Disclaimer thingie: None of this is mine...except for the fact that this is my mangulation of someone else's work.

Chapter 1:

Harry James Potter had entered the Wizarding World with wide-eyed excitement...and rapidly discovered that they deemed wide-eyed innocence to be his appropriate mindset. After the first day he'd left the Wizarding World with his stock-standard cynical views firmly in place, the world did not care about Harry Potter, they were only interested in how they perceived Harry Potter to be. This was familiar territory for Harry and he fully understood his options and made his choices accordingly.

Harry had enjoyed the trip to Hogwarts on the Hogwarts Express. It was fun being wide-eyed and innocent, it meant he could forget many things and simply enjoy himself without thinking about anything. Chocolate Frogs had been wonderful. Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans had been educational...in the extreme since he now knew the taste of several things he would never have even considered eating normally. Pumpkin Pasties had partially balanced the wild sugar overdose he'd inflicted upon himself and he was remembering for future reference to bring a bottle or two of plain water on the train in future. Harry might have read one of his books for most of the trip, except that his fellow cabin mate was very clearly what the Wizarding World wanted from Harry Potter and equally clearly considered reading to be thoroughly over-rated and a nuisance more than anything else. Harry had thought his plan fool-proof right up until the moment the Sorting Hat settled over his ears.

"What have we here?" The hat sounded decidedly curious as it shifted around, apparently in search of a comfortable seat on this particular head.

"Someone who's wondering if you're intending to take up permanent residence on his head. You didn't shuffle like that on anyone else's head." Harry did not want his plan to go to pieces and this hat was somehow managing to sound like it had every intention of making his life difficult.

"Most aren't half so interesting as you." The hat gave a sniff. "Very boring when you can tell all about them before you've even touched a hair on their heads"

"I like being boring"

"Well that's just your bad luck since you never have been and never will be." The hat gave a sniff and another shuffle.

"I thought I was meant to be sorted, not analysed"

"You read a lot"

"Libraries are safe since bullies don't like them"

"Ahh." There was a moment of silence. "You're loyal...unbelieveably stubborn...intent on learning...courageous...ambitious"

"Come on." Harry almost groaned in frustration, but the hat was all too obviously enjoying itself.

"Impatient." The hat made a tutting noise as it settled again. "That eliminates Hufflepuff, you're far too impatient to be a hardworking Badger even if you do have the loyalty to be there"

"You can also scrap Ravenclaw since I do not read simply for the joy of learning and never will"

"True enough...but that is not all that is involved in Ravenclaw, you'd fit in quite well there"

"That may be the case, but no one wants me there"

"This is not about what they want, little tick." The hat audibly scowled.

"But..."

"No." The hat sounded almost offended. "I do not make my decisions based on anyone's choice. You will go where I think you will fit in and achieve the most"

"But..."

"I'll put you in the house which most suits your personality"

"But..."

"Stop trying to argue, you irritating little bounce"

"I am not a bounce"

"You are if I call you one." The hat sniffed again. "...four-eyes"

"That's not very original"

"If you don't shut up and let me think I'll sort you to the Staff Table"

"Can you"

"No, but there is always a first and you're rapidly putting me in the mood to achieve it, brimless"

"Did you just call me brimless?" Harry was basically gaping at the interior of the hat.

"Little brimless you are the most distracting student I have ever had to sort." The hat started to sound agravated. "There is only one house you will ever fit in"

"I don't want to go to Slytherin"

"Why not, little brimless"

"Because I don't. It's a beastly house and I am totally devoid of ambition"

"You actually consider yourself devoid of ambition"

"Yes. To be ambitious you have to want to be something important and I don't"

"What do you want"

"I want to be Harry"

"Aren't you"

"No, I'm the freak, or boy, Potter, boy-who-lived, delinquent or just about any other beastly name you can think up. I am most certainly not Harry to anyone. I want to be just Harry"

"You don't want to learn magic"

"Of course I want to learn magic"

"You want to do well"

"Of course I want to do well." Harry was now scowling up into the hat.

"Well, Just Harry, I consider that you have the ultimate ambition"

"But..."

"Are you arguing, little brimless"

"No, I'm objecting"

"Trying to fool yourself is even more cunning that trying to fool someone else"

"But..."

"My decision is final and I'm about to be grabbed so you'll go where I say and you'll tell the Headmaster that I want to speak to you once a week until I decide that I've had enough of you"

"But..."

"SLYTHERIN...and don't be prejudiced against any house just because of silly little boys and their opinions." The hat barely said the last bit before it was lifted away from his head.

"Bloody hat." Harry turned to scowl at the offending lump of black material before turning towards the Slytherin Table, he was in a bad enough mood about the entire mess that he actually reached the table before he realised the dead silence which had enveloped the hall and the staring eyes which bored into him from all directions. Even the staff at their Table seemed to be suffering from starting eyes and jaw issues. No one was happy. No one was even vaguely indifferent. Everyone was either shocked or furious...and the latter seemed to mostly be in his own house. Wonderful. Just what he needed. Another school where he was considered a freak and everyone hated his guts. Harry settled at the table as far from everyone as possible, focussed on a distant star in the ceiling and waited patiently for the Sorting to resume. He hoped it would happen soon.