The next few days were a blur, spent mostly in bed.
Cordy had stopped by to check on him, and found him exactly as she had expected. He didn't eat he didn't sleep, he just thought.
Of all the things he had given up, this was supposed to be right.
It was supposed to be a good thing he did.
But instead of her living the life she deserved more than any other.
He had left her alone to die. He wasn't there when she needed him. Wasn't there. Was off in some other dimension wrestling with his self-loathing.
He could have gotten back faster, if he had just tried.
Would it have been in time?
He wanted to sleep. He wanted the peace that came with blissful slumber.
But peace would not come.
Cordy shook her head when she came in Friday and saw Angel lying on his bed pretending to be dead.
Well deader.
She was attired in a long smartly cut black dress her hair piled atop her head and next to no makeup.
She wouldn't admit to it but Buffy's death had hit her hard too. Not as hard as her employer, but she was mourning.
She went into the dark musty smelling room and pulled the covers back. Not surprised to see that he was wearing the same boxer shorts he had gone to be in 4 days ago.
"Angel get your butt up and throw it in the shower. You smell like my great aunt Martha." She wrinkled her nose.
Angel didn't stir. Didn't even seem to notice the lack of blanket.
"Angel come on, up. Oz will be here in an hour to pick us up in his van."
Cordy got in his line of sight. Standing with her hands on her hips and tapping her left foot.
There seemed to be no recognition in his eyes. As if he didn't know what and 'Oz' was.
"Its Friday. You know, the day." She wanted to avoid saying the word funeral. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.
"Look you are going weather you like it or not, and if I have to get Wesley to help me drag you into the shower then so be it."
She meant it.
He knew she meant it.
He rolled out of bed and without a single word to her proceeded to the bathroom.
Cordy wore a proud smile as she descended to the lobby.
"You got him up," Wesley asked.
"Yeah he's mindlessly showering as we speak." she piped.
Her face took on a more serious note "how are we going to get through this Wesley?"
Wesley alone knew the depth of her grief. They had cried together all night when they learned of it. They fell asleep together crying in her living room.
"Going back there, facing all of them. Its almost too much."
"We'll get through" he said circling his arms around her "its him I'm worried about" he looked up at the stairs.
Cordy looked too. "I cant even imagine what he's going through." he added.
They were silent then.
Neither knew what to say.
Cordelia was right Angel was mindlessly getting ready. He let the hot water cascade over him but he didn't feel it.
He picked up his razor as he touched his newly grown beard but then put it back down. Facial hair didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
He walked back into his dimly lit room sopping wet and naked. Pulled some clothes from his closet not even paying attention to what he picked, it was mostly black anyway, then proceeded to pull them on to his sticky wet body.
He was going through the motions but not seeing or feeling anything. He was numb, of mind and body.
He was out the door and almost pulled the door shut when a blinking red light caught his eye. He saw it but he didn't see it. It was just there, red and blinking. It took a minute or two to figure out that it was actually there and not in his head. Then another minute to figure out that it was coming from the answering machine.
Who could it be from?
He had been in here since.... well.... for a few days. And he was sure he would have heard the phone ring. He wouldn't have answered it of course but he would have heard it. Or he thought he would have.
He was about to ignore it and close the door but his curiosity was too much. He went back in, to the little nightstand where the phone was situated and looked at the number that was ominously blinking 5.
Unwillingly his hand hovered over the play button. He trembled slightly as he pressed it.
The machine came to life. Giving the date and time of the first message.
The numbers meant nothing to him he didn't even know what date today was let alone the ones the little mechanical box was spewing. Then the message started.
"Hi," small hesitation "Angel?" Another pause. "This is Buffy..."
The machine went on but he was no longer listening.
It was Eerie like a voice from beyond the grave. Little shivers ran up his spine. Because in a way that's exactly what it was.
The message was over and the little machine was busy telling the date and time of the next message. He had missed the entire thing. Good thing there was a replay button.
But instead of replay he pushed stop. Did he really want to hear what she had said? This dead girl. This girl he had loved, still loved. Could he live with himself if he listened to it, could he if he did not?
He knew, that he had to know.
And he pressed that dammed button.
"Hi... Angel.... It's Buffy. I ummm need... Well remember when I said that you didn't need to run around behind my back trying to protect me? Unless I was in some kind of real danger... well I am... Now... Look something big is going down here. I don't know the specifics yet. But it's bad. And. I... need you... here. Now...It's very hard for me to ask this of you. It will be even harder to see you. But there's no way around it. Please just call me back soon. lov...... ummmm bye."
