Controlling emotions
FreyA-wings
Chapter 2: fantasy or reality
Since I have edited the first chapter, I just thought I should continue editing the next bit. Thank you so much for reading and continuing to read that I hope to hear your responses after reading this story. I enjoy your comments (good ones that is) smile
I edited this story for the sake of keeping a controlled and not confusing story…
Best regards for you!
LAST CHAPTER
He walked down the road quietly, carrying me and my bags without much effort at all. I admit he was strong. And to my gratitude and serious irritation, it was he who saved my life and my treasure. Someday I have to thank him. But for now, I want to enjoy this new feeling that overcame me, for the first time in many years. Slowly, I dug deeper into his shirt, taking in his scent and feeling just slightly, his muscular body. I took the pleasure to silently be very close to him, without even knowing his name, but also hearing the rapid heartbeats from his hot body, the same way he listened to my own.
KENSHIN"S POV
I sat in my chair of my solemn apartment waiting for my email to open. I seem to have many from unknown people since I went to that school and I noticed that most of the emails were from girls. I frowned. I never gave my email address to anyone. They must be pretty keen to know me that they tracked down my email address.
I groaned, glaring at the computer with the need to smash it into pieces. This same routine goes the same with my old school. Girls were piling up with the hope of going out with me. Why are people in Japan so delusional? Do they take good looking guys for granted just because of the looks? I don't like to be regarded as one. Maybe I should just become ugly, I grinned to myself. Life was not much different. Not richer, unlike my hometown, but the community are the same.
The last email was still on its way and I wondered whether I should get a new account. All I need to know is how Sanosuke and everybody else were. I closed my eyes, hearing the email beeping and coming in…. I remembered my friend Sanosuke. He is my best buddy of all. Many of my rivals would get their butts kicked by him if they ever bothered me. He didn't agree me taking off to another place so he got so angry at me when he heard I ran away from home.
I hated being near my home town. Life of wealth was not in my dictionary and I knew I shouldn't worry my parents. But after that incident I never wanted to see them again. They were being unfair with me. I sighed, replacing the silence left in my room. My life was miserable and I just wanted to be free and feel the real feeling of being a human being. I was stranded with my own problems and the confusion frustrated me so much that I decided to take the risk.
I smiled, recalling the time I met this unknown woman I have first met in the storage room, upside down, wearing her old-fashioned hello kitty. She was so different than 'her.'
I sighed, leaning back against the chair. I wanted to get rid of 'her' from my mind. I want to set myself free from 'her.' She broke my heart and that was it. That was the last straw. Everyone else just couldn't see who she really was, and unfortunately, I was too late to find out myself.
The last email checked in and I half smiled. I was hoping life in Japan would be a lot different. But I guess, there was no where to escape.
Kaoru's POV
I sat in the classroom, in trance with my afternoon dream. If anyone sees me this way, they would think I must be out of my mind. Well, what can I say? I am out of my mind. I was not in reality, instead I was thinking about the event that happened just yesterday. I sighed and leaned my elbow against the table. I couldn't resist thinking more about yesterday.
Ironically, I dreamt of the red-headed man again and I still couldn't see his face. Serenity filled my silence when I woke up that morning. The dream fatigued me and yet created a smile upon my face. Fantasy just seemed better than reality.
I wondered whether the red-haired man whom was in my dream ever since 'he' came to school is actually him. Was it a coincidence that 'his' hair was also red? I only frowned considering the dramatic irony.
I sighed again, remembering how he swept me off my feet and walked carrying me and my bags then walked to my apartment. We were silent along the way there and finally when he reached my door, he didn't say anything else but to smile a half smile and waved good-bye. Startled, I didn't even ask him his name. Will he forever be nameless upon my lips?
'Kaoru?'
I didn't get how he could be such as asshole one time and became the knight in shining armor the next.
'Kaoru?'
I wonder whether he just wanted to be nice or because he saw a damsel in distress?
'KAORU?' someone's voice sliced my hearing cords and I glanced up to see Michi's face blaring with annoyance. 'How many freakin' times to I have to yell in order for you to look at me?'
'I'm sorry Michi,' I sat up straight, my face red in guilt. 'I was just tired,' I exclaimed, 'I think.'
Michi took a chair from a table next to me and brought it up close to where I am. I tried to hide my embarrassment, waiting for her to hit me with enormously humiliating questions.
