A/N: Ok, so here's the second chapter. Love it; you are cool. Hate it; well, you are entitled to your own (erroneous) opinions…

Disclaimer: I disclaim this. No one is mine.  If they were, I would keep Han, Obi-Wan, and Wedge to myself…oh hang it all, I'd keep 'em all to myself.

Padfoot Reincarnated: Thanks so much for reviewing! big grin

Wilddog14: Yay! You are awesome!

Tavi-Rin: I enjoy blond Luke too, and Gimli came from…my MIND!

Please review, people! And this second chapter took awhile because I needed my friend to show me how to put chapters up.

"Okay," said Han. "We are going to pretend none of that happened."

"Luke was right, though…" giggled Leia. Han almost literally snarled at her.

Suddenly, the door opened and in walked Darth Vader who had apparently recovered from his sojourn on the hall floor, dragging behind him Wedge Antilles whom he deposited on the floor as soon as they were in the room. Wedge got up, brushing dust off the seat of his orange flight suit and glaring at Darth Vader.

Lando (who hadn't done anything for ages because he'd been sleeping) raised an eyebrow at the young man. "Do you always wear those things?" he asked, gesturing toward Wedge's suit and helmet.

"No!" said Wedge defensively.

"Bet he does!" laughed Luke, who, through all his pretence to like the other pilot, actually couldn't stand him.

"Enough!" boomed Darth Vader. "You will stop squabbling like five year olds and come back to the present."

"Yes," said Qui-Gon's spirit, who was keeping a good distance between himself and Darth Vader. "Focus on the present, my young Padawan."

"Am," said Obi-Wan.

"Wait, isn't he, um, not young?" asked Han.

"Figure of speech, cough moron!" said Lando.

"HEY! No one lives who calls me a moron!" yelled Han, jumping up and pointing his blaster gun at his dark friend.

"Moron, moron, moooooorrrrrooonnnn!" giggled Luke, running around and sticking his tongue out at the Corellian pilot.

"Hey, I'm from Corellia, too!" said Wedge who was somehow able to read the filler text.

"Really? Cool!" cried Han, forgetting about the whole 'moron' thing. "I haven't been back in ages; how's things there?"

"Neither have I, so I'm not sure."

"Oh! I have thought of the strangest thing!" said Qui-Gon suddenly. Obi-Wan rolled his blue-green eyes. Anything but another prophecy or pathetic life form, he prayed silently.

Everyone stared at the tall Jedi.

Qui-Gon assumed a 'professorly' look and stated, "Wedge here is like Han because they are from Corellia, he is like Leia because they both …um…have dark hair, and he's like Luke because…um…." The profound Jedi Knight was stumped.

Everyone thought this was incredibly lame.

"I'll tell you how!" cried Wedge. "Darth Vader killed my father!" He pointed angrily at the dark robed Sith Lord who was attempting to sneak out unnoticed.

"Oh…Darthy," sighed Darth Hideous. "How many young men did you leave fatherless, exactly?"

"Great," groaned Darth Vader. "How old are you, Antilles?"

"Eighteen."

"Ahhhhhh, nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Darth Vader, banging his helmet against the wall in frustration.

Leia suddenly had some insight. "Oh!" she exclaimed, her brown eyes widening. "Don't worry, Darth Vader, Wedge is most certainly not related to us. You strangled his father when you captured my ship!"

"Yeah!" cried Wedge, who looked both sad and angry. "He was Captain Antilles of the Tantive IV, Bail Organa's star cruiser!"

Darth Vader took some deep, calming breaths. "Hee hoo hee hoo hee hoo…"

"Breath. Breathing is the—" Gimli and Legolas were back.

"NO!" cried Leia, whose sanity didn't need testing again. She pushed the dwarf, the elf and the Sith Lord into the hall.

"Phew!" the princess of the nonexistent Alderaan sighed in relief as she leaned against the door.

"Well," Darth Hideous said to himself, "it seems like my little karaoke contest is going nowhere. Perhaps we should play…TRUTH OR DARE!" The last part was screeched to the high heavens.

Everyone stood there staring.

Wedge, who hadn't yet seen Darth Hideous make an idiot of himself, said, "No one told me Andy Serkis was in this thing."

Moments later, Wedge was lying on the floor with a broken nose, while the-prune-that-ruled-the-empire wiped blood off his fist.

"You really should try to be more careful!" exclaimed a girl with bushy brown hair. "Let me fix it for you … Episky!"

Everyone gaped as Wedge's nose went back to looking normal.

"Woah!" cried Hermione. "I'm so sorry! I totally thought you were my friend Harry… you look like him, you know … um … right, I'm leaving…." She disappeared.

"Right. ON WITH TRUTH OR DARE!" the highly deranged emperor shouted.

After catching his breath, he continued: "I will begin by asking someone truth or dare. They must answer or dire consequences await."

Darth Hideous chose Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon chose 'truth' because he didn't want to know what evil dare the walking prune might have in store.

"Are you, or are you not, wearing purple smiley boxers?"

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes. "No, of course I am not!"

He then deliberated on who to choose. He finally picked Obi-Wan, who picked 'truth.'

"Um…..let's see…ah…did you cry a lot when I died?"

"What kind of a question is that!" the ginger-haired Jedi Knight wanted to know.

"I was just curious."

"Okay, fine, yes." Obi-Wan crossed his arms and glared at the wall. Leia did what we all want to do and patted him on the head. However, Obi-Wan doesn't like people touching his hair, so he made Leia go next. She picked 'truth.'

"Uh…did you kiss Luke?"

"Does everyone know about that?" Leia cried and slapped Han, which was answer enough.

