The Purple Swamp Incident:

Sandy was busy housecleaning. Spongebob knocked on the door of her treedome.
"Hey Sandy! It's me, Spongebob!" said SpongeBob.

"Hold on a second lil kelp biscuit I reckon I'll be there in a jipser if ya'll give me some time" replied Sandy. Sandy opened the door to see an ecstatic sponge
holding flowers in his hands, smiling.

"Aww, ya'll didn't have to bring me flowers again!" said Sandy, sniffing the flowers and breathing them in happily.

"Oh, you know, it's nothing really, I mean it IS Valentine's Day" said SpongeBob.

"Ya'll sure know how to make a squirrel happy" said Sandy.

"Yeah, well, here's a cinnamon roll!" said SpongeBob.

"It sure don't look like no sweet roll" replied Sandy.

"I made it in the shape of Gary's shell" said SpongeBob.

"I reckon it's delicious, SpongeBob. Thank you!" said Sandy, extending her arms.

SpongeBob raced up into Sandy's arms, hugging her.

"You're the most incredible squirrel in the sea!" said SpongeBob.

"Heheh, heyy, slow down you little clam cracker. That's not a difficult thing to accomplish!" said Sandy.

"Oh," said SpongeBob. "I guess you're right" he added, clearing his throat and relinquishing himself from Sandy's grip.
"How are things at the Krusty Krab?" asked Sandy.
"Not too shabby. Mr. Krabs hasn't sent me on any dangerous journeys as of late!" said SpongeBob.
"Well that's good...wait...what did ya'll say?" asked Sandy.

"Mr. Krabs hasn't sent me on any daring quests filled with mystery and intrigue. Sometimes he does" said SpongeBob. Sandy suddenly got a crazed look in her
eyes.

"Mr. Krabs sends ya'll on coral crushin' grand extravagant escapades and ya'll never told me about it?" asked Sandy, pulling SpongeBob close to her.

"Um...well...no!" replied SpongeBob.

"Well what are ya'll waitin' for let's go see if he'll take us both!" said Sandy.
"That isn't what I had in mind for today!" said SpongeBob, as Sandy dragged SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab.

Mr. Krabs was cuddling a dollar when SpongeBob and Sandy entered the Krusty Krab.
"Howdy Mr. Krabs!" said Sandy.

"Sandy!" said Krabs, hiding his dollar. "Um..what are you...doing here at this hour?" asked Krabs.

"Weyull, I reckon I heard your best employee sayin' that you send him on all sorts of coral crushin' missions!" said Sandy.
"Oh, that. Well yes I do. Sometimes. Not very often!" said Mr. Krabs.
"Not very often? The boy needs excersize. EXCERSIZE!" shouted Sandy, who then began spelling out the word slowly in front of Mr. Krabs's eyestalks.
"He flips burgers! What do you care anyway?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"Ya'll don't look like the type of pumpkin pluckin' pickle stealer that would send someone out on a mission that lacked danger, suspense, and intrigue!" said
Sandy.
"Well I mean they're kind of boring fetch quests to be honest. SpongeBob takes them seriously. To him a simple trip to the Dollar General is an Indiana FishBones
film, but most people down here in the sea aren't like that" explained Mr. Krabs.
"Oh. Yeah, I plumb reckon I've noticed the same thing about that little square dude. The smallest thing gets him going like a mexican jumping bean in a jellyfish
jar!" said Sandy.
"Heheh. Ehh...yeah!" said Mr. Krabs.
"She's been eating coral bits!" said Spongebob. Sandy put her hand over SpongeBob's mouth before he could say anything else.
"Well, the Krusty Krab isn't open today, so what are you two doing here exactly?" asked Mr. Krabs.
"Thinkin' things over. Thinkin' about...adventure!" said Sandy, staring at Mr. Krabs.
"Yer startin' to weird me out, lassie!" said Mr. Krabs.
"Psst, Sandy, put on the elevator music!" whispered SpongeBob.
"Will do, you sweet son of a snibb cookie!" said Sandy winking at SpongeBob, and blowing him a kiss.

Ten minutes of elevator music and awkward staring later..

"OKAY OKAY...you two have a very important...assignment!" said Mr. Krabs.
"YAY! Sandy and I are going to the Used Furniture Store!" said SpongeBob.
"Settle down me bucko there's no used furniture stores!" said Mr. Krabs.
"How dissapointing!" said Squidward in the distance who was reading a newspaper. On rare moments he stayed in the Krusty Krab because it wasn't safe in his
own house due to bad neighbors.

