Remus Lupin sits in the living room on a couch across from his father, Lyall. Lyall's long legs are crossed with a book propped on them. He always reads when he gets back from the Ministry of Magic at his job in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The clean but patched clothing he wears hangs loosely on his thin frame, a physical feature Remus shares with him.
Remus looks down at the book he holds in his own hands, a muggle story his mother, Hope, gave him for his birthday in March. She or his father rarely give him books on magic, despite the fact his father works at the Ministry of Magic. Remus never asks, but he knows it's because his mother doesn't like him getting involved with magic anymore than he already has. His mother is a muggle and was fascinated by magic when she married Lyall, Remus' father had told him. But when he told those stories about before he was born, when his mother liked magic, he always had a wistful look on his face that he tried to wipe away as soon as it came, but Remus always saw it.
Remus looks down at his arm without meaning to. The werewolf bite on his right upper arm has never faded and although the wound has closed long ago, the marks stand out dark red as if they are fresh. Remus always wears long sleeved shirts to hide them, but it does nothing to make him forget they are there. He has them so well memorized that when he looks at his covered arm, its like he can still see them, a thing so horrible it cannot be concealed by mere fabric.
Remus can't remember being bitten other than memories of darkness and stabbing pain, then maybe a flash of light from a spell his father cast at the werewolf, but he might have just imagined that after hearing his father tell the story. Remus had only been four at the time and didn't completely understand that his father is a wizard, he had just known that Lyall could make sparks come out of his wand to amuse him and make his toys come to life to play with him. So when he became a werewolf, he didn't understand what that meant and why he transformed every full moon. For a year or two after he was first bitten, he had gone through his transformations without questioning his parents, being too young for them to explain his illness to him.
When he turned six, his had parents properly explained to him about magic, that his father was a wizard. They also told Remus that what he was is called a werewolf. They had told him that Lyall worked at the Ministry of Magic, the wizarding government. The Ministry had caught a man called Fenrir Greyback when Remus was four. Fenrir had been brought in for questioning for a muggle attack and Lyall instantly knew that Fenrir was a werewolf, but no one believed him. Lyall got frustrated and said something bad about werewolves, but his father never told Remus what that was. Considering the guilty look Lyall got when Remus used to ask him, it must have been something pretty awful.
As revenge for Lyall's comment, Fenrir had broken into Remus' bedroom on the fullmoon and attacked him. His father had saved him and brought him straight to Saint Mongo's, but it was obviously too late and from then on, Remus spent every full moon in their basement. They would attach a chain to his ankle before they locked the basement door. Lyall always places Unbreakable charms on the door and the chain so he would not escape, as well as Silencing charms so the neighbors wouldn't hear him and get suspicious.
Remus has many scars on him from his transformations. With nothing to attack and nothing to direct his wolfish behavior on, he will turn on himself, scratching and biting his own body. His father heals them every time, vanishing the smaller scrapes and cuts, but the ones that weren't fixed soon enough or were too deep left pale white scars, even years later. But no one ever saw them besides his parents.
He had never gone to school because his parents didn't want him getting hurt by other children, physically or emotionally. They worried someone would find out so, they hid him away. His mother homeschooled him while his father was at work, then Lyall would read over books on the magical community and magical creatures with him. Remus loved hearing stories about his father going to Hogwarts, but he wondered sometimes why his father was teaching him magic now when Remus would learn magic when he went to Hogwarts. But it soon became clear to Remus that his parents never intended for him to go to Hogwarts at all.
Yesterday morning the Lupins had been eating their breakfast. Lyall is wearing his wizard robes for work, while Remus and Hope wear patched clothing. The Lupins had spent so much money on finding and testing cures for Remus' condition ever since he was four, that they soon became very poor, especially when Lyall was demoted at work for the 'scandal' of a member of that department being associated in the way that he is with a werewolf, resulting in him getting a lower pay. Remus' parents had stopped trying cures about a year ago when it became clear that nothing would work and that they just didn't have the money for it.
Just then, a barn owl flies through the open kitchen window. Remus gasps at the surprising sight, though his parents don't seem surprised at all. In fact, they seem to have been expecting it.