'Of course you were tired, you must have not slept again last night,' she talked in a small voice. When I glanced at her, she was grinning. 'What are you hiding, monster?'
I guess a person like Michi shouldn't be regarded as stupid. She was smart, beautiful and has the darkest shooting green eyes I have ever seen. She was my first friend in this school and we were in good terms for a long time. We spent many days and nights together until she dated a college guy. She became quite distant, keeping herself open to him whenever possible. I understood her position. I would try to spend more time with my boyfriend if I don't see him everyday. We still talked and have fun.
I suppose, now would be the best time to talk to her. I still want to keep my feelings for myself, but knowing Michi, I know she would find a way to get the answer out of me.
'Well, a guy tried to steal my wallet,' I said. At least I told her the truth. She gasped and held my hand, 'are you okay?'
'Yeah, I'm fine. I was lucky that he was a slow runner actually,' I explained 'I caught up to him and got my wallet back.' She looked at my face carefully, looking for cracks of weakness. She found it. 'There's more,' she mischievously smiled.
I groaned and started to stand up but she was quick enough to keep me in place. 'Tell me Kaoru, please?'
I sighed and prepared myself to be more than humiliated. I looked at her hopeful face and I took another sigh and closed my eyes. 'He saved me,' I quickly said. She grabbed a hold of my hand and asked in the same hurried but quiet tone, 'who?'
I opened one eye and I knew my face looks twisted like I have been eating too much lemon lime sour candy. 'Him…' I told her again. She gave me a confused look. 'And who would that be?' she ridiculously asked me.
'It was him Michi,' I whispered, 'the red headed guy.'
There was silence and I skeptically looked at her dumbfounded face. 'You mean the new guy?' she asked me. I nodded and I saw her face gave the same twisted sour face as mine. 'O, don't go gaga on me Michi!' I said.
She didn't say anything at first, only to open her mouth as big as possible, in means of telling people that she was strikingly flabbergasted. I decided to continue on the story and told her about him carrying me and brought me to my apartment. I swore her mouth can fit a whole 20 hamburgers once I finished my story.
Finally she let out a reassured laugh and I sighed in respite. 'But Michi please swear that you will never tell anyone about anything that we have talked about in this table. Maybe even forget that we talked about this,' I pleaded. If this event is known about the school, I will be more than just dead. She nodded in approval, 'I swear,' she took hold of my pinkie with her pinkie, 'pinkie promise.' I smiled and we all laughed together.
'The thing is Michi,' I started again; 'I'm not so sure if it was a coincidence or was he actually trying to show he wanted to help. Because, I assure you, he wasn't being himself. He was a total jerk the first time I saw him.'
'I hear you girl,' she nodded in understanding. 'I know guys act different when they are alone and when they are with their friends.'
We wanted to continue to talk but the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. We gave each other secret smiles and went back to our proper table.
Kenshin's POV
The whole school day was the same as before. Many girls tried to create ways in order to get a glimpse of me. I nearly lost my temper, listening to giggling girls everywhere. I thought that this kind of place would be peaceful and people are not occupied with relationships of the sort. However, I was proven wrong. These people were dying to become my girlfriend and as much as I hated to do it, I have broken more hearts than I imagined.
Despite the usual clattering, I didn't see the girl I saved yesterday. I was wondering where she was. She was very striking. Not very graceful, but her face speaks for itself. Her eyes shone hope and vicious optimism that I rarely see in other people. There is a profound motivation within her eyes and I felt she have been hurt before. Interestingly, I wanted to meet her not only because I have yet to know her name, but she was conspicuously different than the rest.
So far, I haven't yet encountered any of my guy pals who wanted be close friends with me. I think jealousy blew and they thought I was the fast way to get to girls. I ignored them. I have seen many guys like them around my old school and I was not very fond of them.
Today so far had not been what I had expected. I heard the bell rang. Everyone gathered their bags but I sat on the table, looking out the window. I wondered whether it was the right choice to take a chance at this school or was there never a way to escape my misery.
I sighed and looked around and saw that everyone has left the class, eager to get home.
'Hey.' I heard movements behind me and I looked back to see a good-looking man, cute (girls would say) with dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. He smiled at me and I smiled back. 'I just wanted to introduce myself.'
He slowly walked up in front of my table and sat down. 'My name is Hiroaki, call me Hiro,' he said. I smiled, 'Kenshin. Please to meet you.'
