Choices

"How much trouble could we get up to in the hallway?"


In the morning Lily packed her things and followed the rest of the students as they walked the path from Hogwarts to the train station in Hogsmeade. The end of the school year had come, and she was headed home, though she wasn't looking forward to arriving home. Her mother had something come up and Petunia was going to be picking her up in from the station. An hour and a half long car ride with Petunia was not exactly the way she wanted to start her summer, but there was no other way around it.

The train was noisy and crowded, but eventually Lily and Julia eventually found Mary, Marlene, and Samantha Pitchfield in one compartment and joined them, turning the conversation to what everyone had planned for the summer.

"I'm actually traveling to France," Samantha told them all with an excited smile. "Professor Flitwick talked to Madam Pomfrey and told her I was really interested in being a Healer. She got me set up for a tour at the Nodens Academy for Healing and Magical Medicine with a student she's taking in next year."

"That's great!" said Lily. "I've always wanted to go to France. My mum went a few years ago and said the beaches were gorgeous."

Samantha nodded. "They are, maybe I'll have a chance to get some sun. I'll be spending about two weeks at the school so I'm very excited."

"Are you pretty confident in your marks then, Sam?" asked Alexis Qualis, also from Ravenclaw, as she passed by the door. Sam frowned slightly while Alexis smirked. "You took an awfully long time during the potions O.W.L…"

Before Sam could reply someone laughed from across the aisle. "Qualis, considering that you melted your cauldron during the exam, I'd worry about your marks before Pitchfield's," James pointed out as he peeked his head through the door.

"I only melted it because you were distracting me with all your flirting," Alexis replied, giving James a sly grin.

"That wasn't flirting," snorted James. "That was me reminding you to put nettles in your cauldron before the dandelion root. That was me trying to avoid the disgusting smell of your melting cauldron. That was not flirting. Flirting looks like this."

He stepped in front of where Alexis was standing, running a hand through his hair before bracing his forearm against the doorframe and leaning casually against it. Marlene, Sam, and Julia giggled while James grinned broadly at Lily. Her cheeks felt hot and she tried to keep her expression neutral.

"Wotcher, Evans," he purred. "Did you get a chance to eat all your pastries this morning?"

Julia laughed while Lily continued to blush. "I did, thanks for asking."

"I saved you mine, in case you wanted more," he offered, holding up a small bag.

"Yeah, he saved them all for you, Evans," grumbled Sirius from behind him. "Not to share the wealth with his mates, oh no…" Sirius adopted a high-pitched mocking voice. "'Hands off, those are for- '"

"-I was checking out your abdominal muscles last night, Black," Julia cackled from her seat. "I hardly think you need any apple tarts."

Sirius dove under James' arm, an indignant expression on his face as he walked over to where Julia was sitting. "My abdominal muscles are perfect," he exclaimed, pulling up his shirt.

Julia poked him in the belly. "Weak," she mused. "And skinny. The whole lot of you are skinny."

"Well, Worm- I mean… Peter not so much. He's stout," Sirius shrugged as he flinched away from Julia's poking fingers and lowered his shirt.

"Hey!" Peter's indignant voice called from across the hall. "I take offense to being called 'stout.'"

Sirius was about to add something but James cleared his throat. "Anyway! Evans, would you like a pastry?"

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Fifty-seventh time unlucky, Potter?" she asked.

"You know, I would like a pastry," Lily chimed in, ignoring Alexis. "I'd enjoy that very much, Potter."

James grinned broadly, waving his wand to send the bag in Lily's direction. Though his expression shifted from one of amusement into horror as his spell missed the bag and hit the lock on Lily's trunk.

The trunk popped opened and all the contents inside spilled out on top of Lily. Clothes, parchment, books, keepsakes… everything she owned now covered her from head to lap. James gaped at her with a dismayed expression while Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth and laughed uncontrollably.

Alexis sniggered. "Nice flirting, Potter. Next time I'll remember that you like to put clothes on people instead of take them off," she laughed, elbowing James before walking away.

Lily exhaled and pursed her lips before glowering at James. He sputtered and walked into the compartment, followed closely by Remus and Peter who'd run over from across the aisle to see what the commotion was.

"I am so, so, sorry. Evans, I'm so sorry," he mumbled, picking up one of her books that had fallen on the floor and handing it to her. As Lily reached for it, a single shoe fell out of her trunk and bounced off the top of her head. James winced under her glare. "I'm sorry?"

