There was a bit of crying. It made her bit uncomfortable. Tenten and Lee were seated in a booth at the same bar the group had celebrated her 21st birthday at and the latter was the only soul in all the world who was surprised by the outcome at hand.
"I cannot believe she went back to him! He's a murderer! And a psycho and… I don't know, just wrong for her. She's so, so, so, sweet," he blubbered between bouts of snotty crying fits. It had finally happened. Sakura and Sasuke. That brave girl would finally be able to beat some happiness into him. Tenten had no idea how the gal had managed it but she had captured a place in Sasuke's heart. The surprising thing was not that Sakura had found a vacancy but that the institution even existed at all. Tenten would have expected the boy, well, man by now, to be a traumatized wreck of a human. While contemplating this, she patted Lee on the arm. Coming to think of it, being traumatized had probably always been part of Sasuke's personality. In conclusion, Sakura should be able to deal with it by now. Maybe those crazy kids had a chance after all. After all, Sakura had always loved that screwed-up, arrogant young man-
This was the moment Neji chose to enter the establishment, so Tenten's attention was directed towards him. He towered tall over his cousin, the radiating Hinata. Her iridescent skin caused her smile to glow. It was like watching two godlike creatures walk into the bar, one consisting of light, the other of gloomy shadow. While it was amazing how much Hinata had changed over the years, it was just as amazing how Neji had managed to stunt any and all develop from beyond his conceited self. Her personality had bloomed from a shy girl with cripplingly low self-esteem into a picture of strength and kindness, while he had, essentially, managed to stay exactly the same. The same old facial expressions, determination, and general lack of agreeability had never wavered.
Hinata floated into a seat next to Lee, her soft face broadcasting compassion. She lightly touched Lee's shoulder and it instantly made him feel much better than all of Tenten's patting had accomplished.
"I guess I'm not needed anymore," Tenten murmured sarcastically but without bitterness. She was aware comforting was not her strong suit. Basically, if you could not fix it by throwing stuff at it, it was not in her repertoire of skills. The guy who felt much like her scooched next to her into her side of the booth. Neji's long hair fell into her lap and Tenten had to remove it with a mildly annoyed countenance. Buns. That's what she would do with all the hair. If she had her way, she would take the entirety of the shiny sheet of jet-blackness and tie it up into two tight buns. But it was not her head, so she contented herself with just sipping her drink and marvelling at Hinata's social skills. Lee's sobbing had simmered down to a soft whimper. Within a week, he would be pursuing Hinata and praising youth for its fiery life force, Tenten predicted.
"You want her to be happy, right?" Hinata's lovely voice guessed. Lee nodded.
"She's been fighting for this for the last five years. Wouldn't you say she deserves this a little?" Lee was not a simple-minded person, as many thought. He was single- but not simple-minded. Once he put his mind to something, no boulder would stand in his way. It was stunning to watch him pursue a goal. He was the best of friends and worst of enemies. His upset, though cause for much amusement over the years, was not rooted in irrationality or an overindulgence in silly feelings. He, too, had known Sakura for many years and truly cared for her. He had trained her, protected her, nurtured her. Despite all the off-putting snot running from his nose, one could not ignore the true tragedy of the situation. Two persons' gain was one's loss.
Unless you were Neji, of course, for whom ignoring it posed no difficulty. This was only too apparent as Tenten shot him a look and saw the boredom displayed between his strands of hair.
"Why did you even come?", she wondered in a whisper. Her face was close enough for Neji to feel her breath on his cheek.
"Lee's a team member."
"You're an Anbu leader. None of us are your team member anymore," she corrected him. That he did not like. The warrior pretended to be above such things as petty inclinations, but he was a very proud man nonetheless.
"I look after my team," he pressed through clenched teeth. Ah, yes, the dutiful Hyuuga, a born leader with just a splash of arrogance. Tenten suppressed a sigh. Replying would be of no consequence to him. She leaned back, into her corner of the booth. Lee and Hinata were chatting about life and love in general. Presently, she was telling Lee how she and Naruto had started dating. Moved by their sweet love for one another, Lee's tears were of a completely different nature now. He thanked her for sharing.
