Chapter 1:
UUUGGGHHH! That was all that I could think! All I could hear was someone pounding the crap out of my door. What the hell? I looked at my alarm clock. Who in the hell would be up this fricking early. It's 5: 20 in the morning for us! When the pounding didn't stop I decided to just get this over with. I groaned as I stumbled my way to dorm room's door. Half blind I open the door to find a severely pissed Lissa. How could I not notice the harsh feelings coming through the bond that we share?
As I took a close look at the feelings Lissa was feeling all I could feel was pain, hurt, rage, and sympathy? Wait. Sympathy? Why sympathy? Ok, as I processed that feeling Liss pushed her way into my room, pivoted on her toe and turned to face me with her arms clutched in front of her. She had a folded piece of paper in her hand.
When she saw me looking at it, the rage and hurt inside her died down, and the sympathy grew. Ok now I'm really confused here. First, why was Liss here so early? Second, what was with all of her feelings? And third, what was the point of coming here in the first place? Nothing seemed wrong when I investigated her mind, so I'm guessing she put up her mental buriers and is trying really hard to block me. How odd? She never did that unless she wanted to surprise me or there was something she didn't want me to run from when she brought it up. Hhmm. . . . From her expression I'm guessing that it was more than likely the second option.
"Ok Lissa. What is it? What is so important that you woke me up at-" Ugh I looked at my clock again. "- UGH 5: 30 in the morning?" I groaned as I said this.
"When were you going to tell me Rose? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Were you even going to tell me EVER? How could you keep this from me? And I didn't get to hear it from you! Instead I found out from a FUCKING NOTE! But even through all that I am SO sorry Rose." Lissa exploded.
Wow. I couldn't believe that sweet, innocent, Princess Vasilisa could get so angry. That girl was literally shaking from rage. And that rage was directed at . . . .ME! Oh god. That girl was making no sense. NO. . . she couldn't know. Could she? Could she possibly now that Dimitri and I were together? Aahh Dimitri. Just the thought of my hot older mentor made me loose my focus. Instead of paying attention to my waiting best friend, I was thinking of him. I thought of his soft, silky, chin length, brown hair and the way he always tied it back at the nape of his neck. I thought of the way his lips pull up at the corners and when he gave me a full smile, the way it could light up a room. I thought of his perfect chocolate colored eyes. The eyes of the man that I love.
"Lissa what the hell are you talking about? What didn't I tell you? And may I ask what is with all of the sympathy filling your thoughts?" I asked. I guess I just got the most important questions out of the way.
Shock coursed through her. "You don't know yet?"
"Know what Liss? That I am totally and thoroughly confused? Just spit it out! PLEASE!"
"I thought he would have told you already." Lissa murmured .
"You better read this first." She handed me the paper that she was holding. Opening it up, I saw handwriting that I would know anywhere. It was his writing. It read:
"Princess Vasilisa-
I am so terribly sorry but from now on I am no longer your sanctioned guardian. It wasn't that I didn't want to be your guardian, but, under the circumstances, I thought it best to leave. Rose will be able to guard you just fine, I am sure of that. She is the best that there is, and with the bond, you will be completely safe.
I will admit to you that I am a coward. I am afraid that if I stay any longer your reputation will be no more. I am afraid that I cannot elaborate on my last statement, so there is no need to ask about it. I am leaving the Academy to guard an old friend of mine, Aubrey, back in Siberia. I must leave in a hurry, or else I wouldn't be leaving this note. Again I am very sorry.
If you could do me one favor I would be so grateful. Could you, please, tell Rose that I am sorry, and I will miss her so much. Tell her that it was a pleasure to train her and she has made me so proud with her strength to get through everything. Tell her I love her. Tell her I have always and will always love her.
This is now, goodbye. It was a pleasure to know you and guard you for a time Lissa. I will always remember you, honestly. You will make an amazing Queen.
Goodbye Lissa.
Goodbye Roza.
-Guardian Dimitri Belikov
P.S.- Lissa take care of Rose. I Love you Roza."
As I finished reading this, as I came back into reality, I had tears running down my face. When he said goodbye, it ripped my heart out. It literally felt as though, someone shoved their hand in my chest and pulled it right out. Actually no. The physical pain would be more welcoming. Once I would get over the initial shock of having my heart ripped out, I would just die. My suffering would be over quickly, unlike now, where I would have to suffer for who knows how long, trying to get over him.
How could he do this to me? How could he say he loved me over and over again, and then just leave? Why did he leave now? He turned down Tasha Ozera's offer because he said that his heart would always be with me. What happened to make him change his mind. Good lord what did I do to deserve this kind of eternal torture?
I have always and will always loved her. Really? How could he say that and then leave. If he really loved me, how could he leave? If we had love, nothing could separate us. Well that was what I thought, but of course, he left. Son of a bitch! I could not believe him. I could have sworn that he knew me better than this. If Dimitri had known me like Lissa does, then he knew that nothing good could come from him leaving me heartbroken and pissed.
When the shock the note gave me, I was horrified. I was lost in my misery. But after that started to fade also, when I cried for the first time in years, I was numb. Numb except for the aching rage that settled into my stomach. The rage that I had a feeling, would be the only thing driving me for the next few years.
