Shots
TWO
I don't know what I'm doing.
Don't you ever just think to yourself that you deserve more? Like, not in a power-hungry way, but just enough not to be drinking beer when you're only fourteen and the bruise on your back to stop hurting like hell and to get the voices out of your head and to just end the pain.
I know all Hal and Dad want to do is help, but there's a point where your family just doesn't understand anymore. How could they? Do they know what it feels like to be ostracized and judged and feared 24/7 while in all honesty you're just a kid?
I never liked being called a kid before this all started, but now I'd gladly be young again.
Why am I doing this?
To escape, I think, answering my own question. And it's the truth.
Aren't there better ways to escape?
I laugh bitterly, out loud. Name one.
My conscience goes silent as I down the rest of the beer.
…
I'm sitting outside. Staring at the stars. Wishing we were the only ones in the galaxy. Someone stands next to me, and I turn around, ready to tell Matt or Hal or Dad or whoever to go away. "Shouldn't you be with the rest of the Mason brood?" Pope asks me.
"Can't sleep."
"Oh, right, the Skitter thing, Coatrack." He eyes me, scrutinizing me. Nothing I'm not used to. "You look tired."
"I am," I say, not meeting his eyes. "Tired of everyone being afraid of me. Tired of everyone hating me. Tired of life."
He smirks at me. "Well, I've got just the thing for you, then." He pulls out a six pack of beer. Bud Light. He notices my skeptical expression and laughs. "Ain't gonna kill you. You wanna forget? This is how real men forget."
Forget?
It would be nice to forget.
Maybe just a taste.
…
I don't feel anything, and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world.
Everything's kind of blurry, and not just from the tears that I can't seem to stop, but I don't mind. I should probably get back to the tent.
It's somewhere around here, right? Maybe. I don't know.
I think it's that red one. Or was it black? I don't remember. I don't really remember anything. I'm just here.
It's that one, that dark green one, I know it is. (Probably.) I lift the flap. Wait, that's not Hal, Dad, or Matt. It's a girl. A girl with dark, wavy hair, is in the tent, staring up at me. "Wrong tent," she says.
"Oh. Sorry."
She eyes me. I can't really see much of her in the dark. "You wanna sit down?"
I think about it. Then I think, don't think. "That would be nice."
I sit next to her. She smells like fresh laundry, something I never thought would smell good, but it does. It reminds me of home. What was home. Mom doing laundry and shouting at me to get off my computer and Hal to get back here and for us to put away our laundry.
I'd do anything to get her back. All of us would.
Something wet is on my face. Oh. Right. Crying. Ugh.
She wraps her arms around me, and the fresh laundry gets stronger, and she's warm, and it feels nice, and it's depressing. I think I'm crying harder now, and I'm genuinely surprised she doesn't mind. Her hands run over my back, it's gentle, I feel like I could fall asleep right now. They go over the spikes. Her head falls against mine.
Ugh...
I feel like I'm swimming in dreams and the world is spinning and my stomach feels like it's being ejected out from my chest and god it's painful. Ugh ugh ugh.
The girl pushes me over and the world goes into a frenzy and ugh ugh ugh everything looks weird. I look in her direction and her shirt's off yet and I think damn, shouldn't have done that.
She pulls me up. Her hands are small and slender compared to mine. I guess that's the thing with girls, they're just so delicate. I know girls hate to be called that, but it's true. They just can't see it.
Everything is weird and spinning and I don't think I'm upright but she steadies me. I can't really see anything but I trust her and I think I see Anne's face. Maybe.
"Ben? What are you..." a muffled voice says. Spots of black begin to appear at the sides of my vision.
UGH more world-spinning...my stomach comes to my throat and I lean over what I think is a trashcan. Ugh.
Anne sits me on the couch and shines light in my face. I blink and pull back a little, but she pulls me forward. I frown.
The girl smiles before she leaves. Anne kisses my forehead and tells me to get some sleep.
Maybe some reviews?
