you. The edge's rusty, but that's the effect of bein' forgotten here for so long. Patience and a whetstone, and you'll have quite something in your hands. Catch!"

The oddly-shaped watchman resheathed the blade, prepared a toss, was glared at by Angua and handed it to the interested, seemingly with a tinge of regret.

"Thank you, sir!

-Cecil Wormsborough St John Nobbs. Or Nobby. Or just Corporal. No sir. (11) Also, might want to stop that with the boss too. He'd go spare..."

With that out of the road, was the question of protection. The closest fit they could find when it came to helmets still had a tendancy to fall on the new watch(wo)man's eyes, but would have to do. The biggest issue was the armor itself : it would have to be tailor-made to fit Nanoha's reduced height, and like Angua's, it would have to be modified...Here and there. The problem wasn't as big as with the werewolf, but still pretty existant.

However, after this was taken care of, after an awkward scene where Nanoha demonstrated the existence of her partner Raising heart and the two explained that she was still well-protected enough even without physical armor, the commandant gave up from the persistant demand (and the fact that he knew his second in command would be there to avoid things getting ugly if needed) and granted the newly-enrolled the much awaited order to start her first watch.

(1) At the ripe age of fourteen.

(2)After all, all self-respecting vampires simply had to follow the cliché villain dress code and be as glaringly obvious as possible, complete if possible with Igor and ominous thunder when saying anything dramatic.

(3)That isn't indeed his full name. However, to keep this chapter shorter than approximatively seven pages and a half, it should be sufficient.(4)

(4) Besides, who gives full names to their minor characters. (5)

(5) What do you mean, sir Pratchett? ...Right. And what do you mean 'I'm letting this story become self aware'? Definitively not! Hell, I don't even know what that 'I' designes! ...Okay, I'll take care of the fourth wall. It has feelings too. I'm sorry. Now could you let go of my arm, please?

(6)After which he was known to immediately join the League of temperance, never faulting the code, and panicking at the very sight of anything pink.

(7) All while being well over 6 feet tall. Some often rose the issue, but he never saw their point.

(8) Well, the only known one without the 'tentacles and other human-unfriendly appendages' option.

(9) And yet, since it was Carrot, it still looked brilliant and epic. Too bad there was no one to watch.

(10) He even had the papers to prove it

(11) And he was proud of it. After all, he got to keep having no responsability. Also, living. Vimes WOULD go spare...

And here we are, at the end of the second chapter. I hope you had fun reading it! I'd like to point out a simple thing : English is not my native language. As a consequence, I do not read the books in English. If you see any grammar or spelling errors, if you believe I got a name or a speaking quirk wrong, please do tell me! I promise I do not bite. And like about every writer on this site, same request : please grant me feedback! Positive, negative, it doesn't matter as long as it is constructive!

With this said, this was Page of Nonsense, setting out. Have a nice day!

Addendum : GYAH. I can't believe I didn't realize whole fragments of text were missing!

To my second (and mysterious) reviewer : you do have a point. The asterisks thing comes from roleplaying, I do believe I fixed it entirely here. Added a train of thoughts explaining WHY she got hired. I could have just invoked the crack, but that wouldan have been too easy, right! I do think it is believable, considering...a/ Vimes has a distrust of mages, unlike kings and vampires where you can logically speak of HATE. b/ he was forced to hire a f*ck-mothering-vampire later in the series, and simply made due with it. So yes. Pick this or pick crack, whichever you prefer.