So I know I said I'll end this story with this chapter, but I've decided to break it down into two. I've written the ending, but it needs a severe brush up before I put it up. Also this way, the story won't seem too rushed. Oh, and I changed the rating for reasons that will become obvious ;)

Jackson observed his mother carefully, trying to gauge her reaction. His mother on the other hand, just looked supremely disinterested in what had just taken place, and was gazing around the bar as if looking for someone. He waited a few more seconds, expecting her to give up this pretense of not really looking like she cared, but after nothing happened, gritted his teeth and decided to speak.

"So what do you think?"

His mother took a sip of her drink and looked around when the bell above the door at Joe's tinkled signaling the arrival of someone, and with a huff, looked back around at him, her expression showing mild disappointment.

"Hmm?"

Jackson rolled his eyes. She was overacting now. There was no way his mother, the queen of Nosy Parkers, wasn't at least a little curious.

"What did you think about Stephanie?"

For two days, Jackson had wallowed in self-pity after April had shut her front door on him, at times angry with her for not fully explaining herself to him, at times mad at himself for not being able to figure it out on his own. Jackson didn't want to admit it to himself, but thoughts of April had started to bug him so much that introducing Stephanie to his mother had been a desperate attempt at reminding himself that he was with her now. He felt a bit guilty but…doing things with Stephanie didn't come naturally to him. He had made the mistake of forgetting to meet up with her for dates they had planned in advance a few times now, but he put it down to the fact that their relationship was still fairly new. Most relationships must start off like that anyway, and he was sure that he was just going through a phase.

Because all things considered, being with Stephanie was easy. He didn't have to bend over backwards to figure her out. She didn't drive him up the wall, didn't test his patience, never once disagreed with him, never flew into a fiery rage when mad at him just to apologize a second later…and she…she… never touched his cheek with her small hand to soothe him, never cried in his arms for someone she couldn't save, never looked at him with so much innocent compassion in her eyes that he gladly would have taken the life of anyone who tried to hurt her.…

NO Jackson.

He thought furiously. Stephanie. Think about Stephanie.

Stephanie had been very polite with his mother, albeit a bit awestruck, but what hadn't sat well with Jackson was that he thought his mother had actually managed to look quite bored with her. And boredom was not a look that suited Catherine Avery. She rarely ever looked it, never wanted to be associated with it, and she herself was the very opposite of it. Jackson had learned to read his mother well over the years, and the fact that she hadn't tried to sniff an ounce of personal information out of Stephanie was very unsettling.

And as the night went on, it had made him increasingly impatient to find out what her thoughts were.

So he stared at her expectantly, eyebrows raised, until she got the hint.

"Oh! She's nice dear. Now, did you get a chance to ask April why she's moving? I'm really very curious. Didn't the two of you come to this bar quite often? I keep looking for her but I feel like she's been avoiding me lately…"

"You're not the only one…" muttered Jackson. April had been avoiding him ever since the day she told him to "figure it out" on his own, and he'd been too much of a coward to seek her out.

"…and it's really not like Grey-Sloan doesn't have a good trauma department. I would tell her to take some more time to consider her options. It's not a decision she should-"

"Mom I really don't want to-

"…aren't you two close? She surely must have asked your opinion before taking such a huge step…"

"Mom-"

"…so did you ask her? What did she say?"

Jackson leaned back in his chair and fingered some cashew nut shells strewn on the table, his jaw set stubbornly.

"I did not come here to talk about April." He said sulkily.

Catherine Avery sighed.

"Honey look, I know you must feel upset that she's decided to move. I mean you're best friends, you went through a lot together. You two lost both Reed and Charles. I remember you four at Mercy West, looking like some Roman Army unit, always going everywhere together…"

Catherine paused to give a small laugh, surreptitiously giving her son the eagle eye, watching for a reaction.

There was something her baby boy wasn't telling her. As soon as she had mentioned April Kepner's name, he had stiffened up considerably. And for a while now, whenever she had got him or April to talk to her, neither had seemed to know much about what the other was doing. Something was up.