"That's so sweet of you to say," she replied. "You know, even if you haven't found your soulmate yet, friends are a great way to pass the time," she encouraged pointing towards the two sulking figures across the table. Lee's mouth broke into a huge grin, sporting incredibly white teeth. "You're right. I have the best team!" He reached across the table and grabbed their hands. Tenten was touched, but Neji failed to suppress a scoff. Lee wanted them to do a team huddle and shout out some kind of praise on life and youth, but Neji flat out refused.
"You know, Neji, one of these days you're going to have to show your friends your softer side," Hinata remarked casually. "You're not a block of ice." She said it matter-of-factly as if she were instructing a kid to cease being careless with its toys because they were not indestructible. For his cousin her words seemed unremarkable seeing how she asked everyone for their drink preference and consequently stood up to place their orders at the bar.
"I'll help you carry!" Lee jumped up energetically, quickly finding back to his everlasting cheerfulness. Neither one realized that they were leaving their other two friends behind in a very awkward situation.
Neji nor Tenten could be sure whether the other felt the same, but the phrase 'block of ice' reminded them of a silly incident in their teenage years. But it pursued them into their early adult years like acne scars. It was not something they thought about constantly and, really, it hardly affected their relationship at all. But every time anyone mentioned the words "ice" and "block" when referring to Neji both of them were unwillingly transported back to a strange atmosphere a quarter of their life back. The same sinking feeling of fear and surrealism nested in Tenten's chest and she had to gulp down her beer to suppress it the second Hinata handed it to her.
"I need another one, slowpokes," she exclaimed and became unusually exasperated with Neji blocking her path out the booth. Both Hinata and Lee were trying to hide their subtle surprise behind their glasses as they watched the two close friends and constant sparring partners wrestle shortly for dominance of the both. Neji turned out to be the winning party by not budging until Tenten mouthed a formal request ending with an aggressive "please".
Neji felt a strange sensation spill over him. He experienced regret very infrequently. A few exceptions were his earlier treatment of Naruto and Hinata, who he had grown to respect greatly over the years. But what had just transpired with Tenten was not deemed worthy of that feeling in his mind. It had been just one, tiny interaction. He had understood that she wanted to pass. He had felt her nudging his leg under the table. Yet, he had refused to give into her request. His stubbornness was inexplicable. When Tenten returned he made a point of standing up immediately to let her through. Tenten acknowledged the gesture with a curt nod and the rest of the evening was spent back in a companionable mindset. They drank and laughed, well, smirked in Neji's case. At the end, their mission of cheering up Lee had been successfully accomplished. If nothing else, Neji could at least be satisfied that he had fulfilled his duty as a colleague to a fellow, capable ninja.
As they were paying the bill, Hinata mentioned she was meeting Naruto and some of the others at another venue. There was talk of dancing. Of course Lee was immediately captivated. Hinata looked expectantly to Tenten, but she had to decline:
"I have a mission coming up and need to see Tsunade early tomorrow morning to discuss the details and in the afternoon, I got an appointment to get my ass kicked by this fella so no Kiri-Gakure ninjas will manage." She winked at Hinata as her outstretched thumb pointed towards Neji.
"What about you?" Lee asked hopping from one foot to the other. His hyperactivity was the lingering result of a vodka red bull. "You're not meeting Tenten until the afternoon. So, why don't you come and have fun with us for once?!"
Neji's respond was a sound so rare it appeared unnerving at first. Neji was laughing. It was a very subtle, quiet laugh, but the message was obvious. The mere thought of him meeting up with others, possibly going dancing, was enough to entertain even him. A peculiar thought flickered through Tenten's brain. His white teeth blinking, his lips parted in something resembling joy - it almost made Neji look human.
After they all said their goodbyes, Neji helped Hinata into her jacket, so Tenten was already off towards home when he stepped into the cold night air. Her silhouette was slim and cast a long intermittent shadow from the bar's rhythmic lighting. No one was more surprised than him when he started to pick up the pace until he had caught up. Lee's voice could be heard shouting something in the distance.
"You know, I'm not," Neji muttered from behind.
Her dark face displayed incomprehension as she swiveled around. Her feet did not skip a beat and she continued backwards.
"Huh?", she said in one of her less eloquent moments. A lamppost was coming up, but before Neji could reposition her body, she had already sidestepped it. How she managed without eyes like his he would never know, but he felt a smidgen of awe. Someone as mediocre as she was very special. It took courage to be good without being outstanding, constantly overshadowed by prodigal talent. He would have liked to tell her but he was certain his verbal skills were not adequate enough to make a compliment about mediocrity come out right. Instead he chose to say something for which his eloquence was just sufficient:
"An ice block."
