I'm thinking of updating this once a week. I'm loving this story so far though.


FLAMERZ BAK OFF OK. mi engish is fine (Rose-tinted spectacles there!) u dnt hav to b a bytch about it u fukkin homos (FUCKING EXCUSE ME?! NOT OKAY. DO NOT USE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT EVER, JUST IN CASE OP IS READING THIS RIGHT NOW). if u lik bella i sed not 2 red cuz u wuld be offenced (I'm "offenced" by your homophobia, first and foremost, and your below average spelling skills). i red dis book a lot of tims i fink i no der names. (Well, you call Alice "Allison", Rosalie "Rosemarie", and seem to have Jasper and Emmett confused so...)

and wateva u say, DUNT DISS TARA GELSBIE. OK. SHE IS A FUKKING GRATE RITER (HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIIIIIIIIEND!)

OK HERE IS CHAPTA 2.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX CHAPTER 2 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wen i walkd in2 da house edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that.) (That was a completely pointless sentence) he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans (I heard Julius Caesar was quite the corrosive fellow...) . i started 2 sing in my beatifull voice "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?" every1 gasped, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me. (What's that falling from the sky? It's frozen, and every single one is the same... except this one! What is it? Oh, it's a SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE!) OUT of nowere they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths. (WHAT THE FUCK?!)

"WOT R U DOING?" i creamed. deir eyes were red n they had all turned in2 savagez. den they stoppd and confused.

"Sorry Twila." edward sed. "sometimes wen we c some1 we kant resist we turn in2 beasts. it wnt hapen agen" puting bak on mi clothe. (Oh that's nice, hanging out with a bunch of sex offenders!)

"Itz ok a lot of ppl r attracted to me" i excplaned. they all understod. (Because you are teh sex)

"it must be ur blood" sed carlose in horrofied. "Beauty, u hav the most rare n exotic blood in all da world, evry vampir wil want to drink it. itz much betta den that other gurls, wats her name?"

"Dat bytches nam is bella" sed jasper growling. Midnite hugged him (When did your sister get there?) so he wuldnt get 2 angry n apper in bellas house n strangle her wif 1 tuch of his finger cuz hes realli strong lyk da hulk. (I'm sure the Hulk can STRANGLE SOMEONE BY TOUCHING THEM! ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER!)

"twila, i wnat u 2 marri me" sudenly screemed alise (… what?!) hu was a plebian (At risk of sounding like Starkid's Dumbledore, what the hell is a plebian?! Does she mean lesbian?). edward rowred at her, furius n all protective n sudenly... he htransformed! (Into a goth? Because the last time I did a commentary for a stupid-ass story everyone and their mother was a goth)

"OMFG NOOOO" i shouted cuz i dint want ne1 2 get hurt. eds shirt bursted opened wif mussels. (LMFAO! I can imagine it, it's like the Hulk) his topazz eyez turnd pure blak with strengt n energy n he jumped at alice (I think these vampires are stupider than the original Stephanie Meyer vampires!)

"TWOLA IS MARRING ME ALREADI" (HOLD UP YOU HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED HER YET YOU PRESUMPTUOUS DICKWAD! Ooh, look at me, now I sound like Tara's Dumbledore!) he sed wif his voice was booming n all da windows exploded n da glass rained down lik in dat avril laven video wer she punches da miror n da glass all flyes out around her. (This was written by Tara, right? Except Avril Lavigne is a prep?) He storted 2 fite with alice to da death over me. (You aren't that special dear)

"Guyz guys" i suddenly compromized "Guess wat srry im not a lebian." alice started 2 cry tearz of blood. "Y r her tears blood" i asked all curios (Please clear this ridiculous character trait up for us please)

"Oh no this is bad" said emet hu had been in da bathrom da hole time (TAKING A MASSIVE VAMPIRE SHIT). "wen we cry our tearz r blood n its da blood of our victims, shez losin blood n now she wil be thirsy agen. RUN" (… but why are they trying to drink her blood? She's a vampire, she has no blood?!)

Alic tryed 2 jump at me and tare my flesh but i movd out of da way n she attakd rosemarie instead hu was prety but she waznt as prety as me (BIG FUCKING YAWN) n her throat flew open. n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it.

"Ohh mi satan" (TARA IT IS YOU DON'T EVEN LIE) i said heartbrokn becuz i causd so much truble. edward jus laughed "its ok babe" he said nd kissed me for da 1st time! (Such a romantic moment! He went all Incredible Sparkly-Ass Hulk on you and his lesbian(?) sister tried to kill you for your non-existent blood and then she killed her sister instead and he kisses you. That's one for the family album!) (He had turned back from blak ed to white ed (a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET) (… I don't know what that means) n he was calm agen.) "Shez a vampir, shell just cum bak 2 life." (BAAACK TO LIIIIFE, BAAACK TO REALITY!)

so they sedeted alison n she fel asleep n rose came bak 2 lyf. we had berger king 4 diner (… you're a vampire you idiot, you can't eat human food?!) bcuz i had 2 hurry. n then i went home thinsking of edword the hole time and how his flami hot lips felt on my. his body waz so warm n i culdnt wate to c him agen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTA


NO LONGER LOVING IT, ABORT MISSION!