He pressed the stop button on the foul contraption scowling.
This horrible torment.
Oh god she had needed his help. Of course she had needed his help he already knew that.
What he hadn't known is that she had asked for it.
Asked this little machine to produce a hero to come and save the day.
A hero.
An untrustworthy incompetent slob whom she had just happened to fall in love with.
He hadn't been there when she needed him. He had come to terms with that. The guilt was overbearing but he realized it. But now after hearing her voice. Pleading with him to give her some of his time. To save her. Oh god it was all too much.
His legs no longer being able to support his weight he sat heavily in the black leather chair next to the nightstand.
'You weren't there, you weren't there' replaying over and over in his mind until he actually heard her voice say it.
Then he could see her face, her beautiful face frowning at him. Her lips moved along with the words but the voice came from everywhere.
He went to far as to cover his ears with his hands, but there was no escape because it was inside his head.
A knock at the door startled him out of his daydream.
Cordelia opened the door a bit further and stepped partway inside. Her eyes adjusting to the lack of light.
She saw him slumped in the chair. Soaking wet but dressed that was an improvement she guessed.
"Angel are you ready to go yet? They'll be here any minute. "
Angel just nodded.
She had trouble seeing the gesture though.
"We are waiting downstairs and we think that you should come."
"I'll be down in a minute," he snapped.
She tried not to take any offense "Ok hurry up".
Angel didn't answer just watched her retreat and listened to her footsteps down the hall. The clomping sound of her heels annoyed him but it was better than the sounds in his head right now.
Angel looked around the dank musty room. He wanted so much to climb back into bed pull the covers back over him and stay there, for an eternity if need be.
He really didn't want to face them all. The way he had let them down.
He didn't want to have to look into that coffin and see her little body resting forever in that small wooden box.
Buffy hated small places, she had told him once. Gave her the wiggins as she so aptly put it.
He knew better than to think that it was actually her in there, no, just her body. Her soul sure having gone off to heaven or the illesion fields or whatever paradise she so much deserved.
He would never see her again, for he was a monster and monsters didn't go to paradise.
Finally his eyes rested back on the answering machine, which was now blinking 4.
Well no message could top the one that had just shattered his unbeating heart so why not listen to the rest. He pressed the button and the machine rattled off some more incomprehensible numbers before playing the next message.
"Angel it's Buffy, again. I thought for sure you would have called me back by now so maybe you didn't get the last message. That's why I hate these things I cant count the number of message I haven't gotten. Plus I sound really bad on tape. Heh. And I'm babbling already. Ok the reason I called is to ask for your help. I learned more about what we are up against and I believe it may be more than I can handle. Angel I have to fight a god. Yeah a god right here in little old sunnydale. It gets worse. She's after dawn. There's something about my baby sister that you don't know and I don't really have time to explain it all right now so I'll just say that she needs Dawn. Dawn is the key. She, the god, doesn't know it yet though that Dawn is the one she needs. But I know she'll find out. It's just a matter of time. That's all I know for now. Call me back or come to Sunnydale and I'll fill you in on the rest.... And please hurry!" Click
Angel sat in shocked silence at his past lover's voice. She sounded so alive, scared, but alive.
What did she mean by 'something I don't know about Dawn.' He had known her since she was a little girl, he though he would recognize if something was 'off' about her.
What would a god need with Dawn?
While he was pondering this the next message was starting. It was Buffy again and no matter how much he wanted to turn it off and stop this torture he had too many questions. Answers to which this machine might be able to give him. So he listened.
"Angel! God please be there. I don't know what to do! Dammit Angel of all the times to go on vacation! I'm in serious trouble. She found out. Glory that's the god's name. She found out that Dawn is the key. And I did the only thing I could think to do. I ran! WE all packed up into a little camper and ran. We are now holding up in some abandoned farmhouse looking thing on the outskirts of LA. We didn't make it very far before we were attacked by an army of vigilante religious freaks who want to take care of the problem at the source. Meaning they want to kill Dawn before Glory can get a hold of her. They are all outside now held back only by willows magic but I don't know how long she can keep it up. Giles is seriously hurt. I don't know if he's gonna make it. What am I going to do if he dies? But there's a doctor here that's treating him and I'm using his cell phone. If you can call me back tonight." the sound is muffled like she pulled the phone away from her mouth "Ben what's this phone number?" short pause "545-7859 call me back soon please I don't know how long we can hold them off. Please."