She tried to hide it but she had definitely flinched.
"Sure," she murmured and turned her steps forward again. He faced the back of her head as they walked. It didn't sound like she was trying to pick a fight by teasing him. Sometimes he missed the early days of their collaboration when she had admired him. Now her usual modus operandi was to make fun of his flaws. She liked teasing him. It was quite awful. All the more reason to be thankful she was not doing it in a situation as delicate as this.
"I'm serious," his deep, smooth voice felt compelled to state.
She turned around once more, light-footedly stepping past a puddle of vomit.
"Are you ever not?" There was a grin resting in the right corner of her mouth. It was waiting for an opening. Regardless, she had a point. Neji could not guess why he had stated the obvious. Without discussing why, he followed her to her apartment. Tenten was not the sort of woman one 'brought' home. It implied some appreciation for the nostalgic concepts of a gentleman and a lady. Tenten was nowhere near a lady. She could not be brought, she could barely be accompanied. In conclusion, he simply followed her. She was easy to follow. She never got lost. Not just geographically.
Hence, when they reached the door, he followed her inside. The familiar enclosure of her cheap small apartment on the third floor of a run-down apartment building held conflicting sensations for him. It put him in mind of returning to a place visited in dreams. It was familiar, yet it was not; because it was not really his to have. The level of control he possessed here was only equaled when asleep.
Her shoulder was revealed as she slid off her jacket. Then she released the brown waves of her hair previously confined in a practical hairdo.
"You want anything?", she finally asked, pausing only long enough for him to shake his head before she sauntered off to change into sweatpants and pour herself another drink.
Once she had taken a sip, Neji bothered to take his jacket off too. Her small apartment was kitchen, living- and bedroom all in one. Stepping through the front door placed one in the middle of her kitchen. Here it was important to watch one's legs as they were prone to bumping into the table or, more commonly, chairs which happened to always be strewn around the place randomly. Why, Neji had never bothered to ask. Probably she used them as stepping stones to reach high things in her kitchen cabinets and then just forgot to put them back. As the tile changed to old carpeting, one became aware that the living room was upon them. Here reigned a huge couch, taking up most of the space, where Tenten loved to hang out in her underwear and watch tv on her ridiculously small screen. She usually slept there as well, which was the only reason why the small bed in the faraway corner was usually made and not a mess of pillows and covers. Taking a second sip of her drink, she lowered herself into the cushions of the sofa. Most things were in grey or beige tones. Whether she bought them that way or dust camouflaged them, Neji could never tell. The same furniture had resided here for ages.
"I wish we wouldn't talk about it again", she confessed just as suddenly as he had hit her over the head with his words after leaving the bar.
His raised eyebrow indicated consternation.
"The ice block thing," she spelled out. "It just… I dunno. It just gives me a really creepy feeling talking about your… feelings." She realized her clumsy semantics and shrugged helplessly. Drawing nearer to her, he lowered himself to the edge of the couch.
"I agree."
Evident relief was written all over her face. Exhaling with a bright smile, she confided: "One would think I'd be a little better at this stuff by now. But truth be told, I'm still as clueless as I was back then with Sakura."
Neji was not entirely sure what she was referring to. Hence, he inquired.
"Oh, it's a stupid thing. You wouldn't remember." As she returned to her usual, casual and comfortable self, she spread out between the cushions. "Years ago, -we had just started hanging out with Sakura,- she was astonished at my lack of romantic experience. The whole thing was kinda embarrassing for me and whenever it gets mentioned I get the same awkward feeling." She shrugged again. "Teenagers, huh." She grinned as if she regarded her teenage self apart from herself.
He nodded although he did not completely grasp it. He was uncomfortable with uncertainty and he was not entirely certain what he was doing at her apartment at 12:30 in the morning. As he gained ground on her couch, moving from the edge to a more centered position on his cushion, she retracted her feet, indicating a similar uncertainty as to what his purpose here was.
Doubt began to grow as both ran out of chatter.
"I assure you, any awkwardness was purely coincidental."
She nodded. "I know."
"Often?", he enquired.
"No. It's just sometimes. Just when…" Whilst searching for words, her lips remained on the glass' brim. "Emotions are weird," she concluded. He nodded.