"I want you to get me...Mrs. Puff's new phone number, I mean no excuse me. Heheh!" laughed Mr. Krabs.

"What do you really want us to do Mr. K?" asked SpongeBob.
"SpongeBob, Sandy, here's what I want you to do. I want you two to head on down to the Purple Goo Swamp!" said Mr. Krabs.
"Wow. The purple goo swamp!" said SpongeBob who was starry-eyed.
"Yes, now, the purple goo swamp contains a rare...yellow kelp flower. It's one of the key ingrediants of the crabby patty secret formula.
Lately there's been scarce and smaller shipments of them. We need you to go get as many of them as possible to bring back here to the Krusty Krab!" said Mr. Krabs.
"Yeah, ya'll have a durn scab on your butt in case ya'll didn't know!" said Sandy.
"Hear me out Sandra! There's a catch!" said Mr. Krabs.
"Now ya'll are speaking my language!" said Sandy.
"Within the Purple Goo Swamp is a creature so vile, so hideous, none who have encountered him have lived to tell the tale. He only moved there recently.
That's why there's been less shipments of this special ingrediant" said Mr. Krabs.
"OKAY! Let's go!" said SpongeBob.
"Yeah, sounds like a rip snortin' good time!" said Sandy.
"Arg...what did I just do? Hope I don't go to Davy Jones Locker for this" said Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob and Sandy arrived at the swamp following the map Mr. Krabs gave them.
"Don't worry Sandy, if anything goes wrong, I'll protect you. I'm here for you baby!" said Spongebob.
"Uhh..yeah, thanks. I guess. Well, we'd better get in this rowboat" said Sandy.
"Rowboat? I don't have a license!" said SpongeBob.
"It's a rowboat? Ya'll don't need a license for a rowboat SpongeBob" said Sandy. SpongeBob and Sandy were rowing for hours.

Many many hours later..

"What the heck is wrong with your boss? He said this would be dangerous! DANGEROUS!" said Sandy, whose eyes were becoming red.
"Any second now that monster's gonna eat up our boat" said SpongeBob.
"That monster's as real as a moose in a pigs feet jar SpongeBob! WE NEED REAL FRICKIN' DANGER!" said Sandy.
"Yeh...yeah, you could be right Sandra" said SpongeBob who sounded exhausted from rowing so much.
"I-I-I have an idea. I'll write a song, and-and-and...SING IT!" said Sandy, who sounded as though she was completely losing her mind.
"How's the song go?" asked SpongeBob.
"It's about sponges, and squirrels" said Sandy.

"I like it so far!" said SpongeBob raising his eyebrows.

Sandy picked up a guitar and began tuning it, and then strumming it. She stood on a lily pad and began drawing a picture on the backside of the map Mr. Krabs
gave her. It was a picture of a sponge and a squirrel.
"Listen up ya'll. This is a lil number I wrote about sponges and squirrels. Squirrels and sponges is like motorcars and petrol, polluted swamps and oil spills,
jellyfish and stinger missiles!" said Sandy.

OHHHHHHHHH...
Yippie aye eh, yippie aye earl,
he's my sponge and I'm his squirrel.
His name's not Henry, his name's not Earl.
Spun me round, so I gave him a twirl.

Yippie aye eh, yippie aye earl,
he's my sponge and I'm his squirrel. Yee-haw!
He lives on junk food, that'd make me hurl, yet his breath is cleaner...than a pearl
He's my sponge and I'm his squirrel. Yee-haw!

Eatin' ice cream, chocolate swirl, there's my sponge, I'm his squirrel.
Caught him dressed up...like a girl.
Sure he's a sponge, but I'll take the plunge.
He starts to send me...for a whirl. Spins me round and round, makin' me glad I'm a squirrel.

"What did ya'll think?" asked Sandy.
"Wow Sandy...that was beautiful!" said Spongebob.
"Yeah, I thought you'd like that. I stayed up all night working on a time machine but the blueprints got spilled on and I wrote that poem instead" explained
Sandy.
"You know that makes total and complete sense. Sandy, your song is true!" said Spongebob.
"Thanks, I knew you'd understand" replied Sandy. Spongebob hugged Sandy.
"You never were short of surprises" said Spongebob. Sandy's eyes widened.
"Na-na-neither were you, Spongebob" replied Sandy.