By this point Sirius was practically sobbing with laughter. Julia swatted him over the head and stood up. "This really won't take long to put back, Lily," she reassured her.

"No, I know," sighed Lily, standing up and shaking the clothes off her. She looked at the mess around her before pulling her wand from her robes. Together her and Julia muttered under their breath until all her belongings were restored to the trunk and Lily reached up to lock it. She turned back to James, who was uncharacteristically red in the face

"I am sorry, Evans," he apologized. "I really didn't- "

"I know you didn't mean to," Lily reassured him. "Now where are my pastries? I should at least get something for my trouble."

James smirked and handed her the bag, which she took with a grin before sitting down again. James moved over slightly so Peter could come in and sit next to Sirius and watch as he flirted relentlessly with Julia. Remus joined him in leaning casually against the door frame, looking a little flustered when Sam Pitchfield smiled at him. Conversation resumed and everyone began to discuss O.W.L. results and what they thought the next year would bring as they begun working towards N.E.W.T. classes and the final round of tests in their seventh year.

"I'm dreading it to be honest," Marlene confessed when Lily asked how she felt about it being her final year at Hogwarts. "There's so much pressure. McGonagall is just on me to figure out what I want to do after school."

"We had those meetings this year, too. McGonagall is intense about it," agreed Peter.

Sirius laughed. "I don't think she was terribly impressed with my plans to overthrow the Ministry and abolish the Statute of Secrecy."

James, Remus, and Peter laughed and Julia rolled her eyes, but Marlene frowned disapprovingly. "You didn't really say that, did you?"

"Not in those exact words, but I implied it," Sirius grinned.

"I thought the Statute kept us safe," Samantha questioned, looking at Remus, who Lily knew she considered the most reasonable of the four.

"It does… to some extent," he admitted.

"But it prohibits us from helping muggles when they need it, like right now when there are so many disappearing," James piped up. "If you try to help muggles under attack without contacting the ministry first, you get hauled in front of the whole court. It's ridiculous."

Marlene considered this. "You have a point, but I don't think overthrowing it is a good idea."

"Expanding it isn't though," James grumbled. "That's what they keep trying to propose. They keep trying to separate us thinking that will stop the Voldemo-"

A cry of alarm went up around the cabin. Marlene yelped and Sam gasped loudly. Peter bleated out a noise while Lily cringed and Julia shouted, "Don't say the name!" Remus and Sirius were largely unaffected by it, as though they were used to James calling him by name.

James dramatically rolled his eyes. "It's just a name… anyway, my point is separating us is bad for everyone and it will do nothing to stop them from attacking Muggles. If anything, all the stupid registration stuff they're proposing under the guise of trying to track disappearances will just make targets easier to find. There's a mole in the Ministry my dad says."

Lily and Sam looked at each other, having felt the effects of the minor expansions to the Statue of Secrecy personaly. There were restrictions on travel to and from muggle residences, restrictions on communication with muggle families of students... Lily's parents had been uncomfortable with the fact they didn't know exactly where she was during the school year. She wondered if Samantha's parents felt the same.

"Sam, how do you get home from the train station?" asked Lily after a moment of silence.

"Woah, hang on," Sirius laughed. "Where did that come from? We go from Statute of Secrecy to asking how Pitchfield gets home?"

"I was just thinking about how I can't travel by broom because I'm underage, and I can't Apparate, and my mum can't walk me to the gate so getting to and from the station has always involved a car and talking to that bloke who guards the platform. I wondered if Sam had the same travel struggles," she explained.

"See? It's stupid," James argued. "There's no reason you shouldn't be able to travel by broom. It's-"

"Lily shouldn't be allowed to travel by broom even if she is of age," Mary teased while Julia sniggered.

"Shut up," Lily snapped, fighting a smile.

"Why not?" asked James.

"I can't fly well."

"That's an understatement," Julia laughed. "Last time she was on a broom she crashed into the shed after screaming that she was going to die."

James looked at Lily incredulously. "Really?"

"Yes, and shut up! You can't levitate a bag across the room, Potter," she reminded him with a raised eyebrow.

"Fair enough," grinned James. "Tell you what, you teach me how to use the levitation charm properly and I'll teach you how to fly."

Lily smiled despite herself. "Thanks, but I really don't need to learn how to fly. After next year I can Apparate or … I'll get a car or something."

"Rubbish," James scoffed. "Flying lessons: you and me, start of term. It's a date."

"It's not a date," Lily stressed.

