II. One Year & Three Months
A sandwich and a cup of water sat on the table in front of her, both untouched. The room was dimly lit at her own request, her eyes squeezing shut and cowering away from anything brighter than a dull light-bulb in the corner. Her head still ached and noises still echoed in her ears, but the team that brought her in to the Vancouver SHIELD headquarters needed some answers.
"Are you in pain?"
Hayley's eyes flickered up to the woman sitting across from her at the table. She wore thick, black glasses and had her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. She wore a blazer and pencil skirt, looking just as professional as any other psychologist. But Dr. Mackenzie Jackson had been specifically assigned to Hayley. Her areas of focus were trauma, abuse and suppressed memory.
"No," Hayley shook her head, her voice low.
"You're not thirsty? Hungry?" Mackenzie pressed.
Hayley looked back at the options in front of her.
"Can I have some ice?" she asked.
Mackenzie nodded with a smile, happy to oblige. Anything to get Hayley talking.
Once there was ice in her cup, Hayley sipped at the liquid slowly before chugging all of it down. She hadn't realized how thirsty she had been. The awful taste in her mouth began to disappear.
"Hayley, I have a few questions I'd like to ask you,"
"I really want to go home," Hayley admit. "I want to see my mom and dad,"
"You'll get to, as soon as you answer just a couple of questions for me," Mackenzie assured. "I promise I'll have you on a jet back home as soon as this is done,"
Hayley understood the process, but it still didn't feel right being the one answering the questions instead of asking. Nevertheless, if it got her home, she would do it.
"Okay," she agreed.
"Okay," Mackenzie smiled again. "First, can you tell me the first thing you remember happening today?"
Hayley thought, lowering her gaze. It embarrassed her to have to think about it. To have to really think about where she woke up and how she got there. It felt like she had been on a weekend bender.
"I...I remember the sun," she admit. "It was so hot and it was right in my eyes. I was in a restroom at a motel, but..."
Mackenzie could see Hayley thinking intently, pushing herself to remember.
"Hayley?" she asked, seeing the woman's eyes well up and her fingers dig into her arms.
"I don't know how I got there,"
Mackenzie scribbled on her notepad, looking back up at Hayley with concern.
"You have no memory of getting there?"
"No," Hayley shook her head. "I don't remember any of this,"
Mackenzie watched her for a moment, wondering if it would even be useful to ask the questions SHIELD needed to know. Where was she? How did she get to Vancouver? How did she remain missing for over a year?
"Hayley, what is the last memory you have before waking up at the motel?"
This had been a thought on Hayley's mind all day. She tried to think what she remembered last, but it was like everything went blurry. She had moments, but they were all over the place.
"I got off the jet in Russia," she explained, still thinking. "I was with the team...and we were walking,"
"That's the last thing you remember?"
"Everything...it fades after that," she swallowed, her hands balling into fists as she thought long and hard about her memories. "And then the next thing that's clear to me...is waking up in the motel bathroom,"
Mackenzie nodded, putting her pen down and looking at Hayley with genuine worry.
"Do you know how long it's been since the mission?"
"Maybe a week? I don't know, it's hazy," Hayley admit, rubbing her temples.
Staring back at her, Mackenzie leaned onto the table closer, her voice coming out calmly and smoothly.
"Hayley, the mission in Russia took place one year and three months ago. You've been a missing person for over a year now,"
Steve arrived in Vancouver just after they had taken Hayley into questioning. Everything had been explained to him on the jet already, but once he saw the SHIELD officers at the headquarters, he had to ask again.
He needed to know exactly where they found her and how. After all this time, after searching the world for her, it had been bystanders on the streets of Vancouver that had found Hayley. It should have been him. He should have found her, he should have never stopped looking.
In the halls just outside the briefing room Hayley was being questioned in, Steve noticed another man standing. His eyes were locked on the door, his face fixed in concentration and anticipation. But his gaze soon moved toward the man walking closer, his shoulders sagging in relief as he walked over to hug his friend.
"I was already in Toronto when they called me," Blake explained. "I can't believe she's in there. She's right on the other side of that door,"
Steve hugged Blake back, both of them beyond relieved. They had been on this journey together, searching for Hayley all around the world and both putting the pressure on themselves to get her back safely. But in the end it was neither of them to find her. But she was here, and she was alive.
"How is she?" Steve asked when they pulled away.
Blake's soft grin began to disappear as he nodded, backing away to put his hands on his hips. He tried to say something, but he ended up just shaking his head and letting out a long sigh.
"The physical came back fine, she's healthy. But they warned me that she's frail," he explained. "And uh, she can't remember how she wound up in Vancouver. The woman who found her said she had no idea where she was and was standing in the middle of traffic,"
"Was she drugged?"
"Blood's being tested,"
Steve nodded and folded his arms, his jacket hugging tightly to his body as he too stared toward the door of the briefing room. Right behind those walls sat the woman he loved. The woman he hadn't seen in over a year and had thought about every single day.
It took almost an hour for the door to open. Blake and Steve had been standing outside in the hall patiently, watching as agents came and left, obviously not as anxious as the two men. Once he heard the doorknob turn, Steve's heart began beating rapidly.
