This chapter ended up being angstier than I thought it would, but I still have some humor in there. So glad for all of the feedback on this! People seemed to especially enjoy the 'phone call' stuff - thank you! Hope this chapter is as much to your liking!

I do not own 'Once Upon a Time'.

Chapter 2

Rumpelstiltskin pulled up in front of the building that David and Snow lived in; David's truck rattled and shook as he parked it. He was amazed the filthy thing even ran, and the entire time he was driving he thought about his Cadillac and how Nolan had better not leave so much as a scratch on it. He would have much preferred driving his own car, but things how they currently were – he had no other choice. He wondered how David was faring with Belle. The man wasn't that bright as far as Rumpelstiltskin was concerned, and he could only imagine the various ways David Nolan could make an even bigger mess of this situation.

Rumpelstiltskin reached for the key ring David had given to him and opened the door. He laughed a bit to himself at the thought that Nolan probably would forget which key was the house key. At least he wasn't going to make a further mess of this situation, he thought to himself. A gift for Snow, a few kind words over dinner, and then he'd be off to bed. He'd encountered much more difficult situations than this one.

"Finally you're home." Snow said as Rumpelstiltskin entered the small apartment. She was holding baby Neal in her arms. The baby was fussing and crying.

"Yes. Hello dear." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Where were you?" Snow asked.

"I just – had some things to do. I have a surprise for you." Rumpelstiltskin said, and he took the necklace out of his pocket. "Here." Snow looked at the necklace.

"What is that?" Snow asked.

"It's – a necklace." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"What am I supposed to do with that?" Snow asked.

"I believe you're supposed to um – wear it." Rumpelstiltskin replied.

"Sure. I'll just go get my ball gown on and I'm sure it'll be a fantastic accessory." Snow said in a sarcastic tone. Snow handed the crying baby off to Rumpelstiltskin.

"What are you doing?" Rumpelstiltskin asked, holding the baby nervously.

"I've been doing this all day. About time you had a turn." Snow said. "I'm getting dinner."

"Don't you want your necklace?" Rumpelstiltskin asked, holding out the necklace to Snow. Snow took the necklace from him and looked at it intently.

"How much was this?" Snow asked.

"That doesn't matter." Rumpelstiltskin said as he made his way to the sofa and sat down with the baby, who was still fussing.

"David, where did you get this?" Snow asked.

"I went to the pawn shop today." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"You got this from GOLD?! How much did he charge you? We can't afford something like this, David!" Snow shouted.

"You deserve something nice. And besides – Rumpelstiltskin said that it was a gift. No charge." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Are you serious? No charge? There's always a charge with him, Gold doesn't make deals unless there's something in it for him, are you really that stupid?" Snow asked angrily.

"Perhaps he's trying to change." Rumpelstiltskin suggested.

"Right. That'll happen. Take it back tomorrow. We don't need anything from him." Snow said, and she shoved the pendant at him and stomped off into the other room. Rumpelstiltskin looked down at the fussing baby in his arms.

"Your mother is in quite a mood, I see." he said to the baby. He held the pendant in front of the child, and the boy suddenly stopped fussing. He was fascinated by the shining purple jewel and reached for it. "You like that, do you? Bae used to like pretty things when he was a wee babe. Of course I had no money to wave fancy jewelry at him, but – I had this shiny gold coin that I found when I was a lad. Kept it my whole life. I used to show it to Bae, and he absolutely loved it. I'll tell you about him someday – you're kind of named after him, you know."

Snow entered the room carrying a small tray. She sat down next to Rumpelstiltskin. "How'd you get him quiet?" she asked.

"He likes the pendant. At least someone does." Rumpelstiltskin said. Snow let out a loud sigh.

"David, I'm sorry. He's just been colicky all day and he barely even took a nap and I have no idea what I'm doing here at all, it's not like we've done this before." Snow set the tray of food aside, buried her face in his shoulder, and began to cry. Rumpelstiltskin awkwardly put his arm around her.

"It's – it's alright. You're doing fine." he said, not knowing what else to say. Snow looked up and watched Neal, who was still cooing at the sight of the pendant.

"He really likes that." Snow said.

"Perhaps you should keep it." Rumpelstiltskin suggested.

"I don't know, David. I mean – who knows what kind of stuff Gold has in his shop. With our luck it's probably cursed." she said.

"I wouldn't worry much about that." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"And since when are you such good friends with Gold that he's willing to give you something without asking for anything in exchange?" Snow asked suspiciously.

