Chapter Two: The Loneliest Number
A whole rush of events occurred with the signing of the peace treaty, but most of them didn't really matter to Bowser. The world was growing less and less interesting to him by the week. Events all around him seemed to randomly occur without any way of being predicted, and the miserable koopa king began to feel separate from it all.
Just weeks after the peace treaty was signed and word was sent all over the Koopa Kingdom, a mass exodus began. Creatures of every species were leaving the Koopa Kingdom to immigrate to the Mushroom Kingdom. Economically, geographically, and politically speaking, just about every aspect of the Mushroom Kingdom was superior to the Koopa Kingdom, and as a bonus, the two countries directly bordered each other. Where previously there had been a fear of war-related retaliation for refugee movement, there was now no worry of Bowser striking at the Mushroom Kingdom for loss of citizens and potential military power. He was simply forced to sit there and watch as his kingdom was drained. But honestly, he really didn't care.
He had larger thoughts on his mind: dating Princess Peach.
Oh, it sounded silly, and he thought it was ridiculous even as he said it in his mind, but after reading so many romantic novels in his castle's library, and ten years of forceful kidnappings failing to help anything, he felt he had a better idea now of what women liked.
He began grand plans: a trip around the Mushroom Kingdom and Koopa Kingdom by clown copter, visiting various vistas. He researched different attractions, reading until his brain hurt. Now that he was doing something related to the princess, he found himself driven, and life was beginning to feel really worth living again. He began to feel an old hint of confidence coming back, and felt sure that he was doing things right this time.
Meanwhile, in order to help build relations between the Mushroom and Koopa Kingdoms, Kamek encouraged Bowser to move to the Mushroom Kingdom and start working directly with Mushroom diplomats to show off his newfound maturity- not that Kamek used those exact words. Bowser liked the idea because it'd mean he'd get closer to the princess, so he readily agreed. Three months after the peace treaty had been signed, Bowser was living in Toad Town. Kamek was left in the Koopa Kingdom to administrate Koopa Castle.
Things obviously did not go as smoothly as Kamek had promised. People did not warm to Bowser, and people did not want to warm up to Bowser. They had enjoyed having him as the antagonist of their lives, and for the common toad, having an enemy to be afraid of was an important part of life. Being afraid and having an evil present was supposed to happen… evil didn't just become good. Bowser clearly couldn't be trusted. There was no point in even trying to trust him.
Bowser didn't care about this. He didn't expect the toads to like him. He had never expected the toads to like him. He didn't care if all they gave him were scared glances... if they didn't implicitly avoid even coming near him on the streets. He didn't care if the local supermarket cleared of customers when he entered. This was already what his life had been like back in the Koopa Kingdom. Even though his place of living had changed, nothing was actually different.
Then, suddenly, after both an eternity and in a sudden instant, the day came. With all his plans made, and no excuses left, Bowser went to visit Peach in Mushroom Castle. He claimed to the toad guards to be visiting for a diplomatic meeting, and even though he could have swiped the little annoyances out of the way at any time, he waited patiently as they chattered stupidly amongst each other, trying to decide if they should let the former terrorist and enemy leader Bowser Koopa into the castle.
Well, of course they did. At least they weren't stupid enough to not accompany Bowser up to the princess's room, as little as it meant. It occurred to Bowser multiple times that he could simply snatch the princess up and make his escape through a window, but he resisted the urge. He was a different person now. He understood the pain he had put Peach through before, and was determined not to do it again. He really cared about her, and would accept whatever decision she would make regarding the date.
She met him in her room on the third floor of the castle. She was looking out the balcony, and invited Bowser to her to look out over the countryscape.
"I'm glad you came to visit." Princess Peach said.
"You don't mean that." Bowser said sullenly.
"I do, really." Peach replied earnestly. She gave Bowser a small smile. "I'm still so happy about the peace treaty. Our kingdoms have come such a long way in just these last few months. We've both become more prosperous and the people are so happy. Don't you think?"
"I guess so." Bowser replied. He forced himself to stare out over the land. He didn't want to be caught staring at Peach and looking like some kind of creep. All the cool, handsome people never did that. Mario probably didn't either. Maybe that's how such a fat, ugly little man could end up with a princess.
