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What Is True And What Is Not
We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, choose madness and even death. Leo F. Buscaglia
After school Santana drives Brittany home and promises her to come over later. Brittany enters the small house she lives in with her parents and her little sister and throws her bag next to the door. She hears voices coming from the kitchen, telling her that her mother and sister are busy preparing dinner.
They must have heard her coming in since her mother sticks her head through the kitchen door and greets her fondly: "Hey Britt, you are home! That's good, dinner's almost ready."
Her sister, Ashley, laughs happily at the sight of Brittany and bounces towards her. "I've helped with dinner! I'm a really good cook!", the ten-year-old declares proudly.
Brittany smilingly pats her silky blonde curls. "I'm sure you are, midget." Without missing a beat the little girl starts telling her big sister excitedly about what she did at school today. Brittany walks into the kitchen and starts laying the table while listening to Ashley's rambling.
"Mom, can Santana come over after dinner?", Brittany asks when Ashley finally pauses.
"Yes, but only until your father comes home.", Brittany's mother answers warningly. "You know he doesn't like having visitors after a long exhausting day of work." Brittany nods. She thinks that this is stupid since her and Santana are in her own room the whole time anyway and her father doesn't have to see her at all, but she learned a long time ago that it's better not to question her father's will.
Eventually, the three sit down at the kitchen table to eat. Ashley immediately picks up where she left off and fills their small kitchen with her high, happy voice. Every now and then her mother comments on or laughs rapturously about her daughter's stories, but Brittany stays silent. She picks listlessly at her food, not really hungry, and stares out of the window. It's raining; heavy drops of water fall down from the grey, stormy sky and clatter against the glass like a boisterous drum. Some fairies with pretty dragonfly wings buzz in front of the window, their bell-like voices resounding louder and louder in Brittany's ears until they drown out her sister's voice. They invite her to come out and dance with them in the rain...
"Brittany! What are you looking at? There is nothing!", her mother calls out suspiciously.
"Sorry Mom, I know. I was just... thinking.", Brittany hurries to say.
Ashley's eyes light up. "Can you tell me a new story about the magical world?", she asks eagerly. The little girl admires Brittany the way every little sister adores her big sister even though Brittany is not like most big sisters.
Their mother tenses when Brittany's, in her opinion, imaginary world is brought up and clears her throat awkwardly. "Ashley, sweetie, I don't think it's time for a story. Eat your food." Ashley huffs with disappointment but obeys. Her mother darts an admonishing look at Brittany as if wanting to say: I may not be able to keep you from being crazy, but at least don't infect her.
Brittany casts down her eyes and says quietly: "It's okay, Ash, I'll tell you a story before you go to bed."
The rest of the dinner proceeds in unpleasant silence. Eventually, Brittany mumbles: "I'm gonna do homework now." She doesn't look at either of them when she stands up to put her dishes away. She wants nothing more than to escape the strained atmosphere and her mother's scrutinizing look, so she quickly leaves the kitchen and flees up the stairs to her own room.
Santana arrives at Brittany's place ten minutes after Brittany went up to her room and called her friend. When she hears the door bell ring Brittany races down the stairs and opens the door.
"You are soaked.", Brittany comments, grinning, when she sees Santana standing on her front porch with completely drenched hair and clothes.
"Yeah, well, it's raining.", Santana laughs, dark eyes twinkling, and comes in.
Brittany can't stop herself from engulfing Santana in a sudden tight hug, seeking comfort in the other girl's strong arms. She can feel Santana's body warmth seep into her through the cold dripping clothes; it flows through her, calming her and chasing away some of her bone crushing weariness. "I'm glad you are here.", Brittany whispers into the other girl's ear and breathes in the familiar scent that is Santana.
"Great, now you are wet as well!", Santana complains sullenly but nonetheless she wraps her arms around Brittany and squeezes her. When they break apart Santana looks at Brittany intensely and asks worriedly: "Are you okay? You have been a little more absent than usual the last few days."
Brittany nods quickly. "Yeah, yeah, everything's okay... just tired. Let's go up to my room." Brittany knows she can trust Santana, she simply doesn't want to worry her best friend with something that may just as well be nothing. Still, she is a little on edge as she has the impression that the things she sees (well, also hears and feels) have gotten more acute and distracting lately.
Santana politely says hello to Brittany's mother and sister before the two disappear in Brittany's room. Brittany gets a towel from her small bathroom and gently dries Santana's long dark hair after the other girl has discarded her wet coat on Brittany's sofa. Brittany feels safe and happy now that Santana is with her.
"You wanna do homework? I'll help you with English.", Santana suggests when Brittany is finished.
"No... I don't feel like it. We don't have English tomorrow anyway.", Brittany answers with a glance at the timetable that hangs over her desk. She has a really hard time concentrating lately and doesn't want Santana to become suspicious. The Latina already does enough for her by always looking out for her at school. "We could do something else, though..." Brittany smiles brightly at Santana and approaches her.
Santana and Brittany lie comfortably in Brittany's bed, surrounded by lots of fluffy pillows and stuffed animals. Brittany is snuggled up to Santana with her head on the Latina's shoulder while Santana is holding Brittany's left hand in hers and painting her fingernails in a deep crimson. Enamored, Brittany watches how Santana slightly bites her lower lip in concentration.
