Ahh, here you go :) written by me, edited by my Partner In Crime, SB1! Which you should know by now ;)
Because I just can't get enough of writing about Vampires in airports, this is nice and lengthy. We had a lot of laughs writing this, hope you crack yourself up reading it! Warning: contains mild drug usage... XD and probably language in there somewhere. Really, everything I write should come with a language warning...
12 reviews, holy! Thanks Milkshakes, LB54, Alysha, ferretsz, Sushi, Evelina, Wolfgal, heidi, wolfseeker, and person who didn't leave a name. Oh and SB1 who threw a review in there too ;) That's right, I abbreviated all of you. Hey, I'm in a rush!
We don't own DSS. SB1 owns Ronn, I own Kade, but unless you live under a rock you know that already. W don't own World Of Warcraft, but I do own Alpacastan which is a small country inside of my brain.
Enjoy ;)
"Vegas day." Kade hissed at Arrow. The Prince opened his eyes and stared around foggily.
"Still?" he grunted, snugging down under his blankets, hoping for an extra moment of rest.
"Yes, idiot! It is precisely 5:30 am. We depart in half an hour-" Kade informed him with as much calmness as she could muster.
"So don't wake me up till then!" Arrow whined. "My stuff's packed, all I gotta do is put on shoes!"
"A, there's no way you're gonna walk around in the airport with just your PJ bottoms on, so you will have to get dressed. And B, it's breakfast time so roll your fat ass outta bed. My gods, you're such a baby when it comes to waking up early." Kade replied with an affectionate shoulder rub.
Arrow let out one last dramatic sigh before doing as he was instructed.
###
Darren and Ronnie were already in the kitchen. Darren was passed out on a stool with his face plastered against the table, snoring peacefully. Ronnie was whipping up a batch of chocolate chip waffles - now called Wifflewafers in honour of Seba. Kade immediately set out to make 4 perfect mochaccinos with whipped cream while Arrow plonked his butt down beside Darren.
"Snap out of it, Kiddo. We're all in this together." the tattooed Prince informed his young friend.
"You two are absolute drama kings." Ronnie chided merrily, setting down a plate in front of each of them.
"Why the hell are you so perky?" Darren croaked.
"Yeah, what's going on?" Arrow added suspiciously. "I've seen Kade have an allergic reaction at the thought of waking up before 9."
"This is a vay-cay-shun." Kade explained slowly, as if talking to a five-year-old. "It's completely different."
"Not only that, it's VEGA-owwwch!" Ronnie yelped, burning her hand on the waffle iron. Darren stood up so fast he knocked his stool over and sprinted to Ronnie's side. He grabbed her burned hand and asessed the damage.
"Good news, it's minor." Darren breathed after 30 seconds of staring intently at the afflicted appendage. "I'll get the special cream." He galloped off to the bathroom.
Ronnie rolled her eyes and popped some chocolate chips into her mouth with a shrug of her shoulders.
"When I was a kid, we just rubbed our burns in dirt." Kade shrugged.
"Better solution than whatever burn cream they stock in Vampire Mountain. It probably has dirt in it." Ronnie muttered. The ladies prepared a bowl of raspberries and strawberries to complete the little meal, and set everything on the table.
"What are those?" Arrow inquired, pointing at the berries.
"Fruit. Healthy. Eat it." Ronnie ordered.
Arrow squinted at her suspiciously, and pulled a package out of his pocket.
"This is why I always carry my Emergency Bacon." he muttered darkly, heading over to the microwave.
"That is so cool... and so disgusting." Kade breathed. "Isn't it rotten from living in your pocket?"
"It's contained in a micro-insulated wrapper. Paris gave it to me for my birthday, it's the stuff they wrap food in when they send astro-nuts into space. So my bacon will stay perfectly fresh till infinity and beyond." Arrow explained with an excited grin of anticipation as his bacon spun around in the microwave.
"That's hot." Kade murmured. Ronnie pressed her hand to her face to stifle a laugh. Darren burst back into the kitchen.
"Okay Ronn, darling, hold on. I got the- ARROW! ARE YOU USING UP THE EMERGENCY BACON?"
"I - uh - yeah? They tried to give me fruit. FRUIT, Darren. What would you have done?" Arrow sputtered indignantly.
"Just make sure you re-stock before we leave..." Darren mumbled reproachfully. "Okay, Ronnie. Let's see it."
"See what?" the blonde extended her hand, the burn had already faded imperceptibly.
"Oh, my. Well put this on anyway." Doctor Darren blustered, slowly and gently smearing green cream on her hand.
While Darren fretted and Arrow bacon'd, Ronnie and Kade extended a Gods-I-Love-Him look.
###
"So, the others have no idea about this trip whatsoever?" Kade inquired as the foursome sped down the highway in the Escalade. Darren at the wheel, Ronnie riding shotgun, and Kade resting her feet on Arrow's lap in the middle row of seats.
"None whatsoever." Arrow replied proudly.
