CHAPTER TWO
Abby first notices it when she watched the commander stand.
Lexa had effectively not moved from where she was perched in the corner of the abandoned, one-room building they had taken to rest in several hours ago. Abby stood first from where she was sitting opposite her, knowing their rest had come to an end and it was time to continue. The healer was on her feet, lightly dusting off the seat of her pants when she looked to the younger woman. It was the first time since they began their journey that Lexa was not already waiting at the door for Abby.
Lexa raised her bowed head at the sound of Abby's movements, and without looking at the older woman, she moved to stand.
Abby watched as something unfamiliar flitted across Lexa's features. Pain. It was gone as soon as it had appeared, manifesting in a catch of the breath, a downward pull of the corners of the mouth, a scrunch of the eyes. Lexa used the slightest of leverage against the wall that supported her to push herself into a standing position. She continued to look down at her own feet, adjusting her scabbard at her hip.
Abby inclined her head slightly and closed the small space between them three strides. Lexa couldn't help but turn her head to look at Abby in slight, but unmasked, confusion, at the fact that they had never dared been this physically close before.
What happened next, Abby could not help, her body moving of its own accord. One hand dropped her pack from where she'd slung it over her shoulder, the other hand simultaneously reaching up and pressing to Lexa's forehead.
Needless to say, Lexa nearly leapt out of her skin, yanking back ungracefully and batting away Abby's offending hand. The action only lasted a second or so, and was slow and nonthreatening—even somewhat tender, but the commander of the thirteen clans was instantly furious nonetheless. She was unaccustomed to be touched, even more so without permission, and she be damned it was going to be Abby Griffin, who trusted her as far as she could throw her. "What are you doing?!" Lexa demanded, suddenly huffing for air through flared nostrils.
It had not been Abby's intention to frighten or offend the commander, so she stood for several seconds, her hand still reaching out in front of her. She stared at the commander. Lexa had assumed a low, centered stance and was breathing harshly through her nose. What was left of the war paint she had applied two days ago was smudged and flaking off. Now, in the orange, waxing light of the day, Abby recognized beads of sweat on the commander's forehead and top lip. Her skin was pale, not just due to the worn kohl outlining her eyes. Wispy strands of hair framed her face loose from the knotted braids. And she wasn't standing absolutely straight, as she usually did—she hunched, shoulders rolled forward and bent at the waist only a few degrees, almost imperceivably so.
"Commander, are you okay?" Abby asked quietly, lowering her hand, the heat from the commander's skin still resonating through her palm, even through the brief interaction. She searched Lexa's eyes, and, like the look of pain that had danced across her face, for the shortest of instances Abby did not see The Commander. She saw something else, an otherness. She saw a child, but not in the sense of the teenager she so scornfully pointed out a few days ago; no, now she saw a little girl, scared and frantic, but simultaneously mischievous and bright. One that loved and was loud, but soft. Abby felt a brief flicker of insanity, a notion to draw Lexa in, to hug her and tell her she was safe.
Thankfully, the urge passed without incidence, her usual regard for the woman who abandoned them, condemned them to death, returning. Abby immediately returned her thoughts to Clarke, the child who actually needed her, and felt somewhat guilty for sparing even the briefest of concerns for Lexa.
Lexa quickly adjusted, righting herself and unnecessarily straightening her armor, "Yes, of course."
"I'm sorry, I just—Let's get going." Abby said definitively, and Lexa simply nodded in agreement.
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FLASHBACK—ABBY AND LEXA PREPARE TO LEAVE
"Let me get this straight," Abby stood with her arms crossed. Lexa hated that. It made one look like sulking child, as well as left one's arms tied in a knot in the event of an attack. Abby continued, "You and I travel to the Ice Nation, alone, not on horseback, and negotiate the girls' release in exchange for Ontari's sister. Why would she do that? She was willing to send the girl in the first place."
"Ontari herself is a child, she does not understand anything that Nia did not put in her head. She sent her sister to feel powerful, to confuse us, either to let us believe we had an upper hand or to convince us that she is truly unfeeling." Lexa rubs her temples with her forefingers, "Nia has poisoned her mind and taught her nothing but hate and resentment. That is no way to live, and certainly no way to lead."
