Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of Sokugeki Soma. But the fantasy born from my dreams are purely mines. * fu *
Inspiration: Purest of Pain (A Puro Dolor) singed by Son By Four. (English Version). Note, the Spanish version is sooo much better.
[ . . . . ] → talking to one's self
Dogeza → It's when you go on your hands and knees, your forehead touching the floor and beg for mercy or forgiveness or showing extreme respect! But for this story it's to beg for forgiveness.
P.S.
More angst. Because, well, why not?
I think I'm becoming an S&M. Or I'm just sick. . . Nah.
Chapter 2
Purest of Pain
Carino mio, my worlds become so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.
Isami's POV:
As soon as the last bell ranged, I grabbed my bag and ran out the door. I could faintly hear my brother shouting after me, but I couldn't stop. I had to get home. Something was wrong, terribly terribly wrong. I didn't know what it was, but I could feel it deep in my heart. Ducking and darting between people as I finally got out of the building, I went straight for the dorm I shared with my brother.
By the time I got to my door, I was already panting deeply. My heart was pounding under my chest, ringing loudly in my ears. I was scared. To terrified to even open the door and find something in there. Taking a deep breath, trying to calm my beating heart, I took out my keys and slowly open the door. It was as we left it. Flipping the light switch on, I look for anything that looked out of place. Nothing that I can note of. But there was a slight smell of lemon in here. Strange, we didn't make anything using lemons today. I went to my desk to drop my book bag there, and that's where I saw it. A letter. With my name written in there. Suddenly dread fills at my heart as I picked up the letter, opening it slowly and carefully.
And I begin to read.
Do you even remember me amore mio? It's me. You know, the girl you are dating, were dating. What ever happened to us amore?
[Of course I remember. You were my girl, and I was your guy. How did I forget? How Could I forget?]
Was our love an illusion? Or is it just me thinking we were together?
[No, no, of course not. It was real. Oh gods. What have I done?]
You have changed. Or maybe we have grown apart. I do not know. But I feel so cold. So lonely without you. My world has now become a shade of grays.
[I'm so sorry, so sorry, carinio mio. I'm so sorry!]
She really is a sweet and honest girl. Maybe that's why your falling for her. That innocence that's as bright as the sun.
[I don't love her, amore. It's you that I love, you are my sun! My everything!]
I'm here, I'm right here, why can't you see me? There's so much distance between us now.
[Forgive me! I didn't mean it. I always thought you'd be there! I know I took you for granted. Now I'm loosing you!]
Can you hear me? Can you hear my heart breaking? I think I've called you thousand times, but your never home, you never answer your phone.
[Forgive me! Forgive me! I'll do better! I promise!]
I don't want to continue reading. I'm scared, I'm scared at what's at the end. But I couldn't stop. I continued.
What have I done to deserve this? Did I hurt you? Did I broke your heart? What is it? Why won't you tell me?
My heart hurts. It's hard to breath. [You did nothing wrong amore. Absolutely nothing wrong. It's me, it's all my fault.]
I want to say that I'm sorry for what ever it was that I've done. But it doesn't matter does it? It's clear it doesn't bother you at all.
[That's not true! That's not true at all!]
I'm tired, so tired. I can't do this anymore amore.
For my sanity, I am letting you go.
I feel my world breaking, shattering all around me. [No..no. No, no, no, no, no! Don't do this! Please, please don't leave me!]
Ti amo, Isami. So very very much.
[I love you to. I really, truly do love you.]
Vio siete il mio amore e la mia vita per sempre.
[You are my love and my life as well.]
My legs weaken and I just slumped to the floor with a loud thud.
"Isami! Isami what's wrong?! Why are you crying?!"
I could barely hear my brother. He sounded so far away. But I did manage to see him take the letter out of my hand.
It's so hard to breath. My chest hurts so much. I couldn't help it, I screamed out. "Alessandra!"
My brother hugged me around my neck from behind. His breath on my neck no longer comforting.
"Isami, Isami, she said she'll be back. She is coming back. I know it hurts. I know you really love her. If you want her back. Your going to have to do your best to show her you do. Even if you have to grovel on the ground she walks on. She said she loves you, she still loves you. Prove it Isami. Don't give up hope yet. I'll do what ever I can. I promise. Your happiness is my happiness as well."
And for the first time, in a long time, I cried. Curling myself up into a ball, letting my brother comfort me again like he did when we were younger.
"It hurts nii-san."
"Shh, shh. It'll be alright Isami."
"I hurt her. I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't nii-san."