Darren squirmed. Ronnie shot him a glare and barked,
"Spill it, Mr. Shan. I know that face."
"I may or may not have told Paris?" Darren gulped, tightening his hands on the wheel.
"You. FOOL." Kade wailed.
"Daaaarreeen!" Arrow groaned.
Ronnie removed her hand from on top of his.
"WHY?"
"We can trust Paris!" Darren whined. "I used his laptop to book the hotel reservations because I was using his credit card points cuz he has millions cuz he always signs up for stuff and all the info is on his laptop and I made the reservations and I forgot to clear the browser and then later I was eating a hot dog and he came up and asked me why he'd recieved a conformation e-mail for reservations at the Palms and I didn't know what else to say!"
"Okay, who slipped Red Bull in his coffee?" Kade groaned.
"He hasn't talked that fast since the Christmas he tried to organize that musical." Arrow remarked.
"GETTING BACK ON TOPIC." Ronnie snapped. "What did Paris say?"
"Well, I apologized profusely for stealing his points, but he said it was okay as long as I polish his throne and his iPad daily for the next 700 years and he threw in a promise not to tell anyone if I create a Facebook page dedicated to his "awesomeness"." Darren stammered.
"Did you do it?" Ronnie and Kade demanded simultaneously.
"Yeah." Darren grumbled.
"I got an invite to that page. I liked how nobody had replied to the discussion thread." Arrow smirked.
"So, yeah. Paris knows, but we're safe." Darren promised. "If anyone notices we're gone, the story is we all have Swine Flu and we've been sent to quarantine in Utah."
"They'll still ask why they haven't been invited." Kade pointed out.
"We'll deal with that when we get back! Nothing can distract us from this expedition." said Ronnie.
"Agreed." said Darren with relief. He was absolutely delighted! His date-cation was saved, Paris was sworn to secrecy, he was off the hook and nothing, NOTHING would rain on their parade now!
###
The last two times Darren had taken a journey by plane had been absolute HELL. First there had been that killer flight to Canada on the occasion of the ski trip. That alone was responsible for Darren's first gray hair. Conveniently, it had also been everyone else's first time on a plane. Joy. As Darren remembered, the trip had began with Harkat hot-wiring a airport golf cart and tearing up the hallways as all 8 of them piled into the little vehicle and just barely scrambled onto the plane on time. Ingeniously, Harkat had managed to evade security and their bags went unchecked. But there was a whole new set of problems once on the plane - and it all began with Kurda spilling his guts into the air-sickness baggie. On their way back, their plane had been grounded due to engine trouble and they'd been forced to suffer through a night at a 5-star hotel before flying home the next day. And the NEXT time, well that had just been the definition of horrific. They'd arrived without the slightest clue as to where they were going. Later, Seba got his finger stuck in a damn chair that had stayed with him for the remainder of the...um, voyage. Then the Vampires had not only gotten on the plane without Darren, but they'd managed to crash on a deserted island and engage in a fight for their lives. Had Darren known what he'd have to go through to get them back, he wouldn't have bothered stowing away in someone's suitcase - he would have turned around and gone home to live a peaceful life.
But the all of the terribly stressful memories that went along with airports would be cancelled out today, because today was Vegas day. And Vegas day did not include pestering advice-giving Larten, iPad-doodling Paris, abomiation-spotting Seba, sunglass-trying Kurda, security-guard-intimidating Mika, or golfcart-stealing Harkat.
Because Vegas Day was all about Veronica Dexter. Oh, and Arrow and Kade were there too, but they wouldn't cause any troubl-
"Arrow, don't you dare ride that luggage cart!" Darren shrieked, as the bald Prince stepped onto the contraption as they stood in the baggage check line.
"DareBear, remember what we promised? No freaking out. You're not babysitting, this is our holiday. If Arrow wants to ride the luggage cart, let him ride the luggage cart." Ronnie chided her man, holding his face in her hands.
Arrow stuck his tongue out at Darren and sped away, operating the luggage cart as though it was a skateboard, with Kade piggybacking on his broad shoulders, screaming in delight and swinging her purse like a mace, effectively scattering the crowd. There were only two security guards after them, the rest were surrounding the revolving doors dealing with a crowd of people who were yelling indecipherably. So Kade and Arrow were mercilessly ruining the days of the guards who were unfortunate enough to deal with them.
Darren twitched, and opened his mouth to yell, but Ronnie pinched his cheeks.
"Don't you dare. Just BREATHE. Holy tits, get a grip!"
Darren did as he was told. Suddenly, the world seemed different. Brighter. Calmer.
"This...is...so...weird." he muttered, sounding extremely cracked out. "I'm... not panicking. I have... no responsibilities. I feel... calm..."
Then he panicked.
"WHAT IS THIS FEELING?"
"It's called having a day off and just chilling out for once in your life." Ronnie smiled, planting a strawberry kiss on his smooth cheek.
"So weird." the young Prince repeated. "I like it."