"Back to your question," Sam laughed. "I don't live too far away from Bath so my parents drive as well."

"Moony lives near Bath!" James exclaimed. "Right outside Hawkswarren." He gave his friend a wink and Remus blushed.

Lily nodded before looking out the train window, noting how the landscape was looking more and more familiar. They would be in London soon and the magic of the school year would officially be over.

"Evans, what did you tell McGonagall you wanted to do when you had your little meeting?" asked James, following Lily's gaze.

Lily shrugged. "I'm in the same boat as Marlene, I don't have the faintest," she admitted. "But magical has always interested me, or healing possibly."

"So, an Auror," James grinned. "We'd live and work together."

Lily looked up at James' grin and fought back a laugh. "Another one of your wild fantasies, Potter? I'm not sure what world you're inhabiting that you and I live and work together, but it's not the one I inhabit."

"You'll change your mind."

Lily scoffed. "You are incorrigible. That imagination will take you places someday… I only hope you'll stay there."

"You know," James continued, "I have always wanted to see a film. My dad bought a television last summer, and all we did was watch all these Muggle films-"

"He bought a television?" asked Marlene. "Whatever for? Don't they go haywire around magic?"

"Yeah, it does go a bit wonky sometimes," James admitted.

"The radio does the same thing, but we can charm it enough to where it works," Sirius chimed in.

"But," James continued. "My point is… I live in Cricklade, you live in Cokeworth, would you like to see a film with me, Evans?"

"Considering we're not even on a first name basis yet, Potter, probably not," said Lily as the train lurched to a stop.

James stood, looking a little pouty as he helped Lily with her trunk before crossing the hall to gather his belongings. The rest of the cabin occupants gathered their things and moved onto the platform where they said their good-byes, hugging and promising to write before crossing the barrier into the muggle world.

As soon as Lily was on the platform, the sense of dread she'd been feeling dropped from her chest into her stomach. She looked at the clock; it was 6:30 so the train must have gotten in a little late. She did not see her mother's nor her sister's car anywhere close by. She glanced hopefully at figures standing along the street, but she didn't see anyone there either. Lily frowned, taking a seat atop her trunk as she tried to figure out what to do next.

"All right, Evans?" asked James. He was walking towards her with his cloak slung casually over his shoulders. Lily glanced behind him at an older looking couple standing near an inconspicuous looking car. Sirius was talking excitedly to them and they were gazing down at him fondly. She guessed they must be James' parents; the man was wearing round glasses atop his long nose and the woman had the exact same smile as James did.

"Hey, Evans… you okay?" he asked again after she failed to respond. "You look a little lost."

"Oh, um… I'm fine," Lily lied. "My sister is supposed to pick me up so I'm just… waiting."

"Train got in a little late," mused James. "Shouldn't she be here already?"

Lily chewed her lip. "She's usually prompt. Perhaps she just… drove around the parking lot or something to pass time."

James frowned and ruffled his hair, looking to his parents and Sirius. James' father nodded, indicating they would wait, but his mother was looking at Lily with a concerned expression.

"Do you want someone to wait with you?" asked James.

"Oh, that's not necessary," said Lily. "I'm sure she'll be here any minute. The station doesn't close until eight o'clock... I'll be fine," she added, chewing her lip.

James was not convinced, but he acquiesced and gave her a small smile before wandering back to where his parents and Sirius were waiting.

"What's going on, Jamesy?" asked his mother. "Who is that girl?"

"Oh, that's Lily Evans. She's in our year," said James. "Her sister was supposed to pick her up but… she's not here."

"Did you offer her a ride?" asked James' father. "It'd be no trouble at all. We have plenty of room even with you and Sirius' trunks."

"I can walk, Mr. Potter, really," Sirius insisted. "It's not- "

"Nonsense," scoffed Mrs. Potter. "If it's not that far, then it's no trouble for us to take you, if you're sure you even want to go."

Sirius smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "I should go home. I should. It's fine. Thank you, though."

"Who was the girl you were talking to earlier?" asked James' mum curiously.

"That's Julia Tottleham," James laughed. "She's in our year as well. Sirius says he really- "

"She's a very nice girl," Sirius interjected, giving James an angry look. "Just like Lily Evans over there, who James has been- ooof – asking out since third year," he finished, nursing the spot where James had elbowed him. Sirius smirked and James began running through a laundry list of hexes he'd use on him later.

"It's obvious you are interested in her, James," his father laughed. "No reason to look embarrassed about it."

