***Seven years ago***
"The other trainers weren't kidding when they said you'd be resistant."
I state this simply to the man in front of me. He's strapped to a chair, and it seemed to be the only way to keep him still. His two hands are balled into fists, but the one that caught my eye was his left hand... The metal one. It was our second day together, but he wouldn't say a thing. He just kept his two blue orbs on the ground, avoiding me at all costs. I would've thought, given his reputation, that he'd be tougher... I mean he is the winter soldier. I breathe a deep sigh of annoyance when he still refuses to speak. How was I supposed to train him for hydra if he refused to even look at me. I take a step forward, the heals of my shoes clicking louder and louder with each step I take. Maybe torture wasn't the way to get him to talk... Or maybe it was, if it was the right kind of torture... I move my hands to his, and sit on his lap. His body tenses when I do. He didn't expect me to touch him so softly.
"Come on soldier... Talk to me..."
I whisper as sweetly as I can. I guide my left hand from his right, moving it to his face. I gently force him to look from the ground to me.
"... I just want to talk and then you can go back to your room. You won't have to see me for the rest of the day."
His chest rises and falls a bit faster than it was before, his eyes locking on me. His eyes are cold and dark, the longer he looks at me the tighter his metal fist clenches under my right hand.
"You people always go back on your word."
He practically growls out the words, his lips barely moving as he says it. I nod in agreement, he was right hydra always did what they wanted to.
"I won't. I promise."
I murmur as I lean in ever so slightly. His eyes move from mine as he glances down to see how close we are. I feel myself smirk, he hadn't been close to a woman in years probably...
"You promise?"
He states as his eyes move to my chest, lingering for a moment.
"I promise soldier and I always keep my word."
Shifting his eyes back to mine, he simply nods. I smile as nice as I can, moving the hand still on his face. I brush the pad of my thumb across his cheek bone.
"How much training do you remember? My father wants me to see if you remember anything."
He clenches his jaw at the mention of my father... He knew that Alexander pierce was responsible for his newest level of torment.
"I remember the basics, that's all they let me remember after the last time they wiped my mind."
I nod, taking in everything he's said. I lean in a bit more, and his eyes move back to my chest.
"Do you like what you see soldier?..."
I ask causing him to look back up from them. He looks ashamed, his body tensing even more.
"... It's okay to look... I mean we're going to be spending a lot of time together..."
I pause as I place both of my hands on his chest. I lean in and brush my lips against his, giving him a quick peck.
"... Do you know what positive reinforcement is soldier?"
I whimper against his lips hoping every touch I give him makes him trust me more. He shakes his head 'no' as confusion enters his eyes.
"It means that whenever you do something right, you get a reward. I want us to get along, and the only way to do that is for you to listen to me."
I move my hands from his chest, reaching for my jean pocket. When I feel what I'm looking for I pull it out. A shiny key gleams up at me through the darkness of the room we're in. If I wanted him to trust me, I'd have to do things that warrant trust. I unlock his right hand first, and then unlock his left.
"I could hurt you."
He states simply as a grin moves to my face.
"Oh I know..."
I state as I guide my lips back to his. This time I'm harsher in my touch, but he returns it with the same intensity. His hands find my waist, the metal of his arm causing a chill to go up my spine.
"... But I like a bit of pain."
I rasp in response as his lips claim mine. He was playing along perfectly... Like a good little experiment, everything was going the way I hypothesized.
"Why are you doing this? What do you want?"
He asks me this once the kiss was broken, and we both struggle to breathe normally again. He may be stubborn, but he knew how to kiss... They didn't make him forget how to do that.
"I just wanted to reward you for doing as I asked. For talking to me."
His eyes search me as though he's trying to figure out what I'm really up to.
"Did you not like it?..."
I ask in fake insecurity, my eyes widening.
"... Should I get someone else to reward you?"
He breathes a deep breath, his jaw once again clenching.
"You were fine."
