Chapter One
I looked at my calendar with dread. There was a red circle around today's date. Tonight was the night of the full moon. It seemed that each full moon was even more dreadful than the last. This full moon seemed even worse somehow because I would have less time to recover before walking on the scarlet engine where people would give me questioning looks about the scars on my face.
Few people didn't mind. They had learned not to stare and not to ask questions. They didn't know the truth, but they knew that I didn't want to tell them. That part of me was private to them. They wouldn't bring up the new scratches or my absence of school one day a month. At school it wasn't as bad because Professor Snape would bring me Wolfsbane the day of my transformation.
Mum could only make it every once in a while at home. This summer was a bit harder than the last, and we couldn't afford to make it.
There was only a span of two days until we were to be at Hogwarts and I, along with most everyone else, had heard the rumors that Harry Potter would be attending school this year. Silently, I just hoped that he would be smart and stay away from me and that I wouldn't hurt him. I could just see it now. "Werewolf teen at Hogwarts attacks the famous Harry Potter."
'No' I stopped myself 'this all goes down the drain if you lose the confidence that you won't hurt anybody. It was only an accident that one time. He shouldn't have been in the woods. I had tried to slowly back away, but he ran. The instinct kicked in and I chased him. Still, he shouldn't have died like that. No one deserves to…..'
"Robin, sweetie," Mum knocked on the cracked open door, "time to get up. You need to pack while you still feel up for up it. The train leaves the day after tomorrow and I don't want you to forget anything because you're tired." She smiled sweetly and said one more thing, "I'll bring you up some breakfast if you want so you can focus on packing," before closing the door after receiving my nod as her answer.
I got on the floor and emptied my trunk of everything that I had left in it last year. I replaced my robes now too short with the new ones from Diagon Alley. I replaced my second year books with my third year ones. I put a few new books in there that I had acquired over the summer from my birthday and took out the ones that I had read during the year last year. I cleared out old candy wrappers and stuffed a handful of Muggle-brand chocolate bars between my books in my robes for after my transformation.
I had learned through the years that chocolate helps the magic induced headaches.
I had since devoured the very large breakfast that Mum had brought in. I always ate an ungodly amount of food the morning of a transformation. The next day or so I would barely eat at all. It was one of those things that's caused by Lycanthropy.
It's a bloody hard word to say. I only learned it two years ago because I found a book on werewolves in the school library. At first I thought it was some disease that you got because you were a werewolf. Instead, it is the disease that is spread that makes you become a werewolf. What makes you become a monster.
That's what I am. A monster.
That's how everyone sees it pretty much.
I knew Mum tried not to be scared of me, but she couldn't really help it. I mean, it was the reason she ran away from my father in the first place. That's why we think it was him who turned me. We think it's because he was looking for Mum and wanted his revenge, so he turned me.
It was a bloody awful thing to do. I'd rather him have killed me like he had killed the girl. Wouldn't that have caused my mum even more pain and suffering?
No, that's an awful thing to say. I should be happy that I'm alive and that I can at least try to be normal.
But you're not normal. My mind said to me. You're a monster, a killing machine.
'No, I'm not. I can be different.'
You killed the one boy though, didn't you? It's sarcastic, nagging tone annoyed me.
'He ran. He shouldn't have run. Then he would still be alive. He was the only one.' I always convince myself that I couldn't have stopped myself from killing the boy, but could I have? Could I have stopped myself. 'No, you couldn't have. Stop it. It's been nearly seven years. You were a young wolf with no guidance.'
I finally think that it's time to stop thinking about this, so I put a few pictures in the back of a book before stuffing it in the trunk and shutting it tight. I lure Luna, my owl, back into her cage with some treats. I always make sure that she's secure the night of a full moon so that I don't accidentally attack her.
I named her after the one thing that I feared the most. The moon. Earth's moon. Luna. Even I'm not sure why I did it, but I felt like it fit with her being a snowy owl and all.
I attack animals if they cross my path, but mostly I attack myself out of frustration –which is the cause of the scars and bruises after a full moon.
Mum's voice from downstairs called me to her. I complied quickly and painlessly and made my way into the kitchen where she was now preparing lunch. I would eat and then wait a few tense hours before heading into the woods. If I could change anything about myself, it would be this. If I could wish anything away, I wish away the horrible beast that terrified my mum as well as myself. I was always worried that a human would come into the woods and I would kill them.
Especially nights like these –without the Wolfsbane- were even more painful and I wasn't in my human mind. The Wolfsbane allowed me to semi-control my actions. I had my human mind, but it didn't rid the wolfish instincts.
The sky was growing pink and red and purple. I knew that it was time for Mum to lead me out to the forest. There I would strip myself of my clothes and give them to her. She would be back at the cottage in plenty of time. Then, when the moon was gone, she would come to the edge of the forest with clothes. I met her close to the edge and she helped me back in.
The only thing I had to look forward to was the sleeping draught that Mum would give me to make me fall asleep as I had been up all the previous night.
We make it to the edge of the forest and I hug Mum and, leaning down a bit, I kiss her forehead. Soon enough, I'm sitting deep within the forest naked and watching the sky as the moon rises above me. I begin moaning and shrieking as my spine elongates and my feet grow.
My fingers begin growing hair and thick, black nails. The pain is excruciating. Hair grows over my entire body. My jawbone grows outward and my skull thickens. My femur lengthens and my neck grows out. My arms extend and I howl out in pain. It's not quite a howl though because it is mixed with my human scream. My vocal chords tighten and I let out a howl.
My pupils dilate and go completely black. The transformation is over. I'm never more dangerous than in this state. Whimpering, I lie down on the grass and begin sniffing around. I smell no human and the animal side of my takes over, clawing at myself and nearby trees. The pain is awful. I guess it's better than feeling nothing at all. Even without the potion I resist the urge to run into town and murder some Muggles.
Oh, how great that sounds. My conscious tells me and I begin walking through the woods, keeping my muzzle close to the ground as I survey for something to kill. An innocent little bunny hops across and I am on it in an instant, sinking my fangs into it and snapping its innocent little neck. Its heartbeat is gone and I, unable to find something else to kill, begin injuring myself again.
The moon can't seem to sink soon enough tonight. I can no longer see the moon through the trees and can, with my elevated senses, can sense that a human is near. Before I can reach them, I'm on the ground, face up, jerking around as I make the much less painful transformation into a human.
The last things to fade are my fangs. Always. I use my tongue to feel my teeth and then survey the damage done. Fresh scratches cover my body. I won't be able to see the damage done to my face until I get inside and wake up from my rest. Whenever I'm sleeping due to the Sleeping Draught after a full moon, Mum tends to any wounds that I may have and heals them best that she can before I wake.
I see Mum standing outside the forest. She sees me on the ground, human and walks forward with the clothes. It is simply a shirt and shorts as she'll have to take them off shortly anyway. She helps me to the cottage and takes me into my room, handing me the liquid that I pour down my throat as soon as it's in my hands. It's only a moment before I'm fast, fast asleep.
I wake up aching all over. It's awful. Just terrible. I don't even want to try and sit up. Mum walks in with another potion. I don't ask, but drink. "That Weasley boy came by to see you. I'm not sure which one it was. One of the twins, I know. I told him that you were at Alice's." She is the only one that knew. I had told her when she began asking questions last year. She has been sworn to secrecy since then. "Don't worry, I owled her mum and told her to give Alice's the message. If anyone asks, then you went over there two days before yesterday, okay?"
I nod and lay my head back on the pillow. Mum left. I was left to my thoughts.
I hate my thoughts.