"What?", Santana asks throatily, sensing Brittany's eyes on her. The blonde reaches up to softly trace Santana's tanned features with her fingers. Santana makes a small noise of contentment and leans into Brittany's touch.
"I just don't understand with what I deserve someone like you.", Brittany whispers.
Before Santana can answer, they are interrupted by the front door of the Pierce's house is slamming shut with a loud bang. Brittany winces. "My father!", she exclaims anxiously. "Santana, you have to leave, right now!" Hastily she moves away from Santana so that the other girl can get up. But Santana holds on to Brittany's hand and firmly pulls the blonde back into her.
"Britt, you don't need to worry.", Santana tells her soothingly. "We are safe up here. We don't bother him, if we are quiet he won't even notice I'm here."
Brittany relaxes back into Santana. "Okay. I really don't want you to leave."
Santana presses a loving kiss to Brittany's temple. "I don't want to leave, either. Now let me finish your fingernails."
They continue to simply enjoy each other's company in pleasant silence.
All at once the door of Brittany's room bursts open and her father storms in. He is a tall man, Brittany must have inherited that trait from him, and he looks outright frightening when he is angry. And right now he is foaming with rage.
"You!", he shouts furiously at Santana. "Leave! Now! I can't stand people who disturb my well-deserved home time!"
Brittany begins to tremble at the sound of her father's irate voice. "Dad!" She bravely meets his gaze and begs desperately: "You know Santana, she is here all the time. Can't she stay? We will be really quiet..."
"No!", her father roars. "She will leave, now!"
Brittany sighs sadly and slumps down. She gently nudges Santana, who sits stone still next to her on the bed, to signal her that it's better for her to leave now. Santana's facial expression is strained; Brittany can see at her grim features that she is trying hard to suppress her anger. Her face softens when she looks at Brittany, worry evident in her gaze, to check if the blonde is okay. Brittany smiles weakly at the Latina to convince her that she is able to deal with her father on her own.
Finally, Santana gets up reluctantly and leaves the room, darting one last glance at Brittany. A few seconds later Brittany hears the front door falling shut behind Santana. Anguish takes her breath away at the thought of being alone with her father.
Her father surveys his older daughter, his eyes narrowed to slits. "I've heard you got an F in your math test. Again. I guess it's already an achievement that you got some points at all..." His voice drips with contempt and disappointment. "Look at your sister, she's only ten years old and she has nothing but A's in all her classes!"
Brittany stares intently at her feet while mumbling dejectedly: "I'm sorry, Dad." She feels small and worthless under his reproachful gaze.
Her father snorts. "Instead of apologizing you should make a greater effort!" Then he stomps out of the room, leaving Brittany behind.
This evening Brittany has trouble falling asleep. Although there are other people in this house she feels hopelessly alone. Even her friends of the other world seem to have abandoned her. She wishes more than anything else that Santana would be here to hold her in her arms and console her.
Brittany tosses and turns in her bed until she can't bear it anymore. She remembers exactly the time when her parents always locked her in her room and blocked up her window at night because she would walk in her sleep and disappear in the middle of the night. She couldn't tell her parents that she didn't really sleepwalk but that she just spent some time with her friends, the elves and fairies and pucks. Luckily she could convince her parents that she had stopped sleepwalking when she got older, but she will never forget this horrible feeling of being cooped up like a dog in a kennel.
She has exactly the same feeling right now. But this time she isn't locked up, Brittany reminds herself, she can break free. So she gets up and quickly puts on her house shoes. She opens her window and slips through it, deftly climbing down the exterior wall of the house along the rain gutter. It still rains. She lifts her face towards the sky and enjoys the cool drops of water on her heated skin. She only wears a tank top and sweat pants, and the bleak wind gives her goosebumps, but Brittany doesn't care. The sensations make her feel alive and unbound.
"Where are you all?", Brittany shouts into the darkness that engulfs her, her voice fading away in the wet night air.
Nobody answers her. There is no sign of the magical creatures that normally populate the night and keep her company whenever she feels lonely.
Brittany leaves the Pierce's small garden and walks onto the deserted street that is sparsely illuminated by a few dim street lights. The wet pavement sparkles vividly in the silvery moonlight.
Suddenly she spots a shape in the distance, maybe a hundred feet away.
Brittany smiles, relieved, and swiftly approaches it. But as soon as she moves the shape begins to walk as well until it disappears behind a corner. Brittany starts running. When she turns around the corner she can see the shape again, now a little nearer. It waves at her. Brittany tries catch up with it but it's faster than her and escapes again. Brittany follows it persistently down lonely streets and around more corners. Then it is gone. Brittany hurries along the dark roads but as hard as she looks she can't find the shape again.
She is alone. Completely godforsaken.
Hectically she turns around but she doesn't recognize the area anymore. She has no idea where she is and it is pitch-black around her. A desperate sob shakes Brittany's exhausted body.
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside of us, and sometimes they win. Stephen King
Thank you for reading!