James ruffled his hair. "She shouldn't be left here. We should wait a bit… don't you think?"

James' mum pursed her lips thoughtfully. "With everything that's going on… Yes, I agree. But let's not wait… go tell her we'll give her a ride to wherever she needs to go. You're right, she shouldn't be left alone. I'll come with you, I'm curious as to why you're blushing so."

"Mum!" James hissed, following in his mother's wake. By the time he'd managed to catch up, his mother had already tapped Lily on the shoulder and was smiling down at her.

"Dear, we can't leave you here at the station all by yourself. It's not safe and we've plenty of room. Come, we'll take you home," she insisted.

"Oh, that's very kind but it's really not necessary," Lily stammered. "I'm sure my sister will- "

"It's getting close to 7:00, dear," James' mum pointed out. "We can't just leave you here alone."

"I … I don't want to put you out or- "

"You're not putting us out at all, is she James?" said Mrs. Potter with a grin. James just swallowed and shook his head. "There's plenty of room, come along now."

Lily nodded, tucking her hair behind her reddening ears. James grabbed her trunk before she could protest and hauled it quickly to their car. James' mother got into the front seat, and James opened the door gesturing Lily should enter the back one before and Sirius got in.

Once inside the car, Lily realized again just how much magic she didn't know. The car, which on the outside appeared to be a normal sedan, was large enough that she could have stretched out and lay down were she so inclined. Even with three of them in back there was plenty of room between she and James and Sirius. James sat closest to her, and Lily felt a little relived when she noticed his cheekbones were just as red as her ears surely were.

"Wotcher, Evans," Sirius grinned. "You could have just asked for a ride earlier."

"My sister was supposed to pick me up," she frowned. "Maybe I took too long getting my stuff and … she probably just left."

"Without waiting for you?" asked Mr. Potter with a scoff. "That's rude."

Lily swallowed. "She's very impatient."

Mr. Potter frowned. "Well, no matter. It's nice to have you aboard, Lily Evans."

Lily flushed. "Thank you. And thank you for the- "

"It's no trouble at all, dear," Mrs. Potter grinned over her shoulder. "However, James has forgotten his manners and not introduced us," she scolded.

James swallowed and his face turned red. "Right… sorry. Evans this is my dad Fleamont, and my Mum Euphemia."

James' mother laughed and rolled her eyes a little. "So formal. I'm glad you took us up on the offer, Lily; I'm not sure we could have gotten James to leave while you were waiting. He was very- "

"Mum!" James snapped, his cheeks reddening even more. Sirius sniggered beside him.

On the short drive to where Sirius resided, Mr. and Mrs. Potter fired off question after question to the boys and Lily about the school year: what they had done, how O.W.L.s went, what they felt they learned. Lily mostly kept quiet and let the boys do the talking.

"Evans is ace at Potions," Sirius admitted, causing Lily to grin. "Everyone asks her for help, even James and I."

"A natural knack for it, eh?" asked James' dad interestedly as they pulled up to Sirius's home.

"I suppose," Lily smiled, watching as Sirius and got out to unload his trunk. She followed he and James onto the sidewalk, watching the door to Sirius' home appear out of nowhere. Though she was incredibly interested in how it worked, how Sirius' house was hidden in plain sight, she refrained from asking as Sirius did not appear happy to be home. His expression was resigned and dark. James clapped him on the shoulder, a pensive expression on his face.

"Have a good holiday, Sirius," Lily ventured, trying for cheerfulness.

Sirius gave her a half smile and nodded. "You as well, Evans," he replied before looking at James and his parents.

"I'll let you know."

"Anytime, Pads. Anything. You know?" James muttered. Sirius only nodded.

"He's right, Sirius," Mr. Potter agreed. "You know where we live and how to reach us. If you need anything, send an owl or take the Knight Bus and come over. Anytime."

Sirius nodded again. "Thank you, Mr.- "

"You know damn well you can call me Monty," Mr. Potter insisted, clapping him on the shoulder. Mrs. Potter ruffled Sirius' hair and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Sirius smiled sadly, then turned towards the door and walked away. Mr. and Mrs. Potter got back in the car, but James stayed back for a second, watching his friend sadly.

"Is he okay?" Lily asked quietly.

James cleared his throat and looked sharply from Sirius to Lily. "Yup. He's all right. It's… it's complicated," he explained. "Anyhow, back in the auto… you first, my lady."

Lily rolled her eyes and fought back a smile as she climbed in the back seat. The car rumbled to life and they moved down the streets of London towards the countryside once again.