"Is something wrong?" Peach asked suddenly. "You came here for something, didn't you? What is it?"
A bad tone was creeping into her voice. Bowser could hear it, and alarms were going off in his head. This was going in a direction he didn't want it to.
Bowser turned to the princess and cleared his throat. "I…" He was distinctly aware that the toad guards were still there, just waiting. "Princess, could you please excuse your guards?"
"Why?" Peach asked tightly.
"I have something I want to talk to you about... alone." Bowser replied just as tightly.
Peach's eyes narrowed, and she turned her head away so that Bowser couldn't see her face. Then her head slowly turned again and she looked to the toad guards. "Please wait outside my room."
"Princess…" One of the guards uttered.
"Please." Peach ordered. "I trust King Bowser. We are allies now." She looked up at Bowser, straight into his eyes meaningfully. Bowser almost shuddered.
The guards left, both sighing quite loudly. Bowser wanted to snap and roar at them, but he was better than that now. He still needed to remind himself every so often: he had become a better person. He was mature. He was mature.
"Thank you, princess." Bowser said gratefully. "I…"
"Please, let's sit down." Peach moved away from the balcony and into her room, gesturing towards a set of chairs. "I have the feeling you have quite the proposal to make. I'm not meeting anyone for a few hours, so we have plenty of time to talk."
"Well, er…" Bowser eyed the small pink chair that Peach had gestured to, and that she was now sitting across from.
"Don't worry, it's much stronger than it looks." The princess said with some humor. "Please, sit."
Bowser produced a drawn out sigh and then sat slowly, waiting with fearful anticipation for the crunching sound of the chair being crushed. To his infinite relief, no such sound was made, and he actually found himself resting for the first moment since he had entered the castle.
"Now, what did you want to talk about?" Peach's face was full of understanding. She was demonstrating the same radiant kindness and generosity that had made Bowser fall in love with her the first time.
"Princess Peach," Bowser cleared his throat…
And then stopped. The tension of the moment grabbed his throat. He thought back now to all of the stories he had read of fearful protagonists struggling to speak their minds to their loves, and losing them forever. He wouldn't let that mistake be repeated. He would speak...now…
"Yes?" Peach prodded encouragingly.
Bowser's jaw moved up and down silently for a moment.
"...I want to go on a date! With you!" Bowser finally managed to gasp out.
The room froze. It was like it had been cut out of the very universe, a space-time fragment made of smooth cheese divided by the finest of knives.
A rapidly decomposing, cold cheese that was intensely uncomfortable to experience, and even now was being dropped into a hot cup of soup and dissolved from the bottom up. Now that moment no longer existed, and Peach's face was beginning to contort, to react. Now anything was preferable, even that cold frozen moment before.
"Date?" She said softly. She was trying to control herself, but the edges of her face were clearly twitching- from amusement? Horror? Disgust? Pity? Probably all four.
"I...I have a plan." Bowser mumbled. "I have my clown copter right outside. We can go over the Mushroom Kingdom, maybe see some places in the Koopa Kingdom… er, not my castle, of course, you've seen that enough times, bwa...haha…"
"Bowser, I can't date you." Peach said. "I'm...I'm already with Mario."
"With Mario?" The words jerked out of Bowser's mouth. "The little...fat man? Mario?"
"Bowser, you should already know this." Peach said sadly. "I've been with him for years now."
"Well you're not… but you're not married, are you?" Bowser mumbled.
Peach gave Bowser a pitying look that was so awful that the koopa king could feel the conversation caving in around him. There was nothing else to be said, really nothing else. It was over, and so were Bowser's hopes.
"Okay." He ground out. "Okay, I get it. I understand. Sorry to bother you." The urge to simply grab Peach and run was overwhelming, and his fight to resist it was making him dizzy. He stood from the little pink chair and turned in a wobbly fashion, accidently knocking over the chair and the table with his tail. "Sorry." He mumbled as he stumbled towards the door.
"Bowser…" Peach said softly.
"No, no, say no more." Bowser didn't turn around. He found the door and threw it open. "Goodbye, princess."