"We should do this more often." Ronnie said softly, slipping her small sparkly-nailed hand into his.
"But leave Bonnie and Clyde at home next time." Darren muttered, gesturing at Kade and Arrow who were currently evading security. Arrow had sped through a gift shop and grabbed a souvenir hat and t-shirt for a disguise, and kept flitting around to trip out the poor guards.
Ronnie gently smacked him.
"You know it wouldn't be the same without them! They're our other half!"
"So we're all...quarters?"
"Well, we're both each other's other half...same with Kade and Arrow... so that makes two halves, or it it two fourths? Or four halves?" Wouldn't that be two seperate...um, things?" Darren calculated.
"This sounds like math. No math allowed on Vegas day." Kade griped, sauntering up to them. Arrow had just crashed the luggage cart and stripped off the disguise. The guards were completely clueless and were wandering around hopelessly, scratching their heads and looking for a bandit in a garish souvenir outfit.
Eventually the line wound its way up to the baggage check, where Arrow immediately had a boomerang confiscated.
"I. Told. You. Not. To. Bring. Your. Toys." Kade growled furiously as her man was searched by security.
"It's a..a...a...gift for my...um...cousin! It's a collectible replica of...um..." Arrow tried to 'explain'. "Hand-crafted in...uhh...Alpacastan! Yeah. That's right. And my cousin...umm...Bartholomew is dying of...um...malaria...and he needs this...um..."
"World Of Warcraft Death Boomerang 2.0 replica complete with certificate?" the guard demanded sharply.
"That's the one." Arrow replied perkily.
Ronnie and Kade snickered. Darren facepalmed.
"You play WoW?" the guard gasped in awe, staring up at Arrow?
"What's WoW-" (Darren elbowed him in the ribs) "-I mean, yes I do."
"No waay man! What's your gamer tag?" the guard inquired excitedly, dropping his metal detector.
"My what?" Arrow squinted in confusion. Before the guard got suspicious, Darren blurted out:
"It's Big-underscore-dumbnuts-underscore-001."
"What the heck's an undersc-" Arrow began, but Kade slapped her hand over his mouth.
"Sorry, officer." Ronnie smiled sweetly. "I'm afraid he's gotten into some Xanax and he doesn't know where he is or what he's talking about - won't happen again."
"Now if you could wrap our World Of Warcraft Death Boomerang 2.0 in like, bubblewrap or something, we'll be on our way." Kade concluded.
The check-in lady whipped out a roll of cardboard and bubblewrap and proceeded to mummify the boomerang and hand it back with a bubblegum-crack and a "Have a happy day."
Crisis averted, the gang went on their way, cruising through gift shops and displays. Ronnie and Kade combined their energy to shove a blonde lady away from the prime sunglass rack. Then they stopped off at the food court where and Darren restrained Arrow from turning a rudely staring child into a soccer ball.
Once they'd stocked up on Starbucks, Darren promptly spilled his as he tripped over the foot of an old due with a gigantic straw hat, a heavily braided beard and a t-shirt reading "I LOVE STEVE JOBS". Only instead of a heart for 'love', there was an Apple logo.
As Darren cursed at the guy and made numerous rude gestures, Ronnie suggested,
"We should ask him where he got that shirt! We could get one for Paris!"
"Don't say that name. Or any of the others." Darren grunted, dabbing himself with kleenex. "We're on VACATION here. They're dead to us."
"I miss them!" Kade disagreed. "Hey, that dude over there has a Mr. C haircut!" She pointed. Everyone stared, but the target got lost in the crowd.
"I still can't believe we made it through securit- HEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" he shrieked as a golf cart narrowly escaped hitting them at a high speed.
"Coulda been worse." Arrow reasoned. "Any other time we woulda had Kurda and Seba to contend with. They woulda been taken into custody in no time at all."
"Can we just get through this with no more little disturbances please?" Darren wheezed.
Ronnie frowned and squeezed his hand threateningly.
"Don't make me pop you full of Xanax! Cuz I will!"
"Can I get in on that?" Kade demanded, sticking out her hand like a kid waiting for candy.
"Me me me!" Arrow added hungrily.
"YOU GUYS, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT XANAX IS? ITS A DRUG. XANAX IS DRUGS AND DRUGS ARE BAD. DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO MR. CREPSLEY? IT'LL MESS YOU UP AND YOU'LL BE PERMANENTLY-"
"DARREN SHAN." Ronnie shrieked. "Shut up and drink your latte." she shoved the cup towards his face and he reluctantly sipped it, shooting dirty looks at all of them.
He didn't see Ronnie slip an empty bottle of Xanax back into her purse.
No sooner had he swallowed the last of the latte when his face glazed over and twitched. His eyes went huge and his pupils dilated, and his mouth slowly hung open.
"Drugs in his coffee, you sly fox." Kade smirked, high-fiving Ronnie. The girls just looked at each other, snickered then shrugged and went back to sipping their drinks as if nothing had happened.
