A/N: If you have NOT read the Prologue to this story, please do so! It explains the plot so no one is lost in what's happening. Thanks friends!
Chapter One
"Bells! Wake up or you'll miss your own graduation!" I rolled over at the sound of Charlie's voice and looked out the clock. I let out a small curse as I realized he was right.
Jumping out of bed and sliding into the bathroom, I turned on the water to the shower and brushed my teeth as the water warmed up.
Good thing I ironed my dress last night! I thought as I struggled to figure out what to do with my hair.
I decided to think on it while I washed. The water felt good on my skin, and the smell of my flowered shampoo and soap woke me up a bit more. I used to use strawberry scented bath products, but since Edward's abrupt departure I found I could no longer deal with the smell. It was one of his favorites, and knowing that hurt me in the deepest pit of my stomach. I briefly touched on this thought in my mind and felt the sting, so I quickly occupied myself with other matters.
Angela is having a party to celebrate graduation tonight at her house. I knew there would be an after party to that, where parents weren't invited too. That one would be down at the lake in Angela's community; Clara Heights. It was one of the few neighborhoods in Forks that was a gated community, but without a gate. I still didn't know if I would be attending the lake party; I'm not a big party person. That was always Alice. On the other hand, I am trying to do more normal teenager things and move on.
My decision remained up in the air as I hopped out of the shower, dried and dressed. I had planned early on to dress nicely, seeing as this was the only high school graduation I would have. The thought entered my mind and I quickly dismissed it, knowing that it would only bring me to tears.
To be clear: I haven't given up on one day being just as undead as the Cullen's. It's just now there doesn't seem to be a way that will happen. They're gone; he's gone. The threat of Victoria and Laurent had been eradicated and then Jasper flew out of control. And now? Now my world is just one giant question that I prefer not to dwell on.
Looking in the mirror at myself, I adjust the short beige dress I'm wearing. Even with black leggings underneath it, I still feel exposed. I shift uncomfortably and slip on my corresponding beige heels. They're tall and I know I will fall in them, but if I make Charlie smile tonight with how much I seem to be enjoying myself, it will be worth it.
I clumsily walk to the bathroom again to do my hair and makeup. I'm not planning on going all out with the makeup; quite honestly I don't know how to. I put my hair into a braid and then fasten it so it resembles some sort of fancy looking bun. I put on some eyeliner and some darker lipstick before taking a step back to look at myself.
I don't look as good as I would if Alice had been here to help me. But, I think I look decent enough.
Grabbing my bag off of my bed, I make for the stairs and pray that I don't lose my stepping. The last thing I need is to be in the hospital on graduation day.
Smiling to myself, I reach the end of the banister and see Charlie standing there mimicking my grin. He's wearing his old suit, and it looks like he trimmed his hair, or Sue did.
"Bells, you look.." Charlie looked like he didn't know how to finish the sentence and his eyes began to tear slightly.
"Thanks Dad." I smiled and then took the arm he was holding out for me. I need all of the support I can get in these heels!
"The auditorium is packed! Have you guys seen it yet?" Angela hurried over to me as she spoke. Mike and Eric are shaking their heads while Jessica looks lost in her nails.
"You know, I pay so much for these, you'd think they'd have the decency to use the good gel so it won't chip!" She said.
"No, Ang, I haven't. How's it look?" I was trying to make up for Jessica being a jerk, but she still didn't notice. I think Angela can see what I'm doing though, and that's all that counts.
She and I have become really close in the past year, while Jessica and I have, well for lack of a better way of putting it, have come to start to detest each other. She's not how she was when I first came to Forks. Or, maybe she is and I've just gotten to know her.
"The decorations look amazing!" All I can think about right now, in the midst of Angela's gushing about the streamers and the stage lighting, is that I have a bad feeling, and I can't get rid of it. I don't know why, but my stomach is in knots, and I feel like I'm going to puke.
Probably just nerves.
It's true I don't like crowds, especially when at one point tonight everyone in that auditorium will be focusing on me. And, I'm in heels. I'll just try to shake it, and prepare my feet to walk like a normal human.
Even though I'm not one...
The music is playing now, and teachers are coming down to put us all in line according to our name. I'm near the end, obviously, but being able to see Angela in front of me is comforting. Seeing Jessica is annoying.
I'm following as I should, but my mind is drifting away. I trip as we enter the auditorium and I can see Charlie sitting next to Jacob. He's shaking his head, and Jacob is just grinning like an idiot.
I know he thinks now that Edward is out of the picture we have a real shot, but I can't. I've gone through it in my mind over and over again, but I can't ever see myself being with him for the rest of my life. At least, not how I can, or could, with Edward.
I sit in one of the rows designated for the students. I want to tune out the voices that have already started talking at the podium but I know the principle will start calling names soon, and I don't want to be the fool who doesn't stand to walk across the stage.
"Will our graduates please stand, and when I call your name, come get your diploma. You've earned this!" Applause is breaking out and everyone is standing. One of the girls in front of me is already in hysterics and I can't help but smile at that. The fact that someone can be so moved from taking hold of their life, it's beautiful.
The principle is moving rather quickly and has already made it to the 'C's. The knot in my stomach is working itself tighter and I feel like I'm about to keel over. I notice that he doesn't call out one Cullen name and that knot feels heavy now.
He called one the other guys I know and I clap, but the smile that was on my face when I stepped out here is gone. I just want to get this over with.
Finally, the principle has moved to the 'S's and I am next up. Jessica got hers and did a weird curtsy that made the audience giggle and her fake smile widen, and Angela just looked so proud when she walked across to grab her diploma. Sometimes I forget how strong she really is.
"Isabella Swan." I'm shivering now and I'm focusing way too hard on my steps, but I need to.
Don't fall. Don't fall. Don't fall.
I manage to get to the principle without tripping or vomiting, and I feel like this is a huge step in the right direction for the day.
I mumble a thank you and shake all of the hands waiting for mine, and I only trip a little on the last step while leaving the stage. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, but the knot in my stomach is still there. It's heavy and tight and it feels like a part of myself is just giving up.
Did I eat something that was a little past the expiration date?
It was the only thing I could think of, and I know it wasn't that.
I guess we'll just have to find out.
Everyone is off of the stage now, except for Eric and the class president. The president is giving his speech when I start to drift into my memories. I'm imagining what it would have been like to have Edward here, and to have Alice sitting and smiling at me. I wish for Esme to cook something for me, and it turn out incredible even though she doesn't eat! Hell, I wish for Rosalie to scowl at me like she used to.
Everyone's clapping and I mindlessly applaud with them. I'm vaguely aware that Eric has begun to speak now. My head is still swimming with thoughts of life with the Cullen's still in town. I feel the knot in my stomach churn and I'm hit with the horrible feeling that I will never see any of them again. Tears start to flow down my face and I don't even bother to wipe them.
The applause are happening again, and everyone begins to stand. I stand and cheer, and I notice many girls crying like me.
Well, at least I don't look like the weird one.
Hey Friends!
I know this chapter doesn't really have a lot of energy behind it,
but I promise it get's much better in the next one!
Review, Favorite, Follow, What Have You!
See you in the next chapter!
