Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Buffy and Spike because if I did, I would not have let their epic love story just end the way it did...yet alas...there is nothing I can do but make and read fanfiction to change that...also...the rest of the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are not mine to play with whenever I want...that right will forever belong to Joss Whedon and co. at Mutant Enemy...but sometimes he lets me play with them...and it makes me of the happy that is very...specially when he doesn't take them away before I can finish the stories...damn you Joss!!...heh...at least he let me keep Buffy and Tara long enough to write this one...BUT THE POEMS ARE MINE AND MINE ALONE SO IF THE MEDIOCRENESS OF THEM IS APPEALING TO YOU AND YOU WANT TO BORROW THEM OR SOMETHING, YOU NEED TO LEAVE ME A REVIEW ASKING NICELY AND MAYBE I SHALL LET YOU USE THEM FOR WHATEVER...Thanks Much...MONICA

A/N: Okay, so sorry about the wait on this...working 7 days a week is not fun...and the poems were already written...I just couldn't find them...and then when I did I had to sit down and decide which ones would work for Buffy...they aren't perfectly perfect I guess...but I think they will fit okay to this journal thing...I hope you like...I think my poetry is mediocre...but hey what can I say...I'm Monica the Bloody Awful Poet...heh...enjoy?

She seems so happy

Not a care in the world

At least that's how she tries to act

She keeps people out

Never lets them get close

'Cuz she's afraid of what they'll find

Inside she's screaming

Outside she's laughing

Sometimes she can't take the pain

Has cried herself to sleep too many times to count

Wishing so hard to have the perfect life

She realizes there is no such thing

Can't break down in front of her friends

Must stay strong

Suppress her fears

Only until she gets to her room does she let the tears fall

Thoughts of ending it all

Never flicker through her mind

In the end she knows her family and friends are too precious to loose

Inside she's screaming

Outside she's laughing

And for now

That is how she wants it to remain

Until she is ready to let them in

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can't take living this half life anymore.

wishing it could all just end.

the numbness will not leave.

cannot do the work needed to be done.

sleeping all night and day,

yet still eternaly tired.

the depression falling heavy

over body and soul.

everything is falling apart.

body going through the motions

as the soul shrivels and decays.

can't figure out where things went wrong.

the breaking point reached.

all that's left is the downward fall.

scars on the wrist

mirror scars on the heart.

can't take living this half life anymore.

wishing it could all just end.

soon.