"I know. I know."
"I love her. I really do love her. She's the only girl that loved me before she knew I loose weight in the summer."
He hugged me tighter, I can feel my brother's tears wet my shoulder. He really was such a softy.
"Why. . Why did I do it? What's wrong with me nii-san?"
There was silence, before my brother finally spoke.
"You were happy. You finally got the recognition you always wanted. For being you, and not the shadow of your brother. You got absorbed in it . . . that you lost sight. That's. . that's what I think Isami."
"I lost myself. . . I got greedy then. Selfish."
"What? No! Isami! That's not true. You worked hard. You got recognized for your hard work and passion. Anyone could have lost sight on what's important to them. I'm sure I did . . . a lot of time." My brother flushed a surprising shade of fushia.
. . . . "Heh. . Heh heh heh. That's true nii-san. . When you get really absorbed. . You tend to forget things."
"H-hey!" He pouts, looks oddly cute on him still, no matter how old he gets. I just can't help but tease him just to see that expression on his face.
"How are you feeling now?" He looked at me concerned, I know he is really worried, the creases in his brow are proof enough.
"Truthfully? I hurt. I feel cold and empty. . It's. . an unsettling feeling. And there's nothing I can do about it. . I caused it myself. I'll have to . . live with my consequences."
"Your a stronger man then I, Isami."
"I don't feel any stronger."
He pats me on my shoulder. "Go wash up. I'll make some of your favorite foods, my treat."
"Thanks nii-san."
I went to my side of the room to my drawers to grab something to wear. A plain black sweats and a white tank. "I'm taking a shower then nii-san!"
"Don't waste to much water! We've ran the bill a bit high!"
"Alright!"
Locking the door behind me, and switching the radio on. Luckily there were other channels besides Japanese in Tootsuki. Settling on a Spanish channel, which is quite popular here, I head for a hot shower.
A slow sad music comes on. Really, how do they know what songs to play? Do they have a psychic playing as a DJ or something, how unnerving.
Vida, give me back my fantasy
The courage that I need to live
The air that I breath.
My breath hitched a bit, and I can feel tears stinging my eyes once again. Someone must really hate me upstairs.
Carino mio, my worlds become so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.
Great, now I'm crying now. Thank goodness the noise of the shower dulls the sound. I don't want to worry Takumi any further. I grabbed the shampoo bottle. I can always blame the shampoo for the red eyes later.
I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better everyday
That it didn't hurt when you walked away
But to tell you the truth I can't find my way
And deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you
It's all I'm asking, baby
That's it. I couldn't take it. I chucked the shampoo bottle at the radio. It falls and breaks as it lands.
"Isami! What's that?! Are you alright?!"
"I'm fine nii-san. Just slipped and broke the radio!"
It was quite for a few moments, "Oh, alright then." I hear him retreat back to the kitchen and I let out a sigh. That was close.
I finished my quick shower and put my clothes on. Drying my hair as I pad to the kitchen. Tortellini. I could smell the rich tomato scent of the soup and hot baked bread. "Smells good niisan." We had a nice quick meal together. I was still hurting, but there is no need to worry my brother. He had to leave afterwards, we were running out of eggs, tomato, minor grocery. It was cheaper to buy the ingredient then to go out eating everyday.
Finally alone, I could let my facade fall. I let my sorrow take over me. How could I've been so stupid? I had something great and I took it for granted. Now I don't even know if I can have it back. If she would even take me back for everything that I've done. Brother is right, I'll have do everything I have to. Prove to her I'm sorry, that I love her. I'll even do a dogeza if I have to. I flop back on my bed, staring at the cell phone.
"I just. I just need to hear her voice." I dialed her number. Hoping, praying she would answer.
A long dial tone later, someone picks up.
"A-Alessandra?"
"Sorry, the number you've dialed is out of reach or no longer in service. Please try again later. Beeep."
I sigh out. I should have expected much. I can only hope, pray. I can fix the mess I got myself into.
I turned on my side, willing myself to sleep, maybe I can see her face there.
"I'm sorry."
I cover my eyes, glad nii-san isn't here to see me cry again. My dreams were empty and dark. It would be morning again when I wake up to see my brother's worried face.
Yeah, another chapter done! Go me!
One year.
What am I going to do for that one year in-between now?
More angst as they live far apart?
Or go to the next to the last chapter, Chapter Reconciliation?
Hmm the choices. I need a new iPod. I'm running out of music to inspire me.
Till next time!
Drop a review! It helps me better the story.