"Really, Han," chuckled Qui-Gon. "I don't know how you do it!"

Han said some extremely rude words in Huttese, Rodian, and finally Wookiee.

You know, you sound retarded when you speak Wookiee. Chewie barked.

"Well, at least I can pronounce your name!"

"Okay, okay, moving on…" said Leia as Chewie and Han snarled at each other. "I pick, um, Wedge."

Wedge picked 'dare' because he was tired of this stupid game.

"Okay!" said Leia happily. "Take off your helmet."

"Aw man…" Wedge groaned, but he pulled the helmet off anyway, revealing a lot of jet black hair. He had no desire to discover what the 'dire consequences' were.

Everyone laughed because they thought Wedge looked really funny without his helmet on. Leia hoped that no one would notice that she thought he was sort of cute, even if he did have dried blood on his face.

Wedge picked Han because he was laughing the hardest. Han picked 'truth.'

"Um…………… Wedge took forever to think up a good question…Okay, who was your last girlfriend, before Leia, and why'd you, um, break up?"

Han sighed. "Bria Tharen," he said hollowly, "and she died."

Silence.

Everyone collectively agreed this game wasn't fun anymore.

"I've got an idea!" cried Luke, jumping up and down hyperactively. Han made a mental note to check what was in the kid's ration bars, anyway. "Let's play with an Ouija board!"

"What is this, some teen-age girl's sleepover?" Lando wanted to know.

"I'm the only teen-age girl here," Leia reminded him. "And I think I'm the sanest."

And people usually don't ask about old girlfriends at teen-age girl's sleepovers, Chewie barked.

"Okay," said Qui-Gon, attempting to keep some sanity in the proceedings, "We don't have an Ouija board, Luke."

"Me has one, kind sirs!" cried a little creature, pulling a board out from behind the pillow case he was wearing and disappearing again.

Everyone stood staring at the board.

"I think, for once, the young Jedi has a good idea. Since this is my party, I say I ask the first question," Darth Hideous proposed.

The collective members of the room all sat down on the floor around the board.

Darth Hideous showed them how to place their hands on the little thing that "moves" around the board.

"Ewwwww, gross!" groaned Obi-Wan. "I don't wanna touch you!" This was directed toward the emperor.

Everyone was surprised at how childish the 38 year old Jedi could sound when he wanted to.

They all chose to ignore him.

"Oh, great Ouija board," the emperor intoned, "Who is the best looking guy here?" He expected it to answer him, of course.

The Ouija board answered, "ME."

"Besides you."

"WEDGE ANTILLES."

"You cheated!" everyone yelled at Wedge because they had all wanted to be proclaimed best looking guy (except Leia, obviously).Wedge went and hid in the corner to prevent them hurting him. Everyone else went back to the game.

It was Han's turn to question the board. "Am I gonna die tomorrow?" he asked.

"YEAH, TOTALLY. AND I'M A TALKING PIECE OF PLASTIC; WAIT, I AM A TALKING PIECE OF PLASTIC! HMMMMMMM."

"So, basically you have no idea."

"I SAID YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE, OKAY?"

"Fine by me!"

"Han!" cried Leia. "Stop talking to the game board! It is an inanimate object and can't hear you!"

"I RESENT THAT."

"Are you alive? Who are you?" Obi-Wan queried.

"You're not supposed to ask that!" everyone yelled at him, but the board was already answering.

"I AM TOBIAS. I AM BEING MISUSED BY THE EVIL EMPEROR INTO ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS."

Darth Hideous suddenly looked nervous. "Ha, ha, no need to pay attention to him, I mean, it! Ha, ha…"

Qui-Gon booted him into the hall to join Darth Vader, Gimli, and Legolas who were already out there.

"YOU CAN ONLY HELP ME BY COMPLETING THE FIVE TASKS OF OUIJA," the board/Tobias announced.

Everyone looked at each other.

"I'd vote no," said Lando. "Sounds too much like an actual plot line to me!"

"DARN. BUT NOW YOU ARE ALL UNDER THE CURSE OF MY RATH. THREE ANNOYING PEOPLE WILL NOW JOIN YOU. GOODBYE."

"I thought there couldn't be more annoying people under one roof, already," Leia commented. "I wonder…."

Suddenly three men materialized in the middle of the group. One was tall and stiff, one was a little chubby and very dour, and the third was tall and mischievous.

"Just when I thought things couldn't get worse," sighed the dour one.

"I do believe that for once you are right," the stiff one commented.

"Oh powers that be, the end of the universe has clearly come!" cried the mischievous one.

"Oh, no!" groaned Wedge from the corner. "That board couldn't have picked three more annoying people to send us!"

"Who are they?" Everyone wanted to know.

"Tycho Celchu, Derek 'Hobbie' Klivian, and Wes Janson!"

A/N: As you can tell, X-wing: Starfighters of Adumar is affecting me (although I obviously didn't take it all as cannon—I prefer to name Captain Antilles of the Tantive IV as Wedge's father). "But it wasn't home. Home was a family-owned filling station destroyed half his life ago with his parents still on board, and nothing had ever come along to replace it." Isn't that sad?

Here's another quote, this time from The Paradise Snare (Han Solo trilogy #1).

"In his hands was Bria's flimsy, and he was trying to read it by the flickering light of a brothel's sign. Han blinked. Must be raining…His face was wet…

"He looked up at the sky, but of course, there was no sky, only a rooftop, high above. He held out a hand, palm up. No rain." I think that's really sad too. Okay, enough sadness.

MAY THE FORKS BE WITH YOU 'TIL WE MEAT AGAIN! (hahaha)