The owl drops a letter on the kitchen table next to Remus' plate and flies back out the window. Remus instantly recognizes the Hogwarts crest on the back of the envelope and he feels a leap of hope in his chest. But before Remus can even touch the letter, Hope snatches it up from the table. Remus looks up at her in confusion and sees that her face is tight and she is looking at Lyall, completing ignoring Remus.
"No," she hisses through clenched teeth. Lyall also has a tight expression, looking down at his clasped hands on the table.
"We can't keep him here forever, Hope, you know that," Lyall replies with an impatient tone that almost sounds like a growl. Hope makes a little stuttering squeak in her throat.
"But we can't let him," she snorts out the last two words with a small disbelieving smile. Lyall bangs his hands down on the table and whips his gaze to his wife with anger now flashing across his face, causing Hope to make a small jump. Remus looks back and forth between the two of them with confusion and horror. They fight often, but never in front of Remus.
"If he stays here, how is he ever supposed to move on with his life?" Lyall says with a raised voice. "If he stays here, the only thing he'll ever know is a muggle's life and the basement!" Hope raises a hand to her mouth in shock.
"Don't you think I know that?" she yells. Remus shrinks in his chair. His mother has never raised her voice in front of Remus and she is still covering her mouth with her hand, as if that will dampen her yelling for Remus. "I know he's unhappy here. But at least he's safe here!"
Lyall stands up at those words of Hope's, placing his hands on the table and leaning into his wife's face.
"But at least he'll have a life, unlike you! I know magic has been ruined for you, but I won't let it be for Remus!" Hope lets out a sob and jumps up from the table, running out of the kitchen with Remus' letter crumpled in her hand. Her footsteps sound on the staircase and a door slams.
"Damn it," Lyall hisses and turns around, running his hands through his floppy hair. "She's going to write back to Dumbledore." He runs out of the room after Hope and up the stairs. Remus can hear him calling her name through the door, pleading her not to write that Remus won't go. The door opens and there is hurried whispering, then silence.
Then they continue like nothing ever happened.
Remus runs through the events of that morning every minute of today, as if this entire day was a repeat of yesterday in his mind. Once again, Remus' heart sinks. I know that that letter was my Hogwarts letter. I know mother wrote back that I won't be going. I'll never go to Hogwarts. Remus' grip tightens on his muggle book, knowing that now it will be the only kind of book he will ever read. Hope has taken away the magic books that Lyall had given him and hidden them away. Even though she won, Remus won't be going to Hogwarts, she seems to want to take it even further and immediately purge Remus' life of all magical things in an attempt to forget about what might have been.
But I will never forget my chance to go to Hogwarts. Father is right; I live a muggle life here. He teaches me about magical creatures like werewolves and he tells me about wizards, but he'll never teach me magic or get me a wand, not with mother. And I'll never meet other children. Remus feels a pang in his heart with that last thought, but then he settles with the realization that even if he was with other children, he could never have friends because no one would accept him. They might find out about me then I would have to leave the school. Or I might hurt someone.
So Remus tries to shove down the thought of Hogwarts, knowing that he would be better off being safe than happy. But he has to blink away tears, because he still wants to experience the other parts of being a wizard other than being a werewolf. There has to be something better.
Remus feels cold with the thought that his father is right that all he will ever know is the basement. All the days of the month revolve around getting ready for or recovering from the full moon. If I went to Hogwarts, there would be other parts of my life. And the time that he actually spends in the basement is terrible. He looses control over himself when he is a werewolf and he isn't conscious of himself, but in the morning when he changes back, his memories come back and he remembers all the events of the night. And they are not nice things to remember.
A knock sounds on the door. Lyall jerks in his seat, snapping his book shut. They rarely have visitors at their house and even those are by arrangement. Hope appears in the sitting room doorway, clutching the doorframe.
"Who is it?" she asks Lyall, who is getting out of his chair with his hand in his pocket, holding his wand. Remus sticks a bookmark into his book and jumps up to follow his father to the front door, but Lyall flicks his hand at Remus to sit back down. It can't be someone coming to hurt us. No one knows about my condition. So who could it be? In the hall, which Remus can see through the door on the left of the room, Lyall opens the front door.
"Professor!" he stutters in surprise and steps backwards.
"It's headmaster now, mind you Lyall. Good to see you again, old chap," an old man's voice replies with a pleasant tone. "Mind if I come in?" Without waiting for a reply, the man steps in through the door and Remus raises his eyes in shock at what he instantly recognizes as the appearance of a wizard.
