The mass has started. The priest was speaking some bullshit about legalizing weed and premature sex, while Mercy was sitting in the confessional, blazing some joints. Then some faggot came and kneeled down by the confessional.
"Father, I have sinned." He said.
"No fathers here, just one nun." Mercy replied.
"Oh. Well… wait, I think I recognize your voice from somewhere."
Mercy looked at him through the semi-translucent window.
"Lucio?!" she exclaimed and shut her mouth quickly.
"Wh-… you know me?"
"I mean… we've heard about you. God has told us about an African-American boy that has sinned recently."
"Umm, I'm not African-American, but whatever."
"Speak your sins, son." Mercy said in a voice of an old lady, so Lucio can't recognize her.
"I… I…" Lucio breathed in, "I've cumshot several times on my friend's face while she was sleeping."
"Wow, that's…" Mercy's voice broke, "What was the name of that friend?"
"I… I can't say."
"If you can't say it, then you won't be absolved, and you'll end up in hell."
"Fine! Her name was Mercy, wow, do you even know her?"
Mercy then touched her face in fear. Then she jumped out of the confessional.
"YOU FAFIN' NIGGER!" she screamed, "How could you?!"
"Wh-WHAT?! Mercy, dafuq are you doing here? I'm so sorry! I should have asked before I came on you!"
"It's not about that!" Mercy took a deep breath, "You said my name is MERCY, when in fact it's Angela!"
"Oh, sorry Angela. No hard feelings? c: "
"Whatever nig :)" And then they hugged.
But then they realized they were being watched by the entire church. Only the priest who was sky-high was still talking.
"Umm, and that's why you should always carry a gun with you, and also Jesus smoked weed before it was cool, so you know, it was said in the Bible that weed is God's favorite plant. *cough cough*" he said.
"Whatever man, it's her!" someone shouted, "That's the woman who robbed the bank today!"
"OH SHIT!" people screamed.
"Lucio you faggot, you destroyed my cover!" Mercy said.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know!"
"You're coming with me." She said and jumped on his back, almost crushing him with her giant TITS, "Run!"
"But…" Lucio mumbled.
"BUT WHAT?!"
"It's kind of racist for a white woman to be riding a black guy."
…
"This was not a joke of sexual nature, I'm serious." Lucio stated.
"I'm gonna fist you later if you get me to safety."
"GOTTA GO FAST!"
And then Lucio ran at a really black-person-like speed. Which is really fast by the way.
Two hours ago...
Dva was jumping on the roofs, when suddenly she tripped and fell to her death.
"Holy FUUUUUUUUCK!" she screamed, and then she hit the groud. It was at this moment when she realized that there's no falling damage in Overwatch.
"Wow that was gay." She said, and then she heard shots. The police was still chasing her. She ran and found herself on a very busy street.
"Whew, now they won't find me on this crowded street." She thought, "Even if they do, they can't shoot, they could damage pedestrians.
But it turned out that she was the most Korean-looking girl around and the police didn't care and shot everyone on sight.
Dva called the spirits of her ancestors to help her fight. She summoned a big fucking negro person with great muscles.
"Wait, why are you black?" she asked.
"Because I was born black, dumbass." The spirit replied.
"Oooohh."
Then the black guy beat the shit out of the police men, so Dva could escape.
She entered a mall, and wandered around it for a bit, looking for a place to hide. She noticed a game shop with a sign that said: "Looking for an attractive person with gaming experience and nice attitude."
She entered the shop and some nerd welcomed her.
"Hello, I'm here to apply for the job."
"Oh that's cool." The nerd said, "My name's John, and my mother is a history teacher. I used to pee my bed until the age of 14. My favorite Pixar movie is Cars 2..."
"Hold on, why are you telling me this?"
"I don't know, I thought you'd be interested."
"Are you a fag?"
"Yes."
"Wow."
Then John told her how to do her job and went home (probably to fap to some really extreme hentai).
A few moments later, two guys entered the store.
"Hello, can I help you perhaps?" she asked, smiling.
"Oh, umm, we're looking for some gay game."
"Excuse me?"
"We need a gay game. Like, REALLY fucking gay. The gayest one you have."
"… how about Overwatch?"
"YES! It will do! How much?"
"Four hundred thousand dollars."
"Can we pay the equivalent of 400 000 dollars in jars of semen?"
"Get the fuck out of here."
A few minutes later, a 12 year old boy entered the store.
"Hello there!" Dva welcomed him, "How may I help you?"
"Hi bitch." The boy said, "I'm looking for the most extreme porn game you have in stock."
"Aren't you a little young for that? Also what did you just call me?" Dva asked.
"I want to masturbate to the highest quality erotic game. I can pay double, or even triple."
"Ok ok, but we can't sell you a game for adults. You're too young."
"Then what about THIS?!" the boy shouted and nothing happened, "… I thought that if I say this out loud enough you'd get scared and sell me the game."
"*sigh* alright, I can sell you an erotic game. But it will be more family-friendly, not the most extreme one."
"Ugh, fine, whatever."
"It's this one." Dva grabbed one of the games and showed him, "It's an erotic version of a popular MOBA shooter game. You can play as the characters from the original game, but you get to engage in sexual activities, such as fisting, rape and deepthroat. It also has a lootcrate system, containing more sexual animations and gadgets and skins and shit. Speaking of shit, scat is there, too."
"Wow, if that's family-friendly, I wonder what the most extreme game you've got there is like." The kid said.
"Trust me, you don't want to know." Dva replied.
"What game is this one based on?"
"It's based on a really silly game: Overwatch."
"Wow, so I can even play as Dva? And fist her to death and then creampie in her dead anus?"
"… on the other hand, I'll get you the most extreme one. And get the fuck out of here."
To be continued…
In the next part: Mercy and Dva meet again. Will they escape from the police once and for all? Or are they going to be caught and sent to prison? Find out soon.
