"This is AMAZING," said Doc, spinning round, his lab coat tails swirling around. His balls twirled round too. Mharti drooled.
Rick sat down. "We'll watch interdimensional cable while you two get his balls sorted out. Some new kind of tongue should do it."
Doc and Mharti went over to reception, talking excitedly. Morty sat down next to Rick.
"Grandpa, you do know they're fucking, right, Rick?"
"Yes, Morty, and what a beautiful relationship it is too. I ship them. Do you ship them?"
"Like Summer online with actors? No, Rick, I don't want them together at all. They're related, like-like us. They're another Rick and Morty. It's disgusting."
"No, MORty, it's not. They're from our dimension, said Mharti. What time, I don't know. They could be our grandpas from thirty years ago, in the eighties. What I do know is, Morty, we mustn't change time, and we mustn't change anything what they're doing."
"What are they doing, Ri-Rick? I think what they're doing is wrong."
"No, Morty it isn't. It's gloriously gay. Marriage wasn't legal back then, MoORty. You could be put into jail. There was AIDS. Everyone wanted them dead. All the Christians, all the Muslims, EVERYONE. It's a paradise to be gay now, Morty. I'm pansexual, and even I wouldn't time travel to back then, and I want to, Morty. I really want to. I like time travelling to the future, where it's even grander."
Morty took all this in. He wasn't watching TV where Ball Fondlers was dominating the screen.
"Rick?"
"Yes, Morty?" Rick ruffled his hair.
"Does Mom know you're pansexual and... experimented during the eighties?"
"No, Morty. That's our little secret. I had a wonderful time with Unity. And I was on other worlds in the eighties with Squanchy and Bird Person."
Morty suppressed a shudder at the thought of that threesome. He shifted uncomfortably.
Doc and Mharti returned. Doc had a brand new tongue and was using it enthusiastically on Mhart's neck. Mharti giggled and kept slapping him away.
"Doc, you know I'm ticklish." He unzipped his flies and got his balls out. "Now it's your turn Doc to start the car."
Doc paused and unzipped his own flies. His balls fell out. One was black and one was white. Rick noticed.
"What have you done? I said I'd pay for the tongue transplant only."
"This one time travels, and this one jumps to a new dimension they talked about called the Council of Ricks. I can get a new Mharti there."
Mharti looked pale. "Doc, you can't replace me! I'm your Mharti. I gave up Jennifer for you."
Rick got up and slapped Doc on the back. "Yes, and you can get a new Diane there too, if you're really interested."
Doc shook off his arm. "No, I'm really not interested."
"I thought you weren't. You're not me. I'm pansexual. Who are you?"
Doc looked shifty. "I'm your predecessor, I know. Mharti's Morty's." He placed a finger to his lips. "It's very hush-hush, Rick."
They wandered through the portal back to Doc's parked DeLorean. The door was still raised. Mharti got in, leaned over and started the car, and punched some buttons. They beeped.
Doc said, "Is there anywhere we can take you? The future, or back to the past?"
Rick shook his head and splattered Morty with dribble. He held up his portal gun. "I've got this, Doc."
Doc rolled over the DeLorean's bonnet, showing off his balls, and got in the other side. The car backed out and reversed down the street. Rick and Morty followed.
The Doc waved. "We're going back to the future. Mharti's got some unfinished business there."
"I need to stop Biff," explained Mharti. "He's changed time, we think. We need to go back before he stole it."
Doc said, "He's created a whole new fucked up alternate universe future that you're in. Sorry to say. You should have never have existed."
"Don't wipe us out!" called Rick as the car hovered in mid-air and fired up the engines.
He got out his portal gun. "Come on, Morty. We've got to switch dimensions again before they destroy us!"
"No, Rick. What about Mom? What about Summer? We can't-we can't just leave them! Aowww! Rick!" He grabbed Rick's arm and the portal gun misfired into the air just as the DeLorean sped up. It shot through, leaving fire trails burning in the air off the tyres.