"I just want you to know that you can talk to me. it's nothing to be embarrassed about if you admit that you're going to miss her…"

Catherine narrowed her eyes and chose her words very very carefully. It was crucial that she found out which of her son's buttons to press where April was concerned. She just had to mention the girl's name and he started looking like a puppy that lost his bone, all mopey and sulky.

Jackson glared at his mother. He wanted her opinion on Stephanie and he wanted it now. You could never shut the woman up normally, she always had something to say about everyone, and the one time he wanted to know what she thought she acted like nothing had happened. And all these questions about April were grinding on his last nerve. He had just introduced her to Stephanie. This should be about Stephanie. Why did she keep bringing up April? What exactly did she know?

"Look. I just wanted to know what you thought about Stephanie, alright. Honestly mom, you go on and on about how I always keep things from you, and now that I actually introduce a girlfriend to you, you decide to ignore the issue completely, I mean what…?"

Catherine rolled her eyes. Oh this Stephanie girl. She didn't understand what her son was doing with her. Sure, she seemed nice, but it wasn't hard to figure out that the girl was absolutely infatuated with her son- which was very unseemly to be honest. Jackson certainly didn't need a fan girl following him around, lapping at his feet. He needed someone who was mature, someone who wasn't afraid to whip him into shape when his head got a little too big for his shoes, someone who was able to see through those walls he had erected around himself. Oh, and someone he actually looked like he wanted to be with. Catherine had observed the two of them together and she hadn't seen Jackson spare this Stephanie girl one adoring look. That was not how new love looked like. And so she didn't think Stephanie was anyone worth talking about, or talking to for that matter.

"She's pretty enough, a bit wet behind the ears, very over-eager, a lot immature and entirely too infatuated with you. She must think that the sun rises and sets on that little behind of yours and I can assure you, it doesn't. No wonder your ego has been so big lately."

There. If her son wanted her opinion, she had no problem dishing it out.

And he didn't seem to like it one bit.

Satisfied with her handy work, Catherine stood up. She just didn't feel like her day was over until she managed to ruffle someone's feathers.

"Now if that's all, I think we can call it a night, don't you?"

Jackson grabbed her arm, pulling her back.

"Mom, sit down. You can't say something like that and walk away….I-"

Catherine gave her son a withering look and firmly extracted her arm from him, refusing to sit down.

"Jackson Avery you are almost making a scene. I will not sit back down. When I say I'm done with this conversation, I am done. Do you understand? You asked me what I thought of her, and I told you. I swear baby, I don't know what's gotten to you lately. She's not for you at all. If I didn't know better I'd say you're almost trying to make it work with her to prove a point. And I don't know what that point is but if you do, you better think about what you're doing and why you're doing it very very carefully."

And with a swish of her long skirt, Catherine Avery stalked off, head held high like a proud tigress, leaving her son to stare after her with his mouth agape.

Jackson couldn't believe it. This was the second time in a week that a woman had given him a piece of her mind. And for what, exactly? He didn't feel like he had done anything wrong. He looked around; hoping that nobody had noticed what had just taken place, and spotted Stephanie walking towards him. He hurriedly got up, throwing a few bills on the table to cover the tab. Oh no, he wasn't sticking around for an ear full from her too. She looked like something was bothering her, and he definitely didn't want to deal with whatever it was tonight.

Jackson ducked his head and walked fast towards a backdoor, knowing that Stephanie could very clearly see him, but not caring. Too many thoughts were jumbled up in his head, and maybe some fresh air would help him clear it.


April blew a glossy red curl straight up and away from her face as she sat up with a huff behind a cardboard box she had just managed to close. She scrambled up from her sitting position and shoved the box with all her might towards a wall, against which seven other identical cardboard boxes were neatly lined . Most of her packing was done now. Everything she wanted to take with her to Ohio was immaculately tucked away into those cardboard boxes, and all her clothes had been freshly laundered and folded into her suitcases. The good thing about working in a hospital was that she could get away with wearing scrubs most of the time, so she had been able to pack up almost all her of her clothes. She was planning on leaving her furniture, including her sofa and her bed, as she was wanted to buy them new once she was in Ohio. Whole new furniture for a whole new start, she thought drily. Two more days left and she'd be back home in Moline for a short break before she left to start work at Cleveland Clinic.