"Remind me never to drink anything you guys shove at me..." Arrow muttered. "Darren... hey Darren? You in there?" he waved his hand in front of his friend's face.
"Arrrrr." Darren acknowledged with a humungous grin. He looked anything but stressed. "Haay Ronners. You are the best thing that's ever been mine."
Kade coughed loudly - it sounded like "cheeseball".
"Alright sweetie, people are staring." Ronnie chirped, patting Darren on the head and disentangling herself from him.
"What the hell did you give him? Was that the freakin' Xanax?" Arrow yelped incredulously. "Where's mine?"
"Emergencies only." Ronnie informed him, firmly closing the snap on her purse. "But, maybe I accidentally gave him a little too much...". Then she grabbed Darren's hand to stop him from chasing after a ginger man in a read sweater.
"We are talking about the biggest lightweight in Vampire Mountain- ever." Kade mumbled, recalling when Darren got completely smashed on a half a shot of V- Whiskey a couple of months back.
"Miissster Creepslaaaay!" Darren called excitedly after the man, who hurried away without turning around.
Arrow grabbed Darren's other arm for extra security.
"Kiddo, that's not Crepsley. Crepsley's at home with the others, instead of being here, stressing you stupid like he always does. It's just the four of us. Got it?"
"Arrr." Darren grinned, trying to touch the bald Prince's scalp.
"Ronnie? Help. Please." Arrow muttered.
"Let's get his cracked-out ass on the plane before he starts making a scene." Kade hissed.
"What do you mean before? Kinda late for that!" Arrow groaned. Darren had abandoned his scalp-feeling endeavor and was currently trying to run up the 'down' escalator.
"The plane doesn't board for another half-hour!" Ronnie announced, examining the boarding passes. "Dar, sweetie... sit down, okay? You're making me dizzy."
With Arrow and Kade's assistance, she led her scatterbrained boyfriend over to the waiting area and plonked his butt down on the nearest chair.
"Wheeeeeeee!" Darren trilled, waving his arms as though on a roller coaster.
"Oh my gods." Kade wailed. "He's brain damaged!"
Ronnie sat down beside him and grabbed his hands firmly, pulling them down out of the air.
"Indoor voices, Dare-Bear." she soothed. He pouted. "Kadey, could you run and get him a...umm, milk or apple juice something to shut him up?"
"They're selling Red Bulls over there." Arrow giggled.
"NO!" Ronnie and Kade bellowed simultaneously.
Kade darted over to the nearest food booth and came back with a little bottle of apple juice and a wrapped sandwich.
Darren chugged the entire thing in 3 gulps, then finished with a spectacular belch. His facial expression was completely uplifted, as though he'd just figured out the meaning of life.
"That was easily thee BEST thing I have EVER tasted, ever ever ever ever ever ev-" he blabbed happily, until Arrow shoved the sandwich in his mouth to silence him.
"Sammie sammie sammie sammie samwich!" he continued to sputter through mouthfuls of bread and strawberry jam.
"You have to admit," Ronnie snickered, looking at her mentally deranged boyfriend, "this is kind of funny."
"Oooh Arr." he added as his friend sat down beside him. "Your tats are so... arrowy! Were...were...were you born with them?"
"Not sure." the Prince replied cautiousy as his young friend traced the designs on his arm with a jam-covered finger.
Kade agreed, nodding her head,
"Yea, this is kind of funny. In a totally pathetic kind of way."
"Oooooooo-RONNIE DON'T TOUCH THERE!" he hollered shrilly.
"What? I didn't touch you!" Ronnie yelped.
"Nooooo. The chair. You can't touch the metal shiny apparatus!" Darren explained, pupils dilated even further.
"And why is that?" Ronnie inquired slowly as though speaking to a child.
"He's referring to two years ago when Seba got his finger stuck in a chair and it stayed there for weeks." Arrow divulged.
"He's starting to scare me." Kade noted.
"I guess his system doesn't take well to Xanax." Ronnie admitted guiltily. "I thought it'd take an edge off his stress! You know how he gets."
"He'll be fine." Kade promised. "Will you guys be okay for a bit? I need to peace off to the ladies' room and fix my eyeliner."
"And I need to get the new issue of Ridiculous Trucks Monthly before we board." Arrow added, pointing to a magazine stand.
"Go ahead, we'll be just fine." said Ronnie, gripping Darren's hand as tightly as possible.
"Can...can...can I braid your hair? Can I braid it?" Darren demanded, reaching for Ronnie's blonde locks.
"If it'll keep you busy till that shit wears off." she muttered in frustration. So much for her 'make the other couples jealous' fantasy.
Darren succeeded only in turning her perfectly polished 'do into a frizzy, dreadlocked nightmare. Ronnie took one look in the mirror and blanched.
"Oh, Darren...this is...um, beautiful, sweetie! You should be Lady Gaga's personal stylist."
