A/N: Here's Part 4 & 5. There will be 11 Parts. I was originally going to post it as one big story, but I thrive more on feedback so...well let's see what happens :) As always, only own the plot and original characters. Everyone else is owned by RIB.
IV: In Sickness and Health
"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again." Rachel sang as she laid on her stomach in front of Evan as he bounced a little bit on his bum, clapping and babbling along as she sang. At eight months old, Evan was looking more and more like Finn every day and was learning and thriving. He squealed when Rachel finished the song, clapping his hands again. Rachel smiled at her little boy. There were toys spread out all around them, Evan had a very light attention span and they moved from toy to toy as they had some one on one time while Finn was at work. She watched as the baby grabbed the rattle that was beside him and she grinned.
"Are you making music baby?" She asked, her voice light and cheerful. Evan looked at her and smiled a big gummy smile before banging the rattle against the floor. "Gentle baby. You don't want to break it" She smiled.
The door to the apartment opened as Evan continued to bang his rattle against the floor. She was just moving to grab it from him and trade it with another toy that was more appropriate to bang against the hardwood floor of the living room when Finn walked into the room. She knew something was wrong immediately when she looked at her husband. She quickly sat up, picking up the baby and placing him in the play pen that was set up in the living room before going to her husband. He stood at the other end of the large living room, leaning his head against the cool wall. She walked over and touched his back.
"You okay baby?" She asked softly. Her eye caught the clock on the wall, it was only 3:00pm, Finn was home early from his job as a sports reporter. The baby squealed from the play pen. She actually saw Finn scowl. He never scowled at their baby.
"I have the worst headache in the world." He grumbled against the wall. She lifted his head a little and turned his face to look at her.
"Why don't you go lay in bed baby, I'll bring you some Advil and warm water." She whispered. She could see the pain he was in. It must have been a bad headache if Finn had come home. He usually tried to tough these sort of things out. He nodded slightly. He rubbed his temples as he began to walk through the living room, but he did stop to give Evan a kiss on the head. The baby smiled as his dad, but frowned when Finn didn't pick him up or interact more with him. Rachel knew he wasn't right. He was usually all over the baby the moment he walked in from work. She'd take care of both of her boys.
She gave him a few minutes to get settled in the bedroom. She made sure Evan was okay for a minute before grabbing Finn the Advil, some water and a cool cloth for his forehead. She walked into their bedroom to find it in darkness, her tall and normally strong husband was curled up on their bed, dressed in pajama pants and a light t-shirt. It must have been a bad headache to deduce her husband to such mush. She walked quietly into the room, leaving the door open a little bit so she could hear Evan if he needed her. She sat down on the bed beside him and gently helped him sit up so he could take the Advil from her. He swallowed the pills thankfully, and laid back down so she could lay the cloth across his forehead.
"I love you" He whispered as he closed his eyes. She smiled softly at him and leaned over to place a soft kiss on his cheek.
"I love you too baby" She whispered against his cheek. "Do you need anything else?"
He shook his head as he buried himself in his pillow. She ran her hand over his cheeks. He felt a little warm. Maybe he was fighting something.
"I'll let you rest, I'll check in on you before I make dinner." He nodded slightly again. She kissed him one more time before heading out to the living room. If Evan was occupied in the play pen, maybe she'd be able to get some quiet housework done while Finn rested.
She made good on her word, checking on Finn before she started dinner. He was asleep on the bed, curled up in the blanket, the cloth from his forehead long fallen off. She collected it, kissed his forehead and ran her fingers through his hair before leaving him be. She hoped the Advil was helping him a little bit.
She made dinner for herself, a simple salad and made some chicken soup for both Evan and Finn, setting Finn's aside for later. She fed the baby some soup before giving him a bath and nursing him a little bit before putting him down for the night. She sighed as she leaned against the crib rail, staring at her little boy as his little chest rose and fell as he succumbed to sleep. She gently ran her fingers through his dark brown hair as he slept. Every time she looked at him her heart filled with a love she wasn't sure she could ever comprehend.
"I love you Evan" She whispered, rubbing him tummy gently before leaving the room to go check on her husband.
She walked into their bedroom as quietly as she could and crawling onto the bed to lay beside Finn. He was still asleep, but began to stir when she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Hi" He said weakly.
