"Guess who respawned!"
And now, here I am, back with more rules of employment after a long hiatus. Sorry about that. Life has a tendency to get in the way after all.
Disclaimer: I don't own Skyrim or any commercial product mentioned/hinted at.
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Rules of Employment
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The Dragonborn had traveled alone all across Skyrim and beyond. But that had never bothered him the least, the lust for adventure had always kept his mind occupied on the trails on his journey. Now however, in the Inn's common room, surrounded by several patrons, an attentive barkeeper and a beautiful bard… he felt very much alone despite all that. Alone in the company of the scary union henchman, only known as Nodwink.
The man in question regarded the Dragonborn with indifferent eyes as he changed pages of the massive stack of papers placed on the counter in front of him. The Dragonborn shivered. The first page had ripped apart several of his terms of service, a list he had fine-tuned for adventuring in Skyrim while accompanied by one or several followers. He feared the second page would do even more damage…
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12: The various traps in caves, ruins, tombs and or mines are very obvious. Please refrain from walking over them. A dead employer won't pay after all.
12.2: This applies to us as well; don't force us to walk in front of traps just so you can avoid them.
13: We don't mind you keeping the roads safe from bandits, but standing guard at a small bridge in the middle of nowhere for days is just plain boring.
13.2: Also, don't challenge every poor wanderer who tries to cross the bridge to a fight to death. You don't own that bridge.
14: We will no longer dress up as the Thalmor and attempt to surprise anyone who says; "I didn't expect the Thalmor Inquisition."
15: There is no Inquisition for you to join, and Skyrim isn't threatened from demons from the realm of magic.
16: Giants may be "titanic", but that doesn't mean you can refer to them as such.
16.2: The nape of their neck isn't their weak point, and your attempts to jump up at them will be your end at some point (sooner rather than later).
17: Religion is serious to many people here in Skyrim. You can't change your patron god/goddess each day and try to "compel" the rest of the populace to do the same.
17.2: For real, there is a reason we're in a civil war after all!
18: Don't whisper weird quotes like "a man chooses, a slave obeys" whenever you attempt to order us to do unsavory things. We CAN hear you, and we don't like what we hear.
19: You are no longer allowed to pick the songs whenever we stay at an inn. We don't want to hear of your ego from other people, you can do that just fine.
19.2: You are also not allowed to participate in any activity related to the Bards collage anymore. You'll only twist the songs and stories to fit your own ego.
20: We won't associate with you any longer if you keep getting caught by the guards when you break the law.
20.2: You are the worst thief in history. How else could ALL hold guards know you joined the thieves' guild mere hours after you joined them. The same goes for the Dark Brotherhood.
21: We don't want to be associated with any business related to the Dark Brotherhood. You can do that on your own.
21.2: And get rid of that damn jester. He creeps us out.
22: Don't drink more than you can take. We remember what happened in Whiterun.
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The Dragonborn lifted his eyes from the paper and stared at Nodwink. The otherwise indifferent man smirked. "Karma is a bitch."
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Well, mates, that's it for now.
Sorry for the short chapter, I guess I'm a bit rusty.
Please feel compelled to leave a review, that makes my day.
Cheers!