Later...

Spongebob and Sandy had almost fallen asleep when suddenly a giant orange slimey eel appeared out of nowhere cutting the boat in half and sending
Spongebob and Sandy drifting apart.
"Sandy your tail is in my face!" said Spongebob as the eel brushed up against him.
"Wha-wha what? That ain't mah tail!" shouted Sandy as she woke up. Sandy saw the giant eel wreaking havoc.
"Come on, no pranks. That's...that's your tail!" said Spongebob laughing in his sleep.
"HOLY JOHN WAYNE BANANA SLACKS. What are we gonna do now?" shouted Sandy. "SPONGEBOB WAKE UP!" she shrieked.
"Huh? What? SANDY! It's the Alaskan Bull Worm" said SpongeBob.
"That ain't no alaskan bull-worm. That's that thing your disgusting boss warned us about" said Sandy.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Spongebob.
"We gotta get on that thing NOW!" said Sandy. Sandy grabbed Spongebob as the eel was splashing about in the filthy swamp that was filled with old tires
and retired jeeps and trucks.
"This thing needs to..learn..some...manners!" said Sandy, thwacking the eel with a whip. The eel electrocuted both Spongebob and Sandy, and they fell in the
swamp.

"Wow! There really is an electrifying connection between us, isn't there Sandy? Sandy? SANDY ARE YOU OKAY?" asked SpongeBob in a loud tone.
"I-I-I've trained buffalo. I-I-I just don't understand it. I wanted to tame an eel, this isn't fair! I miss Texas.

I miss mah brother Paul, sister Suzy, Uncle Rohn, mah wonderful girlfriend in the country music industry Misty Conkernut, mah pet goldfish Rusty, mah aunt Rebecca, mah fantastic ex-boyfriend Earl, my Garth Brookes albums, mah favorite acorn Andy...where did it all slip awaaay?" screamed Sandy, who began bursting into tears.
"Sandy, don't you see? This is what you wanted. This was an adventure" said SpongeBob.
"We didn't even get the magic dinosaur nickel!" said Sandy.
"What?" asked Spongebob.
"I...DON'T...PLUMB...KNOW!" replied Sandy.
"HEY! SANDY! THERE IT IS!" screamed Spongebob pointing to the yellow flower. The eel swam up and swallowed it.
"There it was, Spongebob. There it was. All our hopes and dreams...crushed!" said Sandy. Spongebob suddenly got a determined look on his face. He gathered up
courage. And he lept atop the eel.
"Ok Sandy, I'm gonna do what you would ordinarily do if you weren't acting like a stark raving lunatic. I'm gonna pry open this suckers mouth and get
the flower, it's not too late!" said Spongebob.
"SPONGEBOB! NO!" shouted Sandy.
"I know what eels like more than anything. Music!" said Spongebob, pulling out a radio. Oddly enough, it worked. He spit out the flower, and Sandy
caught it in mid-air. The two friends returned to the Krusty Krab.
"I reckon I have trained you well!" said Sandy, as she held Spongebob's hand.

Mr. Krabs was asleep.
"We did it Mr. Krabs. Sandy and I got the yellow flower for the crabby patty secret formula" said SpongeBob.

"OH NO! YOU REALLY ARE GETTING MARRIED!" said Mr. Krabs, horrified.

"WhaT? No. We got the flower!" said SpongeBob.
"Wha-WHAT? Hold on a minute, that thing actually exists? I mean...heheh...good job you two suckers!" said Mr. Krabs.
"Guess what else? I showed SpongeBob a song I wrote! Got me a purdy friend down in Texas, Misty Dolly Conkernut, she has connections, she'll help me make it big!" said Sandy.

"Me and Sandy just wanna know when our next assignment is!" said SpongeBob.
"What? That'll never happen SB and Sandy! No need to say anything more, you two lovebirds. Bye now!" said Mr. Krabs.

Suddenly the lights went dim and Sandy pulled out a microphone. Disco lights filled the room as well.

"Ah-hem! Okay ya'll. Listen up, land critters and sea critters need each other!

Sponges and squirrels is like chum buckets and chum, crabby patties and ketchup, vacuum cleaners and propane tanks, laundry detergent and martian jackrabbits!"

THE END