It was still raining outside, only heavier. Rain used to remind me of fun afternoons running with Haji, now, it only seemed to make me depressed. Haji was resting in the bed that I slept in the night before, he still hadn't woken up. David and Kai had came in a helicopter and carried Haji and I back to base.
"I'll do everything I can to help him, Saya. Leave it to me." Julia had said, but there was no way that she could hide that sheer doubt that was behind her eyes.
I haven't left Haji's side for hours. I stayed by his bedside holding his hand in mine, praying that'd he'd be okay. He had to be ok, Haji promised, promised he'd always be by my side…
"Saya." Kai's voice startled me for a moment. "Oh sorry, thought you heard me knock. Saya, you need to get some rest and something to eat. You haven't settled down ever since you came back."
"I know Kai, but I can't. I need to make sure that Haji's ok. I don't know what I'd do if… something ever happened to him." I said quietly.
"Haji will be just fine Saya, he just needs a little rest. And I know that he'd want you to get some rest too. You need to keep up on your strength, Diva could attack you when your at your weakest. You need to be prepared." Kai explained.
I sighed. "Kai I'll be fine. Please don't ask me to leave him, not even for a second. Because I can't." I balled my hands up into fists. "If only you knew… how horrible I feel. It's all my fault, I should of-I should of stopped Solomon. I should have saved him, I should of been quicker and-"
He put his hand on my shoulder. "Saya, it wasn't your fault. Haji did what he needed to do, to protect you. There was nothing that you could have done otherwise. Julia's done all she can, all you can do is wait it out." He paused and sighed. "I'll bring you in some noodle soup, be right back." Kai turned on his heel and softly closed the door after him.
I rested my head beside Haji and I's hands and gazed at them. A tear trickled down my cheek, wishing his hand would hold mine back. Before I even realized it, I gently lifted his hand to my lips and kissed his palm softly. Suddenly his thumb twitched causing my heart to leap.
"Haji?" I softly asked and leaned over him. He scrunched up his eyes and groaned, his eyes were halfway opened and he was looking up at me.
"Saya?" He said hoarsely.
I smiled big at him, "Yeah, Haji its me. Everything's going to be okay." I was so happy I could die.
"I'm not dead?" He asked.
"No, thank god. You're going to be alright." I said, beaming at him.
"It's so hot." He sat up stiffly and held his head, the sheet slid off showing his exposed bandaged chest.
I held him gently, "Haji please, rest. Here lay down." I helped him lay back and went into the separate bathroom and filled up a bowel full of cool water, and soaked a wet towel thoroughly. I ringed out the towel and gently dabbed his forehead.
"Saya." Haji took my hand making me blush. "I'm so sorry Saya… Solomon was right, I couldn't protect you. It's unforgivable of me."
"Haji, don't say that! Solomon was wrong. That chiropteran could have easily killed me, but you blocked his attack. You saved me Haji, you've always protected me." I paused in thought, "You've always brought warmth to my life, ever since I first met you when you were just a little boy. You've made me want to be a better person."
Haji was watching me closely, in a way I've never seen before and it made me blush again.
"I'm sorry, I'm probably just speaking nonsense." I said quietly and pulled the covers up around his neck and started to get up. "I'll let you rest for a while, I'll leave for-" Haji crossed the space between him and I, and pulled me into an embrace causing me gasp.
"You never speak nonsense to me." He held me there for what seemed like a long time. I didn't want it to end, but he let go of me all too soon. "Go rest Saya, you need your strength. Don't worry about me, I'll be alright."
I watched his smooth lips move as he spoke and I seemed almost mesmerized. They were so beautiful, so soft… I found myself starring at him longer than normal and he seemed to know what I was gazing at. But he made no word of it, because he was starring at me too. I flushed completely red.
"Um… I'm going to uh-" My head was spinning around and round trying to focus. "Kai probably has that noodle soup done by now, I better go eat it before it gets cold." I rambled until my back bumped into the door. "If you need anything just call."
He smiled, he really smiled. "I will. Go eat."
"Yes, um- kay." I laughed awkwardly and shut the door quickly behind me.
I pressed my back against the door and slid down to the floor completely flushed and embarrassed. I've never acted like that around Haji, in all my years with him, things had always been normal and comfortable. But tonight, I was nervous and completely shy and I was gawking at him. Has his lips always looked like that? I touched my own lips with my fingertips, imagining they were as soft as his. Feeling an absolute desire to kiss him…
