A/N: Many thanks to GravityNeko and lifeofstarwars for beta-ing and feedback. It's finally up, guys!

Two young men climb out of the flight simulators at Starfighter Command. One, slightly taller and seemingly older than the other, yanks his helmet off and walks up to the other, making his way slowly and dejectedly down the ladder.

"That's ten bucks you owe me!" he crows, grinning smugly.

A helmeted face looks down at him, but the scowl behind it is still palpable. The second one finally reaches the deck and his older companion affectionately swings an arm around his shoulders as they start towards the exit.

"Pretty much painted the horizon with your guts," he remarks.

The second youth sighs inaudibly and his shoulders slump.

"I'm never going to be able to fly like my Dad."

Valin Horn snorts.

"Yeah. I'm never going to be able to fly like my Dad, but I can still make your starfighter pee jet-fuel!"

He chortles to himself.

"You shoulda gone EV, you know."

The helmeted face scowls at him again.

"Why so you could drag me at the end of a tow cable like a bumper streamer?"

Valin bursts into laughter again.

"Hey yeah! Now that you mention it! Thanks for the idea, kid!"

"I hate you."

"Course you do! But then, what else are best friends for?!"


*Sitcom theme*


It is night on Coruscant. The roof of the Jedi Temple is silent and vacant, devoid of life. Well, almost all life. In a secluded corner, two beings sit surreptitiously huddled. A number of crumpled cans of lomin ale lie littered around them. The two are drunk, and in the midst of a conversation they think is hushed, but is actually not.

"Hey, you know what, man?" Ben Skywalker gestures definitively at his friend.

Valin cocks an eyebrow.

"I hear Incom is designing a new kind of starfighter... and it runs on water, man!"

Valin splutters with hysterical laughter.

"Oohoohoohoo! So, wait. You mean then, when I shoot you down in that... your fighter's really going to be takin' a leak!"

The two double up and roll around, gasping for breath.

Suddenly, a square of light shows on the far side of the rooftop. A door is opening. Valin grabs hold of Ben and pulls him back. They huddle together, trying to keep silent and not move, watching carefully.

They gradually make out two figures silhouetted against the light. It has been difficult to make out that there are actually two figures as they are so tightly entwined together. The enmeshed couple stumble and stagger onto the roof, making intermittent gurgling noises as they snog the life out of each other. Ben almost cries out in surprise, his eyes almost popping at the provocative sight in front of him. Valin has to clamp a hand over his mouth to stop him from betraying their presence so all that comes out is a strangled squeak which the couple don't notice. But soon even his eyes grow round as the two lovers wordlessly begin to tear the clothes off each other in an awful hurry! Looks like they're going to have sex right then and there, on the Temple roof... and he and Ben are going to be forced to... watch!

The lovers have still not spoken a word, they're both up against a side wall, at it like rutting neks. But finally the woman gives a moan of pleasure and gasps out a name, "Oh... Doran..."

And the man, Doran, also breathes a name in his throes of passion,

"Jysella..."

Valin Horn's jaw drops, his mind goes blank, and a boiling rage begins to churn in the pit of his stomach.

Jedi Knight Doran Sarkin-Tainer is is about to give it to his sister and fellow Jedi Knight, Jysella Horn right here on the Jedi Temple rooftop!

Ben is frozen in place, his jaw hanging limply open. He cannot seem to tear himself away from the sight before them but doesn't seem to have registered the names of the two lovers and what that might mean for his companion. Suddenly, startling the life out of him, Valin leaps to his feet with a roar of rage and rushes toward the lovers. They spring apart with a scream, rifling for their clothes.

"GET AWAY FROM MY KRIFFING SISTER YOU KRIFFING BASTARD!"

"VALIN!"Jysella screams, trying in vain to cover her nakedness, "What- what the kriff are you doing here?!"

"Oh, nothing, 'Sella," Valin growls, seething, "Just about to bash the pulp out of your randy boyfriend here!"

Doran is dumbstruck and frozen at the sight of Valin advancing threateningly on him.

All of a sudden, seeing things about to escalate, Ben decides to step in.

"Hey, hey, hold it you guys!"

"Ben!" Jysella blushes even deeper.

Ben stops in his attempts to pacify the other two and totally checks her out, giving her a smarmy lop-sided grin.

"Hey, 'Sella, how you doin'?!"

Jysella rolls her eyes.

"Shouldn't you be stopping the other two nerf-herders from spilling blood over me?"

Ben recoils.

"Oh...yeah. Right. Hey, Val! Hold it! Val!"

Valin has laid out Doran with a roundhouse punch to the jaw and he's now sprawled, unconscious on the rooftop. Valin dusts off his hands on his pants as Ben rushes up to him.

"Oh man! We're gonna get in so much trouble for this! You totalled him, man!"

Valin gives an Anakin-like glare.

"He was doing it with my sister!"

Ben shrugs.

"Your sister's kinda hot."

Valin turns the glare on him.