"Cokeworth isn't terribly far from where we live," Mrs. Potter explained. "We'll have you home in no time."

"Thank you again, Mrs. Potter," Lily smiled.

Mrs. Potter shook her head. "Call me Effie, everyone does," she insisted with a smile. "So, tell us more about potions, Lily. If James is asking for help you must be very bright."

Lily flushed. "Oh, James is just as bright as me. He just- "

James scoffed. "Don't sell yourself short, Evans. Slughorn just loves her, Mum… as well he should. Rumor is you finished your draught of living death for O.W.L.s in half the time it normally takes."

James' mother grinned at her and his father made an impressed noise. "Absolutely a natural talent, then. Potions doesn't come easy for just anyone. Most wizards I know have some trouble with it unless they spend years doing it consistently."

"You never did," James' mother pointed out.

"Well, I'd grown up with my dad brewing all kinds of nonsense, of course," he muttered, grinning as James rolled his eyes. Lily just laughed to herself and sat back in the seat, enjoying the view as they rolled out of London and into the countryside.

It was just before 9:00 when they arrived at Lily's house. James smiled as he looked it over: blue shutters against white paint, a little bed of flowers under the large window on the left of the house. The soft glow of electric lights blossomed out onto the small yard and sidewalk that led to her front door. Lily frowned as she got out and James noticed her mother's figure pacing in front of the window.

"Your mum looks worried."

"Yes," she agreed, chewing her lip. "I hope she hasn't had too much of a fright."

"Do you think something happened with your sister?" asked James' mother, getting out of the car and following James and Lily up the sidewalk, her husband at her side.

"I don't know," Lily replied warily. "But- "

The door flew open and Lily's mother threw her arms around her daughter and let out a laugh. "Oh, thank heavens you're all right!" she exclaimed. "It's not your fault, Lily. I've been worried sick though."

"I'm sorry, Mum," Lily muttered. "Petunia… wasn't there. I don't know – "

Lily's mother shook her head, putting her hands against Lily's cheeks. "She's fine. It's… well... well, it doesn't matter. Thank you for bringing her home," she sighed, looking to James and his parents. "I really can't thank you enough. I had an engagement and-"

"It was no trouble at all," James' mother laughed. "Lily is a delightful girl, it was nice to get to chat with her."

"Can I ask your names? Perhaps you'd like a cup of tea before you head out?" Lily's mother offered, gesturing toward the house.

"Oh, right, I'm sorry," Lily stammered. "This is my mother, Rose Evans. Mum, this is James Potter and his parents Fleamont and Euphemia Potter. James is in my year at Hogwarts."

"You can call us Effie and Monty," said James' mum, reaching out to shake Rose's hand.

"It's really a pleasure to meet you," Lily's mum said, shaking all the Potter's hands in turn "I so rarely meet anyone Lily goes to school with."

"The pleasure is ours, Rose," Mrs. Potter beamed. "We'd love to come in for a moment. Will your husband be home soon? We'd love to meet him as well."

Lily grimaced and looked at her feet. Her mother smiled and put an arm around her shoulders. "Actually, it's just Lily and I here now. My husband passed away last summer right before Lily went to school."

"Oh," Mrs. Potter said, looking to James, whose expression mirrored her own shock. "I'm so very sorry. Here, let's head in for that cup of tea, it's a bit chilly outside. James, you help Lily with her trunk. We'll put a kettle on," she suggested, ushering everyone inside.

James grabbed hold of Lily's trunk and followed her as she walked through the living room and down the hall. They passed two rooms before turning into a small room on the right of the hallway. He saw a few recognizable items that designated this as Lily's room. There was a copy of her Hogwarts letter framed on the nightstand, a few pictures of her from when she was younger, and one magical picture tacked to a board near the window that James couldn't really make out. The bed was made up neatly with a blue spread and James sniggered when Lily hastily put away the pajamas her mom had left set out for her.

"Sorry about that," she said awkwardly. "Thanks for the help with my trunk… and the ride home."

James shrugged. "No worries. I'm… sorry about your dad," he murmured, fingers knotted in his hair.

"Yeah," Lily frowned as she looked at her feet.

"You never mentioned it."

"We never talked. Why would I?"

James gave an acquiescing shrug, but he still felt bad that with all the things he did know about Lily, he didn't know her father had died. After a moment of awkward silence, J ames stepped around her and back out into the hall.