Dr. Mackenzie stepped out first, a folder in her arms and a smile on her lips as she looked back at the woman following her into the hall.
Steve watched as Hayley stepped out of the room, but his smile was slowly fading. It was the woman he loved, but she was a shadow of who she used to be. Her body was thinner than Steve every imagined her to be, her skin was paler than a sheet and the darkness around her eyes made his heart sink in worry. His stomach was in knots, his anger fighting with his concern.
Blake was the first person Hayley laid her eyes on and neither of them hesitated to wrap their arms around one another. Blake cried softly as he clung to her tight, Hayley's hands rubbing his back softly. They whispered to one another continually, trying to pretend that no one else was watching. This moment was just for the two of them.
Hayley's thin arms eventually fell away from Blake's body, both of them staring into one another's eyes as they continued to speak together softly. It was then that Hayley's eyes travelled off to land on Steve's, her lips curling up into a sad grin and her eyes filling with tears. Steve felt his heart being torn at the sight of her and immediately closed the gap between them.
Sobs escaped her lips as she fell into Steve's embrace, the only place in the entire world that she would always feel safe. Steve's arms enveloped her protectively, feeling her legs wrap around his waist as he lifted her off her feet. She felt so fragile in his arms, so scared and lost, and Steve moved his head into the crook of her shoulder and vowed to himself that he would never let anything ever happen to her again.
For the first time in four hundred and thirty six days, he had the love of his life back in his arms.
As the jet to Chicago was being prepared, Hayley was given a room at the headquarters to rest. She had told Steve and Blake that all she wanted was a warm shower and fresh clothes, and that's exactly what she got, along with a hot meal awaiting her when she stepped out of the bathroom.
"Are you okay?" Blake asked, wrapping an arm around her waist to escort her to the edge of the bed.
"I'm okay, honestly," she told him with a grateful smile.
She was wrapped in a fluffy robe as she sat down on the soft bed, her wet hair dangling over her back. Steve sat in a chair by the bed, scooting closer to set the tray of food right in front of her. Hayley felt like an invalid with the extra attention and care given to her, but after learning she had been missing for over a year, she didn't say a word about any of it.
No one knew what the think of Hayley's memory loss. Dr. Mackenzie had mentioned that memory repression was common in traumatic experiences, but that Hayley was not expressing signs associated with it.
"Just eat what you can," Steve told her, seeing her eye the amount of food. "I know it's a lot,"
Hayley picked up a fork and began pushing around some of the food, opting for a spoonful of green peas. There was something warm and homey about them, and although Hayley didn't remember any of the year and three months she had been missing, she still felt like she had been gone for so long.
She knew she was no longer herself. The reflection in the bathroom assured her of that. She had almost cried looking back at herself, wishing she could remember what had happened to her.
"How's your head?" Blake asked.
"Still aches," Hayley answered honestly.
"I'll go check on some painkillers," he nodded, stepping out of the room.
Steve looked back to Hayley once they were left alone in the room, watching as she tried to keep herself away long enough to take a few more mouthfuls of food. She was exhausted and too tired to hide that fact. He couldn't help admire everything about her in that moment. The way her mouth moved when she chewed, the concentration on her face she she manoeuvred the food around her plate, the softness of her skin. Everything about her was amplified.
Being without her for so long had made Steve wonder how he ever did it. How did he manage to get one with each day without having this woman in his life? Without laying his eyes on her every morning?
"Are you okay?" she asked, drawing him back from his thoughts.
"Me? Yeah, I'm fine," Steve assured.
Hayley stared back at him, officially giving up on eating as she sat the tray down on her floor. She continued to watch him as she moved back further on the bed, feeling pillows surround her.
"Can you come up here?" she asked, gesturing to the spot just beside her.
Steve didn't give it a second thought, kicking off his boots and climbing up onto the bed with her. They both laid back against the pillows, Hayley's head going to Steve's chest just as it used to while his arms wrapped around her and pulled her tight against his body. It had been so long since they had this feeling. Complete.
"Steve," Hayley whispered against his shirt. "I'm so, so sorry,"
Steve's brows pulled together in concern, looking down at her sadly.
"Hey, hey," he soothed, hearing her sobs. "None of this is your fault, don't ever think that,"
Steve pressed kisses onto the top of her head and rubbed along her back, wishing for her tears to stop. There was nothing in this world for her to be sorry for.
"I can't remember any of it!" she cried, shaking her head. "I don't know where I was Steve, I thought I w-was gone for maybe a f-few days and...and I can't remember any of it!"
"It's okay, it's all going to be okay," Steve soothed, squeezing her close and brushing the wet hair away from her face. "We're going to figure this out, I promise you. We will find what happened. But you're home now, you're here,"
"What happened to me?" she sniffled, clutching at Steve's shirt and squeezing her eyes shut.
Steve's heart almost broke right there and then. It was one thing for him to be tortured all this time not knowing where she was or what had happened, but to be the person who was missing and still have no memory, it would be haunting.
All he could do was rub circles onto her back, listening to her cried soften and turn into soft breaths against his chest. He whispered loving words into her ear as she began to doze off in his arms, and there was nothing in this world that was going to make him let go of her.
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