The last four days she had been secretly rooting for Jackson to figure out his feelings, but as time trickled through her fingers, her heart sank lower and lower in her chest. Jackson seemed no closer to coming to any realizations now than he had been six months ago. She had given him his space, thinking that maybe some time to himself would be good for him, but the last she heard, he was in a bar introducing Stephanie to his mother. Something must have spooked him if he had been willing to go to levels that extreme. She wondered whether maybe he had come a little too close to figuring out the truth and had stopped himself from getting any closer by completely distracting himself with Stephanie. It certainly seemed like the kind of move he would make. Although, she didn't really know what his feelings were regarding Stephanie; whether he actually had any feelings. She suspected that he didn't, but she also suspected that he may have convinced himself that he does, just so that he could justify being with her. Jackson was not the type to use someone else to hide behind his real feelings– well, he was, because essentially, that's what he was doing – but the minute he admitted it to himself, the guilt would eat him alive and he would let Stephanie go in a hot second.

April stood up, stretching out her tired bones, thinking that she needed a shower. She had had the day off today, so from the moment she got up, she had gone about systematically packing away everything, making lists of the last minute things she had to do, patient files she had to review, tasks she needed to hand over at the hospital and people she had to call or meet before leaving. Tomorrow was her last day there so most of those things in the list would have to be done then...


Jackson found himself on her doorstep. He didn't know how he got there, but after a long night of wandering around, he was just…there. If he had thought the fresh air would clear his mind, he had been wrong, because so many jumbled up thoughts- about April, about what his mother had said over his relationship with Stephanie- had zinged through his head that he'd ended up not being able to think straight. As the night wore on and he let his feet take him wherever they wanted to go, he had sunk deeper and deeper into an inexplicable feeling of sadness. He had a pounding headache, and his hands were trembling, almost as if he was high on adrenaline. His whole body felt like a time bomb, slowly ticking away, until the moment she left. And then…he didn't know.

So he stood outside and knocked on her door, shifting from one leg to the next, impatiently waiting for her to open it. He didn't know what he was going to say to her, but he needed her to open that door.

It swung open finally, and he took a moment to just take her in.

God, she looked achingly beautiful. She was wearing a white pair of shorts which showed off those slender legs he had once loved to run his hands on, she had tied the ends of her pink shirt at the front so that a pale strip of her midriff was showing, and her hair was tied with a bandana so that a few of those pretty red curls tumbled down around her delicate face. And all he wanted to do was lay his hot palm on that tiny waist of hers and slowly slide it up underneath her top until he could swipe his thumb gently across a swollen nipple.

Jackson shook his head, swallowing thickly.

"Hey"

His voice came out rough, as his eyes raked her over and she shivered involuntarily. Those beautiful eyes of his were a swirling storm-gray today, and they were a clear-cut mirror into his tormented soul. His breathing was deep, his expression troubled, and he seemed desperate to lose himself in…something.

Something that she now wanted to give him. The one thing she had never been able to give him. And this could be her last chance.

She wanted to make love to him without letting him feel any of her own guilt. She had never been able to give him that, and she wanted him to have it. Experiencing the grief she had felt when she thought he had died had made her see that she had given her virginity to the one man she was always meant to give it to. And with that, all the guilt she had once felt had fallen away. He was the one. Whether or not they had been married did not matter.

So she let herself wet her lips, let her doe eyes blink up at him, as she breathed out a trembling

"Hi."

And then his palms were on her waist and she was moaning his name as his lips took in her hot nipple to suckle at tenderly, and he was lowering her gently onto the floor as the door closed shut behind them. His movements had a quiet desperation to them, his hands had a gentle possessiveness to them. He said her name huskily as his fingers dipped between her legs and stroked her there, making her convulse around them before his tongue tasted her, softly, slowly, savoring her until she couldn't take it anymore. She cried out his name as she came for him once, twice, before he finally let her touch him, his deep moans telling her that he was close, so very close as she gently caressed him before finally letting him bite down on her neck and fall apart for her. And then he was inside her, and they were moving together, their tongues lazily sliding against each other as they both came undone, seconds within each other,until they were both spent and lying in each other's arms, hot skin touching hot skin, soft lips dropping kisses on the most intimate of places.

