A/N: Hi again! Let's get INTENSE shall we? We are talking about Ibiki here. I hope you enjoy!
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At 3:00 the next afternoon, a slightly nervous Genma and Kotetsu sat waiting for their third member to show up. Late as usual, Kakashi wandered over to them, book in hand, and said, "So how are we going to do this?"
Kotetsu said, "I have no idea. Ibiki is going to think we're some real pansies. Plus, I don't even like to look at that fucked up face of his. Ooh, he's not ugly, he's ooogly."
Genma said, "Don't worry about it. I've got a plan, and it's pretty easy to follow. I'll start and you two follow my lead. We'll get him to spill his secrets, just you wait."
The three of them headed off to the academy to find Ibiki who had just finished his lectures on the benefits of torturing captives with small instruments. They approached him, Kotetsu pushing Genma ahead a little to block his view of the man, and Kakashi following behind with his nose pressed in his book.
Genma said, "Ibiki! Hey. Just the guy we wanted to see."
Ibiki turned, rubbed his torturing hands together, and barked at them, "To what do I owe the pleasure guys?"
Kotetsu poked Genma in the back, hoping he'd get on with it. Genma started, "Ibiki, we need some advice." Kotetsu and Kakashi both thought this was a pretty straight forward way to approach a pretty straight forward kind of guy. Both silently praised Genma for taking the lead. Both were impressed with the way he was starting things off. Then Genma continued, "Kotetsu here has this girl he likes," and Kotetsu glared daggers at the back of Genma's head. Genma started again, "and he's tried everything, but she's just not interested. Kakashi and I have given him all kind of tips and things to try, but he's just a miserable failure." Kotetsu growled at Genma and clenched his fists. Kakashi stifled a giggle, quite grateful that he wasn't the victim in this charade.
Genma said, avoiding Kotetsu's attempt to punch him in the kidneys, "We were wondering, since you seem to be having quite a successful week with the ladies, what you've been doing to get so lucky? Anything special you'd be willing to share with our loser friend here? We figured we'd approach a master. So what do ya say?"
Ibiki puffed his chest out and said, "Yes indeed. I have had some luck with the ladies this week. In fact, I've been having good fortune for quite some time now. Kotetsu my boy, you've just got to know what women want, and here's what they want," two of the members leaned a little closer to the scarred torturer, except for Kotetsu, he was still totally freaked by his scars. Ibiki said, "be intense!" The three of them jumped back from the sudden loud response, and exchanged questioned glances.
Ibiki said, "When you find a woman you'd like to get to know better, stare into her eyes. Look into her soul. When she looks back at you, look like you FEEL her eyes on you. Then when you talk to her, actually try to FEEL her when she talks to you.
Kotetsu who looked rather lost said, "Feel them when they talk to you? You mean like reach out and grab a handful or something?"
Ibiki said, "Yeah, and get yourself slapped, idiot. He really does need my help doesn't he?" Kakashi and Genma nodded furiously. "No Kotetsu, what I'm trying to say is to "feel" what they're saying. Listen to them intently. Pay attention to them. Act like they're the hottest, sexiest, most wonderful thing in the world. And do this with intensity! Let them know, mostly with your eyes, that they are your target and nothing else matters but them. That way you don't have to talk so much and screw things up. Try it! The ladies I've hooked up with loved it."
Genma looked at Kakashi who shrugged back at him and Genma nodded his head. He hit Kotetsu on the arm and Kotetsu said, "Well, thanks for the advice Ibiki. I guess if it's worked for you, it'll work for "me" just as well. Thanks, better be going." Kotetsu turned on his heels and left the room, Genma and Kakashi trailing behind him.
They went back to their regular "meeting place" which was pretty much just a large rock in the middle of the academy grounds, and they sat down to compare notes. Kotetsu started right away, "What the hell Genma making me the loser!"
"News flash! You ARE a loser. We all are until we score some women OK. This was the only thing I could think of. We got the advice we wanted right?"
"Yeah, so what do we do with it now?"
"We try it out of course! While it's still fresh in our heads, we try it out. Now, where do we go where we can look INTENSELY at women, stare into their souls and stuff."
Kotetsu added, "And we don't have to talk much, and we can FEEL what they're saying when they do say it."
Kakashi said, "I've got it."
They both turned and looked at him, waiting.
Kakashi said, "The Library."
Genma and Kotetsu looked at him like he had grown an extra head. Kakashi decided to clarify himself, "The Library you morons. We can stare intently at women there, the place is always full of college girls, plus lots of women work there, and you can't talk a lot there, so what you do say has to count! It'll work."
Genma and Kotetsu nodded in agreement and Kotetsu said, "The Library it is. But how am I going to tell my future grandchildren, that I picked up their grandmother in a library? It just sounds so desperate."
Genma said, "Dude, we are desperate."
Kakashi stood up and pointed, "To the Library!"
Off the three members went to intensely search out potential dates at the local public library.
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Soon they arrived outside the library doors, where they made their final plans. Kakashi took over as "mission" leader and said, "Alright you guys listen up. Get in there, spread out and try and find someone interesting. Be quiet, be INTENSE with your eyes, make the few words you say really count, and feel them when they're talking to you. But keep your hands to yourself. No "feeling" feeling. Got it?"
Both Genma and Kotetsu who were quite fired up by Kakashi's little pep-talk/infomercial for picking up chicks at the library shouted, "RIGHT!" and burst through the doors with Kakashi following behind them. Genma went left, Kotetsu went right, and Kakashi went straight up the middle of the Library. He already had his target in mind, but first he had to find her.