That sentence surprised Abby. She supposed she did not consider Lexa to be malevolent, but she was not blind to the price of the Commander's cunning leadership tactics. Hard, unbending and unmerciful, yes, but not malignant.
The Commander continues, "We will go and explain to her the importance of the coalition. Nia has undoubtedly prejudiced her against the alliance as well; let her believe her clan holds supremacy over the others, that it is her birthright to rule. But there is a difference between ignorance and unawareness."
"What if we leave the coalition?" Abby was thinking of the most battle-less way to get Clarke and Octavia back safely. She was aware it was a thoughtless notion, and the Commander was quick to point it out.
"I refuse to denounce the thirteenth clan. I do not respond well to threats and I will not yield to acts of tyranny.
"As for you leaving the coalition of your own accord, it will not be well received, to say the least." Lexa does not say it aloud, but her scrutinizing gaze spoke volumes. Skaikru rescinding their position amongst the alliance would not only remove them from Lexa's protection, but the action would be perceived as an act of treason—certain death.
"Okay, fine. Why did she give us until the new moon? That's almost two weeks from now. If we take the rover we can be there the day after tomorrow."
"The timeline I don't fully understand. But I have an idea." The Commander says honestly, obviously unhappy that she has not figured out why Ontari had given them so much time to either concede or retaliate, "She thinks we will go in arms. I believe she has given so much time to prepare her own armies, to be prepared to defend herself. She's been in power for less than a week, and I imagine Azgedakru are somewhat weary of a third leader in a month."
"And we will be going on foot." The Commander added, reminding the Chancellor the importance of drawing as little attention as possible. Ontari had given them—in what was obviously a trap—a distant deadline to negotiate for Clarke and Octavia, but Lexa planned on using it wisely none the less. The Skaikru rover was a non-factor; Skaikru were meant to be behind a blockade enforced with a kill order—the Commander could not be seen galivanting across the territories in their vehicle. As for traveling by horse, that was also denied. Horses were noisy and noticeable, required large amounts of food and water, not to mention a horse was a sign of high position, wealth, or that of a warrior—all of which were too high profile for this journey.
She had also explained the importance of facing Azgeda as discretely as possible. Peace, as it turned out, was exponentially more difficult to maintain than war. And if victory truly stood on the back of sacrifice, they needed to be prepared to broaden their shoulders. If the other clans knew that kidnapping one or two measly kids was all it took to down a pillar, then no one's loved ones were safe—it was a lesson Lexa had long since learned with Costia. They could not approach the gates of Azgeda with an army and expect peace. It was important for them to remain as non-threatening as possible, which is why they would go alone.
"And if she does not see the light?" Abby almost rolled her eyes as she said it. As admirable as the Commander's intentions sounded, the doctor found it hard to believe that Ontari would simply nod her head and go along and accept that the ways she had learned since she was a child—from a woman she was standing next to when the Commander drove a spear into her heart—were misplaced.
"Ontari has no right to lead Azgeda—they follow a monarchy succeeded in a bloodline. Roan is gone, and the rightful successor is his nephew, Gowen. Gowen is spineless and dimwitted unfortunately, but the rightful heir. He is also imprisoned in Polis. Should Ontari 'see the light' as you put it, that's where he will remain. Should she continue playing games, I will forgive him of his crimes and place him on the throne." The Commander looks thoughtful as she speaks, "The people of Azgeda are callous, commanded by tradition. They may fear Ontari, but they respect their customs more. They will support this."
Abby has a dozen more questions about blackmailing the unseated queen, but instead asked, ill at ease. "What about the kill order?"
"It remains in effect. As long as you remain with me you will be pardoned." The Commander is careful not to use the word 'safe'.
"When do we leave?"
Lexa was somewhat relieved that Abby was not being as headstrong as she could be. "Is one hour enough time to get your affairs in order?" Normally, she would not have given any time, but in light of the tenuous state Skaikru was in right now, she was worried that absconding with their leader of less than a day would create more unnecessary strain on the people she was supposed to be aligned with.
Abby nodded and turned to Kane, who was observing the conversation from several feet away.
The Commander turns to Indra, who is mirroring Kane's position behind her, and asks, "Uneasy yet?"
If Lexa hadn't known her better she would have considered what Indra said next an attempt at a candid joke, "Not as much as you will be in an hour."
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