"Well – perhaps being married has – mellowed him a bit." Rumpelstiltskin suggested. Snow laughed at the idea.

"Sure it has." Snow remarked.

"So – what are you eating there, anyway?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"Dinner, what does it look like?" Snow asked.

"I'm not sure." Rumpelstiltskin said. Snow was eating from a small plastic tray.

"I put yours on the counter, I'll take him." Snow said, and she took the baby away from Rumpelstiltskin. He started crying immediately. "Great. Obviously he likes you more than me."

"Try the pendant." Rumpelstiltskin suggest, and he handed it to Snow. Within seconds the child calmed down. Rumpelstiltskin went into the kitchen. There was a box sitting on the counter. He picked it up and looked at it. "I thought you said my dinner was on the counter." he called out.

"It is." Snow shouted back at him. Rumpelstiltskin looked the box over. He picked it up and took it out into the living room.

"What is this?" he asked.

"It's your dinner." Snow said.

"It's frozen." Rumpelstiltskin commented.

"So put it in the microwave and heat it up." Snow told him.

"You didn't cook anything then?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Snow asked, an angry tone in her voice. She stood up and set Neal in his crib, having finally settled him down. "I'm home with a crying child all day, I haven't gotten more than two hours of consecutive sleep in the past WEEK, and you expect me to cook for you? If you don't like it, why don't you go have dinner at your new best friend Gold's house? I bet Belle cooks dinner for him every night, she's probably the perfect little obedient servant – oh excuse me, "wife". Maybe you'd be happier there if that's the kind of thing you want."

"Did you just insult Belle?" Rumpelstiltskin asked angrily.

"Oh please David, you and I both know that that's not a normal marriage, he probably has her under some sort of spell or something." Snow said.

"Perhaps she actually loves him, did you ever consider that?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"Sure she does. Come on David, how could she actually be in love with that -"

"Beast?" Rumpelstiltskin said, finishing the sentence for her.

"I still say he did something to her. If he didn't then I can't help but wonder about her." Snow said.

"Well, maybe if you'd bother to get to know Belle and spend more than five minutes talking to her instead of judging her from within your 'lovely castle' you would see that she's one of the kindest people in this town, not that it's overflowing with them to begin with." Rumpelstiltskin spat at her.

"David, what in the world has gotten into you? Since when do you care so much about Belle?" Snow asked.

"Not what, dearie – who. For once, your husband was actually right about something. I thought I could manage one night but I'm not going to sit here and eat frozen dinners and listen to you insult my wife all evening." Rumpelstiltskin said angrily.

"Your what? What are you talking about?" Snow asked. Rumpelstiltskin picked up the pendant, which Snow had set down on the sofa.

"This." he said, waving it in her face. "Your husband – brilliant man that he is – picked up this pendant – which apparently was cursed, a fact that I was unaware of – and he decided to read the inscription on the back of it out loud. And that's when the switch happened."

"Switch? You mean, you're -"

"Rumpelstiltskin." he said, offering her a playful, impish bow. Snow grabbed the pendant from him and looked it over.

"There's no inscription on this." Snow said anxiously.

"Of course there's not, dearie. The minute your husband read it, it vanished. This pendant is now as useless as – well, as he is." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Where is David? Where is my husband? What did you do to him?" Snow asked worriedly.

"Well, he's probably enjoying a lovely dinner prepared by my maid. I mean my wife."

"He's with Belle? In YOUR body?" Snow asked.

"Yes, that's generally how it works with a body switching spell." Rumpelstiltskin said. "To be fair, we did try to create a potion to counter the spell, but – we weren't successful. You see – I don't have my powers in this body, and your husband doesn't have the first clue how to use them. You can see the quandary that faced us today."

"Oh god. Oh god, I cannot DEAL with this right now!" Snow screamed as she paced the room. She found her phone sitting on an end table and picked it up.

"Who are you calling?" he asked.

"Regina. Maybe she can figure something out." Snow said. Rumpelstiltskin grabbed the phone away from her.

"We're NOT bringing Regina into this. I will figure it out." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"So you – you don't have any magic right now?" Snow asked, starting to calm down.

"In this body? None at all." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Good." Snow said, and she pulled back her arm and punched him in the face, hard enough to cause him to fall to the ground. "You bastard." she said, glaring at Rumpelstiltskin as he looked up at him.

"Apparently you didn't hear me say that this was all your husband's doing, not mine." Rumpelstiltskin said as he stood up.