I sigh studying him. I could tell that I was getting under his skin... I could see it in his eyes, even though he sounded less than enthused. I attempt to get up off of him, but his hands stay on my waist. A part of me feels a twinge of panic when I find that I can't even budge.
"I thought you had questions."
He states this as he watches me closely. I sigh.
"I only ask what I'm told to, and I already did that."
I whisper through clenched teeth as his grip tightens. If he was going to play like this, then I was going to beat him at his own game. I tilt my head to the side causing my long brown curls to fall in my face. I smirk at him as his face falters... I guide my lips back to his and this time I deepen the kiss after a few seconds earning a groan from him. My hands find their way back to his chest as I push him back in the seat. His back lightly thuds against the leather of the chair. He breaks the kiss, guiding his lips to my neck. It's when he does this that I feel myself get a bit disoriented. Sure, I was playing him, but in the moment I found that a part of me was giving into him more than I wanted to admit.
"When's the last time you were with a woman soldier?"
I whimper when his hands move lower on my body. For a man who'd been frozen on and off for the last 70 years, and had endured his fair share of brain zaps, he sure knew what he was doing. He stills his actions, freezing in place as I pull away from him. He looks insecure... I'd hit a nerve. I smile.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of..."
I rasp as I move my lips to his neck, he leans his head backing giving me better access to his neck. I give him the most tender kisses I can before whispering in his ear.
" ... Your are quite the kisser solider. It's almost like your rewarding me."
I playfully bite down on his exposed neck as my right hand moves down his chest. I trace his body, feeling his torso muscles tense underneath my touch. I stop when I reach his now prominent bulge. I give his neck another kiss as I move to palm him through his pants. His head tilts his head back even more and jaw drops as he groans once again. I kiss his neck a few more times as I tease him, until I feel the need to stop, deciding that the best time to do that, would be when he needs me the most. I rest my head against his shoulder, my forehead pressed up against the metal of his arm. His breathing comes out in huffs as he tries to bring himself down from the high my hand caused.
"My little soldier... If I didn't know any better, I'd say you enjoyed that."
I state breathlessly as I lift my head up from his shoulder and our eyes lock, his gaze full of sexual frustration. His hands move from my waist, giving me the chance to move freely.
"I've dealt with cruel, but you... you're a whole new level."
He says this in a barely audible whimper. My mouth pulls into a tight line, as I move my hands to the arms if the chair. I use them as I way to push myself up off of him. When I am off of him I stand close to his chair, folding my arms across my chest.
"Oh my dear... you have no idea how cruel I can be."
I say this as I glance away from him. I face the exit grinning at the man who is standing there... Brock Rumlow. He looks unhappy with me, but I couldn't blame him. He probably saw the whole show. I sigh walking up to him.
"I love you."
I mouth as his gaze intensifies, he nods seeming to understand that I did all of this to get the soldier to talk.
"Please take the soldier back to his room..."
I whisper before turning back to look at the man I'd spent the majority of the day with. His eyes are cold and detached... the way they'd been before we'd spoken. I feel my stomach turn as I look at him... suddenly I feel guilty.
"... I made him a promise and intend to follow through with it."
I gasp as I sit up in bed. I'd remembered it all as though it had just happened... My head is spinning, and my breathing is ragged. The clock on the nightstand read 3:00 am... I'd only been asleep for an hour. I look at the other side of the bed and smile when I see James passed out next to me. He looks so peaceful... nothing like the dream I'd had. After a few seconds of laying there, watching him sleep soundly I pull the blankets back and swing my legs over the side. I am silent as I get out of bed, my heart is racing and laying down isn't helping. I walk out of the room and head to the kitchen. The current Hydra facility we were staying in had apartment residing inside of it, and since I was in charge I got the nicest one. With shaking limbs I move into the kitchen. I feel like I'm going to throw up... my heart continues to race, and sweat clings to my forehead and neck. I needed a distraction, so I decide to make myself coffee. I rest my hands on the counter top after I put my coffee cup underneath my Keurig coffee maker and pop in the cup of coffee I want before pressing brew.