Angel's mouth was gaping open now. He couldn't stand the fear and the anger in her voice. She had run away? He never knew her to run away from anything. It must have been bad. Of course it was bad. So bad that it killed her. But the message didn't answer any of his questions. God this was like watching from the sidelines. There was nothing he could do. He was too late.
"She took her..." Buffy's voice was quiet and strained. "Just took her right from me. And I didn't do anything about it. I just watched as she dragged my sister away. I fell apart. I couldn't think anymore. I kind of went catatonic." she let out a defeated chuckle "Willow had to come get me. She got into my mind and brought me back. I have to say I'm impressed with her she's really becoming quite the witch. But Angel I let it happen. I know I could have done more. But I gave up. I wanted it to be over. And now my sisters' dead. I'm the slayer I save the world from unspeakable demons on a weekly basis, but I couldn't save the one I loved most. The only on I have left. She's me you know? There were monks and they made her out of me. All the memories we all have, of growing up with her, of her sneaking up on us when we were smooching, they're not real. The monks made them too. Made her so perfectly and so neatly placed her in my life none of us knew. She wasn't really my sister. But it doesn't matter because she feels like my sister. To me. And I let her die."
The message abruptly ended. Leaving a very confused Angel staring blankly at the machine. He couldn't take any more right now. Not till he processed what he had already heard. He pressed the stop button. Then he heard the horn blow outside. They were here.
Now he had to get up. To face them and to face her.
He pushed himself out of the chair and stood on wobbly legs. Then when he regained some leverage he left the room and closed the door behind him.
The answering machine still blinked with one message yet unheard.
Calling out to him.
Buffy's final message pleaded with him to return.
But he did not.
The drive to Sunnydale was stoic. Even the usually bubbly Cordelia was silent. Just staring at nothing in particular. Her arm entwined with Wesley's as if she needed it to hold her upright.
Oz and Willow were in the front seats leaving angels group with the couch in the far back of the utility van.
Angel didn't remember it being in there last time he had gotten a ride, but he had just been tortured for hours, it very well could have been.
Xander and the others were not present. Angel guessed that they opted out of the bonding experience. Sure that they would meet up with them at the funer... No he couldn't say it.
It was too hard.
Made harder by the messages he had just listened too.
He knew he should tell someone about them but he wanted to keep them to himself... the last piece of Buffy that was his. He wasn't sure if Willow knew that Buffy had called him. Probably not. She always tried to stay strong in front of them.
Only he knew of her insecurities.
She had shared them with him when they were still together. Probably thinking they would be together forever.
But what did young girls who had a sacred duty and probably wouldn't live past the age of 25 know about forever?
He knew forever.
And at times like this he knew that forever was way too long.
Like forever to feel guilty for letting his beloved go to her death alone. The thought made his stomach turn.
He had been trying so hard to make amends for all the evil he had wrought as Angelus. So wrapped up in his new world but secretly hoping that he would have the chance to go back to her. When he averted the apocalypse.
It was told that he would get his humanity back.
So he greedily set about doing it. Not paying attention to those around him. He pushed his friends away. And now he lost Buffy.
Now the dream he had built up of going to her one bright day and kissing her like he had done once before was shattered into tiny little fragments. And there was no way to put it back together.
Dammit he had given his life up for hers.
More than once. And this is how the fates pay him back?
He was scowling now and it took all his might to back down off the edge and not let the demon side of him show through.
This was his guilt he would deal with it himself he didn't want the others to see his turmoil. He bit down.
His mind was rapidly reliving all the scenes of the day that never happened. God how could he have been so stupid. He knew that apocalyptic prophecies were vague at best. How could he have let her go a second time?
They would have had it all. If he could have just gotten off his high horse and let her take the lead.
The at least he would have been there with her at the end.
Or maybe she would have been here with him. Happily making a life and family for them.
A house a boat and two beautiful children.
The fantasy abruptly ended when the brakes squealed to a halt. Jarring the pleasant dream.
He grasped tightly to the images but they were slipping away.
Only then did he realize that he had been sleeping.
The night air was cool and it reminded Angel that his hair was still damp.
The congregation met in front of the silent looming structure that acted as one of many of Sunnydales funeral homes. The group consisted of Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow, Oz, Dawn, and a blonde girl he didnt recognize. And of course his team.
Willow instantly went to the blondes side. they embraced collecting Dawn to join them in the hug.