"I didn't mean to wake you baby" She whispered, looking at him as he opened his eyes slightly. He squinted, even though the room was as dark as possible.
"it's okay"
"Are you hungry at all?" He shook his head in response, closing his eyes again. She ran her finger along his temple. "Still have that headache?" He simply nodded again. "And it hurts here..." He brought his hand up to his temple, pressing just above his eye.
"Oh baby" She whispered. "Do you want me to call Dr..." He shook his head.
"I just want to sleep." He whispered. Her heart broke, he sounded so weak.
"Then go back to sleep baby. I'm just going to go do the dishes and then I'll come back and cuddle." All he did was nod.
When she slipped into bed next to him half an hour later, she gently placed a kiss to his forehead as softly as she could. She didn't want to wake him up. .He blew out a breath when her lips met his forehead and she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer to her. She closed her own eyes as she felt his steady breathing against her chest. She said a silent prayer that his headache had dissipated enough for him to sleep.
The next thing she knew she was waking up to the sound of him retching into the toilet of their bathroom. She flew off the bed and tore into the bathroom to find Finn on his knees, hugging the toilet.
"Oh Finn." She whispered coming to beside him.
His next words were garbled and didn't make a lot of sense, even for Finn.
"What baby?"
"Don't. Feel. Feel. Weak" He groaned as he threw up again into the toilet. She immediately began to rub his back and tried to make him feel better. When it seemed like the nausea had passed, Rachel helped to clean him up and tried to help him stand up. He stumbled on is feet and she took note as he squinted his eyes. She helped him onto the bed and he groaned as he hit the mattress, bringing his shaking hands up to his face.
"I...dizzy" he whimpered, rubbing his face. She bit her lip as she stood beside him.
"What can I do baby?" If she was being honest, she was getting a little scared.
" " He whispered. He sounded like a little boy. She bit her lip again and got into the bed beside her husband, drawing him into her arms. She ran her fingers through his hair as she hummed a song against his head, kissing his hair over and over. She made a promise to herself that if this kept up in the morning, she was taking him to the doctor. Something felt weird to her. This didn't feel like a regular headache to her.
The worse came at 4am. She woke up to him throwing up in the bathroom again, this time the retching sounded more painful and like he was working hard to fight against the nausea. She ran into the bathroom just in time to see her husband keel over and convulse into a seizure. Finn didn't have seizures. She collapsed beside him, trying to remember what she had heard in her CPR class she had taken before she got pregnant with Evan. She contemplated what to do before she ran for her cell phone in the bedroom, dialing 911 quickly, praying to every deity that she knew that she wasn't too late.
V: LossShe sat in the doctor's office, her back rigid and her hands clenched in her lap. She tried not to blink, tried to hold back the tears, just tried to keep it together.
He was gone.
Her big, tall, strappy husband was gone. In a matter of 24 hours he had gone from being 100% healthy to brain dead all due to a brain aneurysm.
He was gone. 28 years old and he was gone. Poof. Taken from her life. Taken from Evan's. Oh God, Evan. Her baby didn't have a father now. She felt sick. She leaned her head down in her hands that were resting on her legs. She felt like she was going to vomit.
She didn't hear the words the doctor was saying, she was sure he was explaining what they had determined had happened to her husband. She felt Kurt grab for her hand and squeezed as she sat up more. Carole sobbed from the chair beside Kurt, leaning on her own husband. But Rachel didn't have anyone to lean on. Because the person she leaned on was the reason they were here in the first place. She felt so numb. When had this become her life? What had she done...what had Finn done in a past life to deserve this, go out this way? What was she going to do?
"There was nothing you could have done differently. His symptoms mimicked those of the flu and you did the best you could when he started to seizure. Unfortunately the hemorrhage set in to quickly and even if he had come in to us hours before there was not a lot we could have done." She heard. "I'm very sorry for your loss."
She felt like she was going to vomit. Her husband was gone.
"I want to see him." She said softly. "I need...I need to see him one more time. Tell him I love him again."
