To Have, To Love

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, obviously. Otherwise quite a few things would be different.

Warnings: This story contains Femslash otherwise known as Lesbianism so if you don't like it then don't read it. Please click the red 'X' at the top right hand corner of the page or hit the back arrow. I have zero tolerance for flamers. Also, this story does not exactly follow the movie or the book but the key points are there. It also contains; swearing, violence, character death, suicide, drug usage, sexual content, angst, dark humor, and anything else I have forgot.

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Jemjo storys: Thank you so much for being my first reviewer for this story and hopefully not my only one. I appreciate the encouraging words and hope I live up to your expectations. I was really surprised there aren't many Femslash Leah stories out there, she doesn't get enough love!


Chapter 1: To Have, To Love - Speechless

"I may not know what you have been through or going through exactly but I'm sure there are people out there, one person, who will always love you for you. Maybe it feels as though you have nothing to live for, trust me, I speak from... experience at both ends. Hold on to your rationality, your hope. Realize you are loved and hope that the days will get better as time goes on."

Noah's POV

I was rudely awakened by the harsh glow of the sunlight pouring from the window. I really don't want to get up. My nose twitched at the smell of marinara sauce, basil, and melted cheese and pizza immediately came to mind. Mom must be making my favorite. Suddenly, I felt the dull pounding in my head and realized the intensity of the ache. I squeezed my eyes together in order to ignore the pain.

Why does my head hurt? I rolled over to my right, refusing to open my eyes. What's today? That's right, I have a meeting in Port Angeles for the art gallery and studio opening. What time is it? I opened my bleary eyes to see the time - 11:47 a.m. I blinked in order to refocus...

"Shit! I'm going to be late!" I exclaimed, jumping up from the bed and running towards my dresser which wasn't there. Where is my stuff? I looked around, I didn't have a carpet covering my room nor was my walls painted a light beige color trimmed in white. I had three windows in my room while this one only had one. I blinked, hearing numerous footsteps running up what sounded like stairs before it finally dawned on me. What happened to the girl? Where am I?

"Noah! You're awake!" Mara shouted, throwing the door open before jumping on me. I let out a small scream as we crashed into the floor, luckily for me the carpet was rather plushy though it still hurt when my head bounced off of it.

"Mara, that was dangerous. You're sister is still weak." The woman with the three markings on her face from before scolded. I opened my mouth to speak but Mara unknowingly cut me off.

"But Emily, it's been two days!" I've been out that long!? "Leah woke up yesterday," that must be the girl's name, "and she was still passed out." I chuckled when she pouted causing her to look down at me, "You shouldn't be laughing. Do you know how worried mom and I was? Not to mentioned Sam and Emily!" Who's Sam? Then she punched my shoulder, "Damnit, Mara. You shouldn't hit people who just woke up." I reprimanded, pushing her off of me.

"Samara Janelle Washington, get off of your sister," hearing my mother's voice immediately caused me to smile, "Hello, firefly. I called the studio so don't worry," she greeted me as Mara helped me off the floor and onto the bed, that was a weight lifted off my shoulders, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, Momma," I answered as she pressed her hand against my forehead, "I still want that hot chocolate though," I said looking at Emily who smiled.

"I hope you like milk and chocolate chips in it," she commented, I almost jumped out of my seat, "I can see this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship," I replied, grinning like an idiot. My mom rolled her eyes as Mara said "I told you".

Emily's house was adorable; a two-story, three bedroom, cottage-like house that had a decent-sized front porch. The entire house had a homey feeling, very welcoming, bright, and warm. I instantly felt like part of the family. Her kitchen was small but that could possibly have something to do with the five Quileutes boys trying to sneak a peek at what was on the stove and in the oven.

"Embry Call, Paul Lahote, Seth Clearwater, Jacob Black, Quil Ateara! How many times do I have to tell you not snoop around my kitchen and look into the pots." It was amusing to see a woman barely over five feet scold five muscular boys at least a foot taller than her, it didn't help that all of them looked embarrassed or was pouting either. I could tell these people were close, like family.

"Come on, Emily. We're starving." One of the boys whined. I leaned against the wall since I felt it was rude to just plop down on the soft-looking couch, though it was tempting.

"Wait a few minutes. Noah, needs to eat something," she turned towards me with a smile, "you can sit down. I will have your coco and food ready soon," not waiting a second later I sat at the edge of the couch and laid my head down on the arm rest, closing my eyes for a moment, willing another headache away.

"Noah? Do you want to go back to sleep after you eat?" My mom's voice sounded soft. I yawned without meaning to.

"No, I think getting fresh air later would do me some good," I replied before my mom and sister headed into the kitchen to help Emily than I turned to look at smallest of the boys sheepishly, "Um, how is the girl? Leah, is her name?" The boy perked up slightly before giving me a small smile.

