Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

Two Sides of a Coin

Suzaku didn't love Euphie.

He loved the idea of Euphie. He loved the big heart she possessed. He loved the idea of a better and brighter future that she dreamt of. Suzaku loved the way she didn't judge him for killing his father. He loved the way she managed to find a silver lining of every dark cloud; the light in every dire situation.

She gave him hope.

He loved her traits, her kindness, her optimism but he didn't love her.

But men are an expert in fooling themselves into believing things they desperately wanted to be true.

Maybe the real reason he fought so hard to save Euphie (to keep her safe), the reason he was filled with intense rage when she was killed- was not because he loved her but because her death also reflected the death of all his hopes.

(the death of his hopes of repenting, of making the world a better place to live in)

(his hopes of salvation)

So it was with little to no regret he continued to destroy (himself and the people close to him) in the name of love.

(because her death also represented the death of his ideals and principles)

He loved what she represented but he didn't love her.

Though, like all men, he was great at fooling himself.


Lelouch didn't love Shirley.

He loved what she represented. She represented a normal world- a safer world. A world where he and Nunnally didn't need to hide from their family and didn't need to fear anything. A world where they could be free.

He loved the way she was always there for everyone. He loved the way she stood up for others despite their background and heritage.

She chased away the darkness in him and kept him grounded.

He loved her kindness, her optimism and her open mindedness but he didn't love her.

But men were great at fooling themselves into believing things hey desperately wanted to be true.

Maybe the real reason he fought so desperately to keep her alive using his geass (to keep her safe) was not because he loved her but because her death represented the death of his hopes.

(of a safe world- a world where he and Nunnally could stay together peacefully)

So with her gone, he plundered and raided and killed (adults and children alike) with no remorse and he did so in the name of love.

(because her death also meant the death of his morals and principles)

He loved what she represented but he didn't love her.

Though he could fool himself to think otherwise.


Suzaku didn't love Lelouch.

Lelouch didn't love Suzaku.

They hated each other.

The first time they meet Suzaku ends up beating up Lelouch.

The next time they meet Suzaku indirectly accuses Lelouch of being a terrorist.

They meet when Zero arrives in time to recuse the innocent Suzaku with the motive of declaring himself to the world.

Then they meet in the Britannian headed Ashford Academy- exchanging cool glances and guarded smiles.

They also meet nearly every day on the battlefield with the intention to end the others life.

They meet when Nunnally is kidnapped by Mao and Suzaku's dirty little secret is revealed to Lelouch who looks shocked.

They meet when Lelouch goes to save Tohdoh and Lelouch is angry and disgusted by Suzaku.

They meet on Kamine Island with Lelouch using his geass on Suzaku to save himself.

They meet on the battlefield after Euphie's death.

They meet on Kamine Island once again and their guns and pointed at each other's heart.

(because that's where the source of their hatred is from)

They meet again one year later at Ashford Academy with fake smiles and guarded eyes.

They meet on the school rooftop with Nunnally on Suzaku's side.

They meet on the battlefield.

They meet in the Mall with Shirley there to bridge the gap between them.

They meet on the grounds of Kururugi Shrine with hatred burning in Suzaku' eyes.

They meet again on Kamine Island, in the World of C.

They work together unwillingly.

They meet in the throne room as Lelouch gives Suzaku the mask of Zero and Suzaku doesn't even question if Lelouch really wants to die.

The last time they meet is as Suzaku- no, Zero- jumps on the float and pushes the sword though Lelouch expelling his hatred along with the worlds.

But like everything in the world, there are two sides of the story.


Suzaku didn't love Lelouch.

(he hated him)

Lelouch didn't love Suzaku.

(he hated him)

They hated each other.

(But they loved each other more than they could ever hate each other)

The first time they meet Suzaku ends up beating up Lelouch.

(despite that, they had somehow managed to become best friends)

The next time they meet Suzaku indirectly accuses Lelouch of being a terrorist.

(yet that didn't stop him from putting the gas mask over Lelouch's head or taking a bullet for him.)

They meet when Zero arrives in time to recuse the innocent Suzaku with the motive of declaring himself to the world.

(and the ulterior motive of rescuing his best friend who had taken a bullet to save him)

Then they had met in the Britannian headed Ashford Academy- exchanging cool glances and guarded smiles.

(but when they meet on the roof all wariness disappears and they smile like they were kids again)

They also meet nearly every day on the battlefield with the intention to end the others life.

(not that they knew it. Maybe if they knew who was behind the enemy lines, they may have not been so eager to fight)

They meet when Nunnally is kidnapped by Mao and Suzaku's dirty little secret is revealed to Lelouch who looks shocked.

(later Lelouch comforts Suzaku saying that he understands why Suzaku had done it and Suzaku doesn't tell Lelouch the actual reason he had killed Genbu was to save Nunnally)

They meet when Lelouch goes to save Tohdoh and Lelouch is angry and disgusted by Suzaku.

(but most of all he feels betrayed and very, very sad that his best friend is fighting against him instead of with him)

They meet on Kamine Island with Lelouch using his geass on Suzaku to save himself.

(but the only thought in Lelouch's mind when he activates his geass is not his own safety but saving Suzaku's life)

They meet on the battlefield after Euphie's death

(this time with both sides aware of the enemy)

They meet on Kamine Island once again with their guns pointed at each other's heart.

(because that's where the source of their love- of their weakness- comes from)

They meet again one year later at Ashford Academy with fake smiles and guarded eyes.

(despite the fact that they didn't trust each other, neither of them could bring themselves to hate one another)

They meet on the school rooftop with Nunnally on Suzaku's side.

(and despite that all Lelouch felt is relief that Suzaku was there to take care of Nunnally when he wasn't able to)

They meet on the battlefield.

(and Suzaku hopes and hopes and hopes that Zero isn't the one he thinks)

They meet in the Mall with Shirley there to bridge the gap between them.

(and Suzaku doesn't need Shirley to tell him to forgive Lelouch- he had already done so a long time ago with consciously wanting to)

They meet on the grounds of Kururugi Shrine with hatred burning in Suzaku' eyes.

(but behind that hatred was desperation, sadness, betrayal and most of all love)

They meet again on Kamine Island, in the World of C.

They work together.

(because, as Lelouch always says, no one could defeat them when they worked together)

They meet in the throne room as Lelouch gives Suzaku the mask of Zero and Suzaku doesn't even question if Lelouch really wanted to die.

(but Suzaku had always been an open book and Lelouch could read all the pleas in his eyes. But Lelouch could ignore them. It was too late to back out now)

The last time they meet is as Suzaku- no, Zero- jumps on the float and pushes the sword though Lelouch expelling his hatred along with the worlds.

(but at the same time there are tears flowing down his cheeks, sobs threatening to escape his mouth and- and)

Suzaku didn't love Lelouch.

(He hated him)

Lelouch didn't love Suzaku.

(He hated him)

They hated each other.

(But they loved each other more than they could ever hate each other.)

They hated each other.

But it doesn't matter.

After all, love and hate are the two sides of the same coin.

Author Note: Well, now I got that off my chest for now. I need to get around updating my other stories too.