Hello, I'm back, and I still don't own Star Wars, or any star wars fanfic. I love, LOVE fanfiction, and this story is not meant to offend anyone, just to be humorous and provide giggles to those bogged down with their own serious stories. But do feel free to review... I can always use more ideas.
The Jedi Council is now in session...
Master Windu was about to begin speaking, when everyone in the council could hear footsteps running down the hall towards the Council Chamber. Finally, the chamber doors flew open, and there stood Luke Skywalker, his face red from running so hard, panting desperately to catch his breath.
Master Windu shook his head. "Come in, Skywalker," he said in what he hoped to be a patient tone of voice, though the guilty look on Luke's face told him otherwise. Luke came in and sat down next to his father, who looked him over strangely.
One of the older Jedi Masters spoke up. "Master Windu... it was my impression that the last session of council led to expressly forbidding time travel..." he said, and Master Windu nodded in his direction.
"Yes, that was the decision of the Council, wasn't it?" Windu said, accusatorily staring at Master Yoda, who looked away. "However, what's done is done, and Luke can provide insight into something that has been troubling us for some time now," he said, his gaze turning to Anakin Skywalker. "We need to discuss, once and for all, the difference between the Dark Side and the Light Side of the Force."
He looked around. "Most of you here today are Jedi Masters," he said, and cast a glance at Anakin. "With all the trouble headed our way, however, it seems that, amidst all the confusion, the difference between the nature of good and evil has gotten a bit... murky."
Anakin scowled. "Master Windu, why don't you just tell us what this session is really about," he said, a tremor of hurt in his voice. "It's about whether or not I can be truly redeemed in the future from the Dark Side."
A few gasps could be heard around the council, and Yoda spoke up. "Know now about your future turn towards the Dark Side, do you, young Anakin?" he asked, only mildly suprised.
Anakin nodded, pulling out a piece of paper. "Last time someone told me about it, I wrote it down, so I wouldn't forget it again," he said, glancing at the note before putting it back into his pocket.
Master Windu sighed, his gaze still on Anakin. "Anakin, perhaps you can tell us, then, the difference between good and evil, between the Jedi and the Sith."
Anakin tilted his head in thought. "The Sith look inwards, thinking only about themselves," he said, repeating the lessons he had been taught many times by Obi-Wan Kenobi. "The Jedi are selfless, thinking only of others."
Luke marvelled at his father's insight and depth... he would have said something about red lightsabers versus green or blue lightsabers, but Anakin's version sounded better... A disparaging look from Master Yoda made him strengthen his mental shields and keep his mind focussed on the meeting.
Master Windu nodded at Anakin's words. "Obi-Wan has taught you well," he said. "So then, the real question is, when Darth Vader is supposedly 'redeemed' in the future, is he thinking about others, or himself?"
Luke's brow furrowed, knowing it was his turn to speak. "My father," he said, refusing to call him Darth Vader, "grabbed Emperor Palpatine as he was attacking me, knowing full well the Force Lightening would kill him, and threw him into the reactor shaft of the Death Star," he said, remembering the event vividly. "He was thinking of me, then, not himself... were he thinking of himself, he would not have sacrificed his life to save mine." There were murmurs from various council members, and he went on. "After his death, I saw his spirit, standing next to Yoda's and Obi-Wan Kenobi's. That couldn't happen if he were still under the sway of the Dark Side, could it?" he asked.
A few mutterings from the council were heard, and Master Windu nodded. "Yes, that is proof that he was redeemed in the future... as we all know, the Sith do not become luminous beings when they die... they go to that other place."
Anakin raised an eyebrow, confused. "What other place is that?" he asked, wondering why he'd never heard of it before.
Yoda shook his head slowly. "Speak of it, we do not, for a terrible, terrible place it is," he said ominously.
Feeling he owed his former padawan an explaination, Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Anakin... when a Sith dies... his evil cannot be permitted to exist in this reality, so he goes to another one... one created solely for the punishment of the truly evil," he said, dreading the words before he spoke them. "The High School Fic reality," he said finally, and a cold dark wind could be felt all throughout the room, as if this Hell of all Hells glanced at them at the mere mention of its name.
Luke scowled, confused. "The High School Fic reality?" he asked, wondering why Obi-Wan had never told him of it. As he said the words, the lights in the Council Chamber flickered slightly, and he felt a cold chill go down his back.
Master Windu nodded, swallowing hard. "It's a desolate world, where everyone you know is approximately the same age, and important things like true love and the fate of the universe are set aside for horrors like standardized tests, peer pressure, and... homework..." he said, and everyone in the room suddenly felt cold. "It is a life unlike any you have ever known... no, not life, more like eternal torment. Some poor wretched souls are born into that reality, but the people in this reality have mercifully been spared... unless they allow themselves to be consumed by evil and die in their own darkness... then their souls are to be forever tormented by... teenage angst."
Each member of the council could almost hear voices crying out to them from the deep, dark depths of this eternal hell, before Yoda determined to change the subject. "Have another matter to discuss, this council does," he said, and slowly warmth began to seep back into the council chamber.
Master Windu nodded. "Yes... Anakin Skywalker," he said, sighing. "The Council owes you an apology."
"What?" Anakin asked, completely caught off-guard.
Master Windu nodded, looking down slightly. "All you wanted was to be a good Jedi," he said. "Your loyalty to those you love, and to the Republic, for which we will all stand, is what eventually turns you to the Dark Side. If we had been a little less distant, a little more trusting of you, and a little more easier to talk to, this whole thing could probably be avoided," he said, getting nods from all around the council, especially from Obi-Wan. "We would all like to say, we're sorry for being so mean to you," he said, and the other council members voiced their agreement and apologies.
Anakin was touched. "I... I don't know what to say," he said. Luke smiled and laid a hand on his shoulder, and Anakin smiled back, laying his hand over Luke's. "Thank you," he said, casting his gaze around the room. "And... I'm sorry, too," he said, looking especially over at Obi-Wan Kenobi. "I'm sorry I've been such an arrogant jerk lately, and for... you know... all that stuff I'm supposed to do as Darth Vader," he said, looking down.
Luke looked up. "Wait... if you all know what's going to happen... can't you change it? Re-write history? Make things-"
"NO!" everyone in the Council shouted at once, including Anakin. Mace Windu shook his head.
"I'd thought we had covered that in the last council session..." he muttered, scowling again at Yoda, who looked away innocently.
Read and review! I'm open to ideas from anyone, whether you have a sense of humor or not, and if you don't, well, there's a special place for those who give their lives over to humorlessness... muwahahaha!