The man is dressed in full-length lilac robes with silver trimming, a floppy pointed silver hat on his head. He has a silvery beard that reaches halfway down his chest and a pleasant smile on his wrinkly face. He looks around him until he sees Remus and Hope in the sitting room, then enters with a grace that hardly fits an old man. Lyall follows behind him with an expression of shock on his face and stammers for him to take a seat. The man thanks him and takes Lyall's armchair, so Lyall sits down on the couch next to Remus and motions for Hope to join them, but she stays where she is, clutching the doorframe.
"You must be Hope and Remus Lupin. It's a pleasure to meet you," the man greets the two of them. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Albus Dumbledore. I'm the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But you may simply call me Dumbledore." Remus' heart leaps. Hogwarts! Hope steps forward with a tight expression.
"I believe I replied that Remus would not be attending Hogwarts," she says with a coldness that surprises Remus, seeing as Dumbledore is their guest. But he smiles pleasantly with a twinkle in his eyes, unaffected by her tone.
"Oh I received your letter," he assured, "but I'm here today to hear what Remus has to say about it." Both of Remus' parents snap their gaze to their son, who shrinks back on the couch.
"What I have to say, sir?" Remus clears his throat when his voice comes out dry. Dumbledore leans forward.
"You see, your mother has told me you would not be attending Hogwarts," he explains, "but I can hardly imagine that you would agree with her." Remus looks up at his mother, who is looking at him intently. Remus looks back at the headmaster.
"Well you see sir," Remus replies with a defeated voice, "I can't go because of my condition."
"Oh yes, I know about your…condition," Dumbledore says, "and we have made arrangements that you will stay in the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade on the full moons. No one other than the teachers shall know and you will be just like any other student the rest of the month." Remus' heart beats faster with the possibility. He opens his mouth to say yes when Hope steps forward.
"Remus," she whispers to him, leaning over the arm of the couch to his ear. "I want you to be safe. You know that you'll be safe with us." She smiles at him sadly, as if she already knows what he'll choose. Lyall shifts on Remus' other side and looking at Hope, he says to Remus, "son, being happy and pursuing a life of your own is just as important. Don't let our opinions change that." He now looks at his son, smiling kindly at him. Remus smiles back gratefully and it fades away when he looks up at his mother for her final word. Her lips are tight and her eyes are wet.
"Remus," her voice shakes, "make your choice." Remus' heart speeds even faster than before. This is my chance. But he feels a twinge of guilt that he would be leaving his parents, especially Hope, who has done everything to protect him. All of her work would be for naught. But it's my life. Just for once, I want to be selfish. In his gaze, Remus tries to pour all of his love and apologies at Hope before turning to Dumbledore, who has been sitting patiently through their exchange.
"Sir, thank you for your trouble for coming here," Remus says. "I would love to attend Hogwarts," he finishes with a smile. Dumbledore beams at him.
"I will do anything for my students, I assure you that you are no different," he replies, "and it would be a pleasure to have you at our school. If that is all, I shall send you another list of supplies you need for school. We will see you on September first, Remus." Dumbledore gets up from his seat and walks over to the couch, shaking hands with each of them.
"It was a pleasure to meet you Remus and Mrs. Lupin, and to see you, Lyall, again after all these years." Hope returns the statement and Remus thanks him again, then Dumbledore exits the room, Lyall following behind to let him out. A loud crack sounds from the doorstep, which Remus recognizes as the sound of Apparating. Then Remus is left in the room with his parents.
Hope sits down next to him and takes his hands in hers, which are cold and shaky from her crying. Her light brown hair, which Remus gets from her, is hanging in her red eyes.
"Remus, I want you to be safe, I really do," she whispers. "But as your father said, we want you to be happy too. So we'll let you go to Hogwarts. But under one condition," she says more forcefully, "I don't want you getting too involved with other children." Lyall makes a noise of astonishment. Hope ignores him.
"I just think it would be better if you don't make friends, so your secret will be safe and no one can hurt my boy." She stops as a sob breaks out and she pulls Remus into a tight hug.
"Okay, mother," Remus whispers into her shaking shoulder. Although he hates to agree, he knows that she is right.
I'll still get to know the other children, I don't need friends. The important thing is that I'm going to Hogwarts.