"This entire CURSE was your doing. All of this was your doing." Snow stomped off to get her jacket. She then picked up Neal's baby carrier and put him in it.

"Where are you going?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"I'm going to find my husband. So I can punch HIM in the face, too." Snow said.

"Excuse me, but that is MY face you'll be punching then." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"All the more reason to do it." Snow said, and she stormed out the door with the baby carrier, Rumpelstiltskin quickly following behind her.


David drove Gold's Cadillac up to the large house and parked the car outside. He got out of the car and just stared at the house for several minutes. No, this wasn't a house – this was a mansion. He and his wife – the rightful RULERS of their people – lived in a tiny little apartment and this – man, if he was even that – had all of this. It wasn't fair.

David had never even been inside of Gold's house, and he thought about that fact as he nervously walked up to the door. How would he even find his way around the place? Knowing Rumpelstiltskin it probably had all kinds of mazes and hidden rooms and such, he thought to himself. And what about Belle? What kind of woman marries the Dark One? David didn't know Belle all that well – she seemed like a nice enough person, pretty girl, but – he just could not understand what in the world she saw in Rumpelstiltskin. He considered a variety of possibilities that would explain their relationship – blackmail, dark magic, some kind of spell he put on her. Maybe, at the very least, his presence there could solve that mystery. Maybe the girl needed an escape. He could help with that.

Fumbling with the keys that Gold had given him, David realized that he forgot which one was the key to the front door. He tried several of them until he finally found the one that worked. Upon entering the house, he looked around in awe. The place looked as if Gold's pawn shop had exploded into the foyer of the house. If this was just the foyer, he could only imagine what the rest of the house looked like. David wondered how much of this stuff actually belonged to Gold, and how much was taken in some sort of deal.

"Rumple!" Belle shouted, running into the foyer to greet him. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly, as David flinched back a bit.

"Hi. Belle." David said nervously, as Belle helped him remove his suit jacket.

"Come on, I've got dinner all ready." Belle said, and she took his hand and led him into the dining room. David followed silently and sat down at the table. "I hope you're hungry."

"Actually, I'm starving." David said. His stomach – or, Rumpelstiltskin's stomach – had been grumbling ever since the switch.

"You did have lunch, didn't you?" Belle asked.

"I um – yeah. I think." David said, not really sure himself.

"You have to eat Rumple, I knew I should have brought you something, I could have closed the library for an hour or so." Belle said just before she disappeared into the kitchen. She came back out with a plate that was so full it was practically overflowing with food. Chicken, potatoes, several different vegetables and everything looked fantastic.

"Belle, this looks – fantastic." David said.

"There's plenty more. I have enough for you to take for lunch tomorrow, and please promise me you'll eat this time." Belle said. Belle went into the kitchen, made herself a plate, then brought it into the room and sat down with David to eat. David ate quickly, savoring every bite he took. "Rumple, I told you there's plenty, no need to rush."

"Sorry, I'm just – hungry. You eat like this every day? I mean – of course, we do, I just – this is really good." David said, partially talking with his mouth full. He hadn't had a meal like this in forever. Snow wasn't into cooking lavish dinners, and for the past month, with a new baby taking up every moment of their time, the most either of them could muster up, aside from their occasional trips to Granny's, was opening a box or a can.

Belle stared at him in disbelief as he talked with his mouth full. "Rumple, are you alright?" Belle asked.

"Fine. Why wouldn't I be?" David asked.

"You just – don't seem quite like yourself." Belle said, and she quietly at her dinner. David continued to eat, not saying another word until Belle spoke up again. "It's getting really busy at the library, I hardly had a minute's break today. I'm thinking about hiring some part-time help."

"Mmmm. That's good." David said.

"I do miss being at the shop with you, though. Maybe tomorrow I can close for lunch and we can go out?" Belle suggested.

"No." David said quickly. "I mean – I have – a meeting tomorrow, I can't meet you for lunch."

"A meeting? Who wants to meet with you, Rumple?" Belle asked.

"Um – David Nolan." David replied. Belle rolled her eyes.

"What does he want?" Belle asked, not sounding thrilled at all.

"Why do ask that like that?" David asked.

"Rumple, every time David and his family barge in on us, it's usually for some ridiculous thing that they either want from you or want to accuse you of."

"That's not true." David said, offended.

"Please – you've gone on before about what annoying pests they are, and I've told you about how they barely bothered with me at all when you were gone, only if they wanted something from me." Belle said.

