(AN: Second chapter… I'm trying to put everything I have up in one night… So yeah…)
Pairings: GaaSasu, KankuKiba, NaruSaku later
Disclaimer: You know, I should make a commercial jingle for "I Don't Own Naruto"… what do you think? To the tune of Clowns (Can You See Me Now)
Chapter Two: Voices in My Head
(Sasuke POV)
I was finally released after what seemed like fifteen minutes of being cruelly dragged through every hallway in the hotel. I glanced around the small, abandoned corner we were in, searching for an escape route, but Kiba obviously had other plans. He pinned me against the wall and, grinning like a pedophile, got down to business.
"Spit it out, Uchiha. You're sweet on Gaara, aren't you?"
"I—don't—you—WHAT?!" I sputtered out, massaging my sore neck. A second later Kiba's words sank in, and I felt the evil, betraying burn creeping onto my face. I looked down and covered my face with my bangs in an attempt to hide it, but it was too late.
"A-ha! I knew it, I totally knew it!" Kiba crowed, pumping his fist triumphantly into the air. "I can't believe it, you, Uchiha, the King of Emo and Despair, are actually crushing on Gaara!"
"I- I have no idea what you're—" I protested, waving my arms desperately.
"Oh my God…" Kiba said quietly with a look of dawning wonder. "That means you're GAY!"
Gay?! Oh jeez, when he said it like that, it sounded so…
"Kiba, I'm not—"
"Don't give me that, Uchiha!" Kiba said sternly, wagging his finger in front of my face; I had a sudden urge to bite it off. "I'm not stupid."
"Well, there's a shock."
"Oh, ha ha. Say all the smart-ass remarks you can think of, but you aren't getting out of this one. So, you've got to tell me." He leaned forward eagerly, almost trembling with excitement. "How long have you crushed on him?"
"Seriously, Kiba, come on—"
"How long?"
The dog nin's slanted eyes pierced into my brain (so it seemed), and I knew he wouldn't let me escape until he got what he wanted. All of my excuses and retorts melted away, leaving me stranded, looking desperately for something to cling onto to keep me afloat. I swallowed nervously and looked at anything but Kiba's face.
"Four years," I whispered, my face scarlet.
Silence. I almost wished that Kiba would start bothering me again or, even better, punch me in the face and knock me out cold. Anything to escape from this vulnerable feeling. People said confessions made you feel light-hearted, but at that moment I was being crushed by the world.
"Four… years?" he repeated in disbelief. 'Well, duh, that's what I just said, wasn't it?' I thought bitterly, my eyes glued to my shoes as if I had never seen anything like them before.
"Are you SHITTING WITH ME?!" Kiba practically screamed in my ear, making me jump. "So you've liked him this entire time- oh my God- should've cornered you sooner- this is horrible—"
"Uh…" I was losing track of what he was saying. What exactly was horrible?
"This is a DISASTER!!" he yelled, and he started to pace around furiously.
"What's a disaster?"
"All of this!" Gee, that was helpful. "This whole mess has gone on far too long, and we are going to fix it, right now!"
I could only stare blankly at him. Kiba had his hands on his hips and was glaring at me with a determined look on his face. "What are you going on about?" I asked cautiously.
Kiba rolled his eyes, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Look, Uchiha, I wanted to talk to you because Naruto is throwing a party in his room tomorrow night. A Valentine's Day party. You get what I'm saying?"
So the day of evil had arrived already? It had to happen NOW? Of course it did; this kind of thing always happened in bad romantic comedies, and that's what this seemed to be playing out as. But without the comedy. Or the satisfaction of knowing for sure that I would end up with the love of my life.
"You already know I'm not into that crap," I growled.
"Well, starting tomorrow, you WILL be into that crap, because you WILL-" Kiba poked me roughly in the chest to make his point- "go, and you WILL-" another poke- "tell Gaara how you feel about him."
I felt the blood drain slowly from my face.
"No," I said flatly.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"No," I repeated. "I'm not telling him."
"Why not?" he asked obnoxiously. "It's the perfect time to, just drag him into the bedroom and-"
"No!" I yelled, blushing fiercely yet again. "I can't do that, I-" My mouth snapped close. I'd rather live my whole life without telling Gaara I love him. I'd rather keep him as my friend than drive him away.
Kiba sighed and rubbed his temples, as if he was the one with big problems. "Uchiha, just how much longer do you think you can hold love in? Anyone with working eyes and half a brain would be able to tell that you're head-over-heels for him if they had seen you on the roof just now. Believe me, it will only get harder to hide as time goes on." He leaned forward and dropped his voice to a whisper. "You feel like you're going to explode, don't you? Every time he lightly touches you it's never enough, because you won't be satisfied until you're in his arms-"
"Shut up." My fingernails dug into my trembling arms. Acid burned holes in my stomach. What did Kiba know about me? What did Kiba know about anything?! He didn't understand a single thing about me.