I looked carefully at his face, wondering whether he wanted to know me just to get a girl from 'Kenshin's fan club' or actually there to be friends.
'I know what you think,' Hiro started, 'don't worry. I'm not here to ask for a girl's number. I just thought maybe we could be friends.' I was silent for a minute and decided the hell with it. I smiled back, but this time smiled with greater meaning.
Kaoru's POV
'I'M HOME!' I called as I opened the door to my apartment.
'Kaoru-chan, I just finished making dinner. How was your day at practice?' Misao said to me as I collapsed onto the sofa. She was wearing short pants, slimming t-shirt and a flowery apron.
'Misao chan, they were the same as always. I don't consider them to be of any particular event…' I said with a tone half audible. 'In fact, there was nothing special.' I whispered those words so Misao wouldn't hear it.
'Okay kaoru, here's your dinner.' Misao took two plates to the table and took off her apron, 'and guess what? I took the exams for university and made into top 100.' She exclaimed beaming with pride. I smiled at her. 'Good for you Misao,' I beamed as well, 'you deserve it.' Giggling together, we ate her delicious food and Misao rambled about how hard the exams were. I just smiled and make some comments like any best buddies do.
'So what other things are interesting there?' Misao asked with her mouth half full.
I glanced away, pretending to be looking outside the window. 'Hm, interesting?' I whispered. A small smile smudged my face. I told Michi about the guy. I should tell Misao about it too.
'Kaoru-chan, don't just keep secrets to yourself. I want to know as well.' She whined and gave me a puppy-eyed look. I smashed her face softly with a pillow I had held in my arms and laughed.
'Oh okay Misao. You don't need to give me those eyes. You know it doesn't work on me' I smiled at her. 'If there was anything interesting Misao, it would be looking at the way you look.' Misao hit me back and we both laughed.
I sighed and told her everything that have happened, just the way I told Michi. It was interesting to see the same reaction. Misao would widen her eyes and mouth on each and every sentence I made. Her playful gesture made my heart flutter. She was listening.
After the whole talking session was done I waited for her to say something.
'You know Kaoru,' she softly started to say, 'I'm afraid that you might not be able to accept him.' I was silent. I knew what she meant and I understood completely the consequences of a relationship. I nodded in approval.
'The reason being,' she started again, 'you might be hurt again. I don't want you to suffer anymore.'
We were both silent and I knew what she was talking about. Yes. We both have been through it. We both have suffered the feeling of loss and defeat, the feeling that never left my chest. I hate it. I've been spending my time trying to forget it. I will not be defeated again.
Misao's POV
I smiled to myself. It's a good thing that kaoru was being herself now. That guy must have had a huge impact on kaoru to make her all different from the way she is now. Maybe I should go check out who he was and his personality, just in case… pausing to myself, I reconsidered the idea. She had already been hurt. It's a bit too soon to start a relationship with a guy. And this one seems to be an awful lot of hard work.
Sighing, as Kaoru started to wash the dishes, I cleared out my plate. Kaoru is beautiful; there is no surprise about that. But somehow she seemed to be so lonely, like there wasn't any great activity in her mind. I wonder whether in that school anyone wanted to be friends with her. After her mother died she became less of herself and became shyer.
Kaoru's problems in the past were so big, her mind and soul inebriated. She was drunk on her own dilemma. She may look strong on the outside, but inside she feels pain and suffering not even I can imagine.
Kaoru's POV
I could hear the bell ringing in the distance. I did not want to wake up. The feeling of opening my eyelids were way beyond my power limits. I did not want to wake up.
I was so comfortable. This feeling I haven't felt in a long time. It felt like I have lost it and even it was just a blur, I feel tremendously affected by it. The world was still vivid in my mind. I feel… happy… for the first time in a long decade.
Slowly, without meaning to do it, I opened my eyes. There was a shadow above me. Fluttering my eyes to open I saw a figure. And that figure was holding me really gently and softly, in a warm embrace. There was a scent. The scent was so reassuring I felt safer that I can stay forever in this tranquility.
I slowly opened my eyelids. So heavy! Forcing them to open I saw…
After a dreadful week of editing, I made sure I followed the plot. I hope this made sense. Please R&R.
Warning: the rest of the chapter however, may not follow this story line, but I assure you I will try to edit the rest of the chapter soon. Right now, please enjoy this story ala me.