"I'm sorry." David said, feeling terrible that he and Snow made Belle feel this way. "I mean – I'm – sorry that – they treated you like that."

"Well – it's not like I hold that against them or anything, but we're hardly friends. It's not that I dislike them, I just – wish that they'd give you the benefit of the doubt more often, after all that you've done for them. And I wish they'd bother to treat me like an actual person and not just an appendage of yours, that's all. Anyway, that doesn't matter, as long as they leave us in peace. You want some dessert?"

"Actually I – I think I'll pass. Thanks." David said, having suddenly lost his appetite. He had no idea that Belle felt that way about him and Snow. But she wasn't wrong – the more he thought about it, the more he realized that they did treat Belle that way.

"It's strawberry pie, your favorite." Belle said.

"Maybe I'll have some tomorrow." David replied.

"Well, I'm not surprised you're full, given the way you shoveled everything on your plate down like it was going to disappear." Belle said. She walked behind him and began to nuzzle his neck from behind. "How about a different kind of dessert then?" she teased. David's eyes widened and his entire body stiffened.

"Um – I forgot, I have something for you in the car, I'll be right back." David said. He stood up quickly and darted out the door, then came back in carrying the book that Rumpelstiltskin gave him. "Here." he said, handing her the book.

"What is this?" Belle asked.

"It's – a book. Something I thought you might like." David said. Belled looked the book over.

"Oh, I love it Rumple, thank you." Belle said, and she hugged him tightly. She moved in to kiss him, but David pulled away.

"You know, I um – I'm a bit tired today, I think I'll turn in early. You just – read your book. Goodnight." David said. He looked at the stairs nervously, assuming that the bedroom was up them, and then darted away up the stairs.

There were several rooms upstairs – David entered the one that appeared to be most likely to be Rumpelstiltskin's room. He turned on the light switch, then stood in the middle of the room and looked around. He and Snow should be living like this, he thought to himself. David paced the room for a bit. He wasn't the least bit tired. There was no possible way he was going to sleep tonight. And he certainly couldn't sleep in the suit he was wearing. He didn't understand how Rumpelstiltskin could wear these things every day. They were bulky and uncomfortable. He then realized how much he had grown to like the clothes that he wore in Storybrooke – his jeans and flannel shirts were far more comfortable than anything in the enchanted forest. He needed to get out of this suit, but felt awkward about rummaging through another man's closet.

"I wish he'd told me where he kept the pajamas." David said out loud, and suddenly a drawer opened by itself. "What the – oh god, magic." David said to himself. He DID have Rumpelstiltskin's magic. David walked over to the drawer, which had several pairs of silk pajamas in it. "Okay. I'm not going to think about anything, I'm just going to put on a pair of these and – go to bed." he said out loud to himself, nervous that he was going to cause something else magical to happen. David changed into a pair of pajamas, then climbed into bed, wide awake. "I guess I should have turned off the light." he said out loud, and suddenly the light turned off. "Okay – I'm not saying another word." David said, and he rolled onto his side and stared off into the darkness. It was going to be a long night, he thought to himself. Everything was quiet for about a half an hour, when suddenly David felt an added weight on the bed.

"Rumple." Belle whispered in his ear as she climbed on top of him. "I thought I'd see if you might be interested in that dessert now." Belle began to kiss his neck softly. David bolted up immediately and shoved her away. "Rumple what's wrong? You've been acting so strange ever since you got home." Belle reached over and turned on the lamp on the nightstand as David stood up. His eyes widened at the sight of Belle – she was wearing a skimpy, see-through nightie.

"What are you wearing?" David asked.

"You bought this for me, I thought you liked it." Belle said. David began to pace.

"I can't do this. I can't do this, I knew this wasn't going to work." David said, his voice breathy.

"Rumple, please, just tell me what's wrong, you know you can tell me anything." Belle said as she stood up and approached him.

"I said don't touch me! And put some clothes on!" David shouted, and he darted out of the room and down the stairs. He found the jacket he was wearing hanging on a coat rack in the foyer, and he reached into the pocket for his cell phone. Only it was Rumpelstiltskin's cell phone. He didn't even know his own cell phone number to call him.

"Rumple, what is going on with you?" Belle asked as she entered the foyer. She was wearing a silk, white robe. At least it was no longer see-through, much to David's relief.

"I – I have something to tell you." David said. Just as he said this, the doorbell rang.

"Are you expecting someone?" Belle asked.

"I don't think so." David replied. Belle walked over to the door and looked through the peephole.