Angel felt very out of place.
Cordy had stopped by to check on him, and found him exactly as she had expected. He didn't eat he didn't sleep, he just thought.
Of all the things he had given up, this was supposed to be right.
It was supposed to be a good thing he did.
But instead of her living the life she deserved more than any other.
He had left her alone to die. He wasn't there when she needed him. Wasn't there. Was off in some other dimension wrestling with his self-loathing.
He could have gotten back faster, if he had just tried.
Would it have been in time?
He wanted to sleep. He wanted the peace that came with blissful slumber.
But peace would not come.
Cordy shook her head when she came in Friday and saw Angel lying on his bed pretending to be dead.
Well deader.
She was attired in a long smartly cut black dress her hair piled atop her head and next to no makeup.
She wouldn't admit to it but Buffy's death had hit her hard too. Not as hard as her employer, but she was mourning.
She went into the dark musty smelling room and pulled the covers back. Not surprised to see that he was wearing the same boxer shorts he had gone to be in 4 days ago.
"Angel get your butt up and throw it in the shower. You smell like my great aunt Martha." She wrinkled her nose.
Angel didn't stir. Didn't even seem to notice the lack of blanket.
"Angel come on, up. Oz will be here in an hour to pick us up in his van."
Cordy got in his line of sight. Standing with her hands on her hips and tapping her left foot.
There seemed to be no recognition in his eyes. As if he didn't know what and 'Oz' was.
"Its Friday. You know, the day." She wanted to avoid saying the word funeral. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.
"Look you are going weather you like it or not, and if I have to get Wesley to help me drag you into the shower then so be it."
She meant it.
He knew she meant it.
He rolled out of bed and without a single word to her proceeded to the bathroom.
Cordy wore a proud smile as she descended to the lobby.
"You got him up," Wesley asked.
"Yeah he's mindlessly showering as we speak." she piped.
Her face took on a more serious note "how are we going to get through this Wesley?"
Wesley alone knew the depth of her grief. They had cried together all night when they learned of it. They fell asleep together crying in her living room.
"Going back there, facing all of them. Its almost too much."
"We'll get through" he said circling his arms around her "its him I'm worried about" he looked up at the stairs.
Cordy looked too. "I cant even imagine what he's going through." he added.
They were silent then.
Neither knew what to say.
Cordelia was right Angel was mindlessly getting ready. He let the hot water cascade over him but he didn't feel it.
He picked up his razor as he touched his newly grown beard but then put it back down. Facial hair didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
He walked back into his dimly lit room sopping wet and naked. Pulled some clothes from his closet not even paying attention to what he picked, it was mostly black anyway, then proceeded to pull them on to his sticky wet body.
He was going through the motions but not seeing or feeling anything. He was numb, of mind and body.
He was out the door and almost pulled the door shut when a blinking red light caught his eye. He saw it but he didn't see it. It was just there, red and blinking. It took a minute or two to figure out that it was actually there and not in his head. Then another minute to figure out that it was coming from the answering machine.
Who could it be from?
He had been in here since.... well.... for a few days. And he was sure he would have heard the phone ring. He wouldn't have answered it of course but he would have heard it. Or he thought he would have.
He was about to ignore it and close the door but his curiosity was too much. He went back in, to the little nightstand where the phone was situated and looked at the number that was ominously blinking 5.
Unwillingly his hand hovered over the play button. He trembled slightly as he pressed it.
The machine came to life. Giving the date and time of the first message.
The numbers meant nothing to him he didn't even know what date today was let alone the ones the little mechanical box was spewing. Then the message started.
"Hi," small hesitation "Angel?" Another pause. "This is Buffy..."
The machine went on but he was no longer listening.
It was Eerie like a voice from beyond the grave. Little shivers ran up his spine. Because in a way that's exactly what it was.
The message was over and the little machine was busy telling the date and time of the next message. He had missed the entire thing. Good thing there was a replay button.
But instead of replay he pushed stop. Did he really want to hear what she had said? This dead girl. This girl he had loved, still loved. Could he live with himself if he listened to it, could he if he did not?
He knew, that he had to know.
And he pressed that dammed button.
"Hi... Angel.... It's Buffy. I ummm need... Well remember when I said that you didn't need to run around behind my back trying to protect me? Unless I was in some kind of real danger... well I am... Now... Look something big is going down here. I don't know the specifics yet. But it's bad. And. I... need you... here. Now...It's very hard for me to ask this of you. It will be even harder to see you. But there's no way around it. Please just call me back soon. lov...... ummmm bye."