"The Emilia I remember never got night terrors... no matter what she did."
My heart stops when I hear that voice... his voice. I turn my head ever so slightly and feel my breathing hitch. How could I hear his voice? He was dead...
"Brock?"
I whimper as tears move to my eyes... this couldn't be happening... was I going crazy? He's leaning against the counter top, a smirk etched into his handsome face.
"Oh honey don't cry..."
He pauses moving forward. He doesn't move too close to me, but it's close enough to my make the nausea in my stomach grow.
"... People like us don't have feelings."
I shake my head in protest.
"You're wrong."
A tear escapes my eye, as I look at him. I'd ordered James to kill Brock weeks ago, when I realized that taking down Hydra would never happen if he was alive. And while I was the one who made the call, I'd still felt guilty for killing him. I had loved him back when I was a ruthless Hydra agent... back when we both wanted the same thing, but after he'd left me things changed. We grew apart, but that didn't mean I stopped caring about him.
"Don't act like you cared... you told your new boyfriend to kill me."
I bite down on my lip as I watch him.
"I did what I had to... I need to stop this madness and you would've stopped me. You would've wiped my mind and killed James. You would've wanted Hydra to survive, and I couldn't let that happen. You wanted to kill millions Brock and that's not right."
He nods, his eyes looking me up and down.
"I might've wanted to kill millions, but you did your share of killing back when you did what Hydra wanted.. You were one of us, but apparently you've forgotten where you come from. Your daddy made you a member of Hydra when you were only 11 years old, you became the top torturer in this organization by the time you were 16 years old. But then when you met Barnes you got soft... you changed, but it doesn't matter... you've still done terrible things. You killed me..."
He pauses once he's directly in front of me.
"... I loved you and you didn't need to change for me. Yes I made mistakes, and said all the wrong things, but you killed me. You're a murderer."
I close my eyes when he finishes speaking, more tears moving to my eyes. I want to reach out and touch him, to comfort him, but I can't... he's dead and I know he is... this is all in my head.
"You're not here... this is all in my head."
He nods.
"You're right... I'm not here, and I am in your head. And thanks to your new found ability to feel guilt I'm never leaving you."
My body shakes like it had minutes ago, and I can't help it. My hands ball into fists, and I try to punch him even though I know he's not there. I hit air, but when my hand drops, I knock it off of the counter top. A loud thud erupting after my fist collides with it. I pull my lips into a tight line, in order to hold in my urge to yell in pain. Tears move down my face, but it isn't from the pain in my fist... it's from the hallucination. I sink down to the ground as I hold in a sob.
"Miss Pierce?"
A woman states from behind me. I don't wipe away the tears, because I know that voice. I turn my head in the direction of the voice and sigh.
"Come in..."
The woman looks like someone I worked with back when I'd first worked for Hydra, she trained with me, and was my best friend... But I knew that the woman in front of me wasn't who everyone thought she was.
"... You're with me Natasha you can take off the mask."
When I'd decided to take down Hydra from the inside, I knew I'd need a lot of help. I knew I'd need someone who could fit in here, and relay information to Steve. Natasha was my first choice and thankfully she had a gadget that made her face look completely different. When she had that on she looked like a Hydra agent, the same one I was best friends with. She moves her hands to her face pulling off the digital mask.
"What's wrong? You look like hell."
She walks into the kitchen and helps me up off of the floor. She gives me the most concerned face I've ever seen, and it makes me feel weak.
"I'm seeing things, and I can't sleep. I can't tell James because if I tell him he'll freak out. Or worse somehow the others will find out. I have to be at the top of my game Natasha, and I can't show weakness. But I'm losing it... I just had a ten minute conversation with agent Rumlow, and he's been dead for a month."
I say it all really fast, my mouth moving so fast that she has to take a second to really digest what I said. Her brow furrows as she watches me.
"Emilia... breathe. It will be okay."
I run my hands through my hair as I breathe a deep breath.