"Good good." Darren replied with satisfaction, humming to himself. Ronnie began to tear her carry-on bag apart in search of a hairbrush to rectify the disaster. And that's when Darren noticed the cotton candy. It was a bubblegum blue colour, in the hands of a small child who was heading in the direction of the bathroom. Darren's eyes went wider than Kurda's when confronted with a new shipment of Baby Phat fragrances. And he pursued the child and the cotton candy with the same single-minded determination of Paris installing iPad upgrades.
10 minutes later...
"Crisis averted! Thank gods." Ronnie sighed in relief, stowing her mirror and brush back in the bag and patting her recently-rescued hair.
"You missed a spot." Kade noted, stepping up beside Ronnie and finger-coming a small tangle she'd missed. "What happened, did you get gang-beat by weasels with combs? And what's in your hair...is this...strawberry jelly?"
"UGH!" Ronnie exasperated. "I TOLD Darren to wipe his hands!"
"Oh wow. Darren did this?" Arrow gasped, joining them with a fresh copy of Ridiculous Trucks Monthly in hand. "I must say, he's a better hair stylist than one would think."
"Noo, he totally destroyed it." Ronnie admitted. "I just spent 10 minutes fixing- OH MY GODS, HE'S GONE!"
"You lost him? Well that's just great, Ronnie... we paid for FOUR tickets!" Arrow whined. Kade smacked him.
"He must have wandered off while I was doing my hair." Ronnie wailed. "Son of a bitch, I knew I should have been keeping an eye on him!"
"I'm sure he'll be fine." Kade soothed. "He's a big boy. As long as he gets back here before we board the plane..."
"But he's drugged!" Ronnie protested. "I doubt he remembers his own name! We have to find him before he gets run over or raped or abducted or arrested or -"
"Damn." said Arrow, scratching his head. "Is this what he feels like when we go on vacation?"
"If he feels anything like I'm feeling right now, you oughta be ashamed of yourselves." Ronnie replied grittily, as the newly found panic proceeded to speed up her breathing.
"We have 10 minutes, let's split up and look for him. Keep your eyes open, a Xanax'd Vampire shouldn't be hard to miss." Kade ordered.
"He'll probably be somewhere with food." Arrow suggested.
"But check all the escalators and moving sidewalks too." Ronnie added frantically.
They searched.
And searched.
Panicked a bit.
And searched some more.
Until 10 minutes was up and only 5 remained before boarding was scheduled to start.
The three travellers gathered in front of the terminal's Starbucks.
"HE'S GONE! EVAPORATED!" Ronnie shrieked.
"Maybe he started walking back to the mountain?" Arrow suggested.
"He'll probably be there when we get home! We'll get him a Vegas shirt." said Kade kindly.
"Kaaade!" Ronnie yelped.
"Right. Not helping." Kade replied with a grimace.
"Well, what are we gonna do? Miss the flight and hope we find him?" Arrow pondered.
"I'm gonna try his cell again!" Ronnie panicked, whipping out her iPhone. She hit his number, and waited...
"I HEAR HIS RINGTONE!" she hollered, jumping up and down. "Find where Ridin' Dirty is coming from!"
Kade immediately heard it, and looked to the left.
"Charna's big wrinkley hairy...face." she gasped, awestruck. "I cannot believe this."
Ronnie and Arrow looked. And their jaws dropped to the floor.
Darren was back on the chairs in the waiting area, but he wasn't alone. Beside him was Paris tinkering with his iPad, showing off an interactive map of Vegas. Mika was sitting on his other side, wearing his Aviator shades, and tossing and catching a pair of (loaded) dice. Harkat - disguised as a child - was lying on a mound of luggage, nibbling on blue cotton candy. Kurda sat cross-legged on another chair, happily staring at the handful of new sunglasse he'd just purchased. Larten sat on Paris's other side, looking over his shoulder at the iPad map and pointing out locations of interest. Seba stared out the window, yammering about - what else? - The abomination that as air travel. Darren sat in the middle of it all, smiling and laughing like a ninny with his arms around Paris and Mika's shoulders. And every single one of them had enough luggage to last a month.
"What?" croaked Ronnie.
"How?" gasped Arrow.
"WHY?" shrieked Kade.
Then Darren spotted them.
"ARRONNIEKADE! Look who's here!" he hollered in complete bliss. "They found us! They came all the way and found us here in the plane-place! Didn't you miss them? I missed them! But now they're here and they're coming to Vaaay-gus baaaaby! We're ALL going to VEGAS. In FOUR minutes." Then he held up five fingers gleefully, and looked confused as he tried to figure out where he made a mathematical error.
Arrow, Ronnie, and Kade slammed over to the gang and death-glared mercilessly.
"Explain this."
Paris frowned.
"Well... a couple things. First of all, my Facebook page only has 2 'likes' - mine and Harkat's. Not impressive, I expected more. Second of all, he neglected to clean the earphone hole of my iPad with a goat-hair pipe brush as per my request. This declared my agreement with Darren null and void."