He pressed the stop button on the foul contraption scowling.
This horrible torment.
Oh god she had needed his help. Of course she had needed his help he already knew that.
What he hadn't known is that she had asked for it.
Asked this little machine to produce a hero to come and save the day.
A hero.
An untrustworthy incompetent slob whom she had just happened to fall in love with.
He hadn't been there when she needed him. He had come to terms with that. The guilt was overbearing but he realized it. But now after hearing her voice. Pleading with him to give her some of his time. To save her. Oh god it was all too much.
His legs no longer being able to support his weight he sat heavily in the black leather chair next to the nightstand.
'You weren't there, you weren't there' replaying over and over in his mind until he actually heard her voice say it.
Then he could see her face, her beautiful face frowning at him. Her lips moved along with the words but the voice came from everywhere.
He went to far as to cover his ears with his hands, but there was no escape because it was inside his head.
A knock at the door startled him out of his daydream.
Cordelia opened the door a bit further and stepped partway inside. Her eyes adjusting to the lack of light.
She saw him slumped in the chair. Soaking wet but dressed that was an improvement she guessed.
"Angel are you ready to go yet? They'll be here any minute. "
Angel just nodded.
She had trouble seeing the gesture though.
"We are waiting downstairs and we think that you should come."
"I'll be down in a minute," he snapped.
She tried not to take any offense "Ok hurry up".
Angel didn't answer just watched her retreat and listened to her footsteps down the hall. The clomping sound of her heels annoyed him but it was better than the sounds in his head right now.
Angel looked around the dank musty room. He wanted so much to climb back into bed pull the covers back over him and stay there, for an eternity if need be.
He really didn't want to face them all. The way he had let them down.
He didn't want to have to look into that coffin and see her little body resting forever in that small wooden box.
Buffy hated small places, she had told him once. Gave her the wiggins as she so aptly put it.
He knew better than to think that it was actually her in there, no, just her body. Her soul sure having gone off to heaven or the illesion fields or whatever paradise she so much deserved.
He would never see her again, for he was a monster and monsters didn't go to paradise.
Finally his eyes rested back on the answering machine, which was now blinking 4.
Well no message could top the one that had just shattered his unbeating heart so why not listen to the rest. He pressed the button and the machine rattled off some more incomprehensible numbers before playing the next message.
"Angel it's Buffy, again. I thought for sure you would have called me back by now so maybe you didn't get the last message. That's why I hate these things I cant count the number of message I haven't gotten. Plus I sound really bad on tape. Heh. And I'm babbling already. Ok the reason I called is to ask for your help. I learned more about what we are up against and I believe it may be more than I can handle. Angel I have to fight a god. Yeah a god right here in little old sunnydale. It gets worse. She's after dawn. There's something about my baby sister that you don't know and I don't really have time to explain it all right now so I'll just say that she needs Dawn. Dawn is the key. She, the god, doesn't know it yet though that Dawn is the one she needs. But I know she'll find out. It's just a matter of time. That's all I know for now. Call me back or come to Sunnydale and I'll fill you in on the rest.... And please hurry!" Click
Angel sat in shocked silence at his past lover's voice. She sounded so alive, scared, but alive.
What did she mean by 'something I don't know about Dawn.' He had known her since she was a little girl, he though he would recognize if something was 'off' about her.
What would a god need with Dawn?
While he was pondering this the next message was starting. It was Buffy again and no matter how much he wanted to turn it off and stop this torture he had too many questions. Answers to which this machine might be able to give him. So he listened.
"Angel! God please be there. I don't know what to do! Dammit Angel of all the times to go on vacation! I'm in serious trouble. She found out. Glory that's the god's name. She found out that Dawn is the key. And I did the only thing I could think to do. I ran! WE all packed up into a little camper and ran. We are now holding up in some abandoned farmhouse looking thing on the outskirts of LA. We didn't make it very far before we were attacked by an army of vigilante religious freaks who want to take care of the problem at the source. Meaning they want to kill Dawn before Glory can get a hold of her. They are all outside now held back only by willows magic but I don't know how long she can keep it up. Giles is seriously hurt. I don't know if he's gonna make it. What am I going to do if he dies? But there's a doctor here that's treating him and I'm using his cell phone. If you can call me back tonight." the sound is muffled like she pulled the phone away from her mouth "Ben what's this phone number?" short pause "545-7859 call me back soon please I don't know how long we can hold them off. Please."