"Maybe what your problem is…" He threw me a look that was almost disgusted. "…That you're afraid of rejection."
My insides froze over. "I said shut up."
"I almost can't believe it," Kiba sneered, deaf to my voice. "The so-called great Uchiha… a COWARD."
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!" My fist lashed out and smashed perfectly into his left cheek. I watched him stagger and spit out blood with a sense of cold pleasure. I wanted to punch him again and again and again until he took back his own words, until he stopped pretending that he understood how I felt, until my knuckles were raw and bleeding or I couldn't lift my arm anymore.
"What the hell-?" he started, sounding shocked and angry.
"No, stop talking! Stop talking about me as if I'm an open book, you, you of all people! You don't get it, you think everything in life comes easy, don't you?! Well, in case you've forgotten, this is MY life, not yours, and in my life I can't keep anything as good as Gaara. I can't…"
To my horror, my eyes were beginning to burn. Without a second thought I dodged around Kiba and darted off down the slowly blurring hallway. I shook my head furiously and hurried on.
Whatever else happened, I refused to let Kiba see me cry.
--
(Kiba POV)
"What an over-dramatic."
I grinned as I watched his form disappear around the corner, wincing as my cheek gave a sharp throb. Damn, that bastard really wanted to cause me pain, and he probably would have caused me more if he wasn't afraid of looking even more childish.
Still, I thought, it was worth it. I sighed, brushed imaginary dirt off my sweatshirt, and headed off to bother some other innocent soul.
"Heh, that idiot," I laughed, relishing the pain that action caused. "Now he's gonna tell Gaara for sure. The plan goes into action!"
--
(Sasuke POV)
The door made a loud bang as it snapped close, but the noise sounded faded and distant, as if it was reaching me through a fog. My back was glued to the door, my fingers clutching at the wood like a lifeline. I was going to be sick. No, I wasn't going to be sick, I was sick. I'd yelled at Gaara and punched Kiba in the face, all in one day. On top of that, I couldn't get Kiba's stupid-ass voice out of my head.
Coward… coward… coward…
"Sasuke?"
My eyes opened slightly, and my legs immediately turned to mush.
Gaara scrutinized my face with concern. "Are you alright?"
If I'd had a choice, I would have told him I was fine and walked coolly past him, maybe even shooting a smart remark over my shoulder. Unfortunately, my Jell-O legs refused to even wobble in the right direction. I took one tentative step forward and tripped over thin air.
I should have known better, but my instincts took over. My arms whipped out and wrapped around the nearest source of support: Gaara. At the same time his hands latched onto my sides, preventing me from slipping. My breath hitched. Why had he tried to catch me? And why was I in this situation all over again?
I looked up slightly and received a shock. My head was pressed against Gaara's chest, forcing me to look up at him. I'd never seen him this way before; if anything, he was the one always looking up at me. I couldn't figure out why this was such a big deal, but the world around me was spinning and my heart was racing and my blood seemed to be pounding in my ears. I stiffened. No, that wasn't my blood pounding, it was Gaara's heart. His heart…
Gaara gently pushed me away and stood me upright, keeping a hand on my shoulder in case Uber-Klutz decided to have a seizure next or something. I breathed in a shaky breath. My brain seemed to be working again, but all I could think about was how nice it felt to have Gaara's heart beat against my ear.
"Are you alright?" Gaara asked again.
All I could do was nod. Damn, why did the Kazekage have to be so perfect?
"Are you sure?"
Nod.
"Kiba didn't hurt you or anything?"
Oh no, it's alright, he only stabbed a gaping hole in my pride. I shook my head. "As if. That loser couldn't hurt me if he tried."
Gaara nodded slowly, his piercing green eyes never leaving mine. I swallowed and quickly looked at the wall; things were getting awkward again.
Gaara let out a long sigh, and without warning began tugging on my shoulder.
"What?"
"Come with me. I want you to try something." Gaara's face turned a light shade of pink as he said it, and it made me wonder what on earth he was dragging me off to do. I trailed behind him as he walked the length of the hallway, thinking fast. Maybe…
—Gaara shoved me against the wall, his breathing quickening as he nipped at my ear and whispered the words I'd always longed to hear. "Sasuke, I love—"
"Sasuke!"
My head jerked slightly as I snapped back to reality. I blinked and looked around. I was in the hotel room kitchen, or the dinky thing they tried to pass off as a kitchen. A mini-kitchen. Whatever.
Gaara was pulling a small cup off a shelf and began messing with something on the stove. Curiosity ended up getting the better of me. I tried to peek over his shoulder, but he waved me away irritably. "Sit down, Uchiha."