"She's doing good.. She kept checking on you but, you know," he shook his head, his hair was a bit longer than the others and curlier as well, I dreaded to think what my hair looked like, "thank you for saving her," I swallowed back the tears that came to my eyes as I saw his eyes grow bright with tears, "I just froze up."

"Hey, it happens," I instantly sat up, he looked unconvinced as a bit my lip, "Listen, tell her if she needs someone to talk to just come to me. I'm sorry but at least she's still here, maybe now she'll get help for herself," I squeezed his shoulder trying to give him comfort, I was proud of myself since I didn't flinch away from his body heat this time around.

"Why are all of you so hot? Must be a Quileute thing." I whispered absentmindedly and was surprised when he along with the other boys in the room smirked, I didn't think I said it that loud, "That's not what I meant," trying to prevent a blush from dusting my nose.

"Sure, it wasn't," One commented with a cocky grin on his face, "I guess you still don't know who we are besides Em, huh?" I nodded my head just realizing I didn't have a clue, "I'm Paul."

"Seth, Leah's brother," the youngest introduced with a small smile, I nodded.

"My name is Jacob but everyone usually just calls me Jake, that's Embry and Quil," Ok, got it. Wait.

"Mara mentioned a Sam?"

"Yeah, you could say he's the big-brother of the group. This is his house. Emily is his imp-fiancé." I raised my eyebrow at Embry's slip up and noticed the boys gave him the classic "shut up, stupid" looks. Interesting.

"Ok.." I'll let it slid but if they mentioned it again I'm going in for the kill. They all looked a little uncomfortable as I stared at them with interest.

"Here you go, Noah," Emily placed a mug filled with hot chocolate with whipped cream on top, I could see the mini chocolate chips decorating it, temptation took over and I took a swing of the hot concoction, "Careful, it's still hot!" But it didn't bother me too much, sure my tongue stung a bit but I was use to it. Yum, chocolately deliciousness.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Emily. She eats her food as soon as it comes out of the oven, always have. The heat doesn't bother her too much." My mom chuckled at the disbelieving looks everyone was giving me.

"What?" I asked, obliviously before grinning when Mara placed two slices of pepperoni pizza with red onions, ham and bacon down in front of me, "Awesome!" I didn't waste anytime digging in.

"Wow, she eats almost as bad as we do." Paul commented, staring at me. Ew, at least I'm not talking with my mouth full. Emily had already given the boys their food and they were pigging out.

"Give it some time and she'll probably eat the whole pizza." Mara retorted, taking a slice, plopping down beside me.

"Where does it all go?" Quil questioned, raising an eyebrow. The four older boys pervertedly checked me out. Mara stuck her tongue out, sharing a look with Seth.

"Keep your eyes on my face." I retorted.

"You can't do that, Sam!" Everyone's heads snapped towards the front door to see the girl from the cliff, 'Leah' and the older man from before walking inside, seems like a heated argument was about to happen. Oh boy.

"Relax, Leah. It's only for another day. Cullen said it shouldn't be that much long only until-" The man stopped as soon as he saw me, with pizza grease around my mouth, "Nevermind." Huh? Leah looked over his shoulder and immediately locked eyes with me. She seemed frozen, almost in confusion before a small, soft but awkward smile came over her face. She seemed torn for some reason; she would move her foot forward but changed her mind and kept still. I noticed the boys either looked tensed or had strange looks on their faces.


Leah's POV

I couldn't believe it. After two days, she was finally awake and I could see those green eyes. Her midnight black hair was in a messy nest of waves and slight curls around her face, despite the messiness of it, it fit her face perfectly. The area around her mouth was covered in grease probably from the pizza Emily had made for lunch. I stared at her full, naturally pink lips, tempted to know if they were as soft as they seemed. Would she taste like the pizza sauce? Would she taste as sweet as she smells? I wanted to know, needed to know. I desperately wanted to touch her, I was angry with myself for attempting suicide, I could have died without meeting her, my imprint, the sole reason for my existence.

When Sam and the others told me I imprinted, I was against the idea, she was a girl, a woman a few years older than myself. What if she had a boyfriend? Or worse, a husband. Children. What if she wasn't interested in girls, let alone me? What if she was only visiting? What if I never saw her again? There was a part of me that refused to let go of the past. How could I just forget about all the times Sam and I shared? They couldn't just disappear like that, instantly because of magic. We was together for three years! I felt torn between my current feelings and past ones.