"Do you… Do you ever get that ... impression?" Her phrasing was crafted with extra care. He could tell by her hesitation. He nodded yet again. Because she looked so expectant, he even ventured a few words of elucidation.
"Your birthday. This year."
Tenten seemed intrigued. Unconsciously, she scooted closer.
"What happened?"
"Sakura's friend, the annoying one, said now you might legally drink, you were entitled to have as many drunken one-night stands as you want."
"That's not related to emotions," she blurted out.
Neji disagreed. Tenten disagreed back.
"The sexual act involves… some kind of feeling. Presumably," he enlightened her.
"Not when you do it the way Ino does," Tenten ventured. It stunned him into silence. After the quiet stretch had dragged on for more than five minutes, Tenten began to feel uncomfortable. She could not pinpoint what it was: Usually, their silences were companionable filled with nuanced understanding. But tonight, there was none of that. It was as if their selves had become disharmonious. As if, somehow, they were different people.
"Neji," Tenten stammered. His gaze rose to meet hers. "I'm sorry." Honesty dripped from her message.
"I didn't mean- We don't have to … talk about sex. It's just that ...you said something that sounded inaccurate and - I haven't even kissed anyone." She smiled haplessly. "So, what do I know? You could be right..." Her smile crumbled. Desperately scrambling to find the part of her that usually occupied her body and was comfortable with Neji, she started pouring out of her mouth:
"A very uncomfortable moment for me was three years ago - Remember, that fight we had on a mission. It was something stupid. About the southern or northern route. Anyway, that night you slept on the other side of the fire, on Lee's side. Which you never do. You always sleep close to-" While trying to scan her insides for the part of her that was in harmony with Neji, she had nearly revealed something she would rather keep to herself. Actually, from herself. She felt reluctant to admit being denied his barely audible breathing at night had impacted her so, to herself or anyone else.
Neji could see how dry her lips grew as she forgot to close her mouth. Her look seemed bewildered.
"Have you really never kissed anyone?", he wondered. The inquiry would have been more startling if the entire evening had not been outlandish already. Tenten felt herself slipping into an ambivalent mindset. It was unclear whether it was more comparable to giving up and drowning in the ocean or scraping one's courage together and jumping into the deep end of the pool. Regardless of which water-based metaphor she chose, she had lost control of her language. She heard herself say "yes" as if from far away.
His lips seemed to savor her response. Consecutively, he said "Me neither."
"That's not surprising," she pointed out, which they both endorsed. This was Neji, after all.
But Tenten was nothing like him. She was nice. She was fun. She had lots of friends. He asked her about it. She could not remember him ever being this interested in her life.
"I've just never felt comfortable," she heard herself say, again as if the voice were coming from somewhere other than her mouth.
He nodded. That made sense.
Always practical-minded, he generated a solution. "You could practice," he suggested.
"What - kissing my pillow? That's pathetic." She rolled her eyes and for a split second the old Tenten possessed her, scoffing loudly. Then she was gone again because of something Neji did. Or rather, did not do. He did not voice his next suggestion. He did not have to. It hung in the room, above their heads like a piano, ready to topple, crushing them. Tenten unlocked her arms. She could not breathe. How she was sustaining life was beyond her. An invisible thread lifted her ribcage gently. Her hair mingled with his on the pillows as she slid closer. His breathing was imperceptible too.
"Are you drunk?", she whispered. The shake of his head did not astonish her. She was not drunk either. The strangeness came from somewhere deep inside of them. This situation was caused by them, not booze. It was scary because then there would be no one to blame. As they leaned into each other's chest the thumping of their hearts rattled their bones. As their lips touched, breathing kicked in again making it an awkward encounter. Yet, they did not part. The warmth of their skins surrounded them like miasma: Thick and toxic. It enclosed them making their breathing heavy. Her lips' dryness caused them to feel like a spiky mountain chain, He moistened them by running his tongue along them. Before either of them could help it, their kiss had deepened. It turned Tenten into a strange creature, shivering as she leaned in and forcing him to enclose her with his arms. Their bodies could not decide between tenderness and defense. Years of training combat confused their extremities, touching arms and thighs they had spent years attacking, preparing one another for the worst. Now they were supposed to perform a completely different act. Without any practice this was a daunting act. Invading her mouth with his tongue was something he had never thought himself capable of but as she curled up on his lap it seemed less impossible than even a minute ago. Unfamiliar thoughts and impulses flared up in Neji's mind. He found his hand strangely tender as it caressed her cheek, a gesture he had never contemplated doing before. As he leaned back, she followed. Her weight was familiar and reassuring in a sea of chaos. As a consequence, his fingers crept along her naked skin and eventually found their way up her shirt. Encased between her and the clothes he could distinguish every single rib. He held the cage as if it were made of gold. Heavy but precious. Bringing her to his side, he missed her weight but she stayed connected at the legs, wrapping one decidedly around his.