"I feel like I'm going to burst."
She puts her hands on my shoulders.
"You're stressed out, but it will be okay. You are stronger than you know."
I breathe in and out a few times, trying to calm myself down. Her faith in me, meant a lot, but I still felt like I was going to break at any second. She looks like she wants to say something else, but when the sound of someone walking down the hall is heard, she grabs her digital mask. She puts it back on and takes a step back. Her posture straightens as she looks at me, her new face giving me a stern look.
James didn't know about Natasha being here... he couldn't know.
"Yes, Ms. Pierce..."
Natasha whispers when James walks into the kitchen.
"... I'll get right on that. Goodnight Ms. Pierce..."
She pauses as she turns to walk out of the room. She looks at James and bows her head.
"... Goodnight soldier."
She leaves us, and James glares after her. He hated all Hydra members, except for me. He clenches his jaw as he turns to look at me. I can tell that he's angry with me... He thinks I got up in the middle of the night to work, but the reality of it was, I just couldn't sleep.
"Don't start with me."
I state as I turn back to my coffee... I wasn't in the mood for a fight.
"Emilia. Despite what you think, you are human and you need to rest."
I move to the fridge grabbing the creamer I want to put into my coffee, and shrug my shoulders. I knew I was human, and I knew that I needed rest, but how could I get it? I am so scared that I can't even sleep... How do I sleep when all I can see are hallucinations?
"Emilia... there's something you aren't telling me."
I take a sip of my coffee and sigh, putting the creamer on the counter.
"I'm fine."
I state through clenched teeth as I turn to face him. He's closer than he was before, his eyes narrowed as he watches me.
"You woke up gasping for air. Something is wrong... and you're going to tell me or I'll make you tell me."
I narrow my eyes and put my coffee cup on the counter.
"Are you threatening me?"
I ask as he nods. He lifts his metal hand up, wrapping his hand around my neck. It doesn't hurt, it's just cold on my skin.
"I'll get you to talk."
He whispers as he pulls me in, his lips moving to mine. My eyes flutter closed as we kiss, the tension between us only adding fuel to the fire.
"Are you going to use my own tactics against me?"
I moan when he pushes me up against the counter top, his lips moving to my throat.
"Tell me what's wrong."
He groans as he guides us to stand chest to chest. I look up at him and shrug my shoulders.
"Nothing is wrong... I'm just stressed out."
He shakes his head in protest, he sees right through me. He guides his other hand to the bottom of my nightgown, lifting the fabric ever so slightly. He leaves chills in the wake of his touch, and he can see the impact he has on me. I look away from him when he smirks, if we continued at this rate I would be putty in his hands.
"James... stop."
I whimper before looking away. He wraps the metal of his left hand around my jaw, forcing me to look at him. There is rage in his blue eyes, and I hate it because I know that it's my fault it's there.
"You want to take down Hydra? We'll need to work together and the only way to do that is through us communicating. I get that you don't trust me like you used to, but you have to talk to me. I know you, and I know when something is bugging you."
I feel the tears I'd cried minutes ago, a lump in my throat forming.
"I'm losing my mind..."
I state breathlessly. He was right... I needed to tell him what was going on, even if I was afraid to. How could I expect us to have a healthy relationship if we didn't talk about the things that were bugging us?
"... I'm afraid and on edge. Whenever I try to sleep I have nightmares of what I used to be... and then tonight... I saw Brock. I'm hallucinating people Bucky... I'm losing my mind. It's some strange from of PTSD, and I don't know what to do."
His eyes widen when I tell him this. He moves his hands to my face guiding me to look at him.
"I have that too..."
He whispers as he breathes a deep sigh.
"... But we can get through this."
I nod as he pulls me in against him, wrapping me in an embrace. His touch is comfortable and inviting, and for the first time in weeks I felt safe. But when I look at the wall across from us, I feel my stomach turn. I hold James tighter as I lock eyes with someone I never thought I'd hallucinate... My father...
Alexander Pierce.