"Chill, man. She's still waaay too old for me!" Ben snorts.

Behind them Jysella's mouth drops open in silent protest.

Ben and the Horn siblings have dropped off Doran on a bench in front of the Temple infirmary so that Master Cilghal will find him when she comes to open up in the morning. They're on their way out, brother and sister (now fully clothed, though a bit dishevelled) still fuming at each other.

"Do you mind not sleeping around with Jedi in kriffing public , Jys?! I mean, it's kriffin' embarrassing!"

"You're such a nerf, Valin! Doran and I are dating! And you can't tell me who I should or shouldn't be sleeping with! I don't have to listen to you! And it wasn't public! What were you and Ben doing on the roof that late at night anyway?"

Her eyes narrow with suspicion.

Valin continues to glower.

"I'm your big brother. It's my job to be watching out for you!"

"You're still avoiding the question, big brother. You want Daddy to hear about this?"

Valin stops in his tracks and turns to his sister with a mirthless smile, arms crossed across his chest.

"Oh but this is one thing you won't be running to Daddy about, now, will you?"

Jysella glares bloody murder at him but then huffs and stalks off.

Ben turns to his older friend, real fear in his eyes.

"Dude! If she rats to your dad, my dad is gonna be next to know, and then I'm toast, man!"

Valin is still looking on in the wake of his sister's exit.

"She won't, don't worry. And I've just got the best idea about how to get back at Randy Tainer, too."

He looks down at Ben, a strange glitter in his eyes.

"And you're gonna be my wingman!"


Ben Skywalker flexes his shoulders and tests his breath before he walks into the little cafe across the street from the Temple alongside his partner in crime, both deliberately dressed to be casually dashing. At one of the corner tables, chatting and laughing over cups of aromatic caf are their two potential targets for the evening, Jedi Knights Seha Dorvald and Jesmin Tainer.

"These seats taken?"

The two young women are surprised by the statement coming from the two new entrants. They look up into a pair of handsome sparkling smiles.

"Uh...no."

"Mind if we join you then?"

They exchange an uncomfortable look.

"Umm... sure, go ahead."

"So... can we take this party someplace else?"

Jesmin and Seha exchange another puzzled glance.

"Hold on a second, Horn. Are you trying to... pick us up?"

Jesmin is incredulous.

Valin holds her gaze frankly.

"Yes. Out of this den of the staid and uncool and to someplace a little more happening."

He begins to wiggle his bottom in his seat in tune to some unheard music.

Jesmin sits back with pursed lips.

"I believe I have better things to do than go dancing with you, Horn."

Valin affects nonchalance.

"Didn't say you hadn't, Tainer, but think about it. It's Saturday night! You could do far worse than a dashing guy like me."

Jesmin snorts.

"I doubt it!"

He leans forward.

"Haven't seen you hitting the parties like you used to, Tainer. What's the matter? Getting...old?"

Jesmin stands up abruptly.

"All right, that's it! C'mon, Horn. You want to play this game with me? I'll show you how it's done!"

She stalks out without even waiting for him. Valin smirks.

All this time, Ben has been staring at Seha with unabashed wonder, hardly able to believe his luck. She's been getting creeped out and has been doing her best to avoid him.

As Jesmin leaves, she stands up hurriedly and follows her friend. Ben trails behind.

"Hey, Jes! You can't abandon me to the kid!"

Jesmin gives Ben a derogatory glance and shrugs.

"Get rid of him. Shouldn't be too hard."

Ben approaches Seha shyly.

"Hey, Seha."

"Oh, uh... hey, Ben."

"So... uh... you wanna go someplace?"

Seha turns around to face him with a sugary smile.

"Yeah. Home. I'm sorry, Ben, but I don't think it's even legal to take you where they're going. I'll see you later, ok?"

She flashes him a wave and skips off. Ben is dejected. Valin pats him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, bro. We'll get her next time. But right now, I've got some revenge I think I'm going to enjoy!"


The next time Ben sees him is when he's passing Cilghal's infirmary the next morning. Valin steps out with a bacta patch on his forehead, holding a pack of ice to a badly bruised black eye. He grins when he sees Ben gaping at him.

"Whoa! Which Wookiee did you escape from?" the younger man asks, alarmed.

"Oh nothing" Valin remarks, stretching bravely, "Just gave our ol' Randy a taste of his own medicine last night."

Ben narrows his eyes.

"Wait. So you... and Jesmin?!"

Valin smirks broadly, then winces in pain.

"Yep. All night! Knew all I had to do was get her drunk. After that, ladies can't resist me!"

Ben crosses his arms across his chest and nods at him.

"So when'd you get the shiner?"

Valin shrugs it off nonchalantly.

"This morning. I made sure Randy caught me sneaking out of her room."

Ben rolls his eyes.

"You sure have a way with people!"

Valin drapes an arm around his shoulders.

"Just be grateful you don't have a sister, kid."

Ben raises his eyes to the heavens.

"Amen," he pronounces, solemnly.