Author: T'Reilani
Title: Life as a Technorganic
Summary: Riella's guidelines for living as a technorganic.
Rating: T for safety.
Disclaimer: I only own Riella. My brother owns the parody of "Joy to the World".
A/N: My brother gets credit for inspiring Rules 37 and 38, and he and my sister inspired Rule 40 between them. Hahaha...kids...
"You came up with how many more?" Riella stared at Prowl in slight disbelief.
Prowl shrugged. "It's been a long week."
"True, but…" Riella looked over his notes and sighed. "You're right, I can't argue. Did Optimus request this first one?"
"Well, you know how he is about harming humans," Prowl pointed out dryly. "Even accidentally."
Riella arched an eyebrow. "He ran into me. That was not my fault."
21. If at all possible, cover any exposed metal parts with some form of padding before playing sports. Holograms will not work.
- I don't know why I still agree to play with them.
- Sorry, Glen.
- I really do hope you can still reproduce.
22. No changing your vocalizer to sound like Darth Vader, the Terminator, or any other intimidating movie character.
- Sideswipe.
- Sunstreaker.
- Jazz.
- Ironhide.
- For the love of Primus…
23. On that subject, never never NEVER change your vocalizer to sound like a Decepticon.
- Bluestreak.
- I assume it sounded like a good idea at the time?
- You were wrong, by the way.
24. If you are female and either PMSing or carrying, do NOT threaten to dismember your sparkmate, CO, the medic, the weapons specialist, or whoever happens to upset you.
- It doesn't really matter if you mean it or not.
- Some 'bots are more patient than others.
"According to Ratchet, the pon farr cycle should also be included in that particular rule."
Riella gave Prowl a look that could have frozen lava. "I am not mentioning the pon farr in a rule that will be generally read. Ratchet will just need to deal with it."
25. No holographic costumes.
- Except on Halloween, and then only if you alert Ratchet, Prime, Ironhide, and Red Alert.
- Bumblebee.
- Sideswipe (again).
- Tai.
26. Bumblebee, Bluestreak, Smokescreen, and Jazz are no longer allowed to pick up take-out.
- Ratchet will hurt you if you transform with a pizza box inside your alt-mode one more time.
27. The song "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" is not to be used to tease any mech and femme who happen to be sitting together. This goes for everyone.
- The same thing goes for most love songs, but especially catchy ones.
- These songs may be used to annoy the current government liaison.
28. Do not take revenge when a human verbally insults you. Let your sparkmate, sparkling, or medic deal with it. They will be much harder on the unfortunate human than you.
- Prowl and Bluestreak: Cornered Agent Simmons in the hall and went into great detail about the daily workings of the base, for two hours.
- Sideswipe and Sunstreaker: Released a bobcat in his car. Stole his credit card information. Let the air out of his tires. Glued his iPad to the briefing room table. Switched his brakes and gas pedal.
- (I assume he didn't learn the first time.)
- Bumblebee: Stepped on said iPad.
- Ratchet: Refused to repair the iPad and threatened to use Agent Simmons as an experimental test subject if it happened again.
- (I think he was joking.)
29. The song "Monster" by Skillet should not be played immediately before transforming.
- It wasn't obvious?
- You know who you are.
- Quit it.
30. No more "Terminator" movies.
- At least not with the humans.
31. No pranks involving silly string, PVC pipe, and Seymour Simmons.
- Optimus insisted on this one.
- For the record, it was fun.
32. Impromptu performances of "Be Prepared" from Lion King and "My Lullaby" from Lion King 2 are no longer permitted.
- Evidently a Vulcan accent is perfect for Zira.
- But if an Autobot doesn't recognize the song….
33. Actually, impromptu renditions of all Lion King 1, 11/2, and 2 songs are now banned.
- "Hakuna Matata" is a wonderful way to end budget meetings.
- Because everyone will immediately clear out of the room.
- And "Dig a Tunnel" never ends.
34. Always, always, always look both ways before crossing from a human-size hallway to a 'bot-size hallway.
- No matter who you are.
- You may not be squished, but the risk isn't worth it.
35. If you want to watch these movies, ask me or Prowl first. We will tell you what the results might be before you decide to watch them.
- "Star Wars": Technorganics will be dubbed Darth Vader, both sets of twins will be trying to use the Force for weeks (the 'Vette twins will be pretending, the Chevy twins will not), and Wheeljack is NOT to see any of those movies under any circumstances. We do not need lightsabers, laser guns, TIE fighters, or droidekas.
- "Finding Nemo": You will be dealing with quotes for months. Even Ironhide got in on it. I blame Annabelle.
- "Over The Hedge": The Chevy twins do a disturbingly good imitation of Hammy the squirrel, plus it makes the 'bots paranoid about small animals (well, more so than Ironhide already is).
- "Taken": Your creator(s) will not let you out of their sight for weeks, and will eye all band merchandise suspiciously. (Tai.)
-"Princess Bride": Again with the quotes. And the impressions. And more quotes. You keep using that word.
36. No swearing in front of Annabelle Lennox. Even in Cybertronian.
- Sarah Lennox almost fainted when Annabelle dropped a toy and yelled "Slaggit!"
- Evidently Prowl was the culprit on that one.
37. On the subject of Annabelle, no more singing Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's parody of "Joy to the World" when she is on base.
- "Joy to the world, Barney is dead!/For they/have grilled/his head..."
- It only gets worse from there. I'll spare you the details.
- Poor Annabelle.
38. Do not sing "I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today" without context.
- It can be very funny with context. Without context it's very disturbing.
39. Dancing to your internal radio music disturbs the soldiers.
- Especially when they ask if you're listening to your iPod, and you tell them no, you're listening to the voices in your head.
- Bluestreak.
40. Don't say or do any of these things without any context.
- "I'm feeling a bit...odd today. Maybe it was the tuna fish?" Then transform. (Me.)
- "I LIKE IKE!" (Sideswipe and Sunstreaker.)
- "Hi, my name is Bill the Claustrophobic Plumber," while smiling demonically. (Mirage.) (I honestly don't know where that came from.)
- "Nobody move, I dropped me brain!" (Wheeljack.)
- "I'm wearing new underwear!" (Annabelle.) (We think she learned it from Miles.) (But I'm not sure.)
Prowl stopped reading, looked at the last rule, and frowned. "Who do you blame, then?"
Riella arched an eyebrow again. "Bee."
"Not the twins?"
Riella laughed. "I heard him quoting a comic strip yesterday."
"Ah. Wonderful…"
