Pains of Sacrifice
Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N:
Chapter 2 (A Parent's Concern)
Trina sat on her bed, knees curled to her chest and eyes focused on the footboard. Her faded yellow walls bore old family photos and posters of her heroes: MMA fighters, Olympic gold medalists and other famous athletes. The longer they stared at her, the more she could feel them judging her.
"I wonder if it's possible to get post-partum depression before having the baby." She exhaled softly and scraped a finger across her moist cheek.
A knock at her door startled her and she slowly glanced in the general direction. "Trina?" Her mother's soft voice filled her ears, but she kept quiet. "Trina, honey, may we come in? it's just…your father and I are a little worried about you." She scoffed for a second and looked away, staring at her window.
Her father had boarded it up recently, as if it would stop her from doing anything if she actually wanted to. "Fine." Her parents opened the door and walked in slowly, with David closing it gently behind them. "Not sure why you're worried all of a sudden."
"You're our daughter, of course we're going to worry about you."
David stepped forward, his arms crossed over his chest. He pressed his lips firmly together and there was a sadness in his eyes. "Especially when your counselor calls for a suicide watch on you." He made his way forward and sat at the foot of the bed. "Do you want to talk to us about that? I know it's been difficult, losing Jason and all your classmate." She extended her arm over her knees and frowned deeply.
"I should have done more. I should have been more selfish, but no one would let me go in after Tori."
"It sound selfish to say, but I didn't want to lose both of my daughters."
"Both? The favorite would have lived anyway." Her parents hesitated and shared a look with each other, their expressions softening a bit. Holly gently rubbed Trina's arm and her eyes went misty.
"I'm sorry you feel that way. We never wanted to be the type of parents that had a favorite, and we don't, it's just-"
"I know." Trina rolled her eyes and waved her hand a bit in the air. "Tori was born with a lot of medical and health problems. It's a miracle she made it past infancy, but she still had various issues like breathing trouble up until she was six. She still can't swim, bruises easily and couldn't focus on her studies in school. So basically shroud her in a protective bubble and deny there's anything wrong with her while giving her everything she wants on a silver platter."
Holly started to sniffle and the mist in her eyes turned to heavy tears. The woman's hands began to shake and she stammered as though trying to find the right words. David shut his eyes and cleared his throat. "Holly, sweetheart, I think I smell the chicken burning downstairs." Holly leaned her head back and scrunched her nose.
"What?"
"Would you go check on dinner?"
Holly sulked and slipped out the door slowly. David seemed to wait for the door to close behind her, watching it carefully. Trina gazed up at her father, curious what he was going to do or say. After a few seconds, he uncrossed his arms and let out a heavy sigh. "Something you must understand about your mother. It kills her, every day, that we've had to give so much attention to your sister. It didn't start out as a habit, but it became that way because we had to keep such an eye on Tori when she was little. She worries, more than she needs to even now and she feels horrible about not being there for you more often. She is trying to be better about it, but you could try giving her the benefit of the doubt."
"I know." She bowed her head and shrugged. "I guess I just feel a bit like the ugly stepsister or something." David chuckled and lifted his head upright. For some reason she always found it easier to talk to her father, even though he could sometimes be harder on her than necessary. "You haven't done much to change that."
"I know. I know I've said and done things that weren't appropriate; and a lot of things I said were intended as a joke, but poorly timed."
"Oh?"
"Like that little puppet game those boys put on a few years ago." Trina raised an eyebrow as her father gently rubbed her knee. She'd almost forgotten about that, it seemed so long ago now. "I still remember that. I didn't like they were messing around with you, and I had a stressful day so I was trying to lighten and deflect things with humor, but…it was inappropriately timed and I know it hurt you."
"It's okay."
"It's not okay." David rubbed his hand over his forehead and dropped it down heavily onto his knee. "I know I shouldn't say this because it goes against the whole 'good parents don't choose favorites' thing, but…" He looked around her room, a glimmer of pride in his eyes. "A part of me has always favored you." Her heart stopped and she shook her head in disbelief.
"What?" It fell from her lips in a single breath and her father started to smile.
"Come on. In junior high I tried my hand at football. Didn't like it, became the star baseball player in high school and played on my college team." He thumbed his nose and chuckled dryly. "I have two kids. One of which grew up with health issues, always being watched and supervised for fear of pricking a fucking finger while the other one was adventurous, always getting into trouble and getting into scrapes she had no business getting into." Trina started to chuckle, feeling a small amount of pride swelling in her heart. "An athlete like her father, she could swim like a damned fish. You remember when you were in grade school, playing volleyball with the other kids in gym class?"
"Yeah…" They were almost scared of her, she played close to an android, hitting those balls with such force the ground almost shook. "They exaggerated a little bit. I think I knocked out a kid on the other team once, but hey, they shouldn't have stepped where the ball was going to land!"