"Your mom said it's just you two now?" he asked, thinking of the sister Lily kept mentioning.

"Yes," Lily hissed, giving James a conspiratorial look. "Which is news to me. She must have moved out."

"How old is your sister?"

"She's 18, but she's just 18. She turned in June," Lily explained. "I just can't believe she'd move out and leave Mum here all alone. I…." she stammered. Suddenly she looked irritated and pushed around James to push open a door on the left side of the hallway.

James peered in over her shoulder. The room had a single bed and dresser, but otherwise looked unlived in. Lily growled as they shut the door and looked up at James, who had learned by now that when Lily looked that angry it was best to stay quiet

"She moved out," Lily confirmed. "I cannot believe she moved out!"

"Well, she did … just… abandon you at Kings Cross. Is it so hard to imagine?"

Lily frowned. "I suppose not, but that's me. It's one thing to hate me, but it's entirely another to let Mum- "

"Wait, your sister hates you?" asked James. "Surely she doesn't hate you."

Lily laughed darkly. "We'll get into that some other time, it's complicated," she muttered before looking back to the sitting room. "Come on, they're going to start wondering what we're up to."

James chuckled. "How much trouble could we get up to in the hallway?"

Lily smirked. "Where's that lofty imagination of yours now, Potter?" she asked, stepping around him and walking down the hall and into the kitchen. James gaped after her in amused shock.

The Potter's stayed for a small cup of tea, the adults fascinated with each other's lives while Lily and James just sat and watched, amusement punctuated every so often with twinges of embarassment. After they left, Lily's Mum filled her in on what had happened with Petunia while they washed up the kettle and cups.

"Why did she move out?" asked Lily angrily. "I can't believe – I'm… I'm so angry."

"You shouldn't be," her mum replied. "She's happier. She found a typist job in London, she's got a very nice little flat. She comes for dinner every Saturday and calls almost every day, so it's not as though she's not checking in."

"No, I suppose not. But still… what's in London anyway?"

"Well, the job I just mentioned, a few of her friends… a boy," Lily's mum explained.

Lily rolled her eyes. "And how long has that been going on?"

"Just started. She's fancied him since she started working though. He's a junior executive and he's taken her out three times now. That's what happened tonight," Rose then explained, sounding slightly irritated. "She called me from the restaurant and told me the train got in late and she wouldn't be able to get you because they had dinner reservations."

Lily's mum frowned as she stacked another dish in the cupboard. "I was… not pleased. There have been all kinds of strange things happening lately, especially in London. Lots of people disappearing without a trace. I called the station and they said no one was there and no one had come to the desk for help. But… I know you, so I gathered you found a way home somehow, otherwise you would have called."

"Perhaps I should have called; I didn't even think of it. We stopped to drop off Potter's best friend is why it took longer," Lily explained. "And it's not your fault. She should have told him she had plans or something."

"I told her that. Especially with those disappearances." Her mum paused, trying to read Lily's expression. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"I haven't heard anything," she lied. "I try to stay focused on school. But, I'll be careful. I promise, Mum."

"Uh huh," her Mother answered, narrowing her eyes. "Perhaps you should stick close to that James Potter and your friends. He seems fond of you."

Lily fought back a smile, wondering why in the world her stomach was suddenly twisting in knots. "Potter is… Potter is nice, but he's not nearly as nice to others as he is to me."

"Oh?"

"He can be a real toerag at times."

"That's not uncommon for teenage boys, Lily," her mum explained. "Magical or not."

"He can be a bully."

Rose nodded, knowing exactly how Lily felt about bullies. "Well, if he really wants to have your attention he'll have to knock that off, won't he?"

"Who says I want him to have my attention even if he does quit that?"

Rose laughed. "Your little comment in the hallway," she explained, watching Lily's widen in embarrassment. "Don't think I didn't hear all of your whispering. I know every sound in this house. It's very quiet when it's just me."

Lily frowned, thinking of her dad. "Well, this summer I'll be sure to make it loud for you."

And she did try to keep the house noisy and active, but it was hard with just one person. Lily spent a lot of time with her books, and dreaming about using her wand. At least with Severus she'd had a person to converse with about magic. Now she had no one at all. It was lonely, and at times it made her feel like such an outsider that she wondered if she should return to Hogwarts at all.

Then, in mid-July, she received a letter from Julia that cheered her up dramatically.

"I can come for couple of days if your mum doesn't mind. It'll be fun, we can go shopping for a new dress that you can wear to that do Slughorn hosts every year. Write me back and we can make plans. I've told Gerard to wait and peck at you until you write back so get to it, Evans."