The doctor nodded. "We can arrange that." He said softly, his features showing his emotion. But Rachel didn't care. No one would understand how she felt. He shuffled with the file in front of him before standing up. Rachel followed him, pulling her hand out of Kurt's. She followed the doctor out, the rest of the family following as she wrapped her arms around herself. She'd thrown a hoodie of Finn's on when the paramedics had arrived at her apartment, running in to take care of her seizuring husband. She tried to find comfort in the fabric surrounding her right now, it was the closest she could be to him. It was the closest she would ever be to him from now on.
When she stepped out of the office following the Dr., her father's who had met her at the hospital just as she had arrived herself, were standing there waiting for her. They had Evan with them, who has happily sucking on a bottle of expressed milk in his car seat. He giggled and kicked his feet when he saw his mother.
"Oh Rachel" both her dads said at once, looking at her. Her lip trembled as she looked at them, her resolve breaking even further.
"A brain aneurysm" She said softly. "A fucking brain aneurysm!" She screamed. Evan jumped in his carrier, his eyes watering as he looked at his mother, not used to her tone or language. She wrapped her arms further around herself as tears fell down her cheeks. Her dads converged on her and wrapped their arms around her tightly as she sobbed. She couldn't believe this was happening. It was all happening so fast.
She followed the doctor down the hallway. She could feel her parents behind her, and heard the soft babble of her son. The doctor left her at the door to where Finn was laid out, gave her a sympathetic smile and told her to take her time. She took a deep breath, turned to her Dad who had Evan's carrier on his arm and gave her son a kiss before she went in. She braced herself as she entered the room not knowing what to expect.
He looked so much like her Finn, her handsome husband that it kind of took her aback. She bit her lip, of course he looked like her Finn. He was her Finn. Her person.
She'd dreamed about this. What it would be like the day she lost him. Cause she would lose him that was an inevitable part of life, she just didn't expect it to be this soon. She expected grey hair and wrinkles and old age and grandkids. Not 8 months after they'd had their first baby. Not after so little time together. This wasn't the way she had dreamed it. She didn't want this.
He looked like he was sleeping. His eyes were closed, his handsome features relaxed. His hair was mused from the attention and examinations his head had gotten. The CT scan had shown them all they needed to know. She'd been afraid they would have had to shave his head, open his head to get to the problem...but it had all happened so incredibly fast, his life had been taken from him so fast there was no need.
She took timid steps to the bed he was laying on, the sobs bubbling in her throat again.
"Oh Finn." She whispered. "Oh Finn what happened baby? Why did this..." She broke as she got closer to him, laying her hand on his stomach and running it up and down, feeling his strong chest. She leaned into him and laid her head where her hand had been. She clasped his cold hand in hers. "Why did you leave me baby?" She whispered. "What am I going to do without you Finn?" She cried. "I love you so much Finn." This wasn't how this was supposed to turned out. It was just a headache!
She just spent the time laying there with him, taking one last moment with him. One more memory for her to remember him by. She felt so lucky at least, she'd had a lot of great times with the man she loved. And they'd had a chance to have a baby together. But they were supposed to be doing life together. Not alone. He was supposed to be here with her still. What was she going to do?
She didn't know how much time passed. She laid there with him, and just tried to absorb him. It felt different, laying there with him without his hands rubbing her back or his arms wrapping around her waist. It felt different. He was cold, lifeless. She sobbed as she laid there, awful gut wrenching sobs that she was sure they could hear all the way down in the parking garage.
When a team from what she could only assume the morgue came to the door the sobs came harder and faster. Her dad stood behind the team, knowing he would have to help them with her.
"No." She cried. She grabbed for Finn's hand harder as they came closer to her. "NO! You're not..."
Her dad stepped around them and came to her side. He rubbed her back lightly in an attempt to get her to calm down. He tried to pull her away from Finn, his heart breaking as he became successful.
"NO! FINN! NO!" She cried as she was pulled away. She broke free from her father's arm and ran up to him one more time, taking his face in her hands and kissing his cold lips. "I love you so much. Baby. I love you so much I'll never ever forget you." She cried, as her dad pulled her away and led her towards where her other father, Evan and the rest of the family were waiting. As soon as she was out of the room, she keeled over and heaved until everything in her body was empty physically. She dropped to the floor and sobbed, knocking her head against the wall as her dad came to her and collected her in his arms. Nothing had prepared her for this. And she wasn't sure she would ever recover.