"When you practice, you really use the opportunity, huh," she mused. Her hands were buried deep in his hair. It was intermingled with hers. Carefully they began to untangle it, parting black from brown and vice versa. His aristocratic paleness was offset by the tan of her entire skin. Glimpses of her body assured him it was her natural skin tone. After swallowing hard, he lay one finger next to her navel. She caved in, so he could feel the hard muscle underneath, like a beast below her supple facade. He watched as he perceived all the golden-brown hairs on her stomach stand to attention. He leaned down, she scooted away. Her movement made him pause and they shared a long look. Then her hands crept up his face again guiding him by the jaw. He kissed her belly. It resonated in him as she shivered. It gave him an ache in his core. The next time he kissed her there, she made a sound as if in pain. Up to this point he had not been sure whether he enjoyed this experience, but now he was certain he did not. Immediately all contact points were severed with an efficiency inherent to his very being. Luckily for them, Tenten was not a timid creature. She pulled him back in, decidedly.
"Don't stop," she whispered and pressed his head back up against her. Slowly he returned back to the feeling of uncertainty, eventually turning into pleasure as he got accustomed to the noises he drew from her. He was not prone to addiction, his iron discipline made sure of that, but he felt himself being drawn to her body by a physical need previously undiscovered. Laying his body on top of hers molded them together. Their sweat mingled and the salty taste spurned him on more. He continued up her torso, pushing her shirt up with the tip of his nose. There was an elegance to her writhing that reminded him of a snake. Scaly perfection was translated into a toned body. Her hands left him to pull the T-shirt over her head. He had never seen a topless woman up close before. The molds of her breasts spilled over her torso and the areolas tightened under his breath. He kissed them instinctively, eliciting another moan. As they continued their journey she seemed to anticipate his moves. A push and pull evolved between them as she met his lips with bare skin. He wondered whether this was what people referred to when they talked about human connection. He felt as if they were bound together by an invisible elastic band.
Tenten had had trouble fusing the two images together at first. Here they were, childhood friends evolved into partners and colleagues. She sometimes forgot this was the same person who had admonished her for not pushing her limits enough during training. His sultry voice criticizing her into defiance and now she was willingly letting him see every inch of her flawed self. Every scar lay bare, every failure minutely detailed. Uncannily, she could not wait for him to see more. When he had worked himself up to her neck, she could feel his rough hand tentatively on her chest. It was a warm, electrifying feeling, wholly unexpected. As he kissed her jawline, she felt a knot building inside of her, but it was devoid of anxiety. Carefully she extricated her legs from his and began sliding her pants down over one hip. He caught onto the gesture quickly and assisted her smoothly. His large looming presence blanketed her as he revealed her dark triangle flowing into her thick, dark legs. She wondered how he would proceed from here. He paused to inspect a particularly deep gnash on her upper thigh. Tenten remembered it well. It had been a moment of deep disappointment for her. Her failure to react quickly enough had resulted in the injury and it had barely missed a vital artery. Now all that was left was a broad purple bulge. His fingers traced its contours. As he kissed it, it was more than a physical sensation. Something inside her melted and she parted her legs for him. She had only ever done this for herself, touching her vulva in a mixture of embarrassment and need. When he touched her there, it was completely different. She felt no shame; on the contrary, she felt accepted. Fluidly the rest of her pants slid over her feet and to the floor by his gentle hand. She would have never imagined his touch so tender, had not thought him capable. But he proved her wrong, amazing her yet again with instinctual talent. She slid the insides of her thighs up his upper body and found his clothes restricting the experience. Up until now they had only undressed her. It left her uncertain how he would react if she attempted to strip him. But his breath reassured her. When she sat upright and put her hands on his shoulders he did not protest. She let them drop to his back and buried them in the fabric pulling it softly over and off him. His torso did not have nearly as many scars as hers did. A soft tweak of envy flared up but was soon replaced by something greater as she slid her eyes up to meet his. Again, another expression of his was committed to her memory. It had only happened once before. It reminded her that it was impossible to ever truly know a person in all their facettes. But right now she felt she was a lot closer to knowing him than she ever had been before. If this were any other man than Neji she would have called the look vulnerable. It was not that she had never seen him topless. But this was incomparable. His hairless chest tightened underneath her grip. As she drove him back there was no contumacy and he let her unzip his tailor-made pants without incident. Undressing him strengthened the knot in her core. It made it difficult for her to inhale.