David laughed heartily and scratched his chin. "One of the proudest moments of my life, don't tell your mother that, is when I get a call from your couch that says 'your daughter just spiked a volleyball into one of the kids on the opposing team'." He laughed heartily and shook his head. "I wasn't sure what you were doing when you decided to leave that school to attend Hollywood Arts, I knew you weren't interested in all of that…"
"Is that why you never approved? You said I wouldn't be any good, I thought-"
"I know what I said, and I know how it came across. I didn't mean for it to come across as a hit to your confidence. It wasn't your passion, how can you be good at something that you don't enjoy?" He looked to the ground, his brow furrowing. "Now, I thought that all these years it was just that school making you unhappy. That school, those kids…for whatever reason you were acting in such a way that I didn't understand-but now I'm wondering. It's been two years since you've finished your time there…but you're still unhappy. Why? Something's going on, and I know you don't want to talk to me, but…if it reaches you, I do care. Your mother too. It's just been hard to show it."
"It's complicated, Dad. I'm not really sure I'm ready to talk about things."
"I understand." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I really liked that boy. Jason. I thought, I thought he was perfect for you. I didn't think much about him when I first met him, but only because I didn't want to think about my little girl with a man…" Trina smiled gently and her heart began to beat, seemingly for the first time again. "For what its worth, I'm going to miss him."
"He…I hope I didn't take him for granted." She hugged her legs closer to her chest and felt fresh tears draping over her cheeks. "I've focused so much of my time and energy on Tori that…I don't know….You know he ran back into that fire because of me? Because I couldn't go in myself, I couldn't save her. Everyone was so focused on stopping me from charging in there that he was able to slip in." She hesitated and lifted her gaze to her father. "Did I send my fiancé to his death, Dad?" Her voice broke and she began to whimper. "Did I kill him to save my little sister's life?"
David didn't respond for a few seconds, contemplating. "I don't think so." He reached over, giving her knee a gentle pat. "I think he was doing what he thought was best. Maybe he didn't think the firefighters were going to be able to find her in time, maybe he saw how worried you were and just wanted to be the one that brought her out to you."
"Maybe…"
"He died a hero, and that's the best way you could possibly remember him. Don't let it weigh too heavily on you. I don't have to be a police officer to tell you the lengths that I would go through to protect those that I care about. If your mother had asked me to dive into that blaze, I would have. I had to be there for her, she was terrified enough and felt like she'd just barely managed to have you come out alive."
"I understand…"
"You know, you've always been the healthy one. We've never had to watch over you, we've never had to worry that the smallest sneeze could result in some catastrophic problem. You could scrape yourself up a thousand times and come out in tip-top shape…just because we didn't have to baby you like we did Tori doesn't mean we loved you any less; it means we didn't have to be afraid something horrible would happen to you. But, in some ways, it feels like as a father I wasn't there in times I should have been…"
"I brought it on myself."
"What do you mean?"
She buried her head into her knees and muttered. "I did." She closed her eyes and shrugged. "I told Jade. Long ago. I told her to pick on me instead." David raised an eyebrow as she turned her head and pressed her cheek against her knee. "I told Jade I could handle it, that she needed to let Tori try and actually have friends."
"You let that woman walk over you?"
"I had to supervise, I had to watch them without them thinking that I was spying, so…so I acted like an obsessed diva, I pretended to give a damn about singing and acting. I didn't want them to think I was hovering over Tori day in and day out, so…"
David rubbed his knees and leaned forward, shaking his head. "Why would you pretend to be something you're not?"
"I wanted to make sure Tori was happy."
"At the expense of what?" Wrinkles formed between his eyebrows. Trina looked away, her heart sinking a bit. "Trina, can you tell me? I know you love your sister, but why would you let someone actually go so far as to bully you?"
"I-I don't know." She always felt responsible, she knew that much. The way her parents coddled Tori, she felt like she had to protect her just as much, if not more. "Just something that started when I was a kid, I guess."
"I see." David stood slowly and coughed into his hand. "Well, when you're ready to talk about it, you know I'm here." She raised her shoulders and shifted her eyes to the door. Holly poked her head inside and spoke softly.
"Dave? Dinner wasn't burning, but I went ahead and set up the table. So, I'm going to go let Tori know supper's ready. Is everything all right in here?" David walked over to his wife and kissed her on the forehead.
"Give her some time." She nodded as he left the room. Trina stood carefully from the bed.
"Let me go freshen up a bit, Mom. I'll be downstairs in a few."
"Okay honey." Holly started to close the door, but stopped. "I love you, sweetheart." Trina smiled at her and waited as her mother shut the door and descended the steps.
Okay, so any thoughts here