Scowling slightly, I went to the table and sat down, Uchiha, wondering what else I was going to be forced through. Gaara didn't keep me waiting. A moment later a cup of steaming SOMETHING was set in front of me. My eyebrows raised as I examined the cup closely.
"Uh… poison?" I guessed.
Gaara rolled his eyes. "More like tea."
"Really?" Whoa, Gaara could make tea? How come I'd never known about this?
"Look, can you…" Gaara fiddled with his fingernails, his face growing an even deeper red. "Can you just try it? This is only the second time I've made this, so…"
Ah, what could I do now? I wasn't that much of a tea person, but Gaara looked so nervous, and there was no way I could refuse him when he looked like that. I picked up the cup and took a tiny sip. It wasn't bad. Not at all, actually. The flavor was spicy instead of sweet, with just a hint of bitterness. I'd never tasted anything quite like it.
"Hey…" Gaara's head snapped up, and he looked so anxious that I had to smile, just a little bit. "Don't be so nervous. This is really good!"
"Really?" God, I loved it when Gaara smiled.
"Yeah." I took a larger swallow, just to prove that I wasn't lying. "See? It's good! What kind of tea is it, anyway?"
"Um… cinnamon," Gaara mumbled to the floor. Was he really that embarrassed? "Kankuro taught me how to make it… but you better not tell him I told you that," he added sharply, giving me astern look.
"What will Kankuro do, send his doll army after me?" I said, snorting, but Gaara gave me a look that quickly changed my view on things. "Okay, I swear," I said, even adding a small bow of my head. Gaara turned away to pour himself a cup of tea, but I was positive I saw a smirk flash across his face.
For a few minutes there was silence. Gaara sat across from me, sipping his tea, his arm resting inches from mine. It was amazing how much self control it took to keep myself from stroking him. There was no way I could have stopped myself from glancing repeatedly at him when I thought he wasn't looking. I slowly drank the last of my tea, savoring the taste, memorizing it, wondering if it was what Gaara tasted like.
-it's never enough, because you won't be satisfied until you're in his arms-
My fingers twitched. Why was Kiba's voice invading my mind again?
-afraid of rejection-
-how long do you think you can hold love in?
I gazed at Gaara, who was completely oblivious to the unstable time bomb beside him, ready to explode at any second.
--
Not surprisingly, I couldn't sleep that night.
The clock by the bed read 2:41 am, but my eyelids weren't even beginning to feel heavy. I was itching to pace around the room or throw a few punches or something energy-consuming and mind-consuming.
I groaned and rolled over, my eyes fixing on the form in the neighboring bed. The stress-lines that Gaara usually wore on his face were gone and his eyes were closed peacefully, his chest rising and falling in time with his soft breathing. He didn't look like a Kazekage. He looked like an innocent boy, a boy that deserved much more than what life had given him. He was fragile, yet somehow untouchable. He was scarred, yet he was beautiful. Flawed, but somehow painfully perfect.
The bedsprings gave a soft creak as I slipped off the bed. I kneeled next to Gaara and just watched, my mind jotting down every little change. I didn't know why I was doing this, why I watched him like this if all it did was cause me pain. But did I know anything anymore?
My hand reached out toward him longingly. The tips of my fingers tingled as they skimmed up his chest, ghosted over his shoulders before running down his arms. His skin was surprisingly soft for someone that lived in the desert; it was as if a satin sheet had been draped over his body instead of normal skin. I wished I was allowed to trace his body like this, with him awake and him wanting me to.
"Gaara…" No response. Had I been expecting one? Gaara was fast asleep; I could say anything I wanted, and he wouldn't hear me. I took a long, shuddering breath.
"I… I wish things were like they used to be. Do you remember? After the war, before I so stupidly ran off to join Orochimaru… I could actually talk to you then. You, me, and Naruto… we were like brothers, weren't we? I mean real brothers, not the kind that kill off your entire clan…" I gave a soft laugh. "Now look at me, Gaara. The only time I can open up is when you're asleep. Why can't I talk to you anymore? Ever since I came crawling back to Konoha, we've grown closer again. You were the only person that welcomed me back with open arms, no questions asked. And yet, despite everything we've been through, I feel like I'm running away again, running from something I'll never be able to escape… Gaara, I know we fight, but the crazy truth is I've always thought of you as more than just a close friend, so much more…"
Warm rivers began carving down my cheeks. Oh God, why did I have to start crying?
"I-I feel like the most selfish person in the world. I refuse to let you go, I refuse to stop thinking of you like this. Even if you are… like me… why would you ever want a guy like me? It's an impossible situation, but I can't stand to let you go because I-I… Gaara, I'm so lonely…"
My muscles lost their strength. I fell to the ground and let the sobs choke out, like the pathetic, stupid, queer fool that I was.
Who was I kidding? Kiba was right about everything, and I was too bigheaded to let myself see it sooner. This had gone on far too long.
I didn't want to be alone anymore.