The fine hairs on his shins were elevated as the fabric electrified them on their way down. The two of them sat opposite one another, staring. His posture was impeccable, hers was slouched, her skin creasing finely around her navel. A finger of hers stretched out and touched the tip of his engorged penis. The light touch peeled away the foreskin magically. Like a cat on all fours, she crawled towards him, placing each leg on either of his sides. As she lowered herself, resistance was minimal.
This was the closest another person had ever been to him. Neji could feel moans of his own escape his lips. It was like being hit by something. He could think of no other analogy for the intensity of the sensation. Her firm grip on his shoulders held him in place, but the effort it took to hold still brought tears to the corners of his eyes. He buried his face in her hair. Her exhales hit his earlobes hot and heavy. They increased steadily in synchronicity with her movement. He was trying his best to keep calm, but something told him it would be a fruitless attempt. Without even realizing his gentle cradle of her was tightened, his fingers digging into her hips. The close embrace made it more difficult to move but by now they were so entwined that the softest of swaying had the largest impact. Her breath turned to moans, then gaps, and lastly screams. He was unaware of what his own voice was engaging in. As the feeling grew evermore excessive, both their muscles tightened until they stiffened. He let himself tip backwards and as they landed in the softness of the sofa's cushions, he became aware of one last shout, definitely his and yet completely alien to him. Still tightly stuck to one another, they lay, waves of thrill and horror washing over them. Horror as the realization settled in that they had no idea of how to come back from this. Images of Tenten putting up her hair before training, laughing at Lee raced through his mind and were joined by foreign invaders of her moaning and bending towards him. Her mind was bursting full with conflicting inputs of him disciplining her during missions and simultaneously whispering her name into her ear as if in a trance. They began to shiver as neither dared to let go and face each other. So, they just continued to lay there until one by one, their muscles relaxed leaving behind a sickening feeling of betrayal. As if they had cheated on their friendship. Tenten stared ashamed over his shoulder at her clothes on the floor.
Then the look on his face reappeared before her inner eye as he had sat calmly and nakedly in front of her. She held onto that look. This time she felt positive it was unimagined. Surreal it may have been but unreal it most certainly was not. It had burned itself onto her soul. The thought encouraged her to loosen her clutch. Only reluctantly did he do the same. As they parted he refused to show his face, choosing to hide it behind the veil of his silken hair. Undeterred, she curled up in the mould of his body, her ear pressed to his chest. Badump-Badump. A human heart. It beat just like hers. She took his hand and allowing for no argument she placed it above her own heart. The sound of each other's beats lulled them to sleep.
The following morning, they found themselves entangled in each other's hair, limbs and souls. Tentatively without peeking, they extricated themselves. There was some temporary awkwardness as Tenten unraveled a portion of his mane from her inner thigh. Backs to each other, they dressed themselves. Tenten migrated towards the kitchen and put on the kettle. Then she mixed oatmeal with some nuts and milk and heated it while steadily stirring. Neji, left behind in the living room, understood it was not time to leave yet. He could not even determine whether he wanted to. Crippled by an unusual bout of indecisiveness, he sat still. His clothes felt heavy on him. She handed him his bowl and took a seat next to him. None of their body parts were touching as she began to blow carefully onto the steaming porridge. After taking a few bites, she cleared her throat. It prompted him to peek at her. His face had returned to familiar impassivity. It did not matter though, because all she saw was the same look as yesterday. It burned inside of her. Before she had managed to push out any words, Neji ejected: "Let's not speak to anyone about this." His voice did not sound as horrified as she had anticipated. She nodded her accord silently.
When he had finished, she was only halfway through.
"Would you like some more?" she asked. He was full, but he was nodding. After she had gotten up, he had made up his mind. Apparently, he did not want to leave. Dutifully he ate his second helping although he was already full. He was conflicted about how to proceed. How to communicate something he did not comprehend himself?