"Are you serious?" Belle said out loud, then opened the door. "David" and Snow were standing on the doorstep, a baby carrier in Snow's hand. "What do want? What 'problem' do you want my husband to solve for you now?" Snow looked "Rumpelstiltskin" up and down, then looked Belle up and down.

"This is what you're doing? I get stuck with – with HIM - and you're over here with her doing – I don't even want to know." Snow said angrily.

"She knows. And frankly, I'd like an explanation as well." Rumpelstiltskin said, glaring at him.

"You TOLD her?!" David shouted.

"Well it was either that or strangle her for insulting Belle, I figure you would prefer the former." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"What is going on here?" Belle asked.

"Oh, I'll tell you what's going on. Our husbands are JERKS, that's what's going on." Snow said angrily.

"It was all Charming's fault." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"You're the one who had the cursed pendant in the store!" David shouted.

"Alright – someone, please just explain this to me, I knew something was wrong with you, Rumple." Belle said.

"I'm not Rumple. I'm – David. He's Rumple." David said. Belle looked at all of them in disbelief.

"Sweetheart, I know I said I'd get rid of all of the magical objects in the shop but I accidentally missed one. And Charming here, he – well he found it. We've um – switched bodies." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Why didn't you just tell us? Why go through this whole charade?" Belle asked.

"I didn't want to upset you, Belle. Charming and I tried to figure out a potion to reverse it, but – we couldn't quite get it. I was hoping we'd have it by tomorrow, we'd switch back, and no one would be the wiser." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Well, guess what? I'm upset. Not because it happened, but because you didn't TELL me, Rumple!" Belle said angrily.

"And you – I can't believe you went along with him." Snow said.

"I wanted to tell you Snow, but – well, you've just been so – moody lately and -" David began.

"Moody? I'm moody. Thanks for letting me know." Snow said angrily.

"It's not your fault, I mean -" David began.

"Don't dig a deeper hole, Charming, they're both obviously angry and I doubt at this moment there's anything we could say would change that." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Got that right." Snow agreed.

"So you do know a way to fix this? Right?" Belle asked.

"Like I said – we're working on it." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Snow, um – would you like to stay here tonight? We have a very nice guest room with a private bath, and you can borrow some of my clothes." Belle suggested.

"I don't think I've quite shrunk down to that size just yet." Snow said.

"Well I have some nightgowns that might fit, and – Rumple has some vintage outfits stored in the basement, I'm sure we can find something that will work for you." Belle told her. Snow thought about it for a moment.

"Okay. Thank you." Snow agreed.

"Thanks Belle, that's – really nice of you considering – well, everything." David said.

"I didn't say you were invited." Belle said. "The baby is welcome to stay too, of course."

"Actually – why don't you take him, David? All of his things are at the apartment, and - I could use a night of uninterrupted sleep." Snow said.

"You're still nursing!" David shouted.

"I have some pumped milk in the fridge, it should be enough to get him through till tomorrow." Snow told him.

"Snow, I think we need to talk about this." David said.

"I'm in no mood to talk right now, and I can't talk to you looking like – that." Snow said. "Just – go, David. Please."

"Can I at least – change? Do you have any other clothes besides suits?" David asked.

"Well, you've obviously raided my wardrobe, you would know." Rumpelstiltskin said. David sighed.

"It'd just be nice if I had a pair of jeans and a normal shirt to wear." David said, and suddenly the pajamas were gone and David was dressed in his usual clothes.

"What was that?" Snow asked.

"He has my magic – and no clue how to use it." Rumpelstiltskin said. "But you do show promise." Snow bent over and kissed the baby.

"Mommy will see you tomorrow, okay? You be a good boy, I love you." Snow said to baby Neal, then handed him off to David. "He likes that pendant."

"Snow, I'm sorry." David said.

"We'll discuss this when you're – normal again." Snow said. David took the baby and slunk out the door. Rumpelstiltskin made his way in.

"What do you think you're doing?" Belle asked.

"Going to get myself some dinner. At least we have real food here." Rumpelstiltskin said.

"Not in this house you're not. Get out." Belle said sternly.

"This is my home!" Rumpelstiltskin shouted.

"Not tonight it isn't." Belle said.

"Where am I supposed to go?" Rumpelstiltskin asked.

"Well, you can stay in your shop." Belle suggested.

"Or you can stay with David." Snow suggested.

"But you're not staying here." Belle said.

"I'm sorry, Belle. I really am." Rumpelstiltskin said. And he walked out the door.