Angel's mouth was gaping open now. He couldn't stand the fear and the anger in her voice. She had run away? He never knew her to run away from anything. It must have been bad. Of course it was bad. So bad that it killed her. But the message didn't answer any of his questions. God this was like watching from the sidelines. There was nothing he could do. He was too late.
"She took her..." Buffy's voice was quiet and strained. "Just took her right from me. And I didn't do anything about it. I just watched as she dragged my sister away. I fell apart. I couldn't think anymore. I kind of went catatonic." she let out a defeated chuckle "Willow had to come get me. She got into my mind and brought me back. I have to say I'm impressed with her she's really becoming quite the witch. But Angel I let it happen. I know I could have done more. But I gave up. I wanted it to be over. And now my sisters' dead. I'm the slayer I save the world from unspeakable demons on a weekly basis, but I couldn't save the one I loved most. The only on I have left. She's me you know? There were monks and they made her out of me. All the memories we all have, of growing up with her, of her sneaking up on us when we were smooching, they're not real. The monks made them too. Made her so perfectly and so neatly placed her in my life none of us knew. She wasn't really my sister. But it doesn't matter because she feels like my sister. To me. And I let her die."
The message abruptly ended. Leaving a very confused Angel staring blankly at the machine. He couldn't take any more right now. Not till he processed what he had already heard. He pressed the stop button. Then he heard the horn blow outside. They were here.
Now he had to get up. To face them and to face her.
He pushed himself out of the chair and stood on wobbly legs. Then when he regained some leverage he left the room and closed the door behind him.
The answering machine still blinked with one message yet unheard.
Calling out to him.
Buffy's final message pleaded with him to return.
But he did not.
The drive to Sunnydale was stoic. Even the usually bubbly Cordelia was silent. Just staring at nothing in particular. Her arm entwined with Wesley's as if she needed it to hold her upright.
Oz and Willow were in the front seats leaving angels group with the couch in the far back of the utility van.
Angel didn't remember it being in there last time he had gotten a ride, but he had just been tortured for hours, it very well could have been.
Xander and the others were not present. Angel guessed that they opted out of the bonding experience. Sure that they would meet up with them at the funer... No he couldn't say it.
It was too hard.
Made harder by the messages he had just listened too.
He knew he should tell someone about them but he wanted to keep them to himself... the last piece of Buffy that was his. He wasn't sure if Willow knew that Buffy had called him. Probably not. She always tried to stay strong in front of them.
Only he knew of her insecurities.
She had shared them with him when they were still together. Probably thinking they would be together forever.
But what did young girls who had a sacred duty and probably wouldn't live past the age of 25 know about forever?
He knew forever.
And at times like this he knew that forever was way too long.
Like forever to feel guilty for letting his beloved go to her death alone. The thought made his stomach turn.
He had been trying so hard to make amends for all the evil he had wrought as Angelus. So wrapped up in his new world but secretly hoping that he would have the chance to go back to her. When he averted the apocalypse.
It was told that he would get his humanity back.
So he greedily set about doing it. Not paying attention to those around him. He pushed his friends away. And now he lost Buffy.
Now the dream he had built up of going to her one bright day and kissing her like he had done once before was shattered into tiny little fragments. And there was no way to put it back together.
Dammit he had given his life up for hers.
More than once. And this is how the fates pay him back?
He was scowling now and it took all his might to back down off the edge and not let the demon side of him show through.
This was his guilt he would deal with it himself he didn't want the others to see his turmoil. He bit down.
His mind was rapidly reliving all the scenes of the day that never happened. God how could he have been so stupid. He knew that apocalyptic prophecies were vague at best. How could he have let her go a second time?
They would have had it all. If he could have just gotten off his high horse and let her take the lead.
The at least he would have been there with her at the end.
Or maybe she would have been here with him. Happily making a life and family for them.
A house a boat and two beautiful children.
The fantasy abruptly ended when the brakes squealed to a halt. Jarring the pleasant dream.
He grasped tightly to the images but they were slipping away.
Only then did he realize that he had been sleeping.
The night air was cool and it reminded Angel that his hair was still damp.
The congregation met in front of the silent looming structure that acted as one of many of Sunnydales funeral homes. The group consisted of Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow, Oz, Dawn, and a blonde girl he didnt recognize. And of course his team.
Willow instantly went to the blondes side. they embraced collecting Dawn to join them in the hug.
Angel felt very out of place.