April slowly stroked her palm across his back. He was still buried deep inside her, and he was kissing her neck, sliding his lips towards her ear. He had seemed so…lost while making love. So desperate and needy, and her heart bled for him. He had grasped at her as if she was slipping through his arms and he was powerless to stop it, like he had no control. She wished that she could stop time, she wished she could make these moments last forever, but she knew that in a few minutes, reality would sink in, Jackson would probably feel guilty for cheating on Stephanie, and she…she would probably hate herself. Correction. she wanted to hate herself. But she wouldn't.

Because for a few moments there, she had felt like she belonged to him. As lost as he had seemed, whenever they had locked eyes on each other, she had known that he felt it too. He had looked at her, and branded her, told her silently that she was his, that he was hers, they could never belong to anyone else, and she had nodded, her lips melding with his as their bodies slowly waltzed to the eternal song of love.

And that feeling, no one could ever take away from her. She would take it if that was the only thing she was allowed to have of Jackson, and she would treasure it forever.

She whispered his name now, her palm slowly stroking his rough cheek, and he raised his head to look at her...and she felt her heart sink. His eyes were full of regret and….she screwed her own eyes shut tightly. Was that pity she had just seen?

She opened them again to look directly at him, as she started talking, her voice soft, trying to make him understand.

"Don't look at me like you pity me Jackson. I'm not the one you should feel pity for. Because I'm free, you see. I felt things for you, and I fought them…I fought until I couldn't anymore, and then I did the only thing I could do. I told you."

She gave a lopsided smile.

"Which means that I've done everything. There's nothing else I could have done. All I could do was tell you, and I did that. I don't have anything to regret. So don't pity me, Jackson. Because I broke free."

Can you say the same about you? She thought.

Jackson kept looking down at her, his eyes shielded behind a veil of foggy thoughts.

She had been right, he had felt pity. But it hadn't been for her. It had been for himself. He pitied himself for being so stunted. For something in him wasn't letting him figure out what he had to say to her to make her stay, and it made him feel so emasculated . And the regret he had felt…he knew it wasn't for what they had just done. No, that definitely wasn't it. So why did he feel this way? What exactly, was he regretting?

He felt himself sinking into that inexplicable feeling of sadness again, and shook himself, unwilling to let go of what he had just felt with her so soon. They had made love plenty of times back when they were together, but this time it had felt different to him. She had felt different. She had seemed…so free, as if she had managed to liberate herself from what had once held her back. He would kill to feel that way. The world had seemed to stop when they were together, time had seemed to stand still, and it had been just the two of them, no inevitabilities looming ahead, threatening to drown them, and he wanted to hang on to that feeling just a little bit longer.

April blinked up at him as his eyes seemed to clear up. She slowly caressed his lower back to soothe him and he lowered his lips once more to kiss her, whispering

" I wasn't pitying you. I've never pitied you. And the regret…if you saw it…it wasn't for what we just did…I loved what we just did…"

His lips curved in a bashful smile but his eyes remained somber.

"But then you already knew that…"

He lifted up on his forearms and suddenly looked around, registering the cardboard boxes, the empty apartment, the ghostly curtains blowing in front of the gaping windows making it look deserted. And his eyes clouded over again and he frowned, his mouth drooping.

She shut her eyes, knowing what was about to happen, also knowing that she wasn't going to stop it.

She kept them closed as she felt a soft brush of lips against her cheek, against her eyelids, as he kissed her tenderly on her forehead, before he lifted his weight off her and carried her gently towards her sofa to lay her down there, covering her body with a blanket.

A final brush of his lips against hers and then he was gone, and her eyes welled up as she started crying, curling her body up into a fetal position. She cried freely, for him, for her…for the both of them. Poor little lost souls, she thought, floating around each other, trying to catch the other, but always missing their mark.

Soo…let me know what you thought with a review? :)