"And third of all, HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ON A MISSION TO LAS VEGAS WITHOUT INFORMING ME?" Larten interjected violently. "Have you no RESPECT? No HONOR?"
"Yeah, bro." Mika glared up at Arrow. "Not cool."
"Bros before hoes!" Kurda chirped.
"Kurda, in your case, that'd be 'hoes before...other hoes.'" Arrow grumbled.
"Okay, Steve Jobs-wannabe, take that up with the Druglord here, we had nothing to do with it." Kade snapped.
"Fourth of all, I WAS NOT FINISHED." Larten plowed onwards. "Fifth of all, did you REALLY think we would let you travel so far unaccompanied? You are children!"
"Naaawt really." Arrow huffed.
"And sixth of all." said Larten with a fatherly smirk. "Did you REALLY think your little scream-session at 12 am did not alert us to your activities? We have known about Vegas Day since the very second it began, thanks only to you."
Ronnie and Kade's jaws dropped once more.
"Darren was... happy to... see us." said Harkat, flashing his notorious alien-puppy eyes. "Why aren't... you?"
Ronnie, Kade, and Arrow exchanged a look.
"Ohh Harkie!" Ronnie groaned, wrapping her arms around the Little Person. "Of course we're happy to take you all with us on our romantic getaway!"
"Really, I cannot believe you have not spotted us until now." Larten griped.
"What do you mean?" Kade snorted.
"Dude, we've been following you all freakin' day." Mika smirked.
"We - or more appropriately, they made a ruckus in the revolving doors upon our entrance which allowed you to evade capture by the guards." Larten added.
"And YOU were driving that golf cart." Arrow hissed furiously. "I should have known - who else but Harkat commits Grand Theft Airport?"
"You pushed me out of the way at the sunglass shop." Kurda whined.
"You tripped over my foot and spilled your coffee." Paris giggled.
"Waaait... if that was you... WHERE'S YOUR HAT NOW?" Darren gasped.
"He even screamed my name in the crowd." Larten snorted, pointing at his wayward assistant. "You dismissed me as a stranger."
"And he followed... my cotton candy... and got us all... discovered." Harkat finished.
"If you hadn't drugged him, he wouldn't have found us and we'd still be... what was that word?" said Mika.
"Incognito." Paris supplied.
"That's the name of Chanel's black nail polish." Kurda noted.
"So let me get this straight." Ronnie flustered. "You were going to stalk us, all the way to Vegas... and not get caught?"
"That was...the plan." Harkat shrugged.
"WAIT A SECOND." Arrow bellowed, causing people to stare. "We drove the Escalade here. Pretty sure you weren't in it-"
"Harkat was." Mika interrupted.
"He's the only one who can fit under the seat. Someone had to keep us posted of your whereabouts." said Paris.
Ronnie and Kade facepalmed. Darren hooted in laughter and slapped his knee. Arrow continued his rant.
"But the rest of you had to get here, yes?"
"Is that a trick question?" Kurda wailed. "Yes, no, I mean... yes? NO!"
"Ronnie and Kade's truck has five locks, bulletproof glass, and both sets of keys are with us, yes?" Arrow contiuned, with death in his eyes.
"...Yes." said Larten, sweating slightly.
"You couldn't possibly have taken our truck then, yes?" Kade put in, realizing where Arrow was taking this.
"No." Mika gulped.
"So... that brings me to my final question." said Arrow with unnerving calmness. "What vehicle did you take?"
"Definitley a trick question." said Kurda.
"I SAID WHAT VEHICLE DID YOU TAKE?" Arrow roared.
There was a stunned and terrified silence.
"Don't make me start counting." Arrow growled.
"WE...TOOK...THE...HUMMER...I'M...SO... SORRY...I...TOLD...THEM...IT...WAS...A... BAD...IDEA...BUT ..THEY...DON'T...LISTEN...TO...ME...AND...WE...TOOK...IT... BUT...I SWEAR...YOUR...CHROME...RIMS...ARE...FINE! ALL...WE...DID...WAS...SPILL...GUAVA...JUICE... ON...THE... BACK... SEAT... BUT...WE'RE...GONNA...GET...IT...DRY...CLEANED...I... SWEAR!" Harkat burst out, hugging Arrow's knees.
Arrow patted the Little Person's head and glared at the rest of the gang.
"You're all SO lucky I have a soft spot for Harkat."
"The masses are moving forth onto the tin can." Seba muttered informatively. Sure enough, the plane had begin boarding.
"Well, it's go time, I guess." said Kade.
"It's still Vegas Day." said Ronnie with a sly grin.
"A romantic getaway with 6 third wheels. What could be better?" Arrow grumbled.
"There's four of you, so it that would be 6 fifth wheels. Or if you're still two seperate vehicles, then it would be 3 third wheels for each of you."
"NO MATH ON VEGAS DAY!" Kade snapped, whacking him with her purse.
##
For some reason, it wasn't until Kurda sat down in his seat that he realized he was actually on a plane.