"Tenten."
She gave him her attention at the sound of his voice.
"I do not wish to leave."
"That's ok." Her tone made him believe it. He felt oddly relieved.
"I have to go to Tsunade's in an hour," she reminded him. "But you can stay here. Wait for me." It sounded like a question more than an offer. He assented. They spent the remaining time drinking tea in the company of their well-known, companionable silence. He also watched her get ready, then did the dishes. He was scraping their breakfast pot when she left. After that there was nothing left to do; he contemplated tidying her apartment just to busy himself. But he knew from experience she would not appreciate this. So he stepped to her book closet next to the forlorn bed in the corner and selected a classic. As he settled into the couch, he became enamored with her smell. It still lingered. It was strange how it had changed over night. It had never been unpleasant but now it held something within it. A promise of hope, he would have guessed had he been a more sentimental man. But he was not, so he ignored it and forced the words of his selected literature into his mind. He was relieved when she came back because he felt the sensation of being unable to concentrate properly unsettling.
He set the book aside. He could tell she was thinking about turning on the television, but decided against it. Instead she turned towards him, waiting for inspiration.
"I feel strange. Do you feel strange?" she wondered aloud. He thought about it for less than a minute but had to admit he had no better way of describing it either. He nodded.
"So, what do you want to do now? Agree to never do it again or … " She had not quite figured out what the alternative option would be. Neji had heard of relationships. They did not seem like something he was interested in. He told her so.
"Oh god, no!" she agreed laughing softly at the thought of the two of them in a relationship. It was the most ridiculous thing she had heard thus far.
"But would you like to … come over more frequently?"
This was something he found easy to agree to. They had no idea how to handle the situation, so they shook hands.
"Let's say… - you have family dinner on Wednesdays -", she murmured to herself. "…Thursday nights then?"
Thursday suited him well.
"But we don't tell anyone!", she reminded him.
"Of course not," he agreed eagerly, then added: "And we don't meet any other people… like that."
"Of course not," Tenten assented just as eagerly. They found the terms very agreeable. After a while Tenten included one more rule: "And we never do it any other time than Thursday nights." She swallowed hard. "It needs to be … contained," she added by way of explanation. He found himself nodding appreciatively. Yes, it definitely needed containment. Otherwise it would wreak havoc on his life. They both breathed more easily after that.
Tenten felt as if she could speak more freely now that they had discussed some ground rules.
It just felt so weird for her. She could not even imagine how weird it would be for others. Whatever this was, it was crucial to keep it between them.
"This wouldn't be our first secret from the world." She nudged her co-conspirator. He let it pass without comment. Tenten was wondering about something though and was not yet ready to drop the subject.
"Was this... unavoidable, like ...meant to be?" She hastily continued when she caught his facial expression. "Not in a cheesy way, but does the two of us being like this make any sense? Or do you think this is completely crazy?"
He had definitely felt close to insanity last night. But he was sure that was a personal problem, not something inherent to the situation.
"Like, are we kidding ourselves?" Tenten realized that her friend was not following her train of thought. "Maybe we caught a parasite at the bar that's influencing our behavior or maybe we really were drunk and just didn't realize."
Neji was not one to ruminate. He admitted he had been having some uncommon emotional turmoil, but thinking about it clearly, he was not sure he even understood her concern. To her, this seemed crazy. To him, the more he thought about it, it became less of an issue. If someone handed him the perfect weapon, the most suitable kunai ever, so that he never would have to look at another kunai again, he would not be asking whether he was meant to or whether it made sense to have it.
He did perceive her furrowed brow though, therefore, he was aware she would be demanding an answer whether he was particularly willing to supply one or not. It took him a long time to contribute one.
When he finally said the following words, Tenten sensed he was having great difficulty getting it all out. It was something he never allowed himself to think, let alone say aloud:
"All I know is... the day you talked with Sakura, I do remember. I heard my heart pound for the first time outside of a combat scenario." He was not sure the words had any meaning to her, but it was the only comment he could think of. After that, he was done. His emotional capacity had been exhausted. Any more talk and it would flow over. Tenten sensed it and they decided to go train. They stopped for fresh clothes at Neji's home and fell back into their routine as best as they could.
They managed quite well, though they both agreed implicitly to end their training early that day. Crashing into each other's bodies suddenly had a depth to it which was difficult to endure for long stretches of time.