"Um. You must be Leah, right?" Her voice was soft and sultry, my own personal symphony, "It's nice to finally meet you, face to face. I'm-"

"Noelle, I know." I didn't mean for it to come out sounding so harsh. My wolf whined when I saw her wince and unconsciously angled her form away from me. That hurt, terribly. Mara glared at me openly, despite the relationship those two had, she was furiously protective of Noah, my Noah. Seth gave me a disappointed glare while the others seem to look disapprovingly and confused. I couldn't blame them, I had stayed by her side for the entire two days she was unconscious and spent the nights outside the window just in case she woke during the night, only leaving her side to do my patrols or the necessities.

"Yeah." She replied, refusing to look at me now instead she seemed to find the plate on the table fascinating and had probably lost her appetite. I couldn't handle it, making her sad and fearful of my attitude. I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"...Let's go for a walk." She blinked up at me, I could only imagine the thoughts running through her head. She probably thought I was going to hit her for stopping me but I could never do that.

"Leah, I think she should -" Jacob was cut off by her.

"It's fine," she said, looking at him before looking at me, "let's go." Part of me wanted to jump for joy but the other part wanted to slap myself. I simply nodded. Everyone was anxious about letting her outside with me, alone. My wolf growled in anger at that thought.

"Anyone wants to play some football?" Paul quickly suggested, I was about to growl at him but stopped myself, she didn't know anything about shapeshifters. Contain the anger.

A few collected "sures" and "I'm ins" rang throughout the cottage and I was fuming on the inside. Noah looked relieved and slightly annoyed as the guys allowed us to go out first in order to "watch" me.

We were far enough away from the pack for Noah to think the boys couldn't hear us but I knew they could. She stopped walking near the drift trees before crouching down near the tide of the ocean, simply looking at a small crab walking by. The soft breeze tossed her ebony hair everywhere before giving me the pleasure of catching her scent; a mixture of fresh rain, cinnamon, and black raspberries, with a lace of vanilla and pine trees, a strange but uniquely scent that could only be described as Noah. The silence was almost unbearable for me, I longed to hear her voice again. Almost as if reading my mind she spoke.

"I won't ask why you did it because honestly it's none of my business," But it really is I wanted to scream, "But you need to know something," she peered up at me with those big, forest green eyes and I melted, "I may not know what you have been through or going through exactly but I'm sure there are people out there, one person, who will always love you for you. Maybe it feels as though you have nothing to live for, trust me, I speak from... experience at both ends," she paused for only a second to long but I saw how much pain it caused her to admit those words, what has my imprint been up against? "But always, always, hold on to your rationality, your hope. Realize you are loved and hope that the days will get better as time goes on," she meant every word. I was taken aback by her honestly, the truthfulness radiating from her eyes, the warmth coming from her entire being. I felt my breath get caught in my throat before I fell to my knees so tempted to break down and pour my heart out to her. But something held me back from reaching out to her, from loving her.

"You can cry, you can break down if you want to, Leah," I loved how my name sounded coming from her lips, "You don't have to be strong all the time," I felt her head bump against my shoulder, "You should have seen your brother, your mom..." My heart dropped and I felt so angry all of a sudden, I don't know why "They looked so broken until you started to breathe."

"Don't act as if you know everything!" I wanted to slap myself. Why was I acting this way towards her? To my surprise, I was met with penetrating eyes that held pain, anger, and understanding.

"Stop acting like a cold-hearted bitch," My mouth dropped, "because you're not that person you tried so hard to be. You're hurting, I can see that. You don't realize it but with you pushing people away it's causing you the most pain." She stood up angrily, glaring down at me. I didn't know whether to feel proud that my imprint was such a strong woman or to be angry at her accusations and persistence.

"Guys?" Seth's meek question was ignored by both of us. Jacob and Paul looked ready to break up what seemed like fight in their eyes and I saw Sam standing not too far from his porch, watching us. I wasn't stupid enough to phase out in the open, the possibility of hurting her caused my heart to ache.

"You're the one acting like a damsel in distress playing the hero just because you save me!" She smiled. What?

"That's right. I saved you, Leah," she squared her shoulders, still looking me dead in the eye with those damn eyes, "Do you know why?" I looked down at her in confusion, "Because you're worth saving." I was stunned as she confidently turned around, sauntering past the stunned pack, heading back to Sam's place. For the first time in my life, I was left speechless. But brimming with warmth.


Author's Note: I will try to post a new chapter up every week or at least twice a month. I only posted these somewhat back to back to try to get more people interested. Does anymore how the size to fit the cover image? I tried to shrink it down but it looked fuzzy. I'm going to play around the point of views but they will mainly be of Noah and Leah (I hope I kept her somewhat in character but if not, that's just going to be her personality for this story).

Side Note: This story actually has something to do what I have experienced and honestly it was hard to write but I hope that if someone is struggling with this, I encourage them to find someone, anyone to talk about this.

Noah and Mara's mother is portrayed by Rochelle Aytes.

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