"OHMYGODS. Guys. Guys. Guys. Remember what happened last time we were one one of these? We crashed like Lindsay Lohan. Except instead of landing in rehab, we landed on the Island of Evil and there was absolutely no shampoo? Not even toilet paper? And the humidity, OH the humidity! I GOTTA GET OFF!"
With that, the stereotypical blonde made a ballet-worthy leap over Mika to escape into the aisle, where he galloped forth and upended a flight attendant.
"Umm... someone should go after him. Y'know, so he doesn't get arrested and tell the Government where we live. That'd be bad." Mika commented while browsing the seat TV's selection of free movies.
"Who's usually in charge of that sort of business?" Paris wondered, looking up from his iPad which displayed a comprehensive diagram of the inner workings of the jet they were sitting in.
"Darren usually...does the chasing...and the...yelling...and the...running...and the chasing." Harkat chipped in.
"Darren's preoccupied." Ronnie snapped. Indeed, he was currently grinning and pressing every button within reach; the air conditioning, the seat recliner, the TV volume, and making a "beep boop" sound effect every time his finger made contact.
"So who's gonna go after Blondie?" Mika persisted, glancing around.
"Don't look at me." Arrow snorted. "This is OUR vacation, that is the four of us. He's not even supposed to BE here. Creps, you wanna take care of the situation?"
"I would, but the gentleman beside me is slumbering and I have no business waking him. I will remain seated." shrugged Larten, who was in a middle seat between two strangers.
"Kurrrrrda come back!" Darren hollered, standing up on his tiptoes. "You're gonna miss the Vegasness!"
A few other passangers looked at him disgruntledly and muttered something about 'punk-ass kids all hopped up on sugar and cocaine.'
Then there was a loud crash, a slam, and a shrill scream. A familliar one.
"And we were worried he'd make it off the plane." Mika muttered.
"Excuse me, is this your idiot?" a burly security guard lumbered up to the Vampires' seating area, holding a very embarrassed-looking Kurda Smahlt by the scruff of his neck.
"We could just say no. Think about it! No more awful music, no more nail polish dripped on the cutlery, no more blonde hairs in the shower. This could be a great opportunity if we just said we've never seen this maniac before in our lives." Mika whispered.
"Do it." Kade instructed.
"Hate to break it to ya, but you'll still have me." Ronnie snapped at Mika.
"Yeah well, you're a chick which makes that stuff SO much less creepy." Mika clarified. "So, we're all in agreement?"
"Do not be ridiculous." Larten sighed remorsefully. "We are a family. We would not be whole without one of our pieces...even if it sheds blonde."
The security guard looked beyond mistified at this point, and on the verge of punching someone. Kurda was bawling his eyes out, too loudly to hear the others whispering about him.
"Yes, he is ours." Larten finalized.
"I am so underpaid." the guard mumbled, shoving Kurda into the empty seat next to Mika and stalking up to the front.
"Why, why, WHY does he always sit next to ME?" Mika howled. Kurda blew his nose on the seat cushion in response.
"Passengers, prepare for takeoff. Please note the safety instructions in your seat compartment." the pilot's voice cracked over the intercom.
"I don't wanna goooo! We're all gonna die on an island without shampoooooo!" Kurda howled, completely losing his marbles.
"Get your shit together!" Kade snapped, smacking him upside the head. Mika looked approving.
Ronnie took a much different approach;
"Kurda, hun you're not gonna die on the island. We won't even be going near a single one. And wait till you get to Vegas! The streets are paved with rhinestones and glitter and everyone looks absolutely fabulous 100 percent of the time. And the SHOPPING. Oh Kurda, the shopping..."
That kept him happy. At least until the plane started to move - he latched on to Mika's arm and didn't let go till the plane reached its cruising altitude, the TV came on, and Kurda became so immersed in an Oprah special he completely forgot where he was. That was that.
Meanwhile, Seba and Arrow had engaged in a heated debate over who's armrest was who's.
"This folding metal-and-fabric abomination is MY property. Get your own!" the old man squawked, swatting Arrow's hand.
"Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!" Arrow roared back.
"Seba, what's THAT?" Kade asked, pointing to the screen of his TV, which she'd just tuned to...gulp... THE WIGGLES.
Seba loathed The Wiggles to a molecular level. From their outfits to their dance moves, one of his many life goals was to destroy them. Naturally, Seba proceeded to tear the screen apart. This required both hands, which gave Arrow full monopoly of the arm rest.
In the seats across from them, Darren was continuously flicking through channels, and then asking Ronnie why the show didn't make sense.
"I mean first there's the black lady talkin' to the kiddies, and then the bald guy with the crazy people-"
"That's called Dr. Philprah." Ronnie grumbled.
"Okaayy... so why's there a purple dinousaur and a whole lot of singing cookies?" Darren rambled.
"Because you haven't stopped pressing the channel button..."
Darren removed his finger from the button, and the channel stopped on the PGA Golf Tour.
"THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN." Darren pronounced, bug-eyed.