Genma strolled through the periodicals, glancing slightly right and left until he found a girl who seemed to be in her early twenties with a magazine spread out in front of her. Genma began to stare at her forehead and top of her head. He reached out and indiscriminately picked up a magazine, making sure to make a little noise so the woman knew he was there. There were two tables between her and the magazine stand he was picking up his book from. He intently stared at her and she almost immediately felt his eyes on her. She slowly looked up, and he slowly brought the magazine up more toward his face, wanting her to only see the top of his face over the top of the magazine. He did this so he could roll his senbon in his mouth without her seeing it, a habit he always did to keep his nerves in check and intensify his concentration. He thought to himself, Intensity! Yeah! I've got this. Ibiki is brilliant! This is working! He kept staring at her and her mouth dropped open. Genma thought he had a shot until she started laughing at him. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud at him. He didn't understand why. What the hell? That was going really well, what the fuck is the problem? Then he looked at the "Ladies Home Journal" magazine he was holding and understood why she was laughing. He put it down completely embarrassed and walked away.
Meanwhile, Kotetsu was making his way though the self-help section, not even scanning the book titles, just scanning the reading tables for a potential target. As he rounded another shelf of books he noticed a very attractive young lady at the far end of the aisle, sitting with her chin in her hand reading a book at a table by herself. He thought she's cute. I've definitely got to try this intensity thing on her! So he wandered a little closer to her and then cleared his throat so he didn't scare her. She glanced up at him and smiled at him slightly to acknowledge him. He immediately returned her slight smile and focused his eyes intently on hers. She seemed to straighten up a bit, as she returned his stare. Kotetsu thought, this is good. This is working! That scarred freak really knows what he's talking about! Without breaking his concentrated staring, Kotetsu reached for a book from the shelf and pulling it out casually, and still staring at her, he walked over to her and said quietly, "is this seat taken?"
"No, help yourself," she said back to him, still continuing to return his intense look.
He sat down across from her, put the book down and watched her eyes as they casually broke from his. He thought, she's just checking out the book I put down. She'll be back to me in a second. And when her eyes did return to his, they were neutral and almost sorry looking. She gave him a sympathetic smile, stood up with her book, patted his arm and said, "Good luck," turned and left.
Kotetsu thought to himself, what the fuck was that? I had her, I damn well had her! She was interested, what made it go so wrong? Then he looked at the book he'd put down, "The Gay Man's Guide to Coming Out of the Closet," and he slammed his head down on the book cursing his stupidity.
Down the center aisle of the library Kakashi walked with a purpose. He was intense from the get-go, knowing exactly what he was looking for, actually "who" he was looking for. He was making a bee-line right for the librarian herself. She was a young woman in her mid to late 20's. He had seen her here before and always thought she was cute. She'd helped him find reference books in the past, so she kind of knew him. He decided it was time for her to get to know him much better. He thought time to see if old Ibiki was right as he saw her scanning in returned books to be re-shelved.
He walked unapologetically loudly, letting his sandals echo across the library floor. Since he moved quickly, the librarian had no choice but to notice him as he came toward her. Immediately he captured her eyes with his. She looked a little startled at his intensity, but let him approach her none the less. His eye bored into hers, looking into her, searching inside her, trying to feel her with his stare. Her breath quickened a little as he approached her desk and stood on the opposite side of it looking right into her. She said a little startled, "Kakashi! My, you seem to have quite a purpose here tonight. Is there anything I can help you with?"
Kakashi's perverted mind went into overdrive at that moment, but he controlled himself and reminded himself, make every word count! He said, "I'm only here for one thing tonight."
She said to him, "Are you looking for a something that I can help you, uh locate?"
He continued to look at her as he said, "No I think I've found it."
She said, "But I don't see any books on you. Where is the book you've found?"
He said, "I've got it right here." And he reached in his pack and took out his Icha Icha book, and said, "I always carry my own reading material. Let me read you some,"
But before he could finish his sentence the librarian quickly glanced at the cover of the book and knew exactly what he wanted then. She quickly said, "Perv!" and smacked him right across the face. The sound of the smack resonated throughout the entire silent library. Everybody had to hear it. Then she turned to leave him, but not before pointing toward the door and saying, "Out. Now."
Kakashi sighed and put his book back in his pack and turned to head for the door. Genma was already there, Kotetsu was on his way. The three of them made eye contact with each other, mumbled incoherently to each other because they were still in the library, then put their heads down and walked out the door defeated. They cursed Ibiki all the way back to their meeting spot.
Genma said, "That scarred fuck! He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about!"
Kotetsu said, "I was doing alright until I blew it when I sat down."
Kakashi said, "My face hurts. I think I'm going to kill Ibiki."
Kotetsu said, "This isn't working so far guys. Do we really want to continue this? I can't take much more rejection."
Genma said, "Quit whining. Why don't we try Ebisu tomorrow? The guy's brilliant. He's got to have a smarter way of approaching women than staring them silly. Let's give him a try tomorrow."
Kakashi just said, "Alright, meet here tomorrow at 3:00 again, and we'll try and get some better advice from Ebisu. I need to go home ice my face."
Again they went their separate ways, all three defeated, one rubbing his still stinging face.
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A/N: Ok so far? There's much more fun coming up. Review if you like!
Next up: Ebisu's advice, and you won't believe WHERE the three members decide to go to try and meet women! See you soon!