As I thought about the letter that pierced my heart, I sank to the floor crying. Lissa's anger faded for now and for the moment being she embraced the roll of my best friend. She came and sat down next to me and held me close as I cried. I sobbed for hours until finally I sank into a restless sleep. I'm guessing Liss stayed the whole time. As I floated from consciousness to unconsciousness, I heard Liss talking to someone.
"Chris, Adrian, what are you doing here? It's not really a good time right now." Liss said.
"Liss. What happened to you and Rose? Why didn't you come to any of your classes today? We were so worried. Speaking of Rose, what the hell happened to that girl? She looks like a wreck!" Christian said in a whisper. Well at least he will let me sleep peacefully.
"Chris I don't know the whole story yet. As soon as She read this note she broke down. We'll all get together later ok? I have a feeling that Rose is going to be in need of her friends for a while. Now let her rest. We will see you later. Love you."
"Uh ok. Bye Liss baby. I love you too. Call me when she wakes up."
And with that, Sparky left. After that little encounter, I couldn't fall back asleep, so I decided to 'wake up' and face the conversation I dreaded the most. I stretched and groaned, letting Liss know that I was- finally- awake.
"Rose Hun, talk to me. I am your best friend. You can trust me. Talk to me." She commanded me in a soft tone.
"Ok. Liss call Chris, Adrian, Eddie, and Mia (she came back from the royal court to finish school). They all have a right to know this. Tell them to meet in Adrian's room- it's the largest." I told her.
She nodded and I left to go to the bathroom. When I saw my reflection, I grimaced. God, I looked like hell! My hair was a tangled mess sitting atop my head, my eyes were puffy, red, and bloodshot, and my face was tear stained and had red spots all over my cheek bones. I splashed cold water on my face and put on a little bit of eyeliner, mascara, and foundation. I still looked like I had been crying but now I at least looked presentable. As I walked out of the bathroom, Lissa hung up her phone.
"Ok. Chris is getting the guys together as we speak. They'll be there in a few. We better get you changed. Here."
She held out a stack of clothes. I didn't bother looking at what I was given but as I slid the fabric on I noticed that they were comfortable and soft. My type of clothes on this type of day. I had on black Juicy sweats and a low cut purple tank top. When I was dressed I quickly grabbed my brown UGG slippers and followed my BFF out the door.
When we reached the guest housing, Adrian was waiting for us down in the lobby. When he saw us, he immediately took me in for a hug. Oh I forgot that he could read auras. Either that or he could just read the misery on my face. I hugged him back and let only a few tears escape. I forgot how nice it was to have a friend just to be there for you. I let only a few drip from my eyes because I know that after I talk to my friends I will be in for an all- out crying session. Joy, I thought to my self.
As Dream Stalker led us to his room he warned us that everybody had their own ideas about why I wanted to talk to them. None of them knew that Dimitri had left yesterday except for Eddie because he must have noticed how he was in none of today's classes.
When the door to Adrian's room was in front of us, I took a deep breath and embraced the talk I was about to have. There were many possibilities on how this could go. They could all get pissed that I hadn't told them sooner or they could, again, get pissed at me and tell Kirova and Alberta that we were together and get me expelled and Dimitri arrested. Or they could just hopefully understand and except that I'm telling them now and help me through this. I prayed for the third option.
The boys and Mia were all sitting on the floor in front of the TV in a semi circle whispering to each other. I noticed that Mia and Eddie were holding hands- well they were bound to go out sometime or another. But for now I'm just happy that they're happy with the other. They were really an excellent match.
"Ok everyone. I have to tell you something but please, PLEASE just hear me out and don't be too mad at me. So Dim- Guardian Belikov and I were together. We were in love, ever since our training sessions started. I wasn't the only one who felt it. He loved me as well but we couldn't really be together. For one he was seven years older, I was his student and he was my teacher so it was illegal. But we also knew that we couldn't be together because we were both going to be Lissa's guardians and us caring for each other would jeopardize her, so we stayed away.
"Liss, I don't want you to feel bad because this is not your fault. It's was just something we were going to have to get through. He was going to get reassigned to court so we could still be together, because like I said before we were in love. We only shared a few stolen kisses but it was enough and it made me feel amazing. He made me feel amazing.
"But, uuhm, today he. . . . decided.. . That . . .he was leaving. He's leaving Lissa and the academy to guard a friend of his in Siberia. He's gone and he didn't even give a real reason why he left. He left me with out saying goodbye. He just left this note. Read it if you want. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner but we couldn't incase somehow it leaked. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. ." By this point I was sobbing. Lissa and Adrian had an arm around me in an attempt at comfort. Christian had walked off into the kitchen. I don't know why but I think he was getting me some pain killers. I just figured out that I had a migraine from all the crying I've done today. Mia and Eddie were just sitting there, their mouths gaping open like fish.
Once more I cried my eyes out. I cried my heart out and I cried my pain out. When I was done, I didn't feel weak, I felt determined. Determined not to be this vulnerable ever again. I would put this to good use too. I would put my maimed heart and soul into training, training to be the best damn guardian I could be. I would make sure that I kept Lissa alive at all costs. I won't ever be weak again, I promised myself.
