Chapter 2.
Frodo was packing his underwear with the little bears on them when he heard a faint buzzing noise. Thinking that it was his doorbell, even though he didn't have a doorbell, he went to the door and opened it. No one was there.
Oh well, Thought Frodo, like anyone would visit me anyways…and a single tear trickled down Frodo's cheek. Then he started laughing like a maniac for no apparent reason other than the author can't think of anything to do with him.
Frodo skipped merrily back to his room to finish packing.
1 hour later the fellowship all met at the airport (save for Boromir who is still dead), and with them was Bilbo, Elrond, Faramir, and Eomer. The hobbits got there late because on the way there, Sam had asked Frodo how long of a Plane ride it would be and Frodo told him that it was going to be 20 hours. Naturally Sam had died and it took them a while to revive him, since Sam's Fairy Godmother had gotten drunk.
So they're they all were. In an airport. In Middle Earth. Ha Ha Ha.
Gandalf was leading them through the airport since he was the only one who knew what the hell they were doing. The whole place was run by Oompa Loompa's and House elves, most of them were smoking cigars and drinking whiskey. None of them were working because they had no need to. No one even knew that this airport existed until now. Poor little creatures…
Gandalf and company had reached baggage check where a bunch of drunken House Elves were playing poker. One of the House Elves who was smoking a cigar, and who looked a lot like Danny DeVito, came up to them. He stood there surveying them all, with a disgruntled look on his face. This scene looked all the more amusing by the fact that the poor House Elf was even shorter than the hobbits. "What do you want?" the house elf asked gruffly.
Gandalf didn't reply because he looked as if he was going to explode from trying not to laugh. Instead Sam replied, "Don't talk to us like that Stinker! Don't you -" But Sam's sentence was cut short by the fact that the House Elf had started squirting dark green cake icing at him.
Sam died.
"What did you do to him?" Frodo asked in a spaced out way, as if he was high.
"What the hell's wrong with you?" asked the house elf, looking at Frodo.
"Uh…He's retarded." replied Aragorn as he hid Frodo behind him, so that the drunken house elf wouldn't kill him with his cake icing of doom.
The House Elf didn't even really seem to care anymore and he said in a squeaky, monotone voice (if that's possible), "Put your bags over here please…", as he said this, drool started to form at the corner of his mouth. They all threw their bags, and Sam, onto the conveyer belt.
Shaggy and Scooby Doo ran over and started saying something about a monster that was chasing them. They looked in the direction in which Shaggy and Scooby came from and saw nothing but a very distressed Oompa Loompa chasing after them yelling something about passports. Professor Severus Snape, who was conveniently sitting nearby (wearing a very shiny, purple disco outfit), spotted the trouble and shot two balls of grease, from his hands, at Shaggy and Scooby. The Grease balls exploded on contact and melted Shaggy and Scooby into little blobs of grease. Of course, when the grease splattered a lot of it got on Sam since the author hates him. Sam and all the bags were still on the conveyer belt, which wasn't moving on account that all the Oompa Loompa's and House Elves were very much distracted by all that was going on.
But poor little Frodo didn't see any of this. He was too busy staring at Snape's very shiny outfit. As all this was going on Frodo was walking very slowly towards Snape. No one noticed because they were all watching the odd display. After Shaggy and Scooby had exploded, Frodo was standing right in front of Snape. Snape looked down at Frodo who had fished a bubble gum wrapper out of his pants and was handing it to Snape.
"Er…thanks. I guess…" Snape said as he took the bubble gum wrapper that was being offered to him, "Severus Snape, awayyyyyy!!", and with that Snape flew off, (Breaking the ceiling while he was at it. "You're gonna have ta pay for that!" yelled a random house-elf.) Frodo saw him throw away the bubble-gum wrapper as he was flying away. Frodo curled up into a little ball on the floor and cried.
Of course none of this made any sense, considering that Scooby Doo, Harry Potter and bubble gum wrappers weren't made yet.
Aragorn glanced at the clock on the wall and squealed like a little chipmunk on crack. "We're gonna miss our plane!!!" He picked up Frodo who was still crying, grabbed his bags and ran through the Metal Detector. Legolas followed after him, carrying Sam who was still dead, but slowly reviving. Everyone else followed carrying all their baggage. Of course, they all beeped when they went through, which made the House Elves and Oompa Loompa's very angry. After they all passed, Grima Wormtounge came and yelled at the poor little midgets, "The wizard's staff! I told you to take the wizards staff!!"
"Never mind that, Wormtounge." said Saruman as he slowly walked up to them, "We will get them…we just have to wait for the opportune moment…"
"Hey, that's my line!" shouted Jack Sparrow as he ran by them.
Meanwhile, Frodo and company were all running to try and catch their plane. Frodo had stopped crying, and Sam had come back to life and they were running with everyone. Legolas was ahead of everybody, jumping in that elvish way that he jumps. Aragorn was running in that rangerish way he does. The hobbits had really big rolling suitcases, so it was kind of hard for them to run… they had to jump with each step they took. Everybody else was just running normally except for Gimli who kept tripping and tumbling all over the place, but he still managed to keep up. Then something terrible happened…Gandalf tripped!!
"Gandalf!" screamed Frodo.
"Fly, you fools!" And as he said that one of the Oompa Loompa's that were chasing them came and jumped on Gandalf and soon he was bombarded with a bunch of Oompa Loompa's, who had started to sing.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Frodo in a very over dramatized way.
They reached the terminal and gave the Oompa Loompa their tickets. They had made it in time…but at what cost?
50 cents…