The owl did what was asked and waited, hissing at Lily until she took up a quill to write a response. Her mother had been fascinated, petting the owls feathers gently as it cooed and tipped its head into her hand. Lily realized the few letters she'd gotten from her friends in the past had all been surreptitiously delivered straight to her window rather than anywhere in the house.

"They're smart, too," she explained, handing her letter to the spotted owl and scratching its feathers before watching it fly out the kitchen window. "He stayed until I wrote back, and he must know that Petunia is gone."

"Why do you think that?" asked Lily's mum.

"Because he came to this window rather than the one in my bedroom. Petunia… one time when you weren't home, he came to bring a letter and she flew into hysterics. Threw things at him to try and scare him away, called me all sorts of names. He only came to my window after that."

Rose Evans frowned. "You realize… she's just … I don't know how to explain it. She thinks we loved you more than –"

"That's ridiculous," Lily balked. "Look at all the stuff you went to for her while she was in school. Vocal concerts, her graduation, all of that. You can't come to any of that for me."

"It's not that we didn't want to come see you. You know that, right?"

"I know, but you see her more than me. I'm off in some castle and you all were here. It's not… I didn't choose this. Why does she hate me for something I didn't choose?" asked Lily.

"She doesn't hate you. I think she's angry because… maybe because it's a choice she didn't have. But, that's just part of life. Sometimes you don't get to choose," she said a little sadly.

Lily frowned. She knew her mum was still grieving; Lily was as well. But they didn't know how to talk about it.

"Anyway, of course it's fine if your friend comes for a week or so. In fact, you can send letters and invite a few friends if you want," Rose continued, changing the topic.

"Julia and Samantha are probably my closest friends, and Mary," Lily explained. "I don't know how they'd get here though. Honestly, I don't know how Julia is getting here. I don't have any way to send a letter now."

"You should get an owl," her mum added.

"They're very expensive; we don't-"

"We'd manage, Lily," she asserted. "When you go shopping for your school books, I insist you get one. Your list should be coming soon, right?"

Lily nodded, knowing her supply list would be included with her O.W.L. results. Whether she could take certain classes next year depended on her marks. She knew for certain she'd want to continue with Potions, Charms, and Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts. She would also stick with Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures simply because they were enjoyable and Herbology was required for most professions. Most the classes she liked always ended up being with Slytherin house, which was never fun but would be worse now that she and Severus were on the outs.

She half expected that he would try to visit her at home; the thought made her stomach twist and her blood feel hot. But he never did. No one visited except for Petunia every Saturday and, finally, Julia during the last week in July.

"How'd you do on your OWLs?" she asked as they sat in the grassy field by a park across from Lily's house.

"Fine, I got O's in Charms, Potions, Defense, and Herbology, an E in Transfiguration, History of Magic, Astronomy and Care of Magical Creatures, and an A in Divination, but I wasn't too concerned with that," Lily explained. "I think I'm dropping it anyway so it doesn't matter."

"Same for me, only I got an E in Divination, and an A in Astronomy. But the rest were the same. Wait, no… I got an P in Care of Magical Creatures," Julia added with a laugh.

Lily laughed. "You can see the future but you can't take care of a bowtruckle."

"I can, I just don't want to," Julia shrugged. "So, we'll be in the same classes again. I'm guessing Mary did well, and Sam. I've heard as people get weeded out and start dropping classes we get intermixed so we might see her more often."

Lily nodded, frowning as she fiddled with a piece of grass. Julia tilted her head, leaning up on her elbows and eyeing her curiously. "What's going on with you? You've been quiet."

"I'm fine. Nothing is wrong," she replied, her voice wavering a bit.

"Well, the grass in front of you begs to differ. You've torn it to shreds. Spill… what's wrong?"

Lily sighed, chewing her lip. "Have you been reading the Prophet?"

"No, I haven't. I hear enough from my parents; but I gather you've been reading it," replied Julia. "I don't think that's a good idea, Lils. You know-"

"They're proposing a registration for Muggle-borns now. I'd have to sign up and be on a list, and wand registration; all to keep me safe, of course. And there's talk of aptitude tests for Muggle-borns to find a job and-"

"It'll never pass, trust me. It'll never pass. There are too many Muggle-borns or Half-bloods on the Wizengamot to let that through. People would pitch a fit. You don't need-"

"Did you hear about all the disappearances happening?"