"Golf, of all things?" Ronnie groaned. "Come on, Oprah is better than this."
Darren's face formed a perfect imitation of that emoticon he frequently used - D:
"THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL SPORT, VERONICA."
"But you despise golf! When I tried to watch the Houston match last week, you put on a fire drill just to get everyone away from the TV!" Paris huffed.
"That was a perfect swing!" Darren gasped at the TV. "How...how...how're they doing that?"
"We will be devoting the first possible afternoon to playing golf in Vegas, correct?" said Paris abruptly. "The Palms is located in close proximity to some world-class facilities and it would be a crime not to indulge it."
"Yeeeeah... I'll get back to you on that one." said Ronnie, rolling her eyes at Kade.
"Please do." Paris replied with a smile, reclining his seat and turning up the volume of the PGA Golf Tour.
Meanwhile, Seba had completely destroyed his TV, and was now leaning across the aisle to see Kurda's TV while Arrow happily enjoyed both arm rests.
"Seba, look! Snooki is about to totally hook up with that dude with a Winnie The Pooh tattoo on his back! Oh my goodness that table doesn't look very comfortable... she should have stayed in the hot tub with the bikers! Tehe, she's having some MORE purple Smirnoff. Oh, that Snooki!" Kurda giggled.
Seba looked exceedingly puzzled.
"Why did the mentally deficient short female roll in Cheetos?" he inquired.
"Whaaat?" said Kurda, wrinkling his nose. "Seeeba, you don't make sense."
"Blasphemy! I am utterly correct!" Seba snorted. "Her skin is the identical hue of a freshly opened bag of those abominable cheese snacks that Mika and Arrow often throw at you."
"Huuh?" Kurda spent a few seconds scratching his head on that one before going back to indulging his Jersey Shore addiction.
Across the aisle, Darren was getting into the golf game (if you could call it a game.) the way most people get into Superbowl Sunday. He'd ordered beer and popcorn from the in-flight food supply, and was noshing away happily, occasionally banging his fists on the arm rests and shrieking profanities when his favourite player had a bad swing. And he couldn't figure out why no one else seemed to care what was happening. Or why Ronnie kept clamping her hand over his mouth in an effort to silence him.
Behind them, Larten and Paris had encountered a history teacher, and they were engaging in an extremely heated argument over the goings-on of the 18th century. Paris and Larten had some very different concepts than what was in the textbook.
"SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!" the teacher hollered at one point. "It's not like you were there!"
His mind was completely boggled when Larten and Paris became too giggly to continue the debate. He requested a seat change immediately, and Harkat slipped into his spot when he left. Then he proceeded to engage Paris in an extreme match of two-player Tap Tap Revenge on Paris's iPhone. A game so intense it could be heard clear across the plane.
"Are we there yet?" Kade grunted at Ronnie. "Wake up, ya big oaf." she added. Arrow had fallen asleep and tilted onto her - he was quite heavy. He'd just watched a Bruce Willis movie - his idol - and was presumably storming a Vampaneze compound armed with mahcine guns and the ultimate balls in his dreams. Judging by the way he kept twitching and muttering, "Yippy ki yay, Muthafucka." it was quite a decent dream.
"Do the words 'romantic holiday' ring any bells?" Ronnie sighed as Darren picked up her soda and tried to count the bubbles.
"Those words are completely foreign to me." Kade mumbled, giving up her efforts and allowing the snoozing Arrow to lean completely on her.
"Don't worry, once we get to the hotel, we'll give them Pay Per View money, lock them in their rooms and hit town." said Ronnie. "We won't even see them will we're on the way home."
"Vegas Vegas Vegas Daaayayay!" Darren warbled.
"How long till Vegas Day is over?" Arrow groaned, swatting Darren's hand away as the boy tried to steal his pretzels.
"So, time to start planning our actual romantic getaway?" Ronnie suggested casually.
"I vote we dump them off at Vegas International Airport and hop the next flight to Hawaii." Kade growled.
"You'll love Vegas so much you won't even know they're there!" Ronnie promised.
"Ronn, we jumped an Escalade off a highway overpass to rescue Santa Claus. Just think what they could do in Sin City. Gambling, prostitution, gambling, drinking, and every other illegal thing. OUR Vampires are going to THE STRIP." Kade sighed, turning on her air conditioner.
Ronnie wrinkled her nose in discontent.
"Now that you mention it, this might be kinda bad..."
Hehee, now the boys know what it feels like to be responsible for a maniac. Poor cracked Darren.
Next chapter will be written with true-life expertise by the one and only StayBeautiful1 :D
Updations on OFL, TBV, TVF6, SNS, TAF, and everything in between are to come!
By the way, if anyone cares I still have not obtained a copy of Ocean Of Blood because every app on my phone and iPod as well as my local bookstore are attempting to screw me over. Just a friendly reminder to keep things unspoilery. I hope to hunt down a copy this weekend.
Stay tuned, and REVVVVVVIEW!
RXP & SB1
