Roman was happy that he didn't wake up next morning with a hangover. At least not a real one that was hurting his head. He did have a moral hangover though. He never should have gone to Seth's house and handled it that way. He should have sat down and talked with them while being sober and he should be happy if they were happy. It was just so hard when he couldn't help but feel that she still belonged with him.
"You don't look too good, honey," his mom said as he surfaced.
"I'm fine, mom. I just got a lot on my mind," he said.
"Anything you wanna talk about?" She asked.
"Not really," he kissed her cheek and grabbed two breakfast donuts from the table. "I'm gonna go for a walk and clear my head."
The donuts were quickly devoured as he made his way downtown. He wanted to see the old park and he figured he could be in peace in there this early in the day. As expected not many were there, a few people walking their dogs, and he found a bench to sit down on. He hadn't been there for more than five minutes when a cup of coffee was reached in front of him from someone standing behind him. He turned his head to see Kayle standing there with a cup in her other hand as well.
"I saw you go in here just as I was about to enter the café. You still take it black, right? I figured you could use this after last night," she said.
"Dean told you," he took the coffee. "Thanks."
"Of course he did," she said.
She moved around to sit down on the bench next to him.
"I'm sorry, I was way out of line. I was just shocked and angry that no one cared enough to tell me," he said.
"It's not that we don't care," she took his hand. "It's that we care too much. We didn't know how to tell you. We didn't wanna hurt you."
He looked down at their hands. He felt electricity go through him. The old spark was clearly still there and she had to feel it too since she didn't move her hand away again. It was dangerous waters and he wasn't sure he should enter it.
"So you teach piano?" He tried with a soft conversation.
"Yeah, I worked myself half to dead within a year on the factory so I took up my old passion," she said.
"You must be really good since you're teaching others," he said.
"I'm fucking incredible," she smirked.
"Modesty suits you," he laughed.
She laughed too and squeezed his hand a bit.
"I'm actually really good," she said.
"How good?" He asked.
"The New York Ballet wants me for their orchestra," she answered.
His jaw dropped for a second and he just stared at her.
"No shit?" He asked.
"No shit," she laughed.
"I'm going to New York too," he said.
"For real?" She asked.
"Yeah, after college I started working for a gallery. They wanna open a new branch in New York and want me to run it since they've been impressed with my work so far," he answered. "If we're both going, maybe we can meet up every once in a while."
She let go of his hand and it suddenly felt so cold when she was no longer touching it.
"I'm not sure I'm going," she said.
"What? You're gonna pass on that? It's the chance of a lifetime and you're not gonna get it twice," he said.
"I know that, Roman," she rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I got till Monday to give them my answer."
"It's three days away. You gotta say yes," he said.
"It's just that I got commitments in this town and I don't know if I'll fit the profile of a big city girl," she said.
He stared at her in disbelief when he realized it only came down to one thing.
"Nah-ah, no way! I'm not gonna let you do that!" He said firmly. "Five years ago you told me you weren't gonna let me put my dreams on hold for you and you basically kicked me out of this town. I'm not gonna let you put your dreams on hold for anyone either."
"I'm not," she tried.
"Don't lie to me, Kayle. The only person holding you back right now is Dean," he said.
She closed her eyes as his words hit her. She knew he was right but she didn't wanna admit to it. He placed his hand on her cheek and her eyes flung open again as she felt his touch.
"You just want me in the same city as you," she said.
"Will you listen to yourself right now?" He shook his head. "Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself. But please don't let anybody hold you back from what you really want."
"You don't know what I want," she said lowly.
She looked up at him with the same scared look she had given him the first day they talked in the bathroom after her bullies had attacked her. He couldn't stop himself. He leaned in and kissed her. His hand moved from her cheek to the back of her head. His fingers dug in deep through her hair as he pulled her closer.
"Roman," her voice was barely a whisper.
"God, I still love you, baby," he wrapped his arms around her. "I miss you so fucking much."
"We can't," she said.
He leaned back out and looked at her. Her mouth might say they couldn't but her eyes told another story. He reached for her cheek again, slowly stroking his thumb over it.
"Like I said yesterday, I'm in town for a month but I don't have to stay that long. My apartment is ready in New York but the gallery doesn't open until a month from now. Tell me there's no hope for us. Tell me to leave and I will," he said.
"But your parents..." She tried.
"No, keep them out of it. Right now it's just you and me. Tell me you don't still want me and I'll accept it," he said.
"I... I..." She stuttered.
"Do you love him?" He asked.
"I do but..." She stopped herself.
"But what?" He asked.
"But he's not you," she said.
He couldn't help but smile but she didn't share his new found happiness. Instead her eyes got wet.
"Damn it, Roman!" She jumped up from the bench. "For years I dreamed about you coming back. I know I let you go but never once did you call or even write a fucking letter. You forgot about me and when I finally try to move on, you're right there back in my life. I wanna hate you so bad but I can't because I still fucking love you. I don't wanna love you! Why the fuck did you have to come back?"
He calmly stood up, grabbed her face and pulled her close for a soft kiss.
"Because I couldn't stop thinking about you," he said.
"It's not fair to anybody," she said.
"I know but I'm not gonna apologize for acting on my feelings," he said.
"I can't do this," she said.
She pushed his hands away and turned around to leave. He watched her lope out of the park and he let her leave. He knew she had to figure it out on her own and neither him or Dean pushing her any further would do her any good.