"Honestly, I haven't. But I don't know anyone who's gone-"

"That's because they're all muggles. There's been about 20 reported disappearances in London and who knows how many unreported. My mum heard about it, that's why she was so upset when I didn't come home right away after Petunia left me at the station. People are disappearing," Lily explained, her voice wavering.

"You don't know… I mean… we don't know for sure that it's-"

"-Don't be daft."

"I'm not being daft," Julia argued. "I'm being logical. Besides, what are you supposed to do about all this? It's not like you can stop it. What are you going to do, not come back to school?" she asked with a scoff.

Lily was silent as she tore at a piece of grass.

A moment later, Julia inhaled sharply and glared at her. "Lily, that's not an option."

"Yes, it is," Lily insisted. "It was a choice to come to begin with; McGonagall even said so. 'It's your choice if you want to learn this,' she said before going on about how we'd have to keep it a secret and no one outside our family could know. My mum can't even come visit me or… she went one year to buy books with me but it was so overwhelming to her I just do it on my own now. That was all a choice, so is this. It's an option."

"No, no it's not!" shouted Julia angrily. "No… you can't. You can't do that Lily. You'd just be throwing away part of yourself; you'd be denying –"

"I didn't choose this!" Lily argued. "I didn't… I'm hated, Julia. I'm hated for something I can't help. I didn't choose any of this and people hate me for it."

"You may not have chosen it, but it chose you. It's part of you. You can't just shut down something inside you. For whatever reason, you were meant to be a witch, and you're meant to do great things with it. I know this… I believe it with all my heart," said Julia emphatically.

Lily frowned and stared off in the distance. Julia slid closer to her and laid her head on her shoulder. "Besides you love magic, Lily. You love potions and charms… you love all the weird creatures and things magic can do. You love the school, and the people… you love me," she teased, making Lily laugh. "You can't leave all that behind, you just can't."

Lily nodded acquiescingly. "What if I told you I'm scared?"

"You're not the only one," Julia admitted. "But… that's all the more reason you can't just leave. Don't let those crazy bastards scare you away. That's not how everyone thinks and you know it. No one hates you, and even if they did they don't matter at all."

"I know."

"Listen, I understand where you're coming from," Julia explained, throwing her arms around Lily. "I do. I can't imagine what it's like to have people call you that awful name and doubt you because of what family you came from. I understand. But there are so many people who disagree with them, Lily. Just because Snape-"

"This has nothing to do with Snape," Lily interrupted. "I haven't even thought about that, honestly, but since you brought it up… the fact that he could lie about feeling that way about me, then suddenly turn… what if someone else does that?"

"He didn't suddenly turn," she said thoughtfully. "He was humiliated. You've complained for years about James Potter being an arrogant toerag, but Snape is just as arrogant. He's constantly banging on about how brainy he is and how much better he is than anyone, and all those curses he knows and how he just … lusts for control. Not just control over magic, he wanted control over you," she said, giving Lily a poignant look.

"I never let him control me," she replied.

"No, but how many times did you tell him off or fight with him because he said he wouldn't let you do something? He wouldn't let you be in any house but Slytherin, but you were. He wasn't going to let you be friends with me because I liked divination, or Mary because she was a gossip, yet you were. He was constantly trying to control you.

"When Potter and Black get after him it's mean, yes, but they take away that control and you… rushing in just made it worse. He was angry and he threw out the thing he knew would insult you the most, like he wanted to remind himself that someone was beneath him. You never let him get to you when you wanted to do all those other things, don't let him subconsciously get to you now."

Lily looked at Julia, impressed by her ability to read through to the truth of things. Even as children, Snape tried to control her. He monopolized her playtime, he made it clear her relationship with Petinua wasn't worth anything now that she was a witch and Petunia was "just a muggle." Regardless of whatever else Severus may feel for her, he'd made it clear that every other muggle-born, or half-blood, or pureblood, who he deemed beneath him deserved vile treatment. Why should she be any different?

"Please don't leave school," Julia pleaded. "Please. I'd be heartbroken, Lily. And think about Potter… oh my God. He'd go mental."

"I haven't thought about Potter all summer either."

"Liar," Julia laughed. "You are such a liar."

Lily scowled and shoved a laughing Julia into the grass before smiling sheepishly.


Author note: the "Song stuck in my head" comments are literally just that. This is the song that got stuck in my head while I was writing this.

Song Stuck in My Head: Oh, What a Night